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A man at the barber

A man enters a barber shop for a shave. While the barber is foaming him up, he mentions the problems he has getting a close shave around the cheeks.
"I have just the thing," says the barber taking a small wooden ball from a nearby drawer. "Just place this between your cheek and gum."
The cli...

A priest goes to the barber for a haircut.

When it’s done, he asks the barber how much he owes.

“All free, friend. I consider it a service to God”.

The next morning when the barber goes to work, he sees a bunch of flowers and a Bible in the doorstep. The flowers come with a thank you card from the priest.

Presently, a po...

Putin comes to the barber shop.

The barber cuts his hair and asks all the time about Ukraine. How are people doing there? When does the war end?

Putin get nervous:

- You are moved about this Ukraine far too much, right?

- Not at all, sir. For me it is totally indifferent.

- Why do you then constantl...

A guy goes to the barber

How would you like your hair today?

Look, i want this side all but completely shaved, with this 2 spots here bald, this side, shorn, and in the middle do as you please.

I am sorry, but i think that would be too hard to do.

How did you do it last week then?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A 12 year old boy walks into a barber shop

Once he arrives, the barber turns to a customer and says "check this kid out, he's the dumbest person I've ever seen. Here, watch this".

The barber then pulls out a dollar bill in one hand and 2 quarters in the other. "Hey Johnny, go ahead and pick which amount of money you want".

The...

Steven Spielberg walks into a barber

"I'll have the director's cut!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young man went into confession crying, and told the priest:

“Forgive me father for I have sinned”.

“What have you done?” asked the priest.

“A few weeks ago I went to the library. I remained there until closing time and when I was about to go home, rain started pouring down. It was so intense I had to wait in the library. I had waited for a wh...

My barber is an idiot

he always puts my cape on backwards

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The trip to Rome

A man was getting a haircut prior to a trip to Rome.

He mentioned the trip to the barber, who responded,

\- “Why would anyone want to go there? It’s crowded and dirty and full of Italians. You’re crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?”

\- “We’re taking United,” wa...

What do you call a female barber?

Barbera

A young boy enters a barber shop.

A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, "This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you."

The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, "Which do you want, son?" The boy takes t...

I just found out my neighborhood barber was arrested for dealing drugs!

I've been his customer for 25 years and I never knew he was a barber.

Asked by the court barber how he wanted his hair cut...

The king replied "In silence."

Credit goes to the Greeks, Hierocles and Philagrius.

Old cowboy comes into the barber shop for a shave.

Tells the barber, “I’m lookin for a clean shave. All these wrinkles on my face from old age the sun and wind, I haven’t had a close clean shave in years.”

Barber hands him a wooden ball and says, “stick this in your cheek like a squirrel.”

The old cowboy does as he is told and the wr...

What did the customer say to the barber?

“I mustache you a question, but I’ll shave it for later!”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Cut hair once, you’re not a barber ... Cook food once, you’re not a chef ...

Fuck a horse just once and you’re a horse fucker forever

Gentlemen walking down the street stops by the barber shop

He opens the door, sticks his head in and says, "Bob Peters here?"

Barber says, "Nope, we just do shaves and haircuts."

Dave and the barber

So this guy Dave is in getting a haircut. He tells the barber, “I’m going on a three week vacation to Europe.”

“No, you’re not.”

“Yes, I am.”

“No, you’re not.”

“Yes, I am.”

“No, you’re not.”

“Yes, I am.”

“You’re going to hate it. Everything is so comp...

I read today in the local newspaper that a barber in the city was arrested for drug trafficking

I was his client for a long time but I didn't know he was a barber

Went into the barbers, I said “I want you to cut my hair like David Beckhams”.

He cut my hair and I looked in the mirror!

“David Beckham doesn't have his hair cut like that!!??”

Barber says; “He does if he comes in here!!!”

A man walks in to Peters and Son barber shop

He asks the barber, “You Bob Peters?”

“No we just cut hair.”

Need barber jokes for a friend

My friend is having a rough time in barber school so i've been sending funny hairdressing jokes and memes in an attemot to keep his spirits up but i've run out. Please send more to help make a stressed student happy

So Barack Obama and Donald Trump somehow ended up at the same barber shop...

As they sat there, each being worked on by a different barber, not a word was spoken. The barbers were both afraid to start a conversation, for fear that it would turn nasty. As the barbers finished their shaves in silence, the one who had Trump in his chair reached for the aftershave. But Donald wa...

How did the barber win the race?

He knew a shortcut.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A little girl goes with her dad to the barber...

... and instead of sitting in the waiting area, she sits in the floor beside the barber chair where her daddy's getting his hair cut.

She has a small purse, and while waiting she pulls out a small snack cake and unwraps it.

The barber says to her, "Little girl, you're gonna get hair a...

