I went to the bookstore the other day and asked the lady at the front if she had any books on turtles

She was like "hardback?"
And I'm like "yeah and little heads"

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I went to the bookstore to buy the new biography about a guy who has a micro penis

Bookseller: “Im not sure it’s in yet”

Me: “Yes, that’s the book”

A Person walks into a bookstore and says "Can I have a book by Shakespeare?" The bookkeeper replies, "Of Course sir, which one?"

William.

I bought a thesaurus from the bookstore the other day! And what do I find when I got home and opened it? Blank pages...

I have no words to describe how angry I am.

Recently, an outspoken atheist bought a local bookstore

The first change he made was renaming the religious section Crucifiction

I went to the bookstore and found a book entitled “How to solve 50% of your problems”

So I bought two.

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A man walks into a bookstore and asks "Hi, have you got that new book about tiny penises?"

The lady behind the counter says "I don't think it's in yet"

The man says "yep, that's the one".

A man walks into a bookstore...

...and asks the proprietor if he has any books by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle.

“Unfortunately, I suffer from a condition that makes me violently ill whenever I see one of his books, making me unable to carry them in my store.”

Stunned, the customer sputters, “You don’t mean...”

The ...

A guy walks into a Muslim bookstore wearing a Make America Great Again hat...

As he was wandering around taking a look, the clerk asked if he could help the man find anything.
 
“Do you have a copy of Donald Trump’s book on his U.S. immigration policy regarding Muslims and illegal aliens?”
 
The clerk said, “Kiss my ass… get out… and stay out!”
 
The man sai...

I went to a bookstore and asked the woman behind the counter where the self-help section was.

“If I told you, that would defeat the whole purpose.”

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I noticed at the bookstore that the "Kama Sutra" and "The Mueller Report" are both in the erotica section

In both documents you can see someone who's totally fucked.

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A man notices a Mexican bookstore

He decides to go in because he has never seen a Mexican book store before.

He browses through the store and finally asks the clerk, "Do you have the book on Donald Trump's foreign policies with Mexico?"

The clerk replies, "Fuck you!! Get out, and stay out!!"

The man replies, ...

I just went into my local bookstore and asked if they had any books on turtles...

“Hardback?”, asked the clerk.



“Yes, with cute little legs.” I said.

Rusty old bookstores...

What do you call a book club that's been stuck on one book for years?



Church

A man went into a bookstore and complained...

“I bought this book from you yesterday, 'Cowards in History' and all the pages fell out!"

The sales assistant said, “That’s because it has no spine.”

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A Republican walks into a college bookstore and asks the proprietor, "I'm looking for Trump's new book on illegal immigration?"

The owner says "GET THE FUCK OUT!"

The Republican responds "Yeah! That's the one!"

A man goes back to a bookstore to complain about a recent purchase.

“I bought this book last week called The Biggest Cowards in History, but the minute I opened the book, all of the pages fell out.”

The sales clerk looks at the book and explains, “Well, that’s because it’s got no spine.”

I noticed at my bookstore that the "Kama Sutra" and "The Art of the Deal" are both in the erotica section

According to the bookstore, "The Art of the Deal" has people getting screwed in a lot more positions.

I've just seen a man in the local bookstore exchange a swede like vegetable for some hardbacks

I thought, that's a turnip for the books

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I asked the woman at the local bookstore

If they had the book for men with small penises, she said “I don’t think it’s in yet”
“That’s the one I said!”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy walks into a Muslim bookstore...

He asks the Muslim store owner, "Do you have that book, the one that explains Trump's Muslim Ban and illustrates points concerning his immigration policy?" The Muslim owner responds, "Get the fuck out of here you pig! Get the fuck out and stay out! And if you ever try to come back I'll personall...

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I asked the bookstore clerk if he had Trump’s new book on border security.

He said “Fuck you! Get out and stay out!” I replied, “ Yes- that’s the one. Do you have it in paperback?”

A man walks into a bookstore at 3.00 a.m. [Long]

He walks around and sees a particular notebook behind a counter that's locked in a glass box.

