Trump and Obama in a Barber Shop

Donald Trump and Barack Obama ended up at the same barber shop. As they sat there, each being worked on by a different barber, not a word was spoken.

The barbers were both afraid to start a conversation, for fear that it would turn nasty. As the barbers finished their shaves in silence, the ...

“Hey Dad, who invented the haircut?”

“I don’t know, but I’m sure it was some barberian.”

Today I went to a barber’s shop for a shave

Today I went to a barber’s shop for a shave. The barber asked me to put a small wooden ball in my mouth so he could get a closer shave around my cheeks.

I asked: “But what if I swallow the ball?”

He replied: “No problem sir, you just bring it back tomorrow like everybody else.”

I was held hostage at a barber shop once.

It was a hairy situation.

One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut

After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.'

The florist was pleased and left the shop.

When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses wai...

The 41st US president hired a barber for his family

His job was to trim the bushes

A man sticks his head into a barber shop...

(I heard this on a radio ad, and it took me forever to get the joke. Now I feel the need to share it)

The man asks the barber "How long until I can get a hair cut?"

The barber replies "About 2 hours." And then the man leaves. The next day the man sticks his head in again and asks "How...

How does a barber cut the moon’s hair?

E-clipse it!

I went to the gents barbers today and he asked me "Do you want your hair cut around the back?"

I said "Nah buddy, in here is fine."

A Buddhist monk goes to a barber to have his head shaved.

"What should I pay you?" the monk asks. "No price, for a holy man such as yourself," the barber replies. And what do you know, the next day the barber comes to open his shop, and finds on his doorstep a dozen gemstones.

That day, a priest comes in to have his hair cut. "What shall I pay you, ...

A local barber in my area just got arrested for selling drugs.

Blew my mind! I've been his customer for years. I had no idea he was a barber.

I've opened a barber shop for animals.

We only do hare cuts.

Very few people can brag about getting a handjob from their barber after a haircut nowadays.

Then again, very few people cut their own hair.

What did the black barber say to the white customer?

"Hello sir, what haircut would you like?"

A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer. “This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it you.”

A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer. “This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it you.” The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, “Which do you want, son?” The boy takes the quarter...

Why do barbers make good drivers?

They know all the shortcuts.

Guy walks into a barber shop..

..and says “Chuck Wood here?”

Barber says “no we cut hair.”

Guy says “yeah obviously...I’m looking for my friend Chuck Wood.”

Barber says “oh yeah, he is over there getting in some curls.”

Guy says “Chuck doesn’t lift weights.”

At first, I wasn't too happy the way my barber cut my hair, but honestly..

It's starting to grow on me

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

There was a very rude parrot who stood at a barber's door. Every time Jane went by he'd say "Yo, bitch!"

Tired of this, Jane went to the barber and complained. As a punishment, the barber painted the parrot completely in black.

Two days after, Jane went again by the barber's door and the parrot didn't say anything. On the next day she went by twice and again, the parrot didn't say anything.

What did the barber say to the chemotherapy patient?

You want me to shave your head? Of course I cancer.

A barber is talking to one of his customers.

“See that kid?” he says as he points to a twelve-year-old standing outside the barbershop. “He is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch. I’ll prove it to you.”

The barber takes out a one-dollar bill and a five-dollar bill, and then calls the boy inside. He holds out both bills, and asks, “Whic...

An old man was shaving at his house

An 90 year old man was attempting to shave his beard at his house with a razor. His hands weren’t quite as steady as they used to be and his skin had gotten a bit wrinkly in his old age. Consequently, the old man was constantly cutting himself while shaving. One day he decided to go to the barbersh...

Young man goes to the barber

Barber: what's it gonna be

Young man: I'll have the bottom bit completely shaved. Then above it a few little circles. Above that a want a spiky bit. Next to that I want it number 2 on the right side and number 3.5 on the left side. The top I want it a bit messy, with some bits longer that oth...

A man walks into a barber shop every day and asks the barber what time he closes shop.

