Barbies promote unrealistic expectations of women’s bodies.

Women’s heads are much harder to put back on in real life.

Marital expectations

Two women were out walking in the city. Suddenly one of them spots her husband across the street. She points at him and says ”Look, it’s Jim, and he’s got a big bouquet of flowers that he’ll come home with tonight. Damn, that means I’ll have to lay on my back, spread eagle all night.” Both women sha...

Increasing expectation among military analysts in recent days:

United States to invade United States to install democracy

A dumb one, ever for already low dad-joke expectations...

True story (makes this even more pathetic) that happened last night:

Wife: The fan is too high
Me: It's like that so we don't bump our heads

Girl: can you come over?

Boy: come over what?

Girl: come over my house...

Boy: your expectations are too high, I can't come that much

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Dolly Parton and Princess Diana pass away on the same day.

They arrive at the pearly gates at the very same time.

Saint Peter is waiting in judgment. With both women vying for entry, St. Peter announces, “Ladies, I only have one more space in Heaven today. You’ll have to prove you’re worthy.”

Dolly Parton laughs and says “No problem, Pete!” ...

I had high expectations for doing great things in 2020. Instead I'm stuck at home jacking off and playing Nintendo.

The old 'bate and Switch.

I’m seeing a lot of heaven related jokes, so here’s a bad one to lower every bodies expectations-

What do angles fish for in heaven?
Holy mackerels

I am a wondrous creature for women in expectation...

A service for neighbors. I harm none of the citizens except my slayer alone. My stem is erect, I stand up in bed hairy somewhere down below. A very comely peasants daughter, dares sometimes, proud maiden, that she grips at me, attacks me in my redness, plunders my head, confines me in a stronghold, ...

I read Great Expectations the other day.

It wasn't as good as I thought it was going to be.

A new talented astronaut ascends to space carrying the expectation of all his crews

But moments just before he reached space, he decided to turn the rocket back and land back on earth.
After he got out, people questioned why he did that.
He said “my teacher once asked me what my dream was and when I said to become astronaut, she said well, the sky is your limit”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Beautiful woman

A bloke is sitting in the bar at a busy airport.

A beautiful woman walks in and sits down next to him.

He presumes, because she's got a uniform on, she's probably an off duty flight attendant.

So he decides to have a go at picking her up by identifying the airline she flies for ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I feel like porn has given me such unrealistic expectations for sex... for example,

having it with another person

Some numbers are insulting each other

*i* to π : your decisions are so *irrational*

1 to *i:* your expectations are too *imaginary*

π to 1: you have an absolute *unit* of a beer belly

3 to -1: you are always so *negative*

*i* to 3: don't you think you're a little *odd*?

1 to 1/2: you are only but a *...

Recent studies suggest that subversion of expectations is the most effective type of humor among 13 - 40 year olds.

TIL

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