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Attracted Jokes

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What do you call the sexuality where you're attracted to men and women but neither are attracted to you?

Bi-yourself.

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What do you call someone who's sexually attracted to trees?

A leaf blower.

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Jane was obviously attracted to Tarzan and asking him about his life asked how he had sex..

"Tarzan not know what is sex" he replied.

Jane then explained to him what sex was.

Tarzan said ...."Tarzan use knot hole in trunk of tree."

Stunned by his response, Jane said: "Tarzan you have it all wrong, you don't shag a tree to get yourself off. Tell you what, I will show yo...

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I'm sexually attracted to metal boxes with locking systems.

But don't worry. It's safe sex.

[First Date] Her: I’m usually attracted to men with power.

Me: That’s great, I always pay my electric bill on time.

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[NSFW] I was wondering why some people felt sexually attracted to animals, and decided to investigate.

During my research I went down quite a few rabbit holes.

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What is it called when you're only attracted to Canadians?

Eh?sexual

What are milk farmers attracted to?

A nice dairy air.

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What kind of women are computer programmers attracted to?

BASIC bitches, obviously..

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Which Amusement Park Ride was the Magnet the Most Attracted to?

The Ferrous Wheel.

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I have a friend who is sexually attracted to inanimate objects.

I don't see him much though. He always has stuff to do.

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I know a girl who is only attracted to Canadians.

She's Eh'-sexual.

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Never befriend someone who is sexually attracted to almonds and pecans.

Eventually you’ll realize they’re fucking nuts.

My wife asked if I was still attracted to her

I replied “I married a 6 and now you’re a 10, what do you think?”

She walked away happy,

Which is odd because I was talking about her dress size.

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I find myself very attracted to men with hairy legs, hooves, and horns who play the flute.

I guess you could say I am Pan Sexual.

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I’m attracted to my neighbor’s garden decoration. The beard, the cute tummy….

Does that make me a gnomosexual?

What do you call a man whos attracted to young computers?

A PDFile

No wonder everyone's attracted to the earths center

It is pretty hot

My buddy is attracted to minors

He had the nerve to look at me like I’m the weird one. That’s the last time I pick him up from middle school.

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I used to be sexually attracted to every touch, scent, sight, taste and sound.

Then I came to my senses.

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My friend said she’s only attracted to Canadians.

I guess she’s eh-sexual.

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So I found out I was sexually attracted to electrical currents

Yeah, shocking

25 years ago, my wife was attracted to me because I was ripped and had a 6-pack

Now she tells me I have a quarter barrel.

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Did you Hear about the guy who was sexually attracted to the end of essays?

He always came to conclusions.

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Moth are not actually attracted to lights

That's just where all the big tiddy moth bitches hang out

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What do you call it when one Neanderthal man is attracted to another Neanderthal man?

Homo Erectus.....

ill see myself out....

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I’m sexually attracted to mashed chickpeas

I’m a hummussexual

My thermometer is attracted to sick people...

He says they’re *sooooooo* hot.

At first I thought I was only attracted to dad bods...

But then I realized I just wanted a father figure.

People are strongly attracted to yo momma

because of her gravitational force.

What are American bugs attracted to?

Oil lamps

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