He never gets a cut. Only asks. The barber grows frustrated and asks his apprentice to follow the man after he asks to see who he is and why he might be asking. The apprentice returns shortly after. The barber asks "well, where did he go?" The apprentice replies "your house."

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Trump and Obama walk into the same barbershop...

Donald Trump and Barack Obama walk into the same barbershop. Neither spoke a word as their barbers did their thing. Not even the barbers would speak, out of fear of starting a political discussion. As they finished, Trump's barber reached for the aftershave.

Quickly stopped by Trump, "No way...

i went to a redneck barbers to day,

sat down in the chair then quickly changed my mind got up and walked away.

Think i may have dodged the mullet on this one.

A guy stuck his head in the barbershop..

A guy stuck his head in the barbershop and asked “how long until I can get a haircut?” The barber looked around the shop full of customers and said “about two hours.” The guy left. A few days, the same guy stuck his head in the door and asked “ how long before I can get a haircut?” The barber looke...

What do you call a barber that only works on bald people?

An air stylist.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man walks into a barber shop and says, "I'll have a shave and a shoe shine."

The barber lathers his face and sharpens the straight edge while a woman with the biggest, most beautiful breasts he has ever seen kneels down and shines his shoes.

The man says, "You and I should spend some time in a hotel room."

She replies, "My husband wouldn't like that."


At the barbers today,

I asked to have my hair cut like Tom Cruise. So he gave me a cushion to sit on.

Ed Sheeran opened up a barber shop...

...and named it 'Head Sheerin'

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A little girl goes to the barber shop with hee father.

While Dad gets his hair cut, the little girl stands next to his chair, eating a snack cake.

Her father looks down at her and says, " Honey, you're going to get hair on your Twinkie."

She nods and says, "I know, and I'm gonna get boobs too!"

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Very generous barber

Is cutting a police officers hair, after that the police takes out his wallet, but barber says it's for free. The next morning barber finds dozen donuts left for him at the door.

Later that day, a florist comes, and as he is taking out his wallet, the barber says it's for free. The next morni...

How does a barber give the Sun a haircut?

Eclipse it.

My barber died just yesterday. It's really messed up...

... I mean, who's going to cut my hair for the funeral?

A barber got arrested in my town

He sold drugs and ran an escort service. Just shows how little you know of the people around you. I never knew he was an barber.

How do you call a german barber during ww2

Herr styler

My new barber is a really smart guy

I love having conversations with him while I'm in the chair, but he always talks over my head.

On the last day of Barack's presidency, he and Donald Trump go to the same barbershop to get their hair done.

On the last day of Barack's presidency, he and Donald Trump go to the same barbershop to get their hair done.

Barbers decide not to talk about politics, and everybody ends up not talking at all. The air is so tense. it could be almost cut with the barber's knife.

Donald's hair gets fi...

A man goes to a barber for a shave

While the barber is lathering him up, the man admits to having a hard time getting a close shave on his cheeks.

''Here, try this'', says the barber, pulling a small wooden ball from a drawer. '' Place the ball between your right cheek and gum and I'll show you how close a shave can be.''...

A long wait was forming for a bald barber.

The barber seemed to be taking an unnecassary amount of time with each client. It didn't help that even more customers were coming in.

One person got fed up with the wait and demanded to know why things were taking so long.

The barber replied with, "why would i hurry up, this is the b...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My barber asked me what I wanted today. I replied, "I dunno. Do something that makes me look more sexy!"

So she started throwing back shots of vodka.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man goes to his barber to get a haircut.

As the barber is cutting his hair they start to chat a bit.

The man says “It’s me and my wives anniversary soon. We’re planning a trip to Rome as we've always wanted to go to Italy and really experience some authentic Italian food!”

“Ahh, don’t bother” says the barber. “The whole city ...

A man walks into a barbershop

He tells the barber, "Could you give me a haircut, where you cut one sideburn is longer than the other, you use the razor to make several baldspots on the front of my head, and you make clear zigzags down the back of my head?"

The barber responds, "That's terrible! I can't do that."


How did the barber win the race?

...he took some short cuts...