He asks the cashier what book that is and the cashier says he does not know and needs to get confirmation from the manager. The man asks him to do so.

Moments later, a tall, slender man with ...

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Mexican bookstore

I was walking down a mall and saw a store called "Mexican Bookstore." Naturally curious, I walked in and asked the guy behind the counter:

"Excuse me, sir, but do you happen to have a book about Donald Trump's immigration policy?"

"Fuck you! Get the fuck out and stay the fuck out!" he ...

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Divorce Attorney

Squeezing Every Last Drop

Out of Ya


A father walks into a bookstore with his young son. The boy is holding a quarter. Suddenly, the boy starts choking, going blue in the face. The father realizes the boy has swallowed the quarter and starts panicking, shouting for help.

A w...

I walked into a bookstore and told the clerk...

I walked into a bookstore and I told the clerk, "I'm looking for a book called, 'How to Deal with Rejection without Killing'... Do you have it?? **Do you have it?**"

I love to go to bookstores and ask "Hello, I'm looking for a book titled: How to deal with rejection without killing"

... do you have it? ...

Went to my local bookstore today and took a look at the classics section...

It was lit

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A little old lady goes into an adult bookstore.

A little old lady, about 70 years old, walks into an adult bookstore and slowly shuffles up to the counter, her hands shaking. She stutteringly says, "Eh, eh, excuse me, b-but I'm embarrased..."
The clerk says, "Please don't be ma'am, human sexuality is a beautiful, natural thing. You have nothin...

I went to the bookstore and bought a book of pick-up lines, but the pages were blank...

Turns out, it was written by Bill Cosby.

Campus bookstore robbed

The Campus bookstore was just robbed of $25000. The criminal was seen taking a sweatshirt and 4 textbooks

A guy walks into a bookstore...

and asks the clerk, "do you have the new book by Donald Trump about deporting all the Muslims in the U.S.?"

Stunned, the clerk responds, "are you kidding me? Get the hell out of here!"

"That's it! Do you have it in paperpack?"

I went to a bookstore the other day ...

After wandering around for a while, an employee in a colored apron approached me.

"Can I help you find anything, sir?"

"Oh, yes. Sure. I'm looking for a book about turtles."

"Hardback?" she inquired.

"Yep, and little heads."

---

Retelling of a joke by Mark ...

One day, a rabbit went to the bookstore.

Rabbit: "Do you sell carrots?"
Shopkeeper: "No."
The next day, the rabbit went to the bookstore again.
Rabbit: "Do you sell carrots?"
Shopkeeper: "No."
Day 3- the rabbit went again!
Rabbit: "Do you sell carrots?"
Shopkeeper: "NO! Come again and I'll get a pair of s...

Overheard this in a bookstore

Guy 1: "Which side of a turkey has the most feathers?"
Guy 2: (After some thinking) "I don't know, what?"
Guy 1: "The outside."

what do you call a bookstore that's also a bar?

tequila mockingbird

I called the bookstore and asked if they had any books about constipation.

She told me it hasn't come out yet

What is trumps favorite bookstore?

Borders

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I walked into a bookstore

I walked into a bookstore, just trying to kill some time. I walked about a third of the way into the store before I really started to look around. I realized that all of the books were about Islam and copies of the Koran. It was a Muslim bookstore. I started to head back to the door when a clerk st...

A blind man walks into a bookstore with his seeing eye dog...

He picks the dog by the tail and starts swinging him around.


A clerk sees this and asks,"Sir may I help you?"


"No thanks, we're just looking around."

(Long) A man was hungry, bored and thirsty...

One day a man was bored, hungry and thirsty from partying all night at a friends house. So since it was basically the middle of the day he thought that the juice store and the local Applebee’s would have really long lines and he decided to head on down to the bookstore for some entertainment.
...

Bookstores are a great place to meet women...

... But not so if your opening line is "What does this word mean?"

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So Hitler is working at a bookstore

and I go up to him and say, "Hey, do you have any books about the expense of a yell?"

He replies, "Kinda, I have this book about the Holla' cost."

