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Sanction Jokes

A German in a Bar

A German walks into a bar and orders a beer.

The bartender tells him : "20 euros!"

The German is shocked - "20 euros? yesterday it was only 3 euros !"

"Well, today it is 20 euros."

\- "But why 20, damn it?"

Bar tender : "I'll explain it,

\-3 euros is beer,...

Russian Ruble is now worth less than 1 U.S. Cent after SWIFT Bank Sanctions

I think it's time we start calling the Ruble for what really is: Rubble

Sanctions aren’t Sanctions

Putin warned that the sanctions imposed by the West are “akin to an act of war”.

Someone needs to let him know that they’re not sanctions.

They’re “Special Financial Operations”



*not my joke but haven’t seen it posted here*

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Russia has been cut off from CNN, CBS, ABC Pornhub, Facebook...

US is working depriving Russians of McDonalds, Coca-Cola and US fastfood. They continue with these sanctions and Russian people will probably be the most healthiest, well adjusted, spiritual and well informed people on the planet.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Putin and Biden are wrapping up their discussion...

Putin says: "You know, Joe. I had this dream few days ago"

Biden: "Oh, what kind of dream?"

Putin: "I saw America, in flames. Nuclear warhead crater where Capitol used to be. New York leveled. Los Angeles covered in human ash. It was Glorious, Joe. I nearly teared up..."

Biden: ...

Went out for my state sanctioned, socially distant walk today...

...and I gotta say, a lot of guys seem to measuring six feet the way they measure six inches.

Why was the entire world late to work today?

Due to the invasion in Ukraine and widespread sanctions, everyone stopped Russian.

In Soviet Russia...

Sanctions benefit you.

As tensions rise in Ukraine

Vladimir is Putin troops in separatist regions, and Joe is Biden his time with imposing sanctions.

Europeans announced they were going to increase penalties for driving with excessive speed and being late for work.

Its part of their sanctions package to target people who are Russian.

Tech companies stopped importing microchips into Russia

Due to supply disruption, Spuntik V vaccination campaign will be put on hold until sanctions are lifted.

A man walks into a car dealership

A Russian man walks into a car dealership to buy a new car. The salesman says, "I am sorry sir, due to the war and sanctions, all cars are spoken for. I have a waiting list, but it is so long that it will take 10 years to get your new car."

The man says, "Well, I might as well get on the li...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Today I received a message from Facebook

Fb : we would appreciate if you signed this petition

Me: what is it about ?

Fb: it’s about your continued faith in Facebook during these troubled times and requesting the govt not to put any sanctions

Me: you assholes stole our private information and sold it to others
...

With the situation in Ukraine...

Putin is giving a speech to his people
- My people, due Wests sanctions we'll need to tighten our belts and work harder!
Voice from the crowd:
- We will work two shifts!
- Thank you, you must be real patriot of our country! And we'll have to give up western goods and productio...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A North Korean, United States, and Irish Politician walk into a bar.

They all order a beer. Upon going to drink them they notice a fly is floating in each of their beers.

The North Korean politician, outraged, declares war and that he will destroy the bar for allowing this to happen.

The politician from the United States declares tighter sanctions and ...

Lightbulbs

How many Socialists does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

*One, as long as it's someone else's bulb.*

How many Libertarians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

*None, the invisible hand of the market will screw it in.*

How many Republicans does it take to screw in a lig...

Two friends are driving a Car, one puts on the indicator and asks the other to check whether its working, he puts his head out and says: "YES...NO...YES....NO...YES...NO..."

It is a big company where the boss is an English man.The deputy manager an Iyengar requested for leave for performing "purattasi sanikkizhamai puja".The boss called him and asked him to bring the concerned leave file,Going through the file the boss told him he has not took leave last year for this p...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

You have two cows..

USA: You have two cows. You outsource a farm to milk them and sell the milk to those who can afford it. You then use the profit to buy someone else's cow for your butcher to make steak with.

Russia: You have two cows. When you get sober you remember that the mafia took them away from you, so ...

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