Trump and Obama in a Barber Shop

Donald Trump and Barack Obama ended up at the same barber shop. As they sat there, each being worked on by a different barber, not a word was spoken.

The barbers were both afraid to start a conversation, for fear that it would turn nasty. As the barbers finished their shaves in silence, the ...

My local barber was arrested for selling drugs! I was his customer for years!

Never knew he was a barber

A monk enters a barber shop.

When the barber is finished, the monk asks,

"How much do I owe you?"

the barber says,

"Nothing, as my payment was the visit of a holy man of god such as yourself."

the monk leaves, and the next day, the barber finds a dozen gemstones on his doorstep.

The next day, ...

do you think this is a good one

A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer. ‘This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it you.’ The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, ‘Which do you want, son?’ The boy takes the quarter...

The barbershop

A guy stuck his head into a barbershop and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?". The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said, "About 2 hours". The guy left. A few days later the same guy stuck his head in the door and asked, "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber...

My barber told me to put a ball in my mouth

My barber told me to put a ball in my mouth so he could a get a closer shave on my cheek.
I asked him "what happens if I accidentally swallow the ball?"
He replied " you can bring it back tomorrow just like everybody else who does "

I went to the barbers and asked for a number 2 all over.

I've washed my hair 6 times since and still can't get the smell out.

“Hey Dad, who invented the haircut?”

“I don’t know, but I’m sure it was some barberian.”

I went to the barber shop a few days ago to cut my hair...

I didn’t like my haircut first, but then it grew on me

What does an astronomer barber do?

Eclipse.

I need to find a new barber, mine is afraid of hair.

He just ain’t cutting it

One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut

After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.'

The florist was pleased and left the shop.

When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses wai...

What did the barber tell the janitor at the end of the day?

Take hair!

My 8 year old thought of it after his hair cut last night. I hope it’s OC as he doesn’t have a Reddit account, yet.

Busy barber

A guy walks to a barber shop, opens the door and asks the barber "how long is the wait?"

The barber looks at the line of people waiting and says "oh, about 90 minutes"

The man leaves and never comes back.

The next day the man goes to the same barber asking "how long is the wait ...

I was held hostage at a barber shop once.

It was a hairy situation.

A man sticks his head into a barber shop...

(I heard this on a radio ad, and it took me forever to get the joke. Now I feel the need to share it)

The man asks the barber "How long until I can get a hair cut?"

The barber replies "About 2 hours." And then the man leaves. The next day the man sticks his head in again and asks "How...

I was at a barber shop in Bangkok and I asked to get my hair dyed, and for the barber to surprise me. I noticed that it was taking a bit longer than hair dyeing normally would, and when I looked at the finished job in the mirror, I noticed that they were in rainbow swirls.

When I asked the barber, "What is this?" he told me,"Well, it's a Thai dye."

At first, I wasn't too happy the way my barber cut my hair, but honestly..

It's starting to grow on me

I've opened up a barber shop for rabbits

I do hare cuts, only.

How does a barber cut the moon’s hair?

E-clipse it!

I went to the gents barbers today and he asked me "Do you want your hair cut around the back?"

I said "Nah buddy, in here is fine."

Why do barbers make good drivers?

They know all the shortcuts.

Very few people can brag about getting a handjob from their barber after a haircut nowadays.

Then again, very few people cut their own hair.

The 41st US president hired a barber for his family

His job was to trim the bushes

An old man was shaving at his house

An 90 year old man was attempting to shave his beard at his house with a razor. His hands weren’t quite as steady as they used to be and his skin had gotten a bit wrinkly in his old age. Consequently, the old man was constantly cutting himself while shaving. One day he decided to go to the barbersh...

What did the black barber say to the white customer?

"Hello sir, what haircut would you like?"

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

There was a very rude parrot who stood at a barber's door. Every time Jane went by he'd say "Yo, bitch!"

Tired of this, Jane went to the barber and complained. As a punishment, the barber painted the parrot completely in black.

