What's the most expensive haircut

Chemotherapy

I went to a fortune teller for a haircut.

I got crystal bald.

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I got a haircut at some new place today. For the first tine in my life, the barber followed my instructions to the last detail.

It looked fucking ridiculous..

Haircuts are great

Because I did none of the work but get all the credit.

Trump and Obama Get a Haircut

Trump and Obama both decide to get a haircut, and by coincidence they happen to go to the same barber shop at the same time. They end up seated across from each other, and it's a quiet, awkward affair. They both finish around the same time, at which point Trump's barber asks Trump "would you like ...

What Do You Call A Line Of Men Waiting For A Haircut? With thanks to my 9 year old

A Barbecue.

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The Haircut

A man was getting a haircut prior to a trip to Rome.
He mentioned the trip to the barber who responded, "Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty. You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?"

"We're taking American Airlines," was the reply. "We got a ...

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Steve arrived early for his haircut appointment and was patiently waiting while the barber finished up with another customer

The customer was loudly bragging about how he is not only the best mailman in the area, but he has slept with numerous women over the course of his career.

“Why, I’ve even slept with every woman on Maple Street except one,” he boasted. Steve’s ears perked up because he and his wife live on M...

Why didn’t the Rastafarian get a haircut?

He was dreading it

I didn’t like my new haircut at first...

...but now it’s growing on me.

Did you get a haircut?

No, i got them all cut!

A man walks into a barbershop and asks, “How much for a haircut?”

"Twelve dollars,” says the barber.

“And for a shave?”

“Ten dollars.”

“All right,” says the man, settling into the barber chair. “Shave my head.”

I work at a barber shop and i recently started giving free eyebrow trims to anyone that got a haircut,

Everyone look suprised.

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A little girl is getting a haircut in a barbershop.

About halfway through, she pulls a Hostess pastry out of her pocket, unwraps it, and begins eating.
The barber warns her, "Honey, you're gonna get hair on your Twinkie..."
She beams up at him and says, "I know! I'm gonna get tits, too!"

Where do sheep go to get haircuts?

***The baa-baa shop.***

What's the worst thing to say when your girlfriend's had a haircut?

"Was it a trainee?"

How long before I can get a haircut?

This guy sticks his head into a barber shop and asks, "How long before I can get a haircut?" . The barber looks around the shop and says, "About 2 hours". The guy leaves.

A few days later the same guy sticks his head in the door and asks , "How long before I can get a haircut?" The barber loo...

Help, my mom has a Karen haircut.

We may be going to an Applebee's, I don't want to speak with the manager.

I got a haircut today, but I'm never going back to that barber.

I asked for one hair cut, and he cut all of them.

I've had this haircut for a while

I think it's starting to grow on me

A priest goes to get a haircut and a shave

A priest gets a haircut and a shave, and asks the barber "how much do i owe you?"

The barber says "for a man of the cloth like yourself, father, no charge"

The next morning when the barber opens the shop, he finds a bouquet of 12 flowers on his doorstep.

Later that day a buddhis...

How does a barber give the Sun a haircut?

Eclipse it.

There are two rival politicians are in a barbershop getting a haircut

One of the barbers takes out a bottle of cologne, and the first politician takes a whiff, and refuses it, saying that his wife will smell it and think he's been at a brothel.

The second politician laughs, and then he says "Go on, I'm fine with it because *my* wife doesn't know what a brothel ...

One day the queen wanted a haircut.

No barber in England would do it.

Why?

God shave the Queen.

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A man goes to his barber to get a haircut.

As the barber is cutting his hair they start to chat a bit.

The man says “It’s me and my wives anniversary soon. We’re planning a trip to Rome as we've always wanted to go to Italy and really experience some authentic Italian food!”

“Ahh, don’t bother” says the barber. “The whole city ...

Very few people can brag about getting a handjob from their barber after a haircut nowadays.

Then again, very few people cut their own hair.

My wife got a haircut today, and came home to show me. I said, "that's amazing, I love it!"

"... Did you get it shorter or longer?"

“Hey Dad, who invented the haircut?”

“I don’t know, but I’m sure it was some barberian.”

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Little girl and her muffin

A little girl goes to the barbershop with her father.

She stands next to the barbers chair, eating a muffin while her dad gets his haircut.

The barber smiles at her and says, "Sweetheart, you wanna sit down and watch your daddy you're gonna get hair on your muffin."

