Marijuana is legal and haircuts are against the law.

It took half a century but Hippies finally won.

A priest goes into a barbershop, gets a haircut, thanks the barber and asks how much he owes him.

The barber says, "Father, you're a holy man, a man of the cloth, I couldn't charge you, it's on the house."

The priest says, "Thank you very much" and leaves.

The next day, magically appearing on the doorstep of the barbershop are 12 gold coins.

A few days later, a ministe...

Since quarantine I've not had a haircut. Hell, I've not even stepped on the scales. So today I decided to weigh myself for the first time in months.

Who knew hair weighed so much?!

A man pokes his head into a barbershop and asks how long the wait is for a haircut

The barber tells him, "We're backed up. It's going to be about three hours."

The man says, "All right, I'll come back later then," but he doesn't show up until days later, when he pokes his head in and asks again how long the wait is for a haircut.

The barber says it going to be around...

what is the most expensive haircut?

chemotherapy

Where are all these sheep getting their haircuts?

At the baa-baa shop

Dad, did you get a haircut?

No, I got them all cut!

How does the man on the moon get a haircut...

...eclipse it

I was thinking about going to get a haircut after everything dies down.

But I don’t know anymore...

It’s growing on me

What do you call a group of men waiting for a haircut?

A barbercue.

I used to hate how short my new haircut was.

But then it grew on me.

My barber wanted me to sign a long term service agreement before giving me a haircut, but I refused,

I couldn't accept all those perms and conditions.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man got a haircut that made him look like a penis.

Between you and me, that guy's a real dickhead.

at first I didn't like my haircut

but it's growing on me

James Bond was getting a haircut. Barber: Sir, you’re becoming old, your hair is turning grey. Should I colour them?

James Bond: No time to dye, dye another day

I saw my wife using her phone to record her getting a haircut..

i think she's planning to watch the highlights later..

I was nervous about getting my haircut, so my mum suggested that if I went in with a picture that it would help.

Now I'm sitting here even more nervous, with a photo of my old cat on my lap.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So a Bartender, a Priest, and an Anti-Lockdown protester walk into a bar... [LONG]

Ok, not a bar, because the bars are all closed. But I digress. So they walk into... I dunno, Wal-Mart, Whatever. Turns out all three know each other and start talking about the lockdown and how it has been affecting them.

The Bartender started by lamenting the loss of their income and social ...

My wife gave me a haircut on the balcony outside today

Cleanup was a breeze.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Haircut

A man was getting a haircut prior to a trip to Rome.
He mentioned the trip to the barber who responded, "Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty. You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?"

"We're taking American Airlines," was the reply. "We got a ...

Damn politicians

One day a florist goes to a barber for a haircut. After the cut he asked
about his bill and the barber replies, 'I cannot accept money from you. I'm
doing community service this week.' The florist was pleased and left the
shop.

When the barber goes to open his shop the next morning t...

An old man goes to the barbershop

He tells the barber,” I would like a haircut.” The barber replies,” which side?”

Haircuts are great

Because I did none of the work but get all the credit.

I thought my haircut looked bad

But it’s growing on me

I went to a fortune teller for a haircut.

I got crystal bald.

If you have to cut your own hair during this pandemic, do it on the porch.

The haircut will still look terrible, but cleanup is a breeze.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Steve arrived early for his haircut appointment and was patiently waiting while the barber finished up with another customer

The customer was loudly bragging about how he is not only the best mailman in the area, but he has slept with numerous women over the course of his career.

“Why, I’ve even slept with every woman on Maple Street except one,” he boasted. Steve’s ears perked up because he and his wife live on M...

What Do You Call A Line Of Men Waiting For A Haircut? With thanks to my 9 year old

A Barbecue.

Why didn’t the Rastafarian get a haircut?

He was dreading it

A man walks into a barbershop and asks, “How much for a haircut?”

"Twelve dollars,” says the barber.

“And for a shave?”

“Ten dollars.”

“All right,” says the man, settling into the barber chair. “Shave my head.”

I got a haircut today, but I'm never going back to that barber.

I asked for one hair cut, and he cut all of them.

I've had this haircut for a while

I think it's starting to grow on me

A priest goes to get a haircut and a shave

A priest gets a haircut and a shave, and asks the barber "how much do i owe you?"

