A boy enters a barber shop.

The barber whispers to his customer, “This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it you.”

The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, “Which do you want, son?”

The boy takes the quarters and leaves. “What did...

Dude would pass by the barber shop every other day

Asking how many clients the barber had...
— how many today chief?
— just one. The barber said
— ok! Kinda busy. I’ll come back later! Thanks! The guy replied

The next day the same story.
— how many today chief?
— 3!
— sorry mate. Kind busy! Talk to you later!

That’...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A 12 year old boy walks into a barber shop

Once he arrives, the barber turns to a customer and says "check this kid out, he's the dumbest person I've ever seen. Here, watch this".

The barber then pulls out a dollar bill in one hand and 2 quarters in the other. "Hey Johnny, go ahead and pick which amount of money you want".

The...

My barber interrupted my horse story...

...even though I told him *not* to cut off my pony tale

How did the barber win the race?

He knew a shortcut.

Biden and Trump are at the same barber shop

Biden and Trump are at the same barber shop. As they sat there, each one being worked on by a different barber, not one word was spoken. When the barbers finished shaving, the barber that had Trump reached for the aftershave. Trump quickly stopped him saying: “No thanks, Melania will smell that and ...

Need barber jokes for a friend

My friend is having a rough time in barber school so i've been sending funny hairdressing jokes and memes in an attemot to keep his spirits up but i've run out. Please send more to help make a stressed student happy

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A barber walking on a beach finds a golden lump and decides to give it a rub.

A genie pops out, opens its mouth as though to speak, and then sees what the barber is holding.

"You can fuck right off," it says instead. "I'm not falling for that Reddit post title shit again."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A young man went into confession crying, and told the priest:

“Forgive me father for I have sinned”.

“What have you done?” asked the priest.

“A few weeks ago I went to the library. I remained there until closing time and when I was about to go home, rain started pouring down. It was so intense I had to wait in the library. I had waited for a wh...

I phoned the new Jamaican barbers in town, to see if I could book an appointment.

It's not going to work though, he said he'd be too scared to do my hair. He said he'd be dreading it.

Not everyone gets a Handjob from their Barber

But not everyone cuts their own hair either.

A man goes to the barber and the barber asks, 'how would you like your hair cut?'





The man replies : "In silence"

I told my barber I wanted my hair cut like Tom Cruise

So he sat me down on a couple of phone books.

At the Barber Shop

A man goes to the barber shop for a shave. While sitting down on the barber chair, he tells the barber that he can never properly shave his cheeks.


The barber goes to a drawer and takes out a small wooden ball. He tells the client to place it in his mouth between the cheek and his teet...

An old man walks into the barbershop for a shave and haircut, but he tells the barber he probably can’t get all of his whiskers off because his cheeks are wrinkled from age.

The barber gets a little wooden ball from a cup on the shelf and tells him to put it inside his cheek to spread out the skin.

The shave is going well and the old man tells the barber that was the cleanest shave he’s had in years. As the barber finished the man goes to spit the ball out but ...

Zack Snyder seems to be a good barber

Lots of people liked his cut

My grandma told me this one

A butcher goes to a barber for a haircut. When it’s time to pay, the barber declines, saying “I’m feeling generous today, you don’t need to pay for this one”

The next morning someone knocks on the barber’s door. When he opens, it turns out to be the butcher, carrying some sausages and other m...

A man an a boy walk into a barbershop

A man and a little boy entered a barbershop together. After the man received the full treatment - shave, shampoo, manicure, haircut, etc. - he placed the boy in the chair. "I'm going to buy a green tie to wear for the parade" he said. "I'll be back in a few minutes". When the boy's haircut was compl...

Gentlemen walking down the street stops by the barber shop

He opens the door, sticks his head in and says, "Bob Peters here?"

Barber says, "Nope, we just do shaves and haircuts."

Went into the barbers, I said “I want you to cut my hair like David Beckhams”.

He cut my hair and I looked in the mirror!

“David Beckham doesn't have his hair cut like that!!??”

Barber says; “He does if he comes in here!!!”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Cut hair once, you’re not a barber ... Cook food once, you’re not a chef ...