"I know," sh...

One day a florist went to a barber for a haircut

After the cut, he asked about his bill, and the barber replied, 'I cannot accept money from you, I'm doing community service this week.'

The florist was pleased and left the shop.

When the barber went to open his shop the next morning, there was a 'thank you' card and a dozen roses wai...

"I really don't think you have a case, sir," said the detective as my wife washed her hair and cried from the bathroom.

"How can you say that?!" I demanded. "That hairstylist is a monster!"

"Look, sir, I can't just go around arresting every barber that gives a bad haircut." He glanced at his notes. "Even if he made her 'look like Captain Kirk.'"

"I never said he made her look like Captain Kirk!" I barke...

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An attractive woman is sitting alone at the bar and sees a man with a military-style haircut sitting by himself at the other end, nursing his drink.

The woman notices that the man is looking glum and hasn't made any attempt to speak to anyone besides the barkeep. She takes a swig of liquid courage, saunters down the bar, and sits next to the man.

"Excuse me, sir, but are you a soldier? I couldn't help but notice your haircut!" The woman ...

Tom decided he needed a haircut, so he went to the barbershop

After getting his cut, he was making some small talk with his barber, when a boy no more then 10 walks in, and the barber whispers into Tom's ear "watch how dumb this kid is"
The barber walks over and greets the kid, holding his hands out, one hand with 5 Loonies, and there other with a 10 dollar...

We don’t sell to blondes

A blonde walks past a shop as she reads the sign “we don’t sell to blondes” in the window. She goes in to her investigate the situation.

To test the sign she asks the salesman “excuse me, I’d like to buy this TV”

And the salesman responds “I’m sorry ma’am we don’t sell to blondes”
...

A barber gave a haircut to a priest one day.

A barber gave a haircut to a priest one day. The priest tried to pay for the haircut, but the barber refused, saying, ‘you do God’s work.’ The next morning the barber found a dozen bibles at the door to his shop.

A policeman came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber refused pay, ...

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What's worse than a fat guy with a ridiculous haircut who's brainwashed his supporters into viewing him as a god whilst having his finger on the button for nuclear warfare?...

Two fat guys with ridiculous haircuts who've brainwashed their supporters into viewing them as gods whilst having their fingers on the buttons for nuclear warfare!


[Scariest of all is that it’s true :( ]

I made fun of my brother getting a bald haircut

I turned around and saw the rest of the cancer patients staring at me

A man is getting his haircut at the barbershop...

A kid walks in and the barber says to his customer, "this is the dumbest kid in the world, look I'll prove it to you"

The barber takes out a dollar bill in one hand and 2 quarters in the other and proceeds to ask the kid, "Young man, which of these would you like?"

The kid thinks for a...

A man goes to get his haircut and the barber asks, “Should I cut the hair in back?”

The man replies, “What’s wrong with doing it right here in the chair?”

It's not everyday you can get a haircut and a hand job at the same time.

Then again, not everyone cuts their own hair.

A man walks into a bar

A man walks into a bar and asked the bartender for a pint.
While he’s drinking his pint, he here’s a small voice “you’re very handsome”.
He looks around for the source of this voice, but sees nobody near him.
Another few minutes go past and he hears another small voice, “those jeans look re...

Nearly Every Joke on r/jokes right now is like when Donald Trump gets his haircut.

The barber says " Nothing Authentic "

Rapunzel got a haircut recently, but she wasn’t happy afterwards.

She said the experience made her lightheaded.

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Car or Haircut

A young boy had just gotten his driver's permit and enquired of his father, if they could discuss his use of the car. His father said, "I'll make a deal with you. You bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible a little, get your hair cut and we'll talk about the car."
Well, t...

I went to get my haircut and told the barber not to take too much off.

He only took off his trousers.

My girlfriend was crying because she got a bad haircut

I said, "why are you crying? I'm the one that has to find a new girlfriend"

At first, I wasn’t really certain about my new haircut

But it finally grew on me

I thought I got a bad haircut

But it kind of grew on me

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A little girl walked into a barber shop eating a muffin...

She sat down next to the chair where a customer was getting a haircut.



The barber turned to the little girl and shook his head. "You'll get hair on your muffin."


The girl smiled up at the man and nodded. "Yeah, they say I'll get tits too!"