The barber says "for a man of the cloth like yourself, father, no charge"

The next morning when the barber opens the shop, he finds a bouquet of 12 flowers on his doorstep.

Later that day a buddhis...

I have a plan to lose 10 pounds when the quarantine is over

I am going to get a haircut

“Hey Dad, who invented the haircut?”

“I don’t know, but I’m sure it was some barberian.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A little girl is getting a haircut in a barbershop.

About halfway through, she pulls a Hostess pastry out of her pocket, unwraps it, and begins eating.
The barber warns her, "Honey, you're gonna get hair on your Twinkie..."
She beams up at him and says, "I know! I'm gonna get tits, too!"

A blonde went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain

A blonde went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain.

"I would like to buy this TV," she told the salesman.

"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.

She hurried home and dyed her hair, then came back and again told the salesman "I would like to buy this TV."
...

What's the worst thing to say when your girlfriend's had a haircut?

"Was it a trainee?"

Very few people can brag about getting a handjob from their barber after a haircut nowadays.

Then again, very few people cut their own hair.

Help, my mom has a Karen haircut.

We may be going to an Applebee's, I don't want to speak with the manager.

A terrible hairdresser was known for cutting customers' scalps with scissors.

One such customer, fed up and covered in wounds, told the hairdresser off.

The hairdresser snapped back, "Hey buddy, show some appreciation! You only paid $5 for this haircut, and I've already used $10 worth of bandages!"

\- From "Philogelos", an ancient Greek joke book dated to around...

How long before I can get a haircut?

This guy sticks his head into a barber shop and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?" . The barber looks around the shop and says, "About 2 hours". The guy leaves.

A few days later the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks , "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber loo...

I work at a barber shop and i recently started giving free eyebrow trims to anyone that got a haircut,

Everyone look suprised.

A priest walks into a barber’s shop and sits down.

The barber gives him a nice haircut. When the priest asks him how much the haircut will cost, the barber replies, “I never charge a man who does God’s work.”

The priest thanks him and the next day the barber finds three bottles of wine on his doorstep.

Later that day, a minister ente...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

This woman’s at her hairdresser’s, and she says, “I’m going to Rome on holiday.” He says, “Oh really, what airline are you taking?” She says, “Alitalia.” He says, “Alitalia, are you crazy? That’s terrible, don’t take that.”

He says, “Where are you gonna stay?” She says, “I’m gonna stay at The Hassler.” “The Hassler! What, are you kidding? They’re renovating the Hassler. You’ll hear hammering all night long. You won’t sleep. What are you gonna see?” She says, “I think I’m going to try to go to the Vatican.” “The Vatican...

One day the queen wanted a haircut.

No barber in England would do it.

Why?

God shave the Queen.

I made fun of my brother getting a bald haircut

I turned around and saw the rest of the cancer patients staring at me

There are two rival politicians are in a barbershop getting a haircut

One of the barbers takes out a bottle of cologne, and the first politician takes a whiff, and refuses it, saying that his wife will smell it and think he's been at a brothel.

The second politician laughs, and then he says "Go on, I'm fine with it because *my* wife doesn't know what a brothel ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An attractive woman is sitting alone at the bar and sees a man with a military-style haircut sitting by himself at the other end, nursing his drink.

The woman notices that the man is looking glum and hasn't made any attempt to speak to anyone besides the barkeep. She takes a swig of liquid courage, saunters down the bar, and sits next to the man.

"Excuse me, sir, but are you a soldier? I couldn't help but notice your haircut!" The woman ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man goes to his barber to get a haircut.

As the barber is cutting his hair they start to chat a bit.

The man says “It’s me and my wives anniversary soon. We’re planning a trip to Rome as we've always wanted to go to Italy and really experience some authentic Italian food!”

“Ahh, don’t bother” says the barber. “The whole city ...

How does a barber give the Sun a haircut?

Eclipse it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's worse than a fat guy with a ridiculous haircut who's brainwashed his supporters into viewing him as a god whilst having his finger on the button for nuclear warfare?...

Two fat guys with ridiculous haircuts who've brainwashed their supporters into viewing them as gods whilst having their fingers on the buttons for nuclear warfare!