Fuck a horse just once and you’re a horse fucker forever

It turned out that local barber was actually also a crack dealer.

I was his customer for years, and never thought that he could be a barber.

Guy pops his head into a barber shop and asks “bob peters here”?

Barber says “no sir we just cut hair”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two policemen are walking down the street and they find a mirror.

First one picks it up, looks at it and says: "Holy shit man, this dude looks so familiar."
Other one looks at it and says: "Man you're right! We better take this to the captain!"
When they come to the police station they show the mirror to the captain and ask him if he knows this man. Captai...

A small town's only barber was known for his arrogant, negative attitude.

When one of his regular customers came in and mentioned that he'd be going to Rome and hoped to meet the Pope, the barber's response was typical. "You, meet the Pope? Ha, don't make me laugh. The Pope only sees kings and presidents and queens. What would he want with you?"

A month later, the ...

A catholic priest goes to a barber.

Once the haircut is finished, the priest reaches for his wallet. The barber says, "I cannot accept payment from a man of the cloth, it is my honor to cut the hair of a man of God." The next morning there are a dozen chocolates waiting at the barber's door from the priest.

Later that day, a Ba...

A man and a little boy go into the local barber shop.

The man has his hair done and then sits the young man in the chair.
"Now wait here when your finished, I'm just off to do some shopping." says the man and leaves without paying.

Two hours later, the boy's still waiting, when the barber says, "I think your Dad's forgotten you".

The...

Why is Satan's barber always nervous?

Because last time he messed up there was hell toupee.

I went to my old barber that I used to see years ago.

I sat in the chair and asked him if he could cut my hair a little shorter on the left side and a little longer on the right side.

“And would you be kind enough to make three or four holes in my hair on top? And little things sticking out all over?” I asked him. “And in the back I would lik...

A man sticks his head into a barber shop and asks "How long before I can get a haircut?"

The barber looks around the shop and says "About 2 hours."

The man leaves.

A few days later the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks "How long before I can get a haircut?". The barber looks around at a shop full of customers and says “About 3 hours."

The man leaves....

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

This guy goes to a barber shop......

Half way through his haircut the barber suddenly walks to a corner in the shop, unzips his fly and takes a piss on the floor. He then nonchalantly returns and continues with the haircut. After a few awkward minutes, the customer couldn't help but ask the barber why he took a piss on the shop's flo...

Barber Shop

Guy moves to a new town and walks into a barbershop to get a haircut. 6 barbers no waiting. He sits down an soon after one of the barbers calls out 47 and everyone laughs. A minute later another barber calls out 25 again everyone laughs. Then one calls out 94 and everyone laughs so hard they have to...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A little girl goes with her dad to the barber...

... and instead of sitting in the waiting area, she sits in the floor beside the barber chair where her daddy's getting his hair cut.

She has a small purse, and while waiting she pulls out a small snack cake and unwraps it.

The barber says to her, "Little girl, you're gonna get hair a...

A robot walks into a barber shop.

The barber is shaving customer's beard when the robot enters and waves at him. The barber smiles and asks the customer: "See this robot? Guy thinks he's so smart, but lemme show you something. You'll be surprised how dumb these machines actually are."

"Hey, robot, look at me!" the barber says...

A priest goes to the barber and has his hair cut.

He wants to pay but the barber says it is free of charge for a man of faith. The next morning the barber finds 5 silver coins in front of his door.

A buddhist goes to the barber and has his head shaved. He wants to pay but the barber says it is free of charge for a man of faith. The next mor...

What do you call a barber that refuses to close on Sundays?

A Hair-etic.

Who shaves 20 times a day

A BARBER

I tried hitting on my barber the other day

I walked in and asked "Hey, do you comb hair often?"

A man enters a barbershop for a shave. While the barber is foaming him up, he mentions the problems he has getting a close shave around the cheeks.

“I have just the thing," says the barber taking a small wooden ball from a nearby drawer. "Just place this between your cheek and gum."

The client places the ball in his mouth and the barber proceeds with the closest shave the man has ever experienced. After a few strokes, the client asks in ...

My neighbourhood barber just got arrested for selling drugs. I've been a customer for 6 years.

I never knew he was a barber.