Dude would pass by the barber shop every other day

Asking how many clients the barber had...
— how many today chief?
— just one. The barber said
— ok! Kinda busy. I’ll come back later! Thanks! The guy replied

The next day the same story.
— how many today chief?
— 3!
— sorry mate. Kind busy! Talk to you later!

That’...

I went into the barbers today and asked to have my hair cut like Tom Cruise....

He lifted me up and sat me on a cushion...

An old cowboy walks into the barbershop for a shave and a haircut and he tells the barber he can’t get all his whiskers off because his cheeks are wrinkled from age.

The barber gets a little wooden ball from a cup on the shelf and tells the old cowboy to put it inside his cheek to spread out the skin.

When he’s finished, the old cowboy tells the barber that was the cleanest shave he’s had in years.

But he wanted to know what would have happened if ...

Not everyone gets a Handjob from their Barber

But not everyone cuts their own hair either.

My barber interrupted my horse story...

...even though I told him *not* to cut off my pony tale

It turned out that local barber was actually also a crack dealer.

I was his customer for years, and never thought that he could be a barber.

Zack Snyder seems to be a good barber

Lots of people liked his cut

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Twinkie

A little girl goes to the barber shop with her father. She stands right next to the barbers chair, while her father is getting his haircut, eating her snake cake.

The barber says to her, "Sweetheart, you are going to get hair on your twinkie".

She says, "I know, I am going to get bo...

A catholic priest goes to a barber.

Once the haircut is finished, the priest reaches for his wallet. The barber says, "I cannot accept payment from a man of the cloth, it is my honor to cut the hair of a man of God." The next morning there are a dozen chocolates waiting at the barber's door from the priest.

Later that day, a Ba...

I tried hitting on my barber the other day

I walked in and asked "Hey, do you comb hair often?"

A man and a little boy go into the local barber shop.

The man has his hair done and then sits the young man in the chair.
"Now wait here when your finished, I'm just off to do some shopping." says the man and leaves without paying.

Two hours later, the boy's still waiting, when the barber says, "I think your Dad's forgotten you".

The...

Why is Satan's barber always nervous?

Because last time he messed up there was hell toupee.

I went to my old barber that I used to see years ago.

I sat in the chair and asked him if he could cut my hair a little shorter on the left side and a little longer on the right side.

“And would you be kind enough to make three or four holes in my hair on top? And little things sticking out all over?” I asked him. “And in the back I would lik...

My barber is big into astrology, and told me that every zodiac sign corresponds to a certain hairstyle, except for one

Cancer.

A Buddhist monk goes to a barber to have his head shaved.

"What should I pay you?" the monk asks. "No price, for a holy man such as yourself," the barber replies. And what do you know, the next day the barber comes to open his shop, and finds on his doorstep a dozen gemstones.


That day, a priest comes in to have his hair cut. "What shall I pay y...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A barber walking on a beach finds a golden lump and decides to give it a rub.

A genie pops out, opens its mouth as though to speak, and then sees what the barber is holding.

"You can fuck right off," it says instead. "I'm not falling for that Reddit post title shit again."

From my 7 y/o

What do you call a bunch of hairdressers having a party?


A Barber-cue

A priest goes into a barbershop, gets a haircut, thanks the barber and asks how much he owes him.

The barber says, "Father, you're a holy man, a man of the cloth, I couldn't charge you, it's on the house."

The priest says, "Thank you very much" and leaves.

The next day, magically appearing on the doorstep of the barbershop are 12 gold coins.

A few days later, a ministe...

Now the hairdressers are open again, I need to find a decent barber

One that's a real cut above the rest

What do you call a barber that refuses to close on Sundays?

A Hair-etic.

A son and dad are waiting in a busy, popular barber shop. Dad says, “This place is a cookout...”

First there’s a barber queue, then you get a fresh, tasty cut.

A man sticks his head into a barber shop and asks "How long before I can get a haircut?"

The barber looks around the shop and says "About 2 hours."

The man leaves.

A few days later the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks "How long before I can get a haircut?". The barber looks around at a shop full of customers and says “About 3 hours."

The man leaves....

One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut

After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.' The florist was pleased and left the shop. When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

This guy goes to a barber shop......

Half way through his haircut the barber suddenly walks to a corner in the shop, unzips his fly and takes a piss on the floor. He then nonchalantly returns and continues with the haircut. After a few awkward minutes, the customer couldn't help but ask the barber why he took a piss on the shop's flo...

Not many people can brag about getting a handjob from the barber after a haircut

but then again not many people cut their own hair.



Ba dum tiss.

Putin gets a haircut

Putin goes to the Kremlin barbershop to get a haircut. While cutting his hair, the barber keeps on and on asking and talking about the 'special operation' in Ukraine.

Putin snaps:

- You seem to be overly interested about Ukraine... Don't you understand what happens to people who are to...

A barber is talking to one of his customers.