[Scariest of all is that it’s true :( ]

It's not everyday you can get a haircut and a hand job at the same time.

Then again, not everyone cuts their own hair.

A priest's sermon is going on and on

A man named Clarence gets up and leaves during the sermon and comes back towards the end of the service

The priest makes an effort to greet the man as he is leaving mass

The priest said, "Clarence, why did you get up and
leave?"

Clarence replied, "I went to get a haircut"...

Hope this joke goes viral....

How can you tell the difference between a regular virus and a retrovirus?

The 1970s haircut.

Tom decided he needed a haircut, so he went to the barbershop

After getting his cut, he was making some small talk with his barber, when a boy no more then 10 walks in, and the barber whispers into Tom's ear "watch how dumb this kid is"
The barber walks over and greets the kid, holding his hands out, one hand with 5 Loonies, and there other with a 10 dollar...

My girlfriend said to me

“I’ve had a ‘special haircut’ as it’s Valentine’s Day, and you know what that means” and winked.

I thought to myself - yeah, the drain’s blocked again.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Car or Haircut

A young boy had just gotten his driver's permit and enquired of his father, if they could discuss his use of the car. His father said, "I'll make a deal with you. You bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible a little, get your hair cut and we'll talk about the car."
Well, t...

A barber gave a haircut to a priest one day.

A barber gave a haircut to a priest one day. The priest tried to pay for the haircut, but the barber refused, saying, ‘you do God’s work.’ The next morning the barber found a dozen bibles at the door to his shop.

A policeman came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber refused pay, ...

A man goes to get his haircut and the barber asks, “Should I cut the hair in back?”

The man replies, “What’s wrong with doing it right here in the chair?”

I got a haircut and they cut it way too short

It started to grow on me though

Nearly Every Joke on r/jokes right now is like when Donald Trump gets his haircut.

The barber says " Nothing Authentic "

In the news recently: men with funny haircuts fight to rule the world, throwing false accusations, their supporters being all fanatic about it all.

Come on guys, it’s only The World Cup.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In light of people getting slapped by the pope.

There was this poor old guy named Donald who hears that the pope is going on tour and will be parading through his town. Donald was very excited that he might get a chance to meet the pope and shake his hand. So he decided to make a plan. He thought that the pope would want to meet the richest man i...

My girlfriend was crying because she got a bad haircut

I said, "why are you crying? I'm the one that has to find a new girlfriend"

Rapunzel got a haircut recently, but she wasn’t happy afterwards.

She said the experience made her lightheaded.

I went to get my haircut and told the barber not to take too much off.

He only took off his trousers.

I walked into the hairdressers and sat down in the chair.

On the wall there was a sign that said: £70 for a haircut.

I gulped.

The woman assessed my hair and said, "Hello, sir. How much would you like off?"

I said, "About £55."

Where does a sheep go for a haircut?

Replied with " at the baaaaaa baaaa shop"

What does Bernie Sanders say when he gets a haircut?

Remove only the top 1% please.

Cristiano Ronaldo Went to the barbershop for a new haircut.

He went home to his girlfriend and asked, "Well what do you think?". She took a couple of minutes looking his new hair cut over and replied "Well... at least it's not Messi".

"I really don't think you have a case, sir," said the detective as my wife washed her hair and cried from the bathroom.

"How can you say that?!" I demanded. "That hairstylist is a monster!"

"Look, sir, I can't just go around arresting every barber that gives a bad haircut." He glanced at his notes. "Even if he made her 'look like Captain Kirk.'"

"I never said he made her look like Captain Kirk!" I barke...

We don’t sell to blondes

A blonde walks past a shop as she reads the sign “we don’t sell to blondes” in the window. She goes in to her investigate the situation.

To test the sign she asks the salesman “excuse me, I’d like to buy this TV”

And the salesman responds “I’m sorry ma’am we don’t sell to blondes”
...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little girl and her muffin

A little girl goes to the barbershop with her father.

She stands next to the barbers chair, eating a muffin while her dad gets his haircut.

The barber smiles at her and says, "Sweetheart, you wanna sit down and watch your daddy you're gonna get hair on your muffin."

"I know," sh...

Mohawk haircut was invented ...

by a barber who just wanted to align some sideburns

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.