Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?

DONALD TRUMP: I've been told by my many sources, good sources - they're very good sources - that the chicken crossed the road. All the Fake News wants to do is write nasty things about the road, but it's a really good road. It's a beautiful road. Everyone knows how beautiful it is.

JOE BIDEN:...

I was talking to my parents over dinner, my Mom said she was getting tired of the Bernie Sanders memes.

I looked over to her and said "Don't worry, this trend will Bern out soon."

How does Bernie Sanders stay so slim?

Inter-mitten fasting.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bernie Sanders goes to a union brothel

Bernie Sanders decides he wants to seek out a prostitute in a brothel, but not just any brothel will do. As a true champion of the working class he will only give his patronage to a true union institution.

He walks into the first brothel and he asks the owner, "if I were to pay $100, how much...

If you feel the Bern you should vote for Bernie Sanders

That way you can get a doctor to take a look at it

Hillary Clinton, Bernie Sanders, Joe Biden, and Donald Trump are all on a sinking ship. Who gets saved?

America.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Trump is blaming Sanders for the violence at his rally...

because you can't truly be Hitler until you blame a jew for all your problems.

What did Bernie Sanders running for president and me arguing with my wife have in common?

We never stood a chance but we just wanted to get our ideas out there.

Why doesn't Bernie Sanders like low-fat milk?

It's the one percent.

Why didn't Sanders supporters vote for him on Super Tuesday?

Because they were too busy posting on Reddit

Bernie Sanders: "If you are a student in debt...

...You are not a loan!"

People say Bernie Sanders isn’t a Democrat...

But what’s more like a Democrat than winning the popular vote and losing an election?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bernie Sanders, Bill Clinton and Jeffrey Epstein walk into a bar

Hillary Clinton: "This is the worst game of fuck, marry, kill I've ever played."

I saw where Sanders withdrew from yet another Presidential race after he worked so hard to get where he was...

The Bern out is real

Bush, Trump, Sanders, and Clinton are all on a plane about to crash.

A plane with Jeb Bush, Donald Trump, Hillary Clinton & Bernie Sanders is about to crash, but has only 3 parachutes.
The first passenger yells, "I'm Jeb Bush, let the big dog eat! I can't
afford to die." he took the first parachute and jumped.
The 2nd passenger, Donald Trump runs scream...

Why is Bernie Sanders challenging his 49 vs 50% loss in Iowa?

I thought he didn't care about the 1%

How many Bernie Sanders supporters does it take to win a primary election?

Trick question. They can't win, because they don't vote.

Bernie Sanders confronted the head of the NSA and asked him why they are still illegally surveilling Americans.

The guy replied, “Some people just like to watch the world, Bern.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I finally understand how people could compare Bernie Sanders to Hitler

Seeing how neither of them could finish a race.

What do Bernie Sanders supporters call their roommates?

Mom & Dad

A writer from the New York Times submits an article about Bernie Sanders but it is denied.

(First post here. Sorry if it sucks)

Writer: What??? I put my heart and soul into this article? What was wrong with it?

His boss: Oh, the paper’s fine, it’s just full of grammatical errors.

Writer: Like what?

His boss: Well, for example, you didn’t capitalize “Bernie Sand...

Colonel Sanders calls up the pope.

"Your holiness", he says. "My business is losing money and I need help. I'll donate 10 million dollars to the Vatican if you change the Lord's prayer from 'Give us this day our daily bread' to 'Give us this day our daily chicken'".

"I'm sorry, Mr. Sanders" the pope replies. "I cannot change t...

Why doesn’t Bernie Sanders like hand sanitizer?

Because it protects the 0.01%

What's Bernie Sanders' favorite video game?

Fire Emblem: Three Houses.

Bernie Sanders doesn't use hand sanitizer

"It kills 99.9% of germs," he says, "just another case of too much privilege for the 0.1%!"

Donald Trump, Bernie Sanders and kid from the make a wish foundation are on a plane.

Suddenly, the pilot comes bursting from the cabin with what appears to be a parachute on.
“The engine is gone and we’re minutes from crashing so grab a chute and follow me.
The captain opens the door and takes a leap from the plane. Bernie runs across the plane to grab a parachute but sees t...

Bernie Sanders walks into a bar and yells:

Free drinks for everyone!
Now who's buying?

Ever hear Colonel Sanders playing guitar?

Well he’s finger-pickin’ good!

Bernie Sanders joins list of 2020 Democratic Presidential candidates.

Err sorry, typo. That should be:
Bernie Sanders joins list of 2,020 Democratic Presidential candidates.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I'd like to have sex with Sarah Huckabee Sanders . . .

no matter how bad it was she would tell everyone it was great.

Bernie Sanders is a true socialist

He's taking the delegates he's earned and giving them to somebody who is struggling to earn their own.

After being elected President, Bernie Sanders confronted...

...General Keith B. Alexander (the head of the NSA) and asked him on what grounds he wanted to continue observing the American people's cell phone/internet communications.

The General sighed and shook his head. "Some men just want to watch the world, Bern."

Apparently Sarah Sanders has quit her job.

I won’t believe the news until I hear her personally deny it.

Bernie Sanders isn't a Messiah.

He's just a Jewish guy sacrificing himself to save millions from their own sin and ignorance while being insulted the entire time. Clearly no basis for a religion.

The Pope and Colonel Sanders of KFC are having a conversation about the change to the Lord's Prayer.

"Your Holiness," Sanders began. "You must make another change. Instead of give us today our daily bread, make it give us today our daily chicken."

"I cannot change these words!" The Pope was astounded. "They are ingrained in our very heritage!"

They negotiated until the Colonel finaly ...

Bernie Sanders is such a socialist...

