What Do You Call A Line Of Men Waiting For A Haircut? With thanks to my 9 year old

A Barbecue.

Trump and Obama Get a Haircut

Trump and Obama both decide to get a haircut, and by coincidence they happen to go to the same barber shop at the same time. They end up seated across from each other, and it's a quiet, awkward affair. They both finish around the same time, at which point Trump's barber asks Trump "would you like ...

What's the difference between a good haircut and a bad haircut?

3 weeks.

A florist goes to the barber to get a haircut...

After getting it he goes to pay the barber.

The barber says, "I'm doing community service this week. No charge."

The next day the barber finds a dozen roses on his doorstep.

Later that day a baker comes to get his haircut.

After getting it he goes to pay the barber.
<...

What’s the most expensive haircut?

Chemotherapy

I work at a barber shop and i recently started giving free eyebrow trims to anyone that got a haircut,

Everyone look suprised.

I went to a fortune teller for a haircut.

I got crystal bald.

I made fun of my brother getting a bald haircut

I turned around and saw the rest of the cancer patients staring at me

How long before I can get a haircut?

This guy sticks his head into a barber shop and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?" . The barber looks around the shop and says, "About 2 hours". The guy leaves.

A few days later the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks , "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber loo...

Help, my mom has a Karen haircut.

We may be going to an Applebee's, I don't want to speak with the manager.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Steve arrived early for his haircut appointment and was patiently waiting while the barber finished up with another customer

The customer was loudly bragging about how he is not only the best mailman in the area, but he has slept with numerous women over the course of his career.

“Why, I’ve even slept with every woman on Maple Street except one,” he boasted. Steve’s ears perked up because he and his wife live on M...

I didn’t like my last haircut

but it grew on me.

Just had a haircut and I don’t really like it...

But I think it will grow on me

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A little girl is getting a haircut in a barbershop.

About halfway through, she pulls a Hostess pastry out of her pocket, unwraps it, and begins eating.
The barber warns her, "Honey, you're gonna get hair on your Twinkie..."
She beams up at him and says, "I know! I'm gonna get tits, too!"

Where do sheep go to get haircuts?

***The baa-baa shop.***

The Haircut

A man was getting a haircut prior to a trip to Rome.
He mentioned the trip to the barber who responded, "Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty. You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?"

"We're taking American Airlines," was the reply. "We got a ...

I got a haircut today, but I'm never going back to that barber.

I asked for one hair cut, and he cut all of them.

A priest goes to get a haircut and a shave

A priest gets a haircut and a shave, and asks the barber "how much do i owe you?"

The barber says "for a man of the cloth like yourself, father, no charge"

The next morning when the barber opens the shop, he finds a bouquet of 12 flowers on his doorstep.

Later that day a buddhis...

One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut

After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.'

The florist was pleased and left the shop.

When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses wai...

Haircuts are great

Because I did none of the work but get all the credit.

“Hey Dad, who invented the haircut?”

“I don’t know, but I’m sure it was some barberian.”

I went to the barber shop a few days ago to cut my hair...

I didn’t like my haircut first, but then it grew on me

One day the queen wanted a haircut.

No barber in England would do it.

Why?

God shave the Queen.

There are two rival politicians are in a barbershop getting a haircut

One of the barbers takes out a bottle of cologne, and the first politician takes a whiff, and refuses it, saying that his wife will smell it and think he's been at a brothel.

The second politician laughs, and then he says "Go on, I'm fine with it because *my* wife doesn't know what a brothel ...

Why didn’t the Rastafarian get a haircut?

He was dreading it

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man goes to his barber to get a haircut.

As the barber is cutting his hair they start to chat a bit.

The man says “It’s me and my wives anniversary soon. We’re planning a trip to Rome as we've always wanted to go to Italy and really experience some authentic Italian food!”

“Ahh, don’t bother” says the barber. “The whole city ...

My wife got a haircut today, and came home to show me. I said, "that's amazing, I love it!"

"... Did you get it shorter or longer?"

At first I didn't like my new haircut.

Now it's growing on me.

What's the worst thing to say when your girlfriend's had a haircut?

"Was it a trainee?"

Very few people can brag about getting a handjob from their barber after a haircut nowadays.

Then again, very few people cut their own hair.

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An attractive woman is sitting alone at the bar and sees a man with a military-style haircut sitting by himself at the other end, nursing his drink.

The woman notices that the man is looking glum and hasn't made any attempt to speak to anyone besides the barkeep. She takes a swig of liquid courage, saunters down the bar, and sits next to the man.

"Excuse me, sir, but are you a soldier? I couldn't help but notice your haircut!" The woman ...

Got a haircut last week. Didn’t love it at first...

But it’s grown on me.

Tom decided he needed a haircut, so he went to the barbershop

After getting his cut, he was making some small talk with his barber, when a boy no more then 10 walks in, and the barber whispers into Tom's ear "watch how dumb this kid is"
The barber walks over and greets the kid, holding his hands out, one hand with 5 Loonies, and there other with a 10 dollar...

How does a barber give the Sun a haircut?

Eclipse it.

A barber gave a haircut to a priest one day.

