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Autobiography Jokes

My friend claims that he “accidentally” glued himself to his autobiography, but I don’t believe him.

But that’s his story, and he’s sticking to it.
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I haven't sold a single copy of my autobiography.

That's the story of my life.
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My friend ate his autobiography

He is a bit strange, and totally full of himself
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Why didn't the chicken like Colonel Sander's autobiography?

Because chickens can't read.
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My parents read the book I was writing. They said the main character wasn't likeable.

It was an autobiography...
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I am reading an autobiography of a double amputee…

It’s called “A Farewell To Arms”.
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Did you hear about the murderer who wrote a really short autobiography in prison?

It was a life sentence
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What did billionaire Buffett's mistress title her tell all autobiography?

"Warren's Piece"
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Told this guy that I hated his autobiography. He got very very offended.

I said, 'Look, it's nothing personal.'
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I decided to kill off some characters in the book I am writing

It would definitely spice up my autobiography.
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"I am currently reading my autobiography," I told my friend.

"What page are you on?" he asked. I said, "All of them."
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Im writing my autobiography

"Oh nice!"

"Yea im planning on killing off the main character"
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Have you read the autobiography of the guy with two functioning penises?

I don't know, I thought he came across as two cocky.

Did you hear about Rosie's autobiography?

It was a rivetting tale.
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What genre would Trump's autobiography be filed under?

Fan fiction.
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Did you hear about the guy who had a crash in his land rover autobiography?

They say the car wrote itself off
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Jesus, I just hired an editor for my autobiography.

I don't know what I'm doing with my life.
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I bought a mayfly's autobiography.

Chapter 1: The end.
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You ever meet the kind of person who wants to write an autobiography?

Really says a lot about a person
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I've been reading this farmer's autobiography and just got to the part where he expands his carrot farm.

The plot thickens.
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I went to take a shit in my friend's house and they had Donald Trump's autobiography on the side

I thought about it, but decided toilet paper would be comfier

I've was commissioned to write a bunch of anti-vaxxer autobiographys

Turned out to be a bunch of short stories
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Rachel Dolezal just announced she's writing an autobiography

it's titled "The Inward Woman"
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My friend told me his autobiography was available at the library...

His story checks out.
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I don't want to spoil my autobiography for you.

But at the end, you find out that you've just wasted £4.99.
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I've just finished my autobiography. I hope lots of people buy it.

Then my life might actually be worth writing about.
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My son got hold of my autobiography and threw the pages all around the house.

I really need to sort my life out.
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Did you hear about the chick pea who released a autobiography 3 years after his death?

It was released post-hummus-ly
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I’m currently reading a book about the life of Henry Ford.

It’s an autobiography.
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How did Kim Jong-Il begin his audio autobiography?

"Dear Reader"
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I couldn't find any publishers for my autobiography, so I invested a whole pile of my own money and got 10,000 copies printed. I'm yet to sell even one copy.

Story of my life.
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Minecraft

is probably what hitler would have titled his autobiography if he had gotten into art school

KITT from Knight Rider is writing a biography

It's an autobiography.
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Here's an oldie but goodie that hopefully hasn't been re-posted a thousand times:

A man is making love to his boss's wife and she passionately whispers in his ear, "Kiss me!"

He says, "Are you out of your mind? I shouldn't even be doing THIS!'


I read that in Bob Newhart's autobiography years ago and it has always stuck out as one of those weird jokes that halfwa...
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If you wrote a book about Lightning McQueen...

Is it a biography or an autobiography?
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A joke about logs

So the foreman tells the lumberjack to go do some logging. The lumberjack leaves and comes back 6 months later. The foreman asks him what took him so long. The lumberjack pulls out a book and says "This is my autobiography. I logged my whole life in here."

The most well known person in the world

Some Spanish guy named "Manual"... A copy of his autobiography, printed in multiple languages, comes free with every electronic device or machinery... although much of his life story is lost in translation.
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I just took my life into my own hands.

I'm really enjoying my autobiography.
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Just heard the TV weatherman say, “high in the thirties”.

Now I know the title to one of the chapters of my autobiography.
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Told my girlfriend that I've started writing a book about a serial killer that murders his lover.

She said, "That sounds exciting. I love thrillers."

I said, "It's not a thriller, it's an autobiography."
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I have a self-driving car, yesterday I added Microsoft word to its AI program.

Today it wrote it's autobiography.
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I wanted to tell my best joke

But my autobiography is too long to post here.
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I would send a joke

but my autobiography hasn't come out yet
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A North Korean Joke

*Son to Mom: I don't want to go to school today and I'll give you two good reasons. The students hate me and the teachers hate me.*

*Mom to Son: Son, you have to go to school today and I'll give you two good reasons. You are the principal and you're thirty five years old.*

As told to ...

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