One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut

After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.' The florist was pleased and left the shop. When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses waiting for him a...

A priest goes into a barbershop, gets a haircut, thanks the barber and asks how much he owes him.

The barber says, "Father, you're a holy man, a man of the cloth, I couldn't charge you, it's on the house."

The priest says, "Thank you very much" and leaves.

The next day, magically appearing on the doorstep of the barbershop are 12 gold coins.

A few days later, a ministe...

Why do barbers make good drivers?

Why do barbers make good drivers?
Because they know all the short cuts!

Not many people can brag about getting a handjob from the barber after a haircut

but then again not many people cut their own hair.



Ba dum tiss.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A business man is driving through a small town, on his way to an important presentation, when he realizes he's in need of a haircut and doesn't have much extra time...

He remembers there's a little barbershop on the corner so he stops, and a short while later he's back on his way.




A week or two passes, and he pulls into the little barbershop again.





"Hello again Sir." the barber says. "What can I do for you?"


<...

A son and dad are waiting in a busy, popular barber shop. Dad says, “This place is a cookout...”

First there’s a barber queue, then you get a fresh, tasty cut.

Free Haircuts

A barber gave a haircut to a priest one day. The priest tried to pay for the haircut, but the barber refused, saying, "you do God's work."

The next morning the barber found a dozen bibles at the door to his shop.


A policeman came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber...

Johnny walks into a barber shop and asks if they have oranges for sale

Barber: The hell is wrong with you? This is a barber shop. We don’t have oranges.

Johnny: Ok, thanks.

The next day he goes back again and asks the same thing

Barber: Dude I told you yesterday. This is a barber shop, we don’t have oranges here for sale.

Johnny: Alright,...

Little Bobby and the barber

A barber was cutting his customer's hair when he saw little Bobby walk by outside.

He said to his customer, "Watch this, this is the dumbest kid in the world."

He then went outside and held out his two hands.

One hand had 50 cents and the other had a dollar. He then asked Bobb...

My barber wanted me to sign a long term service agreement before giving me a haircut, but I refused,

I couldn't accept all those perms and conditions.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I have 4 big problems

1. My wife has been complaining that lately I’ve been moaning and orgasming furiously in my sleep, it apparently happens every night at this point.

2. I have Narcolepsy and it’s so bad that if I stay still in one spot for more then 10-15 minutes I’ll be out like a light.

3. My hair gro...

I got a haircut from an amputee barber

He did it single handedly

What did the barber tell the janitor at the end of the day?

Take hair!

My 8 year old thought of it after his hair cut last night. I hope it’s OC as he doesn’t have a Reddit account, yet.

What do bartenders and barbers have in common?

We trust them with our glasses.











First time posting be nice

Every day, a barber sweeps outside his store and without fail, at the same time each day, a boy walks up.

The boy always comes by and the man offers him a dollar in one hand and a quarter in the other. Time and time again the boy always takes the quarter. The man keeps doing it out of curiosity because the boy always chooses the quarter. So, eventually he tells his clientele, “Every day when I sweep out...

A Buddhist monk goes to a barber to have his head shaved.

"What should I pay you?" the monk asks. "No price, for a holy man such as yourself," the barber replies. And what do you know, the next day the barber comes to open his shop, and finds on his doorstep a dozen gemstones.


That day, a priest comes in to have his hair cut. "What shall I pay y...

A vet, a banker and a barber walk into a bar.

After a few drinks the banker gloomily says:

“although business has been booming most of the funds have beent going to my cats medication, sadly Bartholomew got run over by a blue honda; i wish i could of seen the driver and give him what he desreves”

With the drinks opening them up t...

I was at a barber shop in Bangkok and I asked to get my hair dyed, and for the barber to surprise me. I noticed that it was taking a bit longer than hair dyeing normally would, and when I looked at the finished job in the mirror, I noticed that they were in rainbow swirls.

When I asked the barber, "What is this?" he told me,"Well, it's a Thai dye."

What's the surest sign that you need to find a new barber?

The pile of swept-up ears in the corner.




>!PS: I found this in the game Poptropica.!<

I went to the barbers earlier and said I wanted my hair cutting like Tom Cruise.

So he put a cushion on the chair.