A barber gave a haircut to a priest one day. The priest tried to pay for the haircut, but the barber refused, saying, ‘you do God’s work.’ The next morning the barber found a dozen bibles at the door to his shop.

A policeman came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber refused pay, ...

It's not everyday you can get a haircut and a hand job at the same time.

Then again, not everyone cuts their own hair.

I thought I got a bad haircut

But it kind of grew on me

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's worse than a fat guy with a ridiculous haircut who's brainwashed his supporters into viewing him as a god whilst having his finger on the button for nuclear warfare?...

Two fat guys with ridiculous haircuts who've brainwashed their supporters into viewing them as gods whilst having their fingers on the buttons for nuclear warfare!


[Scariest of all is that it’s true :( ]

I went to get my haircut and told the barber not to take too much off.

He only took off his trousers.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Car or Haircut

A young boy had just gotten his driver's permit and enquired of his father, if they could discuss his use of the car. His father said, "I'll make a deal with you. You bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible a little, get your hair cut and we'll talk about the car."
Well, t...

A man goes to get his haircut and the barber asks, “Should I cut the hair in back?”

The man replies, “What’s wrong with doing it right here in the chair?”

Rapunzel got a haircut recently, but she wasn’t happy afterwards.

She said the experience made her lightheaded.

Have You Seen Stevie Wonder's New Haircut?

He hasn't either.

Cristiano Ronaldo Went to the barbershop for a new haircut.

He went home to his girlfriend and asked, "Well what do you think?". She took a couple of minutes looking his new hair cut over and replied "Well... at least it's not Messi".

Nearly Every Joke on r/jokes right now is like when Donald Trump gets his haircut.

The barber says " Nothing Authentic "

A man is getting his haircut at the barbershop...

A kid walks in and the barber says to his customer, "this is the dumbest kid in the world, look I'll prove it to you"

The barber takes out a dollar bill in one hand and 2 quarters in the other and proceeds to ask the kid, "Young man, which of these would you like?"

The kid thinks for a...

I got a haircut and they cut it way too short

It started to grow on me though

My girlfriend was crying because she got a bad haircut

I said, "why are you crying? I'm the one that has to find a new girlfriend"

Mohawk haircut was invented ...

by a barber who just wanted to align some sideburns

A man and a boy walked into a barbershop together.

After the man got his haircut, he sat the boy in the barber's chair and said, "I'm just going to run around the corner to grab a paper." When the boy's haircut was donw, the man still hadn't returned. The barber said, "It looks like your dad's forgotten about you." "Oh, that wasn't my dad," the boy ...

What does the man on the moon do when he needs a haircut?

Eclipse it.

Where does a sheep go for a haircut?

Replied with " at the baaaaaa baaaa shop"

"Hey, did you get a haircut?"

"No, I got all of them cut."

What kind of food do you eat while waiting in line for a haircut?

Barberqueue

I got a new haircut a few weeks ago

I didn't like it at first, but it has since grow on me.

"You've had the same haircut since 1987. Will you at least think about changing it?"

"I don't know, I'll mullet over"

I used to hate my new haircut...

But its kinda starting to grow on me.

[long] A Priest, An Imam and a Rabbi Get a Haircut

A barber is sitting in his shop when a priest enters. “Can I have a haircut?” the priest asks. “Of course,” says the barber. The barber than gives the priest a haircut. When the barber has finished, the priest asks “How much do I owe you?” “Nothing,” replies the barber. “For you are a holy man.” The...

What do call a bad haircut you got from a Native American?

A-patchy scalping

What does Bernie Sanders say when he gets a haircut?

Remove only the top 1% please.

I was talking to a girl in the bar last night. She said, "If you lost a few pounds, got a haircut and wore nicer clothes, you'd look all right."

I said, "If I did that, I 'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you."

Why does Donald Trump like free haircuts?

Because he doesn't have toupeé.

Can’t believe how much my girlfriend is crying about her new haircut

Its much worse for me, I’m the one who’s gonna have to find a new girlfriend now.

"I really don't think you have a case, sir," said the detective as my wife washed her hair and cried from the bathroom.

"How can you say that?!" I demanded. "That hairstylist is a monster!"

"Look, sir, I can't just go around arresting every barber that gives a bad haircut." He glanced at his notes. "Even if he made her 'look like Captain Kirk.'"

"I never said he made her look like Captain Kirk!" I barke...

A man is getting a haircut at the barbershop when a neighbor walks in and tells him that he saw his wife cheating on him with another man in the nearby forest.

He runs out to catch her in the act. Few minutes later he's back at the barbershop smiling: "Those damn people always exaggerating, they see few trees and call that a forest".

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My haircuts are just like my sex life

Usually do it myself and there's a big mess I hate cleaning up afterwards.

Getting a haircut is a lot like the first time with a new lover...

There isn't really any conversation besides some nervous laughter and her asking me "How long has it been?" and "Do you like that?" and I'm never sure how much tip is appropriate.

Then I pay her, say thanks, and leave.

I'm getting my haircut next week...

I'm dreading it.

I asked my dad if he liked his haircut...

He said he didn't at first but it's growing on him.

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