Sanders Jokes - 63 Hilarious Sanders Jokes

What do Bernie Sanders supporters call their roommates?

Mom & Dad

Colonel Sanders calls up the pope.

"Your holiness", he says. "My business is losing money and I need help. I'll donate 10 million dollars to the Vatican if you change the Lord's prayer from 'Give us this day our daily bread' to 'Give us this day our daily chicken'".

"I'm sorry, Mr. Sanders" the pope replies. "I cannot change t...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Trump is blaming Sanders for the violence at his rally...

because you can't truly be Hitler until you blame a jew for all your problems.

Why is Bernie Sanders challenging his 49 vs 50% loss in Iowa?

I thought he didn't care about the 1%

Bush, Trump, Sanders, and Clinton are all on a plane about to crash.

A plane with Jeb Bush, Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton & Bernie Sanders is about to crash, but has only 3 parachutes.
The first passenger yells, "I'm Jeb Bush, let the big dog eat! I can't
afford to die." he took the first parachute and jumped.
The 2nd passenger, Donald Trump runs scream...

Who is the only higher ranked officer in the Chicken Army above Colonel Sanders?

General Tso.

After being elected President, Bernie Sanders confronted...

...General Keith B. Alexander (the head of the NSA) and asked him on what grounds he wanted to continue observing the American people's cell phone/internet communications.

The General sighed and shook his head. "Some men just want to watch the world, Bern."

Bernie Sanders is a true socialist

He's taking the delegates he's earned and giving them to somebody who is struggling to earn their own.

Colonel Sanders was on his deathbed and all his family were sitting around his bed.

“You must tell us the secret ingredient so we can continue to sell your fried chicken” said his oldest child.

The Colonel barely able to move , beckoned his oldest child to him , “come…” he whispered before suddenly dying.

And they haven’t changed the recipe since.

Sorry, I mad...

If you feel the Bern you should vote for Bernie Sanders

That way you can get a doctor to take a look at it

It's the end of the 2016 Presidential race

The people of the US hated all the candidates so much that no one voted. The government is in a panic, trying to figure out what to do to decide who the next president will be.
Finally, Barack Obama comes up with an idea:
A literal presidential race. The three candidates would run a lap aroun...

Either way, the results are not good

The phone rings and the lady of the house answers, 'Hello.'

'Mrs. Sanders, please.'

'Speaking.'

'Mrs. Sanders, this is Doctor Jones at Saint Agnes Laboratory. When your husband's doctor sent his biopsy to the lab last week, a biopsy from another Mr. Sanders arrived as wel...

Bernie Sanders is such a socialist...

...he gave Hillary Clinton half the votes in Iowa.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bernie Sanders goes to a union brothel

Bernie Sanders decides he wants to seek out a prostitute in a brothel, but not just any brothel will do. As a true champion of the working class he will only give his patronage to a true union institution.

He walks into the first brothel and he asks the owner, "if I were to pay $100, how much...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A teacher asks her 2nd grade class...

"Who's a Trump fan?"

Not wanting to look stupid for not knowing what that meant, they all raised their hands except for Johnny.

"And why aren't you a Trump fan?" she asked, used to Johnny always trying to be different.

"Because I'm a Sanders fan" he replied.

"And why a...

Bernie Sanders isn't a Messiah.

He's just a Jewish guy sacrificing himself to save millions from their own sin and ignorance while being insulted the entire time. Clearly no basis for a religion.

Why didn't Sanders supporters vote for him on Super Tuesday?

Because they were too busy posting on Reddit

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'd like to have sex with Sarah Huckabee Sanders . . .

no matter how bad it was she would tell everyone it was great.

How does Bernie Sanders stay so slim?

Inter-mitten fasting.

Bernie Sanders: "If you are a student in debt...

...You are not a loan!"

Bernie Sanders and Donald Trump walk into a bar...

Bernie Sanders and Donald Trump walk into a bar on Christmas Eve.

Bernie Sanders says "Hello, can I have a drink?" and gets a drink.

Donald Trump walks up to the bartender and says "Merry Christmas, can I have a drink? By the way, bartender, you are extremely ugly. I f***ing hate y...

People say Bernie Sanders isn’t a Democrat...

But what’s more like a Democrat than winning the popular vote and losing an election?

Bernie Sanders is like...

the guy in Among us who finds the imposter but no one listens to him.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bernie Sanders to ban Oral sex if he becomes president....

"It's the only way I can get reddit to stop sucking my dick" - he said.

How many Bernie Sanders supporters does it take to win a primary election?

Trick question. They can't win, because they don't vote.

A writer from the New York Times submits an article about Bernie Sanders but it is denied.

(First post here. Sorry if it sucks)

Writer: What??? I put my heart and soul into this article? What was wrong with it?

His boss: Oh, the paper’s fine, it’s just full of grammatical errors.

Writer: Like what?

His boss: Well, for example, you didn’t capitalize “Bernie Sand...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bernie Sanders, Bill Clinton and Jeffrey Epstein walk into a bar

Hillary Clinton: "This is the worst game of fuck, marry, kill I've ever played."

Why does Bernie Sanders hate icebergs?

Because only the top 1% can stay above water.

Did you hear the one about Bernie Sanders?

Probably not, the /r/politics mods deleted it before anyone saw.

