My author friend claims that he accidentally glued himself to his autobiography, but I don’t believe it.

But that’s his story, and he’s sticking to it.

Jesus, I just hired an editor for my autobiography.

I don't know what I'm doing with my life.

You ever meet the kind of person who wants to write an autobiography?

Really says a lot about a person

I'm writing an autobiography

I'm planning to kill off the main character though

I think I'm going to kill off the main character in my new book

I hope it will spice up this autobiography a little

I've was commissioned to write a bunch of anti-vaxxer autobiographys

Turned out to be a bunch of short stories

I tried reading Trump's autobiography but

it kept on going back to Chapter 11.

What genre would Trump's autobiography be filed under?

Fan fiction.

"I am currently reading my autobiography," I told my friend.

"What page are you on?" he asked.



I said, "All of them."

My best mate ate his own autobiography.

He's so full of himself.

Did you hear about Rosie's autobiography?

It was a rivetting tale.

Pope Francis has written an autobiography

He titled it, "I, Papi"

Did you hear about the chick pea who released a autobiography 3 years after his death?

It was released post-hummus-ly

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Minecraft

is probably what hitler would have titled his autobiography if he had gotten into art school

My friend told me his autobiography was available at the library...

His story checks out.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Have you read the autobiography of the guy with two functioning penises?

I don't know, I thought he came across as two cocky.

I bought a mayfly's autobiography.

Chapter 1: The end.

My son got hold of my autobiography and threw the pages all around the house.

I really need to sort my life out.

Rachel Dolezal just announced she's writing an autobiography

it's titled "The Inward Woman"

I started writting an autobiography but I gave up...

Story of my life.

I've just finished my autobiography. I hope lots of people buy it.

Then my life might actually be worth writing about.

Why was the boxers autobiography so funny?

Because it was filled with punchlines.

How did Kim Jong-Il begin his audio autobiography?

"Dear Reader"

Just heard the TV weatherman say, “high in the thirties”.

Now I know the title to one of the chapters of my autobiography.

If you wrote a book about Lightning McQueen...

Is it a biography or an autobiography?

Told my girlfriend that I've started writing a book about a serial killer that murders his lover.

She said, "That sounds exciting. I love thrillers."

I said, "It's not a thriller, it's an autobiography."

The most well known person in the world

Some Spanish guy named "Manual"... A copy of his autobiography, printed in multiple languages, comes free with every electronic device or machinery... although much of his life story is lost in translation.

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I came, I saw, I conkered.

My autobiography mainly deals with the 3 proudest moments of my life; the first time I masturbated, the first time I tried DIY, and the time I won the regional conker competition as a child.

It's called: 'I came, I saw, I conkered.'

I have a self-driving car, yesterday I added Microsoft word to its AI program.

Today it wrote it's autobiography.

I wanted to tell my best joke

But my autobiography is too long to post here.

I would send a joke

but my autobiography hasn't come out yet

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A North Korean Joke

*Son to Mom: I don't want to go to school today and I'll give you two good reasons. The students hate me and the teachers hate me.*

*Mom to Son: Son, you have to go to school today and I'll give you two good reasons. You are the principal and you're thirty five years old.*

As told to ...

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