Breaking News: Coup Underway - Trump takes control of senate and declares martial law!

Oh wait... That was Palpatine.
False alarm.

My favorite Dad joke, because it’s my cake day.

Why does a chicken coup only have two doors?



Because if it had four doors, it would be a sedan.

What do you call it when all the hens in the coup resign the same day from their jobs laying eggs?

Chicken tenders.

Socialism sounds great in theory...

But in practice, you just gonna get couped by the CIA.

What do you call a bunch of chickens in a two-doored car trying to overthrow the government?

A coop coupe coup.

My ex got sent to jail for plotting a radical socialist coup.

Guess I should have...

Paid attention to the red flags.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A greek and an Irish were comparing their heritages.

"We built the pantheon, along with the Temple of Apollo", said the Greek.

"Aye, 'twas the Irish the discovered the Summer and Winter Solstices", replied the Irish.

"But it was the Greeks who gave birth to advanced mathematics."

"Granted, but was the Irish who built the first tim...

Why does a chicken coup have two doors?

Because if it had four, it'd be a chicken sedan.

(Some joke I posted on FB years ago before I understood the point of social media.)

Where do revolutionary chickens live?

The chicken coup!

Tesla made a coupe, sedan, SUV, semi, and truck. The next should be..

The Elon Busk

Why doesn't the Government let chickens build their own houses?

Because they'll make a coup.

Original... hopefully

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Alliterative news titles, Episode 1: January 6, 2021

CRAZY CONSERVATIVE CUNTS CAUSE CLUMSY COUP AT CAPITOL CULTIVATED ON CUCKOO CONSPIRACIES

An officer pulls over a man and a woman for driving their late-model Mercedes coupe 20 miles per hour over the posted speed limit.

The officer approaches the car, seeing an affluent-looking late-50s gentleman behind the wheel and a striking woman at least 20 years younger—and bearing a diamond on her left ring finger worth at least a year of the officer's salary—in the passenger seat.

"I stopped you because you were goin...

What's a 3 line poem that overthrows a government?

A Hai-coup

What’s Donald Trump’s favorite bird?

Pigeon, they’re always saying coup coup coup.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man meets a strange woman on a train in a sleeping coupe.

After a few awkward moments they make an arrangement that the woman will sleep on the top bunk and the man will sleep on the bottom bunk.

In the middle of the night, the woman gets up and prods the man to wake him up.

"Please, sir, I'm sorry for bothering you, but could you ask the con...

What is Donald’s favorite car style ?

A Coupe

What do you call a group of electrons staging a coup?

The Resistance

Do you think America's gone nuts?

Nah. They've gone coup coup.

Fidel Castro survived assassination attempts, coups, plagues....

....but was like, "Nah, I can't do a Trump world. Good luck y'all, I'm out."

Nice to see America keeping its tradition

Of launching a coup in a third world country.

What do you call it when the floor staff at a chicken processing facility take over the business without the owner's permission?

A coup de coop.

What sound does a Turkey make?

"coup coup"

So a KGB inspector goes to visit a Siberian prison to check on the inmates in their cells.

First he goes to the first cell and asks the inmate "why were you arrested?" The inmate replies him "My watch was always 10 minutes late and thus i was always late for work so they assumed that i was late because i was planning a coup".
He then proceeds to go to the second cell and asks the inmat...

Did you hear about the drug addict who overthrew the government with 17 syllables?

He staged a high coup.

What do you call Turkish President, Recep Erdogan, after the military coup?

Erdogone

Coup attempt on Turkey from the rear

Did Greece help?

These Covid travel restrictions are getting a bit much..

.. things are so bad, the US had to organise a coup at home!

A fox snuck into the chicken coup last night and killed them all...

Authorities were unsure whether to label it a coup d'etat or a henocide...

Recently Trump was asked if likes riding in the presidential Limo or the Sedan

He said he actually prefers driving a coup

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Playing Trucker

A little boy is sitting on the curb in front of his house. His mother is watching him from the house. As she watches him, he reaches in his pocket, takes out some M&Ms, eats them, grabs the cat sitting next to him and bites its ear. Then he stands up, slides down the curb a little, and sits down...

A little son asks his father what a communism is...

...and the father starts explaining:

"Well, son, once upon a time there was this man named Lenin, except his real name was Uljanov. He had a friend named Stalin, except he wasn't his friend and his name was Dzugashvili. They started the October revolution, except it wasn't a revolution, it wa...

Why does Gandalf prefer coupes?

Because other cars have Mordor.

A bunch of hippies just overthrew the government, smoked weed, and read a poem.

It was a high coup.

New sports car

A man just bought himself a new sportscar so he thought he'd take it out on some back roads to see what it will do. As he's cruising a lovely country road at 50 mph he glances to his right and spots a chicken running right next to him! So he gives the car a little gas and bumps it up to 70. Sure eno...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear about the Japanese poet who smoked a boatload of opium and overthrew the shogun?

They called it a high coup.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A farmer goes to collect his chickens’ eggs. As he reaches for them, the chickens suddenly all whip out tiny guns.

