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Bookstore Jokes

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A man goes into a local bookstore and asks the young lady assistant,

"Do you have the new book out for men with small penises?"

She replies, "I'm not sure if it's in yet."

"That's the one; I'll take a copy…"

I went to the bookstore and asked the employee, “Do you have any books written by Shakespeare?”

He said, “Of course. Which one?”

I said, “William.”

A girl came into my bookstore and asked "What are the chances you have a book on curing eating disorders with religion?"

Slim to Nun?

A man walks into a bookstore and asks, "Got any books on turtles?"

The shopkeeper replies, "Hardback?"

The man says, "Yeah. And little heads."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man notices a Mexican bookstore

He decides to go in because he has never seen a Mexican book store before.

He browses through the store and finally asks the clerk, "Do you have the book on Donald Trump's foreign policies with Mexico?"

The clerk replies, "Fuck you!! Get out, and stay out!!"

The man replies, ...

At the bookstore

Customer : Do you have any books on turtles

Server : Hard back ?

Customer : Yeah, with little heads

I was in a bookstore the other day,

and I asked if they had any books on paranoia.



- Turns out they WERE right behind me.

A guy walks into a bookstore and asks for a book on Pavlov and Schrodinger.

The book keeper says it rings a bell but he doesn't know if it is there or not.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Today I was at the bookstore.

As I was wandering around, the clerk stopped me and offered to help me.

I imagine I didn't look like his normal clientele, so I asked, "Do you have a copy of Donald Trump's book on his U.S. Immigration Policy regarding Muslims and illegal Mexicans?"

The clerk angrily said, "Fuck off, g...

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Mexican bookstore

I was walking down a mall and saw a store called "Mexican Bookstore." Naturally curious, I walked in and asked the guy behind the counter:

"Excuse me, sir, but do you happen to have a book about Donald Trump's immigration policy?"

"Fuck you! Get the fuck out and stay the fuck out!" he ...

Campus bookstore robbed

The Campus bookstore was just robbed of $25000. The criminal was seen taking a sweatshirt and 4 textbooks

I bought a thesaurus from the bookstore the other day! And what do I find when I got home and opened it? Blank pages...

I have no words to describe how angry I am.

I went to the bookstore to buy a book about turtles.

I asked for some help to find one at the service desk, and she said "hard back?", and I said "Yes, with little heads."

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "Where's the self-help section?"

She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose.

Bookstore jokes Vol 1

Man goes to the bookstore and asks:

Hello do you have books for perverts?

Yes we do.

May I lick one?

Where can single men over 65 find younger women who are interested in them?

In the bookstore, under "fiction".

I found a book at the bookstore which said "How to solve 50% of your problems"

So I bought 2

Did you hear about the bar for West African bookstore workers with anti government views?

Liberian Libertarian Librarian Libations

Recently, an outspoken atheist bought a local bookstore

The first change he made was renaming the religious section Crucifiction

I got in trouble my bookstore today...

...they didn't appreciate me moving The Handmaid's Tale to non-fiction.


(My heart goes out to the US. I'm so sorry.)

Rusty old bookstores...

What do you call a book club that's been stuck on one book for years?



Church

I was browsing in a bookstore and found an English book about unexpected uses for a pry bar.

50 Ways to Love Your Lever.

A man went into a bookstore and complained...

“I bought this book from you yesterday, 'Cowards in History' and all the pages fell out!"

The sales assistant said, “That’s because it has no spine.”

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A little old lady goes into an adult bookstore.

A little old lady, about 70 years old, walks into an adult bookstore and slowly shuffles up to the counter, her hands shaking. She stutteringly says, "Eh, eh, excuse me, b-but I'm embarrased..."
The clerk says, "Please don't be ma'am, human sexuality is a beautiful, natural thing. You have nothin...

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A guy walks into a Muslim bookstore...

He asks the Muslim store owner, "Do you have that book, the one that explains Trump's Muslim Ban and illustrates points concerning his immigration policy?" The Muslim owner responds, "Get the fuck out of here you pig! Get the fuck out and stay out! And if you ever try to come back I'll personall...

A man walks into a bookstore...

...and asks the proprietor if he has any books by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle.

“Unfortunately, I suffer from a condition that makes me violently ill whenever I see one of his books, making me unable to carry them in my store.”

Stunned, the customer sputters, “You don’t mean...”