I got a haircut and they cut it way too short

It started to grow on me though

Where does a sheep go for a haircut?

Replied with " at the baaaaaa baaaa shop"

Thought I saw the first ever super hero today, he was running down our street wearing a cape.

Turns out he hadn't paid for his haircut.

Cristiano Ronaldo Went to the barbershop for a new haircut.

He went home to his girlfriend and asked, "Well what do you think?". She took a couple of minutes looking his new hair cut over and replied "Well... at least it's not Messi".

Back when I was in high school, I worked at a grocery store as a stockboy.

One of the "long time fixtures" there was a homeless guy who would sit outside and ask for change. He was there every day, from opening of the store until closing, without fail.

Several months after I started, the owner decided to go in a new direction with the store and wanted to increase wo...

What does the man on the moon do when he needs a haircut?

Eclipse it.

An old cowboy

walks into a barbershop in Dillon, Montana for a
shave and a haircut. He tells the barber he can't get all his whiskers off because his cheeks are wrinkled from age.

The barber gets a little
wooden ball from a cup on the shelf and tells the old cowboy to put it inside his cheek to sp...

A priest goes to the barbershop and asks how much a trim would cost.

The barber answers, "oh, you're a holy man, I can't charge anything." He gives the priest a trim, the priest thanks him, and leaves. The next day, the barber finds some gold coins on his doorstep.

After a few weeks, an imam comes to the shop. He asks the barber how much it would cost for a be...

A blonde went to the appliance store sale and found a bargain. "I would like to buy this TV," she told the salesman.

"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.

The blonde was very angry about this. She hurried home and dyed her hair, then came back and again told the salesman, "I would like to buy this TV."

"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.

The blonde did not know how the sale...

What does Bernie Sanders say when he gets a haircut?

Remove only the top 1% please.

What kind of food do you eat while waiting in line for a haircut?

Barberqueue

I got a new haircut a few weeks ago

I didn't like it at first, but it has since grow on me.

Just saw a guy running down the road with a cape on, so I shouted, "Hey! Are you a superhero!?"

He yelled back, "Nah, I didn't pay for my haircut!"

"You've had the same haircut since 1987. Will you at least think about changing it?"

"I don't know, I'll mullet over"

Not paying for a meal is called a Dine and Dash..

Surely not paying for a haircut is a cut and run?

I used to hate my new haircut...

But its kinda starting to grow on me.

A barber gets his first client of the day and begins cutting his hair

The barber asks the client “What do you do?”
The client responds “I’m a waiter at the Italian restaurant down the street.”

The barber says to him “You’re in the service industry, I’m in the service industry, this haircut is on me.”

The next morning, the barber comes back to his shop...

A man is getting a haircut at the barbershop when a neighbor walks in and tells him that he saw his wife cheating on him with another man in the nearby forest.

He runs out to catch her in the act. Few minutes later he's back at the barbershop smiling: "Those damn people always exaggerating, they see few trees and call that a forest".

What do call a bad haircut you got from a Native American?

A-patchy scalping

Whats the difference between a good haircut and a bad haircut?

About 3 weeks.

I went to the barber shop a few days ago to cut my hair...

I didn’t like my haircut first, but then it grew on me

Why does Donald Trump like free haircuts?

Because he doesn't have toupeé.

Can’t believe how much my girlfriend is crying about her new haircut

Its much worse for me, I’m the one who’s gonna have to find a new girlfriend now.

Getting a haircut is a lot like the first time with a new lover...

There isn't really any conversation besides some nervous laughter and her asking me "How long has it been?" and "Do you like that?" and I'm never sure how much tip is appropriate.

Then I pay her, say thanks, and leave.

I was talking to a girl in the bar last night. She said, "If you lost a few pounds, got a haircut and wore nicer clothes, you'd look all right."

I said, "If I did that, I 'd be talking to your friends over there instead of you."

I asked my dad if he liked his haircut...

He said he didn't at first but it's growing on him.

I'm getting my haircut next week...

I'm dreading it.

[long] A Priest, An Imam and a Rabbi Get a Haircut

A barber is sitting in his shop when a priest enters. “Can I have a haircut?” the priest asks. “Of course,” says the barber. The barber than gives the priest a haircut. When the barber has finished, the priest asks “How much do I owe you?” “Nothing,” replies the barber. “For you are a holy man.” The...

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