“Whoa, whoa. How did you hide all those guns in this henhouse?”
The head chicken responds, “We’ve had enough of your shit, farmer. This is a coup.”

A drunken man walks onto a coffee shop

- Do you have iced coffee?
- No sir. We don't.
- Ok then, says the drunken man.

Then he gets on his way. 15min later he comes again.

- Do you have iced coffee?
- No sir. We don't. I told you before.
- Sorry about that, says the drunken man.

Then he gets on his way. ...

What did the bird planning revolution say?

Coup, coup!

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What has happened when the weeds take over your lawn?

A coup de grass.

Have you heard of the turkish version of sudoku?

It's called a pseudo-coup.

What do France and a pigeon have in common?

Every 5 minutes, there is a coo (coup)

If chickens took over a country's armed forces

Would it be a chicken coup?

I just wanted to share some exciting news! Today I was the unexpected high bidder in an auction for the worlds best sounding pigeon...

It is quite a coup!

I think the pigeons are planning an uprising.

They keep saying coup, coup, coup.

I used to own a henhouse

But the chickens staged a coup

TIL a modern artist created a stringed instrument out of a tree branch that was only to be played in the event of the government being overthrown.

It was a coup-stick.

What do you call it when white supremacists take over the government?

Coup klux klan

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Talking Dog

A woman walks into the store and sees a flyer.

"Talking Dog Looking for a New Home. $10"

The woman thinks "this is interesting, I should go check it out."

So she goes to the address listed and asks to see the dog. The owner brings her to the back yard where a black Lab is sittin...

A farm boy comes down to eat some breakfast

On the table, is bacon, eggs and a huge glass of milk. However, before the boy could have anything, his mom demanded that he take out the garbage.

Angry at the world, the boy goes outside to take the garbage. On his way back inside, he stops at the pig pen, and kicks a pig in anger. He stops ...

My friend is a magician and he said he could make a chicken hatch back into an egg

But first he would need to add a rear door to the chicken coupe

Lovely Mother-in-law

One day, a lady decided to know if the husbands of her three daughters liked her.

The next day she went for a walk with the first one and on the edge of a lake she slides, falls and without knowing how to swim, begins to drown.

The guy, without blinking, jumps into the water and rescue...

The Lion and the Elephant

Everybody knows that the lion is the king of the jungle. Always has been, and for generations it seemed like he always would be. One afternoon, however, after a particularly poorly received watering hole decision, the elephant had had enough.

“Lion,” he said, “I’ve been your major domo for a...

Why can't pigeons have a military?

Because the risk of a coup is too high

How do you start a Revolution on a budget?

Using a Coup-on.

The Story of Jack the Sugar Cane farmer

There once was a peaceful agrarian village at the edge of an enchanted forest. The village lived mostly self-sufficiently with farmers specializing in crops and trading with other farmers for goods and services. Jack, a humble sugar cane farmer, lived in this village when something horrible happened...

How do you spot a revolutionary pigeon?

They're the ones walking around shouting "Coup! Coup!"

What do you call it when one kindergartener beats up another kindergartener to become class president?

A coup d'tot.

Mob of Pot Smokers Overthrowing Government:

"This is a high coup!"

If you overthrow the government in exactly seventeen syllables...

... is it a Hai-coup?

Technically a bilingual pun, hope that's not violating rule 8...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A couple Americans walk into a bar in Ireland...

They're being loud and rowdy, real frat-boy types, and they're starting to get on everyone's nerves. After a while they go up to the bar and yell for the bartender.

"Hey bartender, gimme an Irish Car Bomb!" one says.

Now, you can probably guess it's a bit of a faux pas to order this mi...

There are so many pigeons in major US cities

I wonder if they are planning a coup.

Did you hear about the little bird that took over his clock by force?

It was a cuckoo coup.

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Cus that's where he parked his coupe.

touching story

Once there was a happily married couple with a baby on the way. One morning the wife's water broke and they rushed off to the hospital. While there the doctors told them there was a new machine that was developed which telepathically transfers a certain percentage of pain to the father if they agre...

What happened when Turkey was accused of being Chicken?

It staged a coup

Question: what's Erdogan's favorite puzzle game?

Answer: pseudo-coup (say it out loud)

FBI, CIA and NYPD

Are all discussing which is the best organization at catching criminals. To settle the discussion they all agree to go into a near by Forrest to find a released rabbit.
The FBI goes in first. After a couple of weeks they are unable to find the rabbit so they burn the forrest down, killing every...

I've heard of chicken coops..

.. but never a turkey coup.

A few Turks were discussing where to live

Turk 1: Shall we live in the coup?
Turk 2: err, dogan.

What's more terrified than a turkey caught in a chicken coop.

A chicken caught in the Turkey coup.

A message to the people of the Moon

In 1968, NASA was testing equipment to be used for Moon missions. They went to the Arizona desert to perform their tests.

While tests were in progress, an old Chief approached a NASA engineer to ask questions through his grandson, acting as interpreter.

"The Chief wants to know what ex...

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