...he gave Hillary Clinton half the votes in Iowa.

Bernie Sanders and Donald Trump walk into a bar...

Bernie Sanders and Donald Trump walk into a bar on Christmas Eve.

Bernie Sanders says "Hello, can I have a drink?" and gets a drink.

Donald Trump walks up to the bartender and says "Merry Christmas, can I have a drink? By the way, bartender, you are extremely ugly. I f***ing hate y...

General Tso...Colonel Sanders...

What is it with these high ranking military men making chicken?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bernie Sanders to ban Oral sex if he becomes president....

"It's the only way I can get reddit to stop sucking my dick" - he said.

A Trump supporter, a Sanders supporter and a Clinton supporter are being interviewed.

The question asked was 'what do you think of morals in politics'?
The Sanders supporter says: politics? What is politics?
The Clinton supporter says: morals? What is morals?
The Trump supporter says: think? What is think?

Did you hear the one about Bernie Sanders?

Probably not, the /r/politics mods deleted it before anyone saw.

Why does Bernie Sanders hate icebergs?

Because only the top 1% can stay above water.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I call my penis Bernie Sanders...

...because it leans far left and stands up for everyone.

Bernie Sanders and Hillary Clinton are on the same stage

Bernie Sanders and Hillary Clinton are on the same stage in front of a huge crowd.

Bernie leans towards Hillary and said, "Do you know that with one little wave of my hand, i can make this crowd go absolutely wild with joy? The will not just be a momentary joy, this joy will be huge and they ...

To solve world hunger we need to eat the rich and erect a giant statue of Bernie Sanders. Why do we need the statue?

Well, I’m glad that the first step didn’t raise any questions.

Bernie Sanders is finally deciding to cut the BS

He will now go by: Ernie Anders.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Always ask "are you voting for Sanders?" before sex.

If they say "yes" you know they are too young.

Bernie Sanders and Google Fiber walk into a bar.

And all of Reddit gave it an upvote.

What should Bernie Sanders' next presidential campaign be called?

Hindsight is 2020

If President Bernie Sanders were to die in office...

And an elaborate homage to Weekend at Bernie's was undertaken to cover up that fact, he'd still have less strings than Hillary Clinton.

What does Bernie Sanders say when he gets a haircut?

Remove only the top 1% please.

Clinton, Sanders, Trump and Cruz are having lunch together...

and they're discussing why each thinks they'll win.
"I have the support of women and minorities" says Clinton. "I have the support of intellectuals" says Sanders "I have the support of the average american tired of politics as usual" says Trump.
Cruz just smiles..."I have the support of the pe...

When I cast my vote for Bernie Sanders...

When I cast my vote for Bernie Sanders, do I punch the ballot with my sickle or my hammer?

To me Bernie Sanders is more like God

It is not the guy I have problem with but the fan club freaks me out.

It's the end of the 2016 Presidential race

The people of the US hated all the candidates so much that no one voted. The government is in a panic, trying to figure out what to do to decide who the next president will be.
Finally, Barack Obama comes up with an idea:
A literal presidential race. The three candidates would run a lap aroun...

I went to buy a book about Bernie Sanders

...but it was sold out.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Colonel Sanders wanted to show him a secret...

White House Press Secretary Sarah Sanders' kids must be failing out of school...

Cause they're probably taught to avoid answering every question.

People are loving this whole 'birdie sanders' thing but...

i don't recall a similar reaction when bill clinton got a bird to come

Bernie, Joe and Donald are on a Zoom call.

Bernie Sanders, Joe Biden, and Donald Trump secretly have regular Zoom conversations.

Bernie: “I dreamed last night that God spoke to me. He said that he wanted me to be president.”

Joe: “That’s funny. I had the exact same dream.”

Donald: “I don’t remember talking to either of y...

Bernie Sanders may be old, but he loves modern technologies such as. . .

Socialist Media.

Hillary Clinton and Bernie sanders are having dinner together!

Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders were having dinner when Hillary said to Bernie "Let me get you a knife"
Bernie said "I'll just use this one you put in my back"

What do a Bernie Sanders supporter, a Cross-Fitter, and a person with Herpes have in common?

They all "Feel The Burn!"

Bernie Sanders looks and sounds like the High Sparrow from GoT, but that's an unfair comparison.

By next season, Reddit will still remember the High Sparrow.

The Pope and Colonel Sanders

When KFC sales hit a lean patch, Colonel Sanders came up with a brilliant advertising idea.

He got in touch with the Pope and asked the pontiff whether he could change the words of the Lord's Prayer from "Give us this day a daily bread" to "Give us this day a daily chicken."

"I can't p...

The Sanders/Cruz debate was really weird

It was like peeking into an alternate dimension where both parties had hindsight

I told my Dad I was voting for Bernie Sanders...

He responded, "So you want to see America be destroyed?"

I said, "No, I want to watch it Bern."

Former presidential candidate Senator Sanders falls ill. What do you call him?

A sick Bern.

What's Bernie Sanders's favorite insurance company?

Progressive

*this just popped up in my head while in the shower. If already posted I apologize in advance*

Why does Donald Trump dislike Bernie Sanders?

Chickens tend to avoid anything with the last name "Sanders".

Yo mama is so fat that she is voting for Sanders

COLONEL SANDERS

What do you need to clean the stain of Trumps presidency?

Gerni Sanders

Was there a good turnout at the Bernie Sanders rally?

There were a lot of people, but I wouldn't say it was super pac'd.

If all of the Democratic candidates this primary had military experience...

...then, in theory, we could have seen a race between G.I. Joe and Colonel Sanders.

A dyslexic Sanders supporter was kicked out of the botanical gardens

He kept trying to peel the ferns.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.