The ...

I went to the local bookstore the other day

I asked the lady behind the counter if she had any books on turtles.
She asks "hard back?"
And I'm like "yeah and little heads!"

Overheard this in a bookstore

Guy 1: "Which side of a turkey has the most feathers?"
Guy 2: (After some thinking) "I don't know, what?"
Guy 1: "The outside."

I walked into a bookstore and told the clerk...

I walked into a bookstore and I told the clerk, "I'm looking for a book called, 'How to Deal with Rejection without Killing'... Do you have it?? **Do you have it?**"

I just went into my local bookstore and asked if they had any books on turtles...

“Hardback?”, asked the clerk.



“Yes, with cute little legs.” I said.

One day, a rabbit went to the bookstore.

Rabbit: "Do you sell carrots?"
Shopkeeper: "No."
The next day, the rabbit went to the bookstore again.
Rabbit: "Do you sell carrots?"
Shopkeeper: "No."
Day 3- the rabbit went again!
Rabbit: "Do you sell carrots?"
Shopkeeper: "NO! Come again and I'll get a pair of s...

I went to a bookstore the other day ...

After wandering around for a while, an employee in a colored apron approached me.

"Can I help you find anything, sir?"

"Oh, yes. Sure. I'm looking for a book about turtles."

"Hardback?" she inquired.

"Yep, and little heads."

---

Retelling of a joke by Mark ...

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I walked into a bookstore

I walked into a bookstore, just trying to kill some time. I walked about a third of the way into the store before I really started to look around. I realized that all of the books were about Islam and copies of the Koran. It was a Muslim bookstore. I started to head back to the door when a clerk st...

What is a Mexican's favorite bookstore?

Borders

A man bought a self-help book from the bookstore.

The title of the book was How to Handle Life’s Biggest Disappointments. When he opened the book to read it that night he realized all the pages were blank.

A man goes back to a bookstore to complain about a recent purchase.

“I bought this book last week called The Biggest Cowards in History, but the minute I opened the book, all of the pages fell out.”

The sales clerk looks at the book and explains, “Well, that’s because it’s got no spine.”

A man walks into a bookstore at 3.00 a.m. [Long]

He walks around and sees a particular notebook behind a counter that's locked in a glass box.

He asks the cashier what book that is and the cashier says he does not know and needs to get confirmation from the manager. The man asks him to do so.

Moments later, a tall, slender man with ...

Went to my local bookstore today and took a look at the classics section...

It was lit

what do you call a bookstore that's also a bar?

tequila mockingbird

Bookstores are a great place to meet women...

... But not so if your opening line is "What does this word mean?"

A Person walks into a bookstore and says "Can I have a book by Shakespeare?" The bookkeeper replies, "Of Course sir, which one?"

William.

I've just seen a man in the local bookstore exchange a swede like vegetable for some hardbacks

I thought, that's a turnip for the books

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man walks in to a Muslim bookstore

A man went into a Muslim bookstore in Halifax, Nova Scotia. He was going up and down the aisles, obviously looking for something in particular.

Finally, the cashier came over and asked if he could help. The man asked "Do you happen to have the Australian Immigration Policy Book for Muslims"?...

A blind man walks into a bookstore with his seeing eye dog...

He picks the dog by the tail and starts swinging him around.


A clerk sees this and asks,"Sir may I help you?"


"No thanks, we're just looking around."

I called the bookstore and asked if they had any books about constipation.

She told me it hasn't come out yet

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A joung Jew loved to read books

He loved to read so much that he read all of the books in the library in his town. So one day he went to a bookstore and asked if they had a book that he haven't read yet. An old Jew that worked there said yes and handed the boy a strange, covered in dust book titled "DEATH". He said to the boy: ...

Sell books

A well-known writer is going to visit the bookstore. The bookstore owner was flattered and quickly removed all the books and replaced them with the authors' books. After the writer came to the bookstore, he was very happy and asked, "Does your store only sell my books?"

"Of course not." The b...

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The Life Saver

>A father walks into a bookstore with his young son. The boy is holding a quarter. Suddenly, he starts choking and goes blue in the face. The father realizes the boy has swallowed the quarter and starts to panic, shouting for help.
>
>An attractive, well-dressed but serious looki...

