Circumcise Jokes - 30 Hilarious Circumcise Jokes

How do you circumcise a redneck?

You kick his sister in the jaw.

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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do Jews get circumcised?

Because Jewish women won't touch anything that's not at least 10% off.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In college, I wasn’t admitted to any fraternity because I was circumcised.

To get in, you had to be a complete dick.

I’m not circumcised so I only date Canadian Women…

They know how to Roll Up The Rim To Win.

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I just got circumcised

Got any tips?

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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why are Jewish men circumcised?

Because Jewish women won't touch anything unless it's at least 20% off.

Edit: Wow. So to all you humorless twats getting offended over a joke, I heard this while visiting my grandmother in the hospital. The Jewish woman (who was probably a little senile) that shared a room with her told me th...

What does it take to circumcise a whale?

Four skin divers

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I find it odd that so many Americans are circumcised...

Especially considering how many rely on tips to get by.

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Can someone get circumcised at any age

Or is there a cutoff date?

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I circumcise elephants for the circus, the pay is lousy.....

But the tips are enormous.

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Donald Trump was due to get circumcised

But the doctor said the procedure couldn’t go ahead due the fact that “there is literally no end to this prick”

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My grandfather used to circumcise elephants for a living.

The wages were poor, but the tips were enormous.

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Chuck Norris was never circumcised...

Doctors did everything they could during the procedure including an intense 4 hour emergency surgery, but sadly they were unable to repair the injured knife and it passed away while on the operating table.

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What do you call a circumciser without a knife?

A ripoff

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Fred goes to a doctor.

He says, "Doc, I want to be castrated. "

Doc says, "Look, I don't know what kind of cult you're into or what your motives are, but I'm not going to do that sort of operation. "

Fred: "Doc, I just want to be castrated, and I'm a littlee mbarrassed about talking about it, but I have $5...

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I used to work at the zoo, where my job was to circumcise Elephants.

The pay was rubbish, but the tips were huge!

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What happened to the short sighted circumciser?

He got the sack.

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A question about getting circumcised...

Is it customary to leave a tip?

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Why can't you circumcise Donald Trump?

Because there's no end to that prick.

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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I woman had just given birth to a baby boy...

The doctor was holding him and told the parent,"I regret to inform you that your son was born without eyelids." The mother replies," That's terrible. What are we going to do?" The doctor says," I've seen this before, don't worry. We will circumcise him and use the foreskin to make him new eyelids." ...

"Would you circumcise my son?"

Rabbi: "How old is he?"

"Five."

Rabbi: "Are you kidding? That's way past the usual cut off date."

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A priest comes home from work

He sees that his neighbor, the rabbi's car is very dirty and decides to wash it for him.

The next day just as the priest was preparing to leave for work he sees the rabbi cutting at his car's exhaust pipe.

Priest: "What are you doing, neighbor ? I wash your car and you destroy ...

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This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why are jews circumcised?

Because its not kosher to mix cheese with meat.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Circumcised

A man walks into a urologist office and says
"I want to be castrated"!
Dr Says "you can't be serious"!
Man says "I insist on being castrated." and drop 10 grand on the table

Next month this guy is talking to his friend who says
"I hear getting circumcised makes sex better.."
...

I was circumcised yesterday.

The doctor did such a good job I left him a tip.

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How do you circumcise an Eskimo?

Frostbite

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Can older adults be circumcised?

Or is there a cut off date ?

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How do you circumcise a whale?

4 skin divers.
Told to me by my neighbor many years ago, ha ha.

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Are you circumcised?

A man walks into the Election office in Manchester and says to the Receptionist: "I would like to put my name forward for the forthcoming elections to be an independent candidate".

Receptionist: "Certainly sir, no problem. Please fill in this Form".

He was filling the Form until he ca...

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I knew a guy that circumcised whales.

It didn’t pay much but the tips were huge.

credit u/mole4000

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