A man walks into a bar sporting the worst haircut you've ever seen...

"Give me two shots of Jack Daniels," he says to the bartender. "One for me, and one for you."

"You know I don't drink on the job," the bartender says, pouring the man a shot.

Downing the drink, the man replies, "And that's why I like you better than my barber."

Fella goes into the barbers and there's a queue....

"How long will I have to wait for a cut?"

"About 2 hours" replies the barber.

"I'll be back later" says the guy who then leaves the shop.

The barber turns around quickly and says to his assistant. "Quick, follow him and tell me where he goes, that's the fourth time this week h...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

a pornstar entering a barber shop, sitting next to a nun

the nun is currently getting her hair done.. meanwhile the pornstar is talking dirty shit about how he would like to have sex with the nun

the nun tries to ignore those words, when her hair is finished, she says she cant do such unspeakable things as a nun, an leaves

the barber then te...

I heard a tale about the first barber...

He was a German man named, Herr Dreßer

A man goes to a barber for a shave

While the barber is lathering him up, the man admits to having a hard time getting a close shave on his cheeks.


''Here, try this'', says the barber, pulling a small wooden ball from a drawer. '' Place the ball between your right cheek and gum and I'll show you how close a shave can be.''...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My barber asked me what I wanted today. I replied, "I dunno. Do something that makes me look more sexy!"

So she started throwing back shots of vodka.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My grandpa loves jokes and over quarantine he sent us an extensive list of jokes. He called these ones groaners. Please enjoy. ( NSFW warning I don’t know how to tag it)

I lived in a houseboat for a while and started seeing the girl next door. Eventually, we drifted apart.



My boyfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of his Honda Civic. I refused. If I’m going to have sex, it is going to be on my own Accord.



A man tried to sell ...

A barber is talking to one of his customers.

“See that kid?” he says as he points to a twelve-year-old standing outside the barbershop. “He is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch. I’ll prove it to you.”

The barber takes out a one-dollar bill and a five-dollar bill, and then calls the boy inside. He holds out both bills, and asks, “Whic...

A priest walks into a barber’s shop and sits down.

The barber gives him a nice haircut. When the priest asks him how much the haircut will cost, the barber replies, “I never charge a man who does God’s work.”

The priest thanks him and the next day the barber finds three bottles of wine on his doorstep.

Later that day, a minister ente...

I regret going to an emo barber.

Instead of cutting my hair he just kept cutting himself.

What's a common thing between your Ex and your barber?

They both make you disappointed

Barber took too much of the top...

I went in saying "Just some off the top"

He must have not understood, because I left circumcised.

I still gave him a good tip.

A collection of jokes from Ancient Rome

Jokes of the Ancient Romans



Some provincial man has come to Rome, and while walking on the streets he was drawing everyone's attention, being a real double of the emperor Augustus. The emperor, having brought him to the palace, looks at him and then asks: "Tell me, young man, did you...

I went to the barbers and asked for a number 2 all over.

I've washed my hair 6 times since and still can't get the smell out.

A man walks into a Jewish Barber shop and pulls down his pants

He says to the barber, "A little off the top please"

I’m opening a barber shop above a hotel.

It’s a cut above the rest.

Newsflash: A Barber gets arrested for drug possession.

An acquaintance says, "I've known this guy for years, and I didn't know he was a barber."

A barber asks his client, how do you want your hair cut?

The client replied 'in silence'.

The 41st US president hired a barber for his family

His job was to trim the bushes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A little girl walked into a barber shop eating a muffin...

She sat down next to the chair where a customer was getting a haircut.



The barber turned to the little girl and shook his head. "You'll get hair on your muffin."


The girl smiled up at the man and nodded. "Yeah, they say I'll get tits too!"

I work at a barber shop and i recently started giving free eyebrow trims to anyone that got a haircut,

Everyone look suprised.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Steve arrived early for his haircut appointment and was patiently waiting while the barber finished up with another customer

The customer was loudly bragging about how he is not only the best mailman in the area, but he has slept with numerous women over the course of his career.

“Why, I’ve even slept with every woman on Maple Street except one,” he boasted. Steve’s ears perked up because he and his wife live on M...

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