Two days after, Jane went again by the barber's door and the parrot didn't say anything. On the next day she went by twice and again, the parrot didn't say anything.
<...

Guy walks into a barber shop..

..and says “Chuck Wood here?”

Barber says “no we cut hair.”

Guy says “yeah obviously...I’m looking for my friend Chuck Wood.”

Barber says “oh yeah, he is over there getting in some curls.”

Guy says “Chuck doesn’t lift weights.”

A man walks into a barber shop every day and asks the barber what time he closes shop.

He never gets a cut. Only asks. The barber grows frustrated and asks his apprentice to follow the man after he asks to see who he is and why he might be asking. The apprentice returns shortly after. The barber asks "well, where did he go?" The apprentice replies "your house."

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Trump and Obama walk into the same barbershop...

Donald Trump and Barack Obama walk into the same barbershop. Neither spoke a word as their barbers did their thing. Not even the barbers would speak, out of fear of starting a political discussion. As they finished, Trump's barber reached for the aftershave.

Quickly stopped by Trump, "No way...

Young man goes to the barber

Barber: what's it gonna be

Young man: I'll have the bottom bit completely shaved. Then above it a few little circles. Above that a want a spiky bit. Next to that I want it number 2 on the right side and number 3.5 on the left side. The top I want it a bit messy, with some bits longer that oth...

A barber is talking to one of his customers.

“See that kid?” he says as he points to a twelve-year-old standing outside the barbershop. “He is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch. I’ll prove it to you.”

The barber takes out a one-dollar bill and a five-dollar bill, and then calls the boy inside. He holds out both bills, and asks, “Whic...

Ed Sheeran opened up a barber shop...

...and named it 'Head Sheerin'

What do you call a barber that only works on bald people?

An air stylist.

At the barbers today,

I asked to have my hair cut like Tom Cruise. So he gave me a cushion to sit on.

i went to a redneck barbers to day,

sat down in the chair then quickly changed my mind got up and walked away.

Think i may have dodged the mullet on this one.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man walks into a barber shop and says, "I'll have a shave and a shoe shine."

The barber lathers his face and sharpens the straight edge while a woman with the biggest, most beautiful breasts he has ever seen kneels down and shines his shoes.

The man says, "You and I should spend some time in a hotel room."

She replies, "My husband wouldn't like that."

Th...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A little girl goes to the barber shop with hee father.

While Dad gets his hair cut, the little girl stands next to his chair, eating a snack cake.

Her father looks down at her and says, " Honey, you're going to get hair on your Twinkie."

She nods and says, "I know, and I'm gonna get boobs too!"

A barber got arrested in my town

He sold drugs and ran an escort service. Just shows how little you know of the people around you. I never knew he was an barber.

A Buddhist monk goes to a barber to have his head shaved.

"What should I pay you?" the monk asks. "No price, for a holy man such as yourself," the barber replies. And what do you know, the next day the barber comes to open his shop, and finds on his doorstep a dozen gemstones.


That day, a priest comes in to have his hair cut. "What shall I pay y...

A man goes to the barber

As he sits down the barber asks, "How would you like your hair cut?"

The man replies "In silence."

On the last day of Barack's presidency, he and Donald Trump go to the same barbershop to get their hair done.

On the last day of Barack's presidency, he and Donald Trump go to the same barbershop to get their hair done.

Barbers decide not to talk about politics, and everybody ends up not talking at all. The air is so tense. it could be almost cut with the barber's knife.

Donald's hair gets fi...

My barber died just yesterday. It's really messed up...

... I mean, who's going to cut my hair for the funeral?

A man goes to a barber for a shave

While the barber is lathering him up, the man admits to having a hard time getting a close shave on his cheeks.


''Here, try this'', says the barber, pulling a small wooden ball from a drawer. '' Place the ball between your right cheek and gum and I'll show you how close a shave can be.''...

My new barber is a really smart guy

I love having conversations with him while I'm in the chair, but he always talks over my head.

How does a barber give the Sun a haircut?

Eclipse it.

How do you call a german barber during ww2

Herr styler

My girlfriend is at the barber.

