UPJOKE
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What does a coffee bean tell when he insults another coffee bean

'' You just got ROASTED ''

My online coffee bean order wasn’t eligible for overnight delivery.

They told me they only ship ground.

Did you hear about the coffee bean that committed murder?

It was sentenced to death by decaffeination.

What do you get when you put coffee beans in the ground?

Ground coffee

Recently a robber stole 300 cups worth of coffee beans

How does he sleep at night.

How do you make Turkish coffee?

You grind up 1.5 million Armenian coffee beans and lie about it for a century.

Why were the coffee beans upset?

Because they were grounded.... Or black I am not sure.

Mayonnaise

In 1912, the Titanic sank and everyone still talks about it to this day.

But only weeks after the incident, another ship fell victim to the harsh ocean. This was a large cargo ship that contains various products that were supposed to be delivered to Mexico, among them were sugar, coffee beans...

Doc

My dentist tells me I grind my teeth so at night I fill my mouth with coffee beans and water and set the clock for 7:30

A hot mug of divorce

My wife said yesterday that she's almost out of coffee beans. I said "Well I guess that's it, instant coffee for you from here on out."

She asked me "How about divorce from here on out"?

I said "C'MON, that's what you're going to cite as grounds for divorce?"

A Women enters a grocery store

"What are these round green things back there?" she asks the cashier

"Those are apples ma'am" he responds

"Ok, can I have a kilo... ...and pack only one per bag please"

next the women walks up to another shelf and aks:

"What are those orange things i am looking at here?...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I saw a 7-eleven coffee cup on the table in the break room.

I was curious, so I looked on the back of the cup. It said that the coffee beans were mountain-grown in the world's finest coffee-growing regions and were inspected for premium quality five times prior to being roasted. I snuck a sip of the coffee and thought, "Wow. That's impressive."

Becau...

Signs you drink too much coffee

- You answer the door before people knock.

- Juan Valdez named his donkey after you.

- You ski uphill.

- You grind your coffee beans in your mouth.

- You haven't blinked since the last lunar eclipse.

- You lick your coffeepot clean.

- You're the employee of ...

Coffee drinking trio

3 friends are bragging about their coffee drinking habits.

1st: I take it dark, thick and black. It's so strong, the spoon stands upright in my cup when I stir it.

2nd: big deal, at least you use a cup. I pour it directly from the kettle into my mouth.

3rd: yeah? We'll I don't ...

Doctor, my girlfriend grinds her teeth while sleeping.

Dr: Put some coffee beans in her mouth and set the alarm for 7:30am

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