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A man walks in to a Muslim bookstore

A man went into a Muslim bookstore in Halifax, Nova Scotia. He was going up and down the aisles, obviously looking for something in particular.

Finally, the cashier came over and asked if he could help. The man asked "Do you happen to have the Australian Immigration Policy Book for Muslims"?...

An old bear is about to write in his journal... (Translated from Chinese)

And he finds that he has no more pages left, so he decides to go get a new one. It's already midnight but he goes out anyway. He gets on his bike and rides into the dark streets. After a long time, he finally finds a bookstore that's still open, so he goes inside. He finds a new journal that he real...

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Guy looking for a job

A guy who stutter was looking for a job, he went in to a bookstore and asked for the bookshop owner. 

"Hi! I'm loo, looking for a j, j, job, he said" 

The bookshop owner answered by telling him his not looking for some one to hire at this moment.

The guy said "Please I'm a goo, ...

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A joung Jew loved to read books

He loved to read so much that he read all of the books in the library in his town. So one day he went to a bookstore and asked if they had a book that he haven't read yet. An old Jew that worked there said yes and handed the boy a strange, covered in dust book titled "DEATH". He said to the boy: ...

Grandma Sent a Letter to her Friends

Dearest Ones:
 
The other day I went up to a local Christian bookstore and saw a "Honk if you love Jesus" bumper sticker.

I was feeling particularly sassy that day, because I had just come from a thrilling choir practice followed by a powerful prayer meeting, so I bought the sticker an...

The most terrifying horror story... ever

Nester absolutely loves horror stories. From ghost and apparitions, to science-fiction, he enjoys reading all of them. One day while he visits a newly-opened bookstore, he got a glimpse on a rather unusual-looking book. A thin, hard-covered novel with no title.

As he examined the book, the o...

I don’t understand all this talk about borders...

...wasn’t that bookstore closed years ago?

Dave wants to impress his new date.

She loves dancing, so he blurted out going to this new club, forgetting he can’t dance at all. He goes to the bookstore and finds the first thing he can read. He studies for two days, learning all the movements and positions.

The night goes as planned, and he is pretty confident with how he ...

A Muslim man wearing a Make America Great Again hat . . .

walks into a bookstore. After browsing around for a while a young woman in a headscarf walks up and says "Salaam, friend. I can't help but notice the hat you're wearing. You can't really support Trump, can you?"

Checking to make sure no one is listening, he whispers, "no, of course not, but k...

Our two new mods, ElderCunningham and iBleeedorange

Hey guys,

Not too long ago we started advertising new moderator positions for /r/jokes, and after receiving a bunch of submissions, we found our two candidates.

I've asked them to write up a brief introduction for themselves.

First up is /u/iBleeedorange, who also mods /r/diablo...

A man lost everything in his life...

he just lost his work, his house, his car, and the wife left with the kids. All that is left is $50 from his pocket. Lost and wandering around, he stumbled upon an old hermit. The hermit asked him what was wrong and he told his story. The hermit offered him a book, told him its the "Book of Secrets"...

Do you have the original book Romeo and Juliet?

A customer at our bookstore asked me, "Do you have the original book Romeo and Juliet? My daughter needs it for school, and all I can find is the play."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Mr. Tilley is running a Christian book store in a strip mall. [Long]

And business is good. The community has been growing, both in economy and spirit, with community centers and parks, factories and research laboratories. A true mecca of modern civilization. Mr. Tilley knows everyone in town, and everyone knows him. When anyone sees him, they smile, wave, and say "Bl...

Random blonde joke.

A blonde decided she needed something new and different for a winter hobby. She went to the bookstore and bought every book she could find on ice fishing.

For weeks she read and studied, hoping to become an expert in the field. Finally she decided she knew enough and out she went for her fir...

Rioters are destroying Baltimore.

Don't worry though, all the bookstores are safe.

Some dude was planning on stealing an airplane..

He went to an online bookstore and bought a book titled "How to Fly an Airplane," he then went to the airport and somehow he was able to bypass the security. Once he was in the Airplane, he sat in the pilot's seat, opened the book and followed the instructions step by step. Eventually he was able t...

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