Pamper Jokes - 15 Hilarious Pamper Jokes

What do you get from a pampered cow?

Spoiled milk!

As a cat, I'm overfed, over pampered, and spoiled rotten...

And I deserve much better than this!

My wife said that she wanted to be pampered.

I told her I wasn’t in to diaper fetishes.

I'm organizing a class action lawsuit against Huggies and Pampers.

Their diapers never hold the 22-37 pounds they advertise.

" I love to pamper my wife "

I love to pamper my wife after she's had a stressful day at work.
I get her to text me when she's leaving so I can get the hot water running, swirl around the foam and bubbles and time everything perfectly so that, the moment she walks through the door, the dishes are piled up and waiting for her

My wife told me she wanted to be pampered and rejuvenated for more energy

Told her best I can do is huggies and a Red Bull

A woman comes home after a hard day of work . . .

and she decides she wants to pamper herself by having a milk bath. She calls a nearby grocery store and asks the manager if she can get 30 gallons of milk.

"For what?" he says

"I want to pamper myself by bathing in milk," she says.

"Pasteurized?" he asks.

"No, just up to ...

Diapers

Why are baby’s diapers called loves, huggies, and pampers, while adult diapers are called depends?

Well that’s because when we’re babies our family will still pamper, love, and give us huggies after changing our diaper, but when we’re adults it depends on who’s in the will.

At the gym

A guy walks into a bar and orders a light beer. "Just one. I'm heading over to the gym soon. The guys are having a big pull ups competition tonight," the guy tells the bartender. "They really know how to pamper themselves."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

HOW TO SATISFY A WOMAN:

Caress, praise, pamper, relish, savor, massage, make plans, fix, empathize, serenade, compliment, support, feed, tantalize, bathe, humor, placate, stimulate, jiffylube, stroke, console, purr, hug, coddle, excite, pacify, protect, phone, correspond, anticipate, nuzzle, smooch, toast, minister to,...

Aunt Bessie figures it all out...

Aunt Bessie loves to meet and pamper her nieces and nephews, but she is limited only to her city, as she has a severe fear of flying. *"Who knows! Someone may be carrying a bomb!"*. Her relatives try and try to convince her how safe it is to fly nowadays, but 'she ain't gonna listen to nobody!'
<...

Joke I came up with (needs work)

So there are this brother and sister who live together, Cee and Sofie. Sofie says she has a date tonight, the guy will be over at 8 and that Cee will have to let him in while she gets all pampered up.

So later that evening, there is a knock at the door and Sofie shouts out from upstairs ...

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Manson dies and finds he is in heaven

It's a perfectly normal family; he is the son that an older Catholic couple never had.

He is pampered and loved.

He is young and fit and no swastika tatoo on his forehead.

His only problem is when he starts to act like the ass he was in life everything he says or does is opposi...

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The Beggar and the Blind Woman

Three homeless men, down on their luck, were looking for a meal by knocking on doors around a fairly wealthy neighborhood. After being rejected several times, they came to a 2-acre, unkempt property. They were greeted at the front by an old blind woman.

"Excuse me ma'am, but would you be abl...

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Decisions, decisions, decisions.

A man dies and is met at the Pearly Gates by St. Peter. St. Peter says to the man, "There is really nothing extremely good nor bad about your life to determine your fate. You'll have to spend 24 hours in Heaven and in Hell, then choose where you wish to spend eternity."
The man thinks for a momen...

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