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Bookshop Jokes

A man walked into a bookshop and said: I'd like to buy a book by Shakespeare

'Of course' replied the sales assistant 'Any particular one?'

'William, of course' replies the man.

I walked into the bookshop….

and asked the store assistant if Prince Harry’s book is available to download.

She said “do you want the PDF file?”

I said no, that’s his uncle.

I walked into a bookshop

Me: "Do you have any books on turtles?"


Them "Hard back?"


Me: "Yeah, with little heads"

A man walks into a bookshop

He walks around and sees a particular notebook behind a counter that’s locked in a glass box

He asks the cashier what book that is and the cashier says he does not know and needs to get confirmation from the manager. The man asks him to do so.

Moments later, a tall, slender man with pa...

I went into the bookshop and asked the woman for a book about turtles.

She asked: "Hardback?"

And I replied "Yeah, and little heads."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks into a Mexican-owned bookshop

He asks the owner, "Do you have any books on Donald Trump's foreign policies with Mexico?"

The owner replies, "Fuck you, get out, stay out!"

The man replies, "Yeah, that's the one!"

A customer asked the service assistant in a bookshop 'Do you keep stationery here?'

'No, I go for walks' replied the assistant

A man went into a bookshop and asked 'Where's the self-help section please?

'If I told you, it would defeat the purpose' replied the shop assistant.

What do you call a dictator running a bookshop?

The Supreme Reader.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I walked into a bookshop and said to the girl behind...

I walked into a bookshop and said to the girl behind the counter "I'm looking for a book by Shakespeare."

"Which one?" She replied.

"William, you thick cunt."

I asked my bookshop if they had a book on Werner Heisenberg.

The shop assistant said "In principle we do, but I'm uncertain".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In a bookshop today, I asked a busy female assistant where the section on clitoral stimulation was.

Despite her best efforts, I couldn't find it.

I was browsing through a section in the bookshop titled "Advertising for Idiots."

It said "Buy one and get a second one for the price of two."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I asked the librarian in my local bookshop if they had the self help book for men with small penises.

She said, “I don’t think it’s in yet.”

“Yeah that’s the one” I said!

I was in Warwick (also known as Shakespeares county)

I went into a little boutique bookshop and asked for a book on Shakespeare

The sales assistant smugly asked "which one"

I looked at her and said "William obviously "

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Guy looking for a job

A guy who stutter was looking for a job, he went in to a bookstore and asked for the bookshop owner. 

"Hi! I'm loo, looking for a j, j, job, he said" 

The bookshop owner answered by telling him his not looking for some one to hire at this moment.

The guy said "Please I'm a goo, ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was making an apple pie and realised I was missing an important ingredient. [long]

I got a rather verbose birthday card some time back containing a story - this is my retelling of it:

I was making an apple pie and realised I was missing an important ingredient.

Unfortunately, I was up to my elbows in sticky mixture and didn't really want to have to go through the faf...

My co-worker was reading a book on her tea break.

I asked her what it was and she said "It's *The Exorcist*. It's the most evil book I've ever read, it's really getting to me."

At the start of her lunch break she said "Right, I'm getting rid of this horrible thing!". I watched out of the window as she walked by the river and threw the book i...

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