She is dying to get a new hair color.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My barber asked me what I wanted today. I replied, "I dunno. Do something that makes me look more sexy!"

So she started throwing back shots of vodka.

How did the barber win a race?

He knew a short cut.

A long wait was forming for a bald barber.

The barber seemed to be taking an unnecassary amount of time with each client. It didn't help that even more customers were coming in.

One person got fed up with the wait and demanded to know why things were taking so long.

The barber replied with, "why would i hurry up, this is the b...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man goes to his barber to get a haircut.

As the barber is cutting his hair they start to chat a bit.

The man says “It’s me and my wives anniversary soon. We’re planning a trip to Rome as we've always wanted to go to Italy and really experience some authentic Italian food!”

“Ahh, don’t bother” says the barber. “The whole city ...

[LONG] A man is trying to land his dream job of being a barber...

For months he’s been studying proper haircutting technique. He has painstakingly flipped through each page of the most rigorous hair textbooks, watched video tutorials from the best salons, and read countless articles about current hairstyles.

Finally, it was the day of his job interview. He ...

Old man gets a shave at the barber

An old cowboy walks into a barbershop in Red Lodge, Montana for a shave and a haircut.
He tells the barber he can’t get all his whiskers off because his cheeks are wrinkled from age.
The barber gets a little wooden ball from a cup on the shelf and tells the old cowboy to put it inside his chee...

What do my barber and the doctor who did my circumcision have in common?

They both took too much off the top

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A male porn star goes to watch a play...

He is seated next to a nun who is also there to watch the play.

As he glances over to her he notices she is one of the most beautiful women he has ever seen, so he whispers in her ear, "I wish to make sweet love to you."

The nun is offended and slaps him, she yells, "I'm a nun and have...

My barber is an idiot.

He always puts my cape on the wrong way around.

I went to get my haircut and told the barber not to take too much off.

He only took off his trousers.

A man walks into a barbershop

He tells the barber, "Could you give me a haircut, where you cut one sideburn is longer than the other, you use the razor to make several baldspots on the front of my head, and you make clear zigzags down the back of my head?"

The barber responds, "That's terrible! I can't do that."

Th...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Trump and Obama go to a barber shop

As Trump finishes up his shave the barber pulls out some shaving cologne and gets ready to pat some on his face and neck.

Trump quickly stops him, “No thanks I don’t want my wife to think I’ve been at a whore house.”

At about the same time the other barber is nearly finishing up Obama’...

Our local barber just got arrested today

Apparently he's a drug dealer, which is really weird because I've been his client for 7 years and never knew he was a barber.

Why don't Millenial barbers ever get sideburns right?

They literally can't even.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I just cant trust my barber...

He’s always talking behind my fucking back.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Trump and Obama go to the same barber

Trump and Obama go to the same barber to get a shave. After Trump is done, the barber asks if he'd like some cologne or aftershave. "No", he says, "my wife will think I've been to a whore house" . After Obama gets shaved, the barber asks him the same thing. "Sure, go ahead", he says. "My wife doesn'...

A man walks into a psychic barber shop

Barber: say no more

A policeman walks into a barber shop...

A policeman walks into a barber shop.

The barber looks at him and says "Thank you very much for protecting and defending our town! As this is your first time here, it would be my pleasure to give you a free haircut."

The barber gives the policeman a haircut, and that night, the barber ...

A barber gave a haircut to a priest one day.

A barber gave a haircut to a priest one day. The priest tried to pay for the haircut, but the barber refused, saying, ‘you do God’s work.’ The next morning the barber found a dozen bibles at the door to his shop.

A policeman came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber refused pay, ...

I heard this in at the barber shop from an old patron, it's my favorite joke.

There's a butcher tending to his shop when a dog walks in.

The dog has a note in his mouth, with a $10 bill attached.

The butcher bends down and picks the note out of the dog's mouth, reading aloud he says: "2 pork chops please" and the dog sits.

The butcher, highly impressed,...

What did the impatient barber say to his customer?

I think we need to cut this short