My university just cancelled classes after collectiing tuition, room, and board

The bookstore said my textbook edition was already out of date

Grandma Sent a Letter to her Friends

Dearest Ones:
 
The other day I went up to a local Christian bookstore and saw a "Honk if you love Jesus" bumper sticker.

I was feeling particularly sassy that day, because I had just come from a thrilling choir practice followed by a powerful prayer meeting, so I bought the sticker an...

I don’t understand all this talk about borders...

...wasn’t that bookstore closed years ago?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A first-year college student found himself repeatedly impressed by the wit and wisdom of the philosophy majors he'd met...

A first-year college student found himself repeatedly impressed by the wit and wisdom of the philosophy majors he'd met. One day he plucked up the nerve to ask one of them, "So how come all you philosophy majors are so smart?" 

"Oh, that's no mystery," the philosophy major answered. "We've al...

(Long) A man was hungry, bored and thirsty...

One day a man was bored, hungry and thirsty from partying all night at a friends house. So since it was basically the middle of the day he thought that the juice store and the local Applebee’s would have really long lines and he decided to head on down to the bookstore for some entertainment.
...

Do you have the original book Romeo and Juliet?

A customer at our bookstore asked me, "Do you have the original book Romeo and Juliet? My daughter needs it for school, and all I can find is the play."

Dave wants to impress his new date.

She loves dancing, so he blurted out going to this new club, forgetting he can’t dance at all. He goes to the bookstore and finds the first thing he can read. He studies for two days, learning all the movements and positions.

The night goes as planned, and he is pretty confident with how he ...

Some dude was planning on stealing an airplane..

He went to an online bookstore and bought a book titled "How to Fly an Airplane," he then went to the airport and somehow he was able to bypass the security. Once he was in the Airplane, he sat in the pilot's seat, opened the book and followed the instructions step by step. Eventually he was able t...

Random blonde joke.

A blonde decided she needed something new and different for a winter hobby. She went to the bookstore and bought every book she could find on ice fishing.

For weeks she read and studied, hoping to become an expert in the field. Finally she decided she knew enough and out she went for her fir...

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Guy looking for a job

A guy who stutter was looking for a job, he went in to a bookstore and asked for the bookshop owner. 

"Hi! I'm loo, looking for a j, j, job, he said" 

The bookshop owner answered by telling him his not looking for some one to hire at this moment.

The guy said "Please I'm a goo, ...

I love to go to bookstores and ask "Hello, I'm looking for a book titled: How to deal with rejection without killing"

... do you have it? ...

A Muslim man wearing a Make America Great Again hat . . .

walks into a bookstore. After browsing around for a while a young woman in a headscarf walks up and says "Salaam, friend. I can't help but notice the hat you're wearing. You can't really support Trump, can you?"

Checking to make sure no one is listening, he whispers, "no, of course not, but k...

The most terrifying horror story... ever

Nester absolutely loves horror stories. From ghost and apparitions, to science-fiction, he enjoys reading all of them. One day while he visits a newly-opened bookstore, he got a glimpse on a rather unusual-looking book. A thin, hard-covered novel with no title.

As he examined the book, the o...

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Mr. Tilley is running a Christian book store in a strip mall. [Long]

And business is good. The community has been growing, both in economy and spirit, with community centers and parks, factories and research laboratories. A true mecca of modern civilization. Mr. Tilley knows everyone in town, and everyone knows him. When anyone sees him, they smile, wave, and say "Bl...

Rioters are destroying Baltimore.

Don't worry though, all the bookstores are safe.

A man lost everything in his life...

he just lost his work, his house, his car, and the wife left with the kids. All that is left is $50 from his pocket. Lost and wandering around, he stumbled upon an old hermit. The hermit asked him what was wrong and he told his story. The hermit offered him a book, told him its the "Book of Secrets"...

Our two new mods, ElderCunningham and iBleeedorange

Hey guys,

Not too long ago we started advertising new moderator positions for /r/jokes, and after receiving a bunch of submissions, we found our two candidates.

I've asked them to write up a brief introduction for themselves.

First up is /u/iBleeedorange, who also mods /r/diablo...

An old bear is about to write in his journal... (Translated from Chinese)

And he finds that he has no more pages left, so he decides to go get a new one. It's already midnight but he goes out anyway. He gets on his bike and rides into the dark streets. After a long time, he finally finds a bookstore that's still open, so he goes inside. He finds a new journal that he real...

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