I used to work at the zoo, where my job was to circumcise Elephants.

The pay was rubbish, but the tips were huge!

How do you circumcise a redneck?

Kick his sister in the jaw.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I wasn't allowed to join the Trump campaign because I was circumcised.

Apparently, you need to be a complete dick.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do Jews get circumcised?

Because Jewish women refuse to touch anything that isn’t at least 10% off.

I’m getting circumcised tomorrow

any tips?

Did you hear about the short sighted circumciser?

He got the sack.

Donald Trump was due to get circumcised

But the doctor said the procedure couldn’t go ahead due the fact that “there is literally no end to this prick”

A mohel took out an ad saying how good of a circumciser he is.

But he wasn't getting any jobs. So he called the newspaper and asked them "is there something wrong with my ad?" They responded: It might be the tagline:

"Abe the Mohel: A cut above the rest".

I knew a guy that circumcised whales.

It didn’t pay much but the tips were huge.


credit u/mole4000

How do you circumcise a whale?

Four skin divers

"Would you circumcise my son?"

Rabbi: "How old is he?"


"Five."


Rabbi: "Are you kidding? That's way past the usual cut off date."

Circumcision is a painful procedure to inflict on a newborn.

After I was circumcised I couldn't walk for a year.

Mick: I’ve got a medical problem so I have to get circumcised...

Paddy: Wow! At 35 years old?! I was a new born baby when I was circumcised.

Mick: Did it hurt?

Paddy: Well I couldn’t walk for about 12 months

How do you circumcise the Pope?

Kick the choir boys chin

Did I ever tell you what I used to do before I worked here? I used to circumcise elephants...

Them: Really?

Me: Yeah, the pay wasn't very good, but the tips were big!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My cousin Mordecai circumcises elephants

He says the pay is crap but the tips are big

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How do you circumcise Moby Dick?

Send down 4 skin drivers

The longest circumcision in history

I had this mate and he used to go on about it his job all the time, you know the type? Work, work, work! Well this was particularly annoying in his case, as he was a professional circumciser.

I said to him one day do you enjoy your work? And off he went...

He said yes it’s a fantasti...

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[NSFW] One time after swimming class with 3th grade the boys in the locker room noticed that I wasn't circumcised.

I first noticed it when I heard some whispering while getting changed. Eventually in class they where still talking about it the whole time. During recess a group of kids came to me to ask if they can see it. First I was a little shy, but after some pear pressure I gave in.
So we went to the toil...

My grandfather used to circumcise elephants for a living.

The wages were poor, but the tips were enormous.

A man goes to get circumcised

After his surgery, he asks the doctor "So how much do I owe you?"

The doctor says "Oh that doesn't cost you anything. I do this sort of stuff for free."

The man asks "Then how do you make a living?"

The doctor replies "I just collect the tips."

Doctors who don't circumcise are often seen as inadequate

They just don't cut it

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear about the kid who was born without eyelids? Amazingly, they were able to make a set of eyelids out of his foreskin when he was circumcised! He looks totally normal now...

Except he's just a little cockeyed

How do you circumcise a whale?

4 skin divers.
Told to me by my neighbor many years ago, ha ha.

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