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Autobiography Jokes

My friend claims that he “accidentally” glued himself to his autobiography, but I don’t believe him.

But that’s his story, and he’s sticking to it.

I haven't sold a single copy of my autobiography.

That's the story of my life.

Why didn't the chicken like Colonel Sander's autobiography?

Because chickens can't read.

My friend ate his autobiography

He is a bit strange, and totally full of himself

My parents read the book I was writing. They said the main character wasn't likeable.

It was an autobiography...

I am reading an autobiography of a double amputee…

It’s called “A Farewell To Arms”.

What did billionaire Buffett's mistress title her tell all autobiography?

"Warren's Piece"

Did you hear about the murderer who wrote a really short autobiography in prison?

It was a life sentence

"I am currently reading my autobiography," I told my friend.

"What page are you on?" he asked. I said, "All of them."

Told this guy that I hated his autobiography. He got very very offended.

I said, 'Look, it's nothing personal.'

I decided to kill off some characters in the book I am writing

It would definitely spice up my autobiography.

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Have you read the autobiography of the guy with two functioning penises?

I don't know, I thought he came across as two cocky.

Im writing my autobiography

"Oh nice!"

"Yea im planning on killing off the main character"

What genre would Trump's autobiography be filed under?

Fan fiction.

Did you hear about Rosie's autobiography?

It was a rivetting tale.

Did you hear about the guy who had a crash in his land rover autobiography?

They say the car wrote itself off

Jesus, I just hired an editor for my autobiography.

I don't know what I'm doing with my life.

I bought a mayfly's autobiography.

Chapter 1: The end.

I've was commissioned to write a bunch of anti-vaxxer autobiographys

Turned out to be a bunch of short stories

You ever meet the kind of person who wants to write an autobiography?

Really says a lot about a person

I've been reading this farmer's autobiography and just got to the part where he expands his carrot farm.

The plot thickens.

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I went to take a shit in my friend's house and they had Donald Trump's autobiography on the side

I thought about it, but decided toilet paper would be comfier

Rachel Dolezal just announced she's writing an autobiography

it's titled "The Inward Woman"

My friend told me his autobiography was available at the library...

His story checks out.

I don't want to spoil my autobiography for you.

But at the end, you find out that you've just wasted £4.99.

I've just finished my autobiography. I hope lots of people buy it.

Then my life might actually be worth writing about.

My son got hold of my autobiography and threw the pages all around the house.

I really need to sort my life out.

Did you hear about the chick pea who released a autobiography 3 years after his death?

It was released post-hummus-ly

I’m currently reading a book about the life of Henry Ford.

It’s an autobiography.

How did Kim Jong-Il begin his audio autobiography?

"Dear Reader"

I couldn't find any publishers for my autobiography, so I invested a whole pile of my own money and got 10,000 copies printed. I'm yet to sell even one copy.

Story of my life.

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Minecraft

is probably what hitler would have titled his autobiography if he had gotten into art school

KITT from Knight Rider is writing a biography

It's an autobiography.

Here's an oldie but goodie that hopefully hasn't been re-posted a thousand times:

A man is making love to his boss's wife and she passionately whispers in his ear, "Kiss me!"

He says, "Are you out of your mind? I shouldn't even be doing THIS!'


I read that in Bob Newhart's autobiography years ago and it has always stuck out as one of those weird jokes that halfwa...

If you wrote a book about Lightning McQueen...

Is it a biography or an autobiography?

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A joke about logs

So the foreman tells the lumberjack to go do some logging. The lumberjack leaves and comes back 6 months later. The foreman asks him what took him so long. The lumberjack pulls out a book and says "This is my autobiography. I logged my whole life in here."

The most well known person in the world

Some Spanish guy named "Manual"... A copy of his autobiography, printed in multiple languages, comes free with every electronic device or machinery... although much of his life story is lost in translation.

I just took my life into my own hands.

I'm really enjoying my autobiography.

Just heard the TV weatherman say, “high in the thirties”.

Now I know the title to one of the chapters of my autobiography.

Told my girlfriend that I've started writing a book about a serial killer that murders his lover.

She said, "That sounds exciting. I love thrillers."

I said, "It's not a thriller, it's an autobiography."

I have a self-driving car, yesterday I added Microsoft word to its AI program.

Today it wrote it's autobiography.

I wanted to tell my best joke

But my autobiography is too long to post here.

I would send a joke

but my autobiography hasn't come out yet

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A North Korean Joke

*Son to Mom: I don't want to go to school today and I'll give you two good reasons. The students hate me and the teachers hate me.*

*Mom to Son: Son, you have to go to school today and I'll give you two good reasons. You are the principal and you're thirty five years old.*

As told to ...

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