The other day I was attacked by a gang of clowns

So I went straight for the juggler.

What did the Mongol invaders say to the Hungarians when they suddenly appeared and attacked?

"Should have watched your steppe."

Were you attacked by pirates?

You seem to have lost your booty and chest.

Every time I take my dog for a walk in the park, he gets attacked by all of the ducks there.

Thats what I get for having a pure bread dog

I got attacked by a goose today.

Needless to say, I used some fowl language.

Did you hear about the soldier who was attacked with mustard gas and pepper spray?

He was a seasoned veteran

I was attacked by a flock of sheep earlier...

Fortunately, I was only grazed.

A snail shop owner was attacked by a turtle gang. The police asked if he could describe the perpetrators, he said

I don't know, it happened so fast.

Vandals have attacked the National Origami Museum in Tokyo...

We'll keep you updated as the story unfolds...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I was attacked by three men last night. I managed to knock one out.

Probably wasn't the best time to have a wank but I thought fuck it, it might be the last chance I get.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A cruise ship was attacked by a group of pirates. All the men were captured, including the captain. One day he complained to the pirates.

Captain: I haven't had sex for weeks. I need a woman please.

Pirates: You can try the barrel with a small hole drilled through it downstairs. It feels just like having sex with a woman.

Captain: Seriously?

The captain, feeling skeptical, went downstairs anyway for the barrel. Af...

A man is walking along the road when he sees his mother in law being attacked by five men. His wife asks, "Aren't you going to help?".

The man says no five should be enough.

I had a dream where I was attacked by 6 naked women.

Sounds strange dozen tit?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Scarlett Johansson and some guy were the only survivors of a shipwreck.

They didn't know each other before the shipwreck, but he did know who she was...

At the beginning it was hard, but as time passed, this guy learnt how to provide food and shelter, he started taking care of her, and eventually she started caring about him... after all, there wasn't anybody els...

Mohammad, a child of Arab parents was enrolled in a school in New York. On the first day, his teacher asked, ‘What is your name?’ The boy replied, ‘Mohammad’.

‘From now on your name is Harry as you are in America,’ she said.

In the evening, when he came back, his mother asked, ‘How was your day Mohammad?’ He said, ‘My name is not Mohammad. I’m in America and my name is Harry.’ His mother slapped him and said angrily: ‘Aren’t you ashamed of trying t...

Joe the Carpenter

Joe was a simple and serious man. He was a carpenter in a small village named Arge Oaks where he owned the store "Joe's Carpentry."

For years Joe impressed his fellow neighbors with the highest quality carpentry work. Some people in town complained he was a bit too expensive, but no one ever...

At the height of a political corruption trial, the prosecuting attorney attacked a witness.

“Isn't it true," he bellowed, "that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?"
The witness stared out the window as though he hadn't hear the question.
"Isn't it true that you accepted five thousand dollars to compromise this case?" the lawyer repeated.
The witness still d...

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My 13 year old son was attacked for being white and a Donald Trump supporter.

And I'll fucking do it again.

If a foreign enemy attacked the United States and killed 180K+ citizens, the whole country, Republicans and Democrats, would most likely join together into defeating it...

Oh wait, never mind.

I was attacked while vacationing in Russia

All I remember was seeing Tsars

I got attacked by a plant with leaves that looked like pork.

It was a ham bush!

I was attacked by 1, 3, 5, 7 and 9

The odds were against me

Another three nuns joke....Three nuns are walking home late one night when suddenly they are attacked by three men.

The men pull them into the bushes and begin to assault them.

The first nun, clutching her rosary beads says, "forgive him Lord, he knows not what he does."

The second one closes her eyes and says, "forgive him Lord, he knows not what he does."

The third nun says, "this one does...

The secret service no longer yells "Get down!" when the president is about to be attacked.

Now they yell "Donald, duck!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Genghis Khan and his soldiers attacked a tiny village of their enemy country and took all the men and women as prisoners..

Later in the evening,after being intoxicated,the sadistic Genghis decides to play a game..

He asks all the men from the village to stand in a line and strip down their pants..

He then instructed one of the wives of the men to be blindfolded and she should recognize her husband after ex...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My doctor gave me 6 months, so I shot him.

## The judge gave me 60 years!


 

 

 


### My (other) favorite one liners:

1. I’ve had amnesia for as long as I can remember.

1. What do you call a cheap circumcision? A ripoff.

1. French tanks have five rever...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There was a ninja who attacked people with high-powered semen.

No one would ever see him coming.

If the Iraqis attacked Turkey from behind

Would Greece help?

A giant fly has attacked the local Police Station

Police have called in the SWAT team

A man was attacked by a guy with an upholstery nail gun.

He's okay. He's recovered now.

Did you hear Mick Jagger and Keith Richards were attacked by a giant magpie?

Witnesses say one bird was trying to kill two Stones

Every night I have the same horrible dream about getting attacked by a horse while walking home in the dark

It's one terrifying night mare

The Pig With a Wooden Leg

A TV reporter became lost on the back roads and stopped at a farm to get directions. As he was talking to the farmer he noticed a pig with a wooden leg.

“This could be a great story for the Six O’Clock News. How did that pig lose his leg?” he asked the farmer. “Well”, said the farmer, “that’s...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One day, terrorists attacked a village [NSFW]

Warning : A joke from my own language. Terrible grammar ahead.

They took the men of village as hostages. The head of terrorists wanted to have some fun this time. He called the wives of the men to the camp of terrorists. He put bandage to women's eyes and told men to lose their pants. Terrori...

I was walking in park. I had an asthmatic attack. A group of asthmatics attacked me.

I should have heard them coming.

I was attacked by a group of mimes

..............they did unspeakable things to me.

I was attacked by a man in the street, he started throwing words at me that began with 'TH'

I dodged this, there and then but i didn't see that coming...

How should a farmer dress so he doesn't get attacked by his chickens?

Impeccably

I'm being attacked by Russian hackers!

Sorry! Is mistake. Russian people not do such things! Have good day.

A sloth is going about his day when he gets attacked by a gang of snails

A sloth is going about his day when he gets attacked by a gang of snails.

The snails take his wallet and leave. The sloth regains his composure and goes straight to the police station.

The police officer says, "can you describe the gang for us?"

The sloth says, "I don't know. ...

Arguing with a woman is like being attacked by a bear...

You're better off playing dead and hoping they get bored and walk away

A man just attacked me with cheese and milk!

How dairy.

A man was walking in the woods when he was attacked by a wolf

The man miraculously managed to escape from the wolf with just a deep bite on the arm.


While he was being treated by the doctor, he confided that he thought it might have been a werewolf, so the doctor, humoring him, decided to run some tests.


"Good news," said the doctor...

Have you ever been attacked by a German Shepherd dog while having a white stick shoved up your backpassage?

Post that 2020 vision joke one more time..

I was attacked by a band of flying nuns.

It was a total Cloisterflock.

What do you call a Frenchman that's been attacked by a bear?

Claude

My friend was attacked with a pickaxe recently

Luckily his injuries were minor

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I got attacked by the Phantom Masturbator

I never saw him coming.

I attacked the people who robbed me the other day

Ive never seen girl scouts run so fast

A politician is walking down the street when he is suddenly attacked. The assailant says "Give me all your money".

The politician says "Do you know who I am? I'm an important government official". The mugger says "Fine, give me all my money"

Why did Lincoln get attacked when sitting in a personal theater balcony?

Because it was John Wilke's booth.

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