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Arises Jokes

February 2nd and the groundhog arises from its hole to see a shadow…

the shadow of my front left tire…six more weeks of winter but not for him…

Boy walks in on his parents going at it...

Father turns around, smiles, and winks.

Few minutes later, a horrible noise arises from down the hall. Father dismounts, runs down the hall, only to find the boy with Grandmother bent over the bed.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" says Father.

Boy smiles, winks, and s...

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Dad, a girl invited me over to her house

"Oh that is great, Billy. But you should be careful, you are young and an STD or unwanted pregnancy is going to be devastating. Please, remember to wear a condom if the situation arises... Actually, no. I don't trust you, son. Put it on right now, because at the heat of the moment you will forget." ...

A German, an Italian, a Frenchman, and an Englishmen are debating philosophy.

The question arises over the course of their debates: What separates man from the animals?

"Technology," says the German. "Other creatures have tools, yet none can match the hights of engineering we have accomplished. It is our industry that separates us from the beasts."

"I disagree,...

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Two Irishmen are lost at sea in a life boat

They're gradually dying of thirst, until one day they spot an ancient bottle bobbing past. They grab it out of the water, open it and a genie arises and say's he'll grant them one wish.

Immediately one of them blurts out, "I wish the entire sea were Guinness!" Instantly whole ocean turns bla...

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Three men are climbing a mountain...

Three men are climbing a mountain. As they are going over a particularly narrow and dangerous path a strong wind gust blows them over the mountain ridge and they start falling in a deep canyon.

Luckily on the way down the first man manages to grab a branch of a small tree growing from the sid...

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Two pilots with white canes proceed to enter their plane's cockpit...

Two pilots with white canes are on their way to their passenger plane's cockpit. They tap here and there with the stick and enter the cockpit. One of the passengers , a business man , notices and exclaims , " Hey , are those two pilots blind?!" . This arises panic between the passengers. Soon afterw...

A man goes into a church

He kneels down and starts praying like he's been doing for many years.

Man: Dear God, I've never asked for much and I've been devoted to you all my life. I'm your humble servant and I have a question.

The church starts trembling, the walls are shaking when a deep voice arises.

G...

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The Life Saver

>A father walks into a bookstore with his young son. The boy is holding a quarter. Suddenly, he starts choking and goes blue in the face. The father realizes the boy has swallowed the quarter and starts to panic, shouting for help.
>
>An attractive, well-dressed but serious looki...

Shirt Power

My kid goes to school every day wearing a different color shirt and claims that she has the power of the color of the shirt, like red power and blue power. The problem arises when she picks a white shirt to wear.

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Putin, Merkel and Trump are walking down a beach...

Putin, Merkel and Trump are walking down a beach.

Putin says "Russian submarines are so technically advanced, they can stay a whole year under water without the need to return to the surface."

Trump laughs and returns "Well that's cute, but 'murican submarines are far better and can s...

Family violence

A 6 year old kid was at the center of a NYC Courtroom earlier this month when he challenged a court ruling over who should have Custody over him. When it was discovered that his parents beat him, he was given custody over to his grandparents. A problem arises when the boy says that his grandparents ...

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Rich Man vs Poor Man's Anniversary Gift to Wife

Two married men - one rich, one poor - are walking down the street having a chat and discover they both have upcoming wedding anniversaries. When the topic of what gift to get their wives arises, the rich man says he's going to buy his wife a diamond ring and a Mercedes. The poor man inquires why...

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An Arab needed a heart transplant

, but prior to the surgery the doctors needed to store his blood type in case the need arises. Because the gentleman had a rare type of blood, it couldn't be found locally. So the calls went out to a number of countries.
Finally, a Jew was located who had the same blood type and who was willing t...

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Three Safari Men

There were three men (a pastor, a father, and a good 'ol boy redneck) that happened to be taking a safari of the Amazon rainforest when they are separated from the rest of the group. After a few days and trying to find their way back to civilization, they were captured by a local tribe, bound and b...

Old School Pirate Crime

Captain Normal Beard the up-and-coming pirate captain and his first mate Clumsy Edward were in desperate need of ink in order to make the numerous treasure maps they were sure create during all of their treasure-filled journeys. More than anything they needed red ink for the illustrious X's that wil...

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