UPJOKE
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Expectation Jokes

Barbies promote unrealistic expectations of women’s bodies.

Women’s heads are much harder to put back on in real life.

Increasing expectation among military analysts in recent days:

United States to invade United States to install democracy

A 95 year old man and his 94 year old wife see a lawyer about a divorce.

The lawyer asks them when they got married.

"I was 19" says the man.

"That means you've been married for 75 years at least" the lawyer points out

"Yes. And all of it misery" says the woman.

"Really? When did you start to regret the marriage?"

"Almost immediately,...

My family's last name is 'Expectation'

The entire family is currently in the hospital because of my stepdad, he started with me and said that for once in his life he'd beat all expectations

I am a wondrous creature for women in expectation...

A service for neighbors. I harm none of the citizens except my slayer alone. My stem is erect, I stand up in bed hairy somewhere down below. A very comely peasants daughter, dares sometimes, proud maiden, that she grips at me, attacks me in my redness, plunders my head, confines me in a stronghold, ...

Marital expectations

Two women were out walking in the city. Suddenly one of them spots her husband across the street. She points at him and says ”Look, it’s Jim, and he’s got a big bouquet of flowers that he’ll come home with tonight. Damn, that means I’ll have to lay on my back, spread eagle all night.” Both women sha...

A new talented astronaut ascends to space carrying the expectation of all his crews

But moments just before he reached space, he decided to turn the rocket back and land back on earth.
After he got out, people questioned why he did that.
He said “my teacher once asked me what my dream was and when I said to become astronaut, she said well, the sky is your limit”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I feel like porn has given me such unrealistic expectations for sex... for example,

having it with another person

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man was unsatisfied with his small penis

He expressed his problem to a friend. His friend suggested that he should go and visit a wizard who was living on a cliff just outside the town. So the man, in hopes, went to visit that wizard. He reached the base of that cliff and started searching for ways to climb his way up. Luckily he found a r...

My New Years resolution is to set more realistic expectations for myself

I’ve already failed

I read Great Expectations the other day.

It wasn't as good as I thought it was going to be.

A dumb one, ever for already low dad-joke expectations...

True story (makes this even more pathetic) that happened last night:

Wife: The fan is too high
Me: It's like that so we don't bump our heads

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Porn gives unrealistic expectations.

The plumber took his usual £60 per hour, even though I sucked his cock.

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