Hillary Clinton, Bernie Sanders, Joe Biden, and Donald Trump are all on a sinking ship. Who gets saved?

America.

Ever hear Colonel Sanders playing guitar?

Well he’s finger-pickin’ good!

Bernie Sanders is finally deciding to cut the BS

He will now go by: Ernie Anders.

Bernie Sanders joins list of 2020 Democratic Presidential candidates.

Err sorry, typo. That should be:
Bernie Sanders joins list of 2,020 Democratic Presidential candidates.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I call my penis Bernie Sanders...

...because it leans far left and stands up for everyone.

Bernie Sanders doesn't use hand sanitizer

"It kills 99.9% of germs," he says, "just another case of too much privilege for the 0.1%!"

Bernie Sanders walks into a bar and yells:

Free drinks for everyone!
Now who's buying?

I was talking to my parents over dinner, my Mom said she was getting tired of the Bernie Sanders memes.

I looked over to her and said "Don't worry, this trend will Bern out soon."

Apparently Sarah Sanders has quit her job.

I won’t believe the news until I hear her personally deny it.

Why did Trump refuse the debate with Bernie?

Because chickens tend to run from people with a last name of Sanders.

What do Sanders supporters have in common with dinosaurs?

Neither of them voted for Bernie Sanders

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I finally understand how people could compare Bernie Sanders to Hitler

Seeing how neither of them could finish a race.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Always ask "are you voting for Sanders?" before sex.

If they say "yes" you know they are too young.

A Trump supporter, a Sanders supporter and a Clinton supporter are being interviewed.

The question asked was 'what do you think of morals in politics'?
The Sanders supporter says: politics? What is politics?
The Clinton supporter says: morals? What is morals?
The Trump supporter says: think? What is think?

Who invented Popcorn Chicken?

Kernel Sanders

If President Bernie Sanders were to die in office...

And an elaborate homage to Weekend at Bernie's was undertaken to cover up that fact, he'd still have less strings than Hillary Clinton.

Bernie Sanders and Hillary Clinton are on the same stage

Bernie Sanders and Hillary Clinton are on the same stage in front of a huge crowd.

Bernie leans towards Hillary and said, "Do you know that with one little wave of my hand, i can make this crowd go absolutely wild with joy? The will not just be a momentary joy, this joy will be huge and they ...

Bernie Sanders and Google Fiber walk into a bar.

And all of Reddit gave it an upvote.

What does Bernie Sanders say when he gets a haircut?

Remove only the top 1% please.

What did Bernie Sanders running for president and me arguing with my wife have in common?

We never stood a chance but we just wanted to get our ideas out there.

Clinton, Sanders, Trump and Cruz are having lunch together...

and they're discussing why each thinks they'll win.
"I have the support of women and minorities" says Clinton. "I have the support of intellectuals" says Sanders "I have the support of the average american tired of politics as usual" says Trump.
Cruz just smiles..."I have the support of the pe...

When I cast my vote for Bernie Sanders...

When I cast my vote for Bernie Sanders, do I punch the ballot with my sickle or my hammer?

To me Bernie Sanders is more like God

It is not the guy I have problem with but the fan club freaks me out.

The Pope and Colonel Sanders

When KFC sales hit a lean patch, Colonel Sanders came up with a brilliant advertising idea.

He got in touch with the Pope and asked the pontiff whether he could change the words of the Lord's Prayer from "Give us this day a daily bread" to "Give us this day a daily chicken."

"I can't p...

I saw where Sanders withdrew from yet another Presidential race after he worked so hard to get where he was...

The Bern out is real

I went to buy a book about Bernie Sanders

...but it was sold out.

The Sanders/Cruz debate was really weird

It was like peeking into an alternate dimension where both parties had hindsight

Donald Trump, Bernie Sanders and kid from the make a wish foundation are on a plane.

Suddenly, the pilot comes bursting from the cabin with what appears to be a parachute on.
“The engine is gone and we’re minutes from crashing so grab a chute and follow me.
The captain opens the door and takes a leap from the plane. Bernie runs across the plane to grab a parachute but sees t...

Bernie Sanders walks into a bar.

The bartender looks over and says "Mr. Sanders! Drinks on me. I really hope you win. Imagine another Clinton in the White House? It would be a circus!"

Bernie replies "Bill didn't run a circus, he ran affaire!"

People are loving this whole 'birdie sanders' thing but...

i don't recall a similar reaction when bill clinton got a bird to come

The Pope and Colonel Sanders of KFC are having a conversation about the change to the Lord's Prayer.

"Your Holiness," Sanders began. "You must make another change. Instead of give us today our daily bread, make it give us today our daily chicken."

"I cannot change these words!" The Pope was astounded. "They are ingrained in our very heritage!"

They negotiated until the Colonel finaly ...

I told my Dad I was voting for Bernie Sanders...

He responded, "So you want to see America be destroyed?"

I said, "No, I want to watch it Bern."

Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?

DONALD TRUMP: I've been told by my many sources, good sources - they're very good sources - that the chicken crossed the road. All the Fake News wants to do is write nasty things about the road, but it's a really good road. It's a beautiful road. Everyone knows how beautiful it is.

JOE BIDEN:...

White House Press Secretary Sarah Sanders' kids must be failing out of school...

Cause they're probably taught to avoid answering every question.

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