Old man gets a shave at the barber

An old cowboy walks into a barbershop in Red Lodge, Montana for a shave and a haircut.
He tells the barber he can’t get all his whiskers off because his cheeks are wrinkled from age.
The barber gets a little wooden ball from a cup on the shelf and tells the old cowboy to put it inside his chee...

What do my barber and the doctor who did my circumcision have in common?

They both took too much off the top

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A male porn star goes to watch a play...

He is seated next to a nun who is also there to watch the play.

As he glances over to her he notices she is one of the most beautiful women he has ever seen, so he whispers in her ear, "I wish to make sweet love to you."

The nun is offended and slaps him, she yells, "I'm a nun and have...

I had to find a new barber...

The last one wasn’t cutting it.

My barber is an idiot.

He always puts my cape on the wrong way around.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

What’s the difference between a barber and a bricklayer?

The Barber can’t piss on his work.

My girlfriend is at the barber.

She is dying to get a new hair color.

Our local barber just got arrested today

Apparently he's a drug dealer, which is really weird because I've been his client for 7 years and never knew he was a barber.

I went to get my haircut and told the barber not to take too much off.

He only took off his trousers.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I just cant trust my barber...

He’s always talking behind my fucking back.

A man walks into a psychic barber shop

Barber: say no more

Why don't Millenial barbers ever get sideburns right?

They literally can't even.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Trump and Obama go to a barber shop

As Trump finishes up his shave the barber pulls out some shaving cologne and gets ready to pat some on his face and neck.

Trump quickly stops him, “No thanks I don’t want my wife to think I’ve been at a whore house.”

At about the same time the other barber is nearly finishing up Obama’...

Hey Gregg, I think the barber cut your hair too short!

Me: yeah, but I think it's growing on me!

A policeman walks into a barber shop...

A policeman walks into a barber shop.

The barber looks at him and says "Thank you very much for protecting and defending our town! As this is your first time here, it would be my pleasure to give you a free haircut."

The barber gives the policeman a haircut, and that night, the barber ...

A barber gave a haircut to a priest one day.

A barber gave a haircut to a priest one day. The priest tried to pay for the haircut, but the barber refused, saying, ‘you do God’s work.’ The next morning the barber found a dozen bibles at the door to his shop.

A policeman came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber refused pay, ...

I heard this in at the barber shop from an old patron, it's my favorite joke.

There's a butcher tending to his shop when a dog walks in.

The dog has a note in his mouth, with a $10 bill attached.

The butcher bends down and picks the note out of the dog's mouth, reading aloud he says: "2 pork chops please" and the dog sits.

The butcher, highly impressed,...

What was the name of the online barber?


.... Couldn't resist

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

My italian barber Paulie told me this joke.

So a teacher is in class Thursday afternoon the teacher tells her students if they can name who said this quote then they can have Friday off.

So the teacher asks who said "I cannot tell a lie"?

A young asian kid says "George Washington". The teacher tells him good job and he can have...

An idiot, a barber, and a bald man go on a journey...

At some point in the journey, they decide to set up camp for the night, so they agree to stay awake in four hour shifts to guard their stuff. The barber, having the first shift, gets bored and so ends up shaving the idiot's head. When his shift ends, he wakes up the idiot, who has the second shift. ...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A bloke walks into a barber's shop with his 5 yr old daughter.

While he sit's down to get his hair cut, the daughter stands right beside him eating a cupcake.

The barber warns her:
"Sweetheart, you're going to get hair on your muffin."

She looks him in the eye:
"I know. I'm gonna grow tits too."

I tried being a barber for a while but I just couldn't cut it.

Bonus joke:

Had to buy a stepladder the other day, I never knew my real ladder.

[RIDICULOUSLY LONG] So a Buddhist monk goes to a barber to get his head shaved...

A Buddhist monk walks into a barber shop to get his head shaved, and the barber greets him. Taking the implication, the barber prepares the lather and does a fine job shaving the monk's head down to the last hair.

When the monk offers him some cash for the deed, the barber refuses, saying, "F...