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Green Bean Jokes

I've been told green beans are good for you

But how can they be better than the other jelly bean colors?

Why do green beans meditate?

To find inner peas!

Green beans

Did you know that if you say "GULLIBLE" really slowly, it sounds like "GREEN BEANS"??

A man walks into the doctor's office with green beans hanging out of his nose and a carrot in each ear . . .

He says, Doc, I've been losing weight. What do you think could be wrong with me?

The doc leans back, looks at him, scratches his chin for a minute, and says, "I don't think you're eating right."

What's the difference between a green bean chickpea?

#EDIT: What's the difference between a green bean **and a** chickpea?#

No one has ever paid to have a green bean on their chest

What did one green bean say to the other green bean?

"How ya bean?"

What did one sand dune say to the other sand dune?

"How ya dune?"

What did the green bean say to the sand dune?

"How ya bean dune?"

Why did the green bean go to jail?

He was disturbing the peas.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

. I picked up a girl in a bar the other night and we went back to her place. We started making out and getting naked. I went down and started munching on that pussy and got a piece of corn in my mouth.

.. I didn’t think to much of it, just threw over my shoulder and went on eating. Then I got a green bean in my mouth. I like green beans, I just ate it and went back down. Then I got a piece of asparagus in my mouth. That was to much. I hate asparagus. I looked up at her and said,”God damn woman, ar...

Guests are coming tonight

Husband: Guests are coming tonight. What's for dinner?

Wife:I am not well today, so there's only green beans.

Husband:No worry. I have an idea. When the guests arrives you'll welcome them and I'll go to the kitchen and drop one utensil and then you'll say "what happen" . Then I'll say ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

She said she was stripping to feed her kids.

Yet she got pissed at me when I stuck a can of green beans in her garter.

Guy walks into the doctor's office...

A guy with green beans stuck in his ears goes to the doctor.

"Doc, ya gotta help me," he moans, "I feel terrible."

The doctor says, "Well I can tell just by looking at you, you're not eating right."

I went to a barbeque food truck with a silver dollar.

I handed it to the lady and said, "Could I get some fries for this?"

"Sure, but what else do you want?" Confused, I said "Well, just the fries. This is all I have." She seemed slightly annoyed, "Ok, sir... But would you prefer a baked potato, green beans, cornbread or mac and cheese to go alo...

What do you call an environmentally conscious Mexican?

A green bean.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Strippers always say they’re just trying to feed their kids

But get super pissed when you throw cans of green beans & KFC coupons at them.

My neighbors came around the neighborhood this morning with flyers complaining about how someone stole their delivered dinner from their front stoop last night.

If you ask me, it feels like an overreaction for some poorly seasoned vegetables, overcooked salmon, and the lemon-tinged green beans, all of which had already gone cold anyway.

What do you call an Hispanic gentleman who drives a hybrid car?

A green bean.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[Long] Two brothers, a vegan and a carnivore, sit down to Thanksgiving dinner together with their family...

The father intones, "on this day of thanks, let us give thanks to God..."

The vegan brother interrupts..."I'm not eating the turkey..."

The carnivore brother replies, " that's fine, there's plenty of other food on the table."

The vegan then says " I'm not eating any of the stuff...

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When an old woman goes to the grocer.

A elderly woman makes a trip to the greengrocer down the block. A friendly employee sees her browsing the various vegetables and asks, "Excuse me, ma'am, can I help you find something?"

The old woman, without hesitation, replies, "Yes, you can! I'd like to buy a pound of broccoli."

"...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Grocery shopping

An old lady walks into her local grocery store and starts browsing through the produce section. The stock boy notices and approaches her to ask if he can help. The old lady responds, "I'm looking to buy some broccoli." The stock boy responds, "I'm terribly sorry ma'am but we are entirely out of broc...

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