“See that kid?” he says as he points to a twelve-year-old standing outside the barbershop. “He is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch. I’ll prove it to you.”

The barber takes out a one-dollar bill and a five-dollar bill, and then calls the boy inside. He holds out both bills, and asks, “Whic...

Johnny walks into a barber shop and asks if they have oranges for sale

Barber: The hell is wrong with you? This is a barber shop. We don’t have oranges.

Johnny: Ok, thanks.

The next day he goes back again and asks the same thing

Barber: Dude I told you yesterday. This is a barber shop, we don’t have oranges here for sale.

Johnny: Alright,...

Little Bobby and the barber

A barber was cutting his customer's hair when he saw little Bobby walk by outside.

He said to his customer, "Watch this, this is the dumbest kid in the world."

He then went outside and held out his two hands.

One hand had 50 cents and the other had a dollar. He then asked Bobb...

What did the barber tell the janitor at the end of the day?

Take hair!

My 8 year old thought of it after his hair cut last night. I hope it’s OC as he doesn’t have a Reddit account, yet.

Jimmy Carr says this is the oldest joke he found for a book on humor

A man sits down in the barbers chair, the barber says "how would you like your hair cut?" the man says "in silence"

A man goes to a barber for a shave

While the barber is lathering him up, the man admits to having a hard time getting a close shave on his cheeks.


''Here, try this'', says the barber, pulling a small wooden ball from a drawer. '' Place the ball between your right cheek and gum and I'll show you how close a shave can be.''...

My barber wanted me to sign a long term service agreement before giving me a haircut, but I refused,

I couldn't accept all those perms and conditions.

I heard this in at the barber shop from an old patron, it's my favorite joke.

There's a butcher tending to his shop when a dog walks in.

The dog has a note in his mouth, with a $10 bill attached.

The butcher bends down and picks the note out of the dog's mouth, reading aloud he says: "2 pork chops please" and the dog sits.

The butcher, highly impressed,...

At the Barber Shop

A man goes to the barber shop for a shave. While sitting down on the barber chair, he tells the barber that he can never properly shave his cheeks.


The barber goes to a drawer and takes out a small wooden ball. He tells the client to place it in his mouth between the cheek and his teet...

A small town's only barber was known for his arrogant, negative attitude.

When one of his regular customers came in and mentioned that he'd be going to Rome and hoped to meet the Pope, the barber's response was typical. "You, meet the Pope? Ha, don't make me laugh. The Pope only sees kings and presidents and queens. What would he want with you?"

A month later, the ...

I was at a barber shop in Bangkok and I asked to get my hair dyed, and for the barber to surprise me. I noticed that it was taking a bit longer than hair dyeing normally would, and when I looked at the finished job in the mirror, I noticed that they were in rainbow swirls.

When I asked the barber, "What is this?" he told me,"Well, it's a Thai dye."

Why do barbers make good drivers?

Why do barbers make good drivers?
Because they know all the short cuts!

I asked the barber to shave me and make my beard look nice and clean.

He completed. But I was not satisfied.






So I said, "Can you do a little more better?"






"Alright, sir, I'll do some modifications"





I was still not satisfied.






"Could you please do some more modificati...

I got a haircut from an amputee barber

He did it single handedly

What do you call a man that shaves ten times a day?

A barber.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

a pornstar entering a barber shop, sitting next to a nun

the nun is currently getting her hair done.. meanwhile the pornstar is talking dirty shit about how he would like to have sex with the nun

the nun tries to ignore those words, when her hair is finished, she says she cant do such unspeakable things as a nun, an leaves

the barber then te...

A vet, a banker and a barber walk into a bar.

After a few drinks the banker gloomily says:

“although business has been booming most of the funds have beent going to my cats medication, sadly Bartholomew got run over by a blue honda; i wish i could of seen the driver and give him what he desreves”

With the drinks opening them up t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My grandad sent me this

Enjoy the fun & the pun.



Q: Can February March?

A: No. But April May!



Q: Did you hear about the painter who was hospitalised?

A: Reports say it was due to too many strokes!



Q: Have you heard the joke about the butter?

A: I better ...

I regret going to an emo barber.

Instead of cutting my hair he just kept cutting himself.

A priest walks into a barber’s shop and sits down.

The barber gives him a nice haircut. When the priest asks him how much the haircut will cost, the barber replies, “I never charge a man who does God’s work.”

The priest thanks him and the next day the barber finds three bottles of wine on his doorstep.

Later that day, a minister ente...

A man walks into a Jewish Barber shop and pulls down his pants

He says to the barber, "A little off the top please"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Steve arrived early for his haircut appointment and was patiently waiting while the barber finished up with another customer

The customer was loudly bragging about how he is not only the best mailman in the area, but he has slept with numerous women over the course of his career.

“Why, I’ve even slept with every woman on Maple Street except one,” he boasted. Steve’s ears perked up because he and his wife live on M...

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