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Old Woman

An old lady is walking down the street carrying 2 large sacks and one is leaking $20 bills.

A cop stops her and asks "Where did an old lady like you get all that money?" and she replied,

Well you see I live behind a golf course and when the golfers need to pee they stick their penis in...

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A business man is driving through a small town, on his way to an important presentation, when he realizes he's in need of a haircut and doesn't have much extra time...

He remembers there's a little barbershop on the corner so he stops, and a short while later he's back on his way.




A week or two passes, and he pulls into the little barbershop again.





"Hello again Sir." the barber says. "What can I do for you?"


<...

The Little Old Lady.

A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large plastic
garbage bags behind her. One of the bags was ripped, and every once in
awhile, a $20 bill fell out onto the sidewalk.
Noticing this, a Policeman stopped her, and said, "Ma'am, there are $20
bills falling Out of that...

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Four soldiers are in a public bathroom...

An American soldier steps away from the urinal, turns on the water, uses five or six pumps or soap to wash his hands and takes a big wad of paper towels to dry them. He says to the others, "in the US Army, we are taught to use what we have to to get the job done".

A German soldier backs away ...

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I told my hairdresser to make me look sexy.

She put down the hair clippers and started drinking.

Why didn't Romans use clippers to cut their hair?

They prefer Caesars

I don't understand why Steve Ballmer spent so much money on the Clippers.

He doesn't even have hair.

A schooner, a clipper and a junk sail into a bar,

All hands lost.

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So I met a Pirate...

- Mobile user, please excuse phrasing.

So the other day I met a pirate. I mean this guy was the real deal, peg leg, hook for a hand, eye patch, the works. I just had to ask him about it.

"Can I ask how you got the peg leg?".
"Aye, twas a dark, stormy night. I was at sea, surveying ...

Help! Please explain this silly kids joke to me...

This joke has been bugging me on and off for around 30-years. I read it in some kind of '1000 jokes for kids' type book - probably written around 1985'ish. The joke is pretty stupid - and i'm reasonably sure it would still be pretty stupid if I actually understood it - however for some unexplained...

Why do Lakers fans trim their nails with scissors?

Because they hate Clippers.

A soldier walks into a barber shop

and, seeing that both the barbers are busy but there is no-one else waiting, takes a seat. Just as one of the barbers finishes with his customer, in walks an officer. The officer quickly appraises the situation and sits straight down in the one vacant barbers' chair. "An officer on a weekend pass to...

A man in overalls walks into the emergency room...

A man in overalls walks into the emergency room with the tips of his fingers missing.

"What happened to you?" Asked the Doctor as he began stitching him up.

"Well," the man replied, "I had to trim my bushes today, and I thought of a way to speed it up. Instead of using clippers, I he...

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Going down before the dentist.

A Man has a dentist appointment in the morning before work, So he knows that he has some extra time to get ready in the morning. When he wakes up and throws the covers back, he realized his wife is sleeping naked next to him. He decides, since he has some extra time, to wake her up with a pleasant s...

Quick question

Do clippers games count as sold out if the stadium is three fifths full?

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