That escalated quickly

### That escalated quickly

I was getting a handjob off my new girlfriend when I asked, "How are you so good at this?"


"Years of practice," she said.


"Bit of a player in your day were you?" I laughed.


"No," she replied, "my dad had no arms.

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Four older gentlemen are out golfing, sharing about their lives and eventually the topic of their children's professional success is brought up. The first guy steps up, hurriedly takes his shot, wiffs the ball off into the woods, and starts walking to find his ball without saying a word...

The second man steps up to take his shot and confidently reports, "My son is doing pretty well. He's just been promoted to manager of the car dealership he works at. In fact, he's doing so well gave the last lady he was seeing a brand new sports car." Then he takes takes a swing and drives the ball ...

I just took an escalator that sent me to the 5th floor of the building in 5 seconds.

That escalated quickly.

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A story about kinks and boobs

I started dating this girl with a really weird fetish -- she's got a very nice pair of knockers, and she loves having it smacked loudly. She really gets off from the pain and from the really loud POP sound that the slap of skin-on-skin can make. Recently, she's been getting more kinky about it, and ...

One second I’m at the bottom of the worlds fastest escalator, the next, I’m at the top

Gee, that escalated quickly

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My dog pooped in the elevator today.

Edit - shit that escalated quickly.

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A woman gets flirty with a guy at the bar...

as night progresses, innuendos escalate, until they both decide to go back to her place. The guy says: I must warn you, though.... I am kinky. "ooh, I love kinky!" she says. Back at hers, she says: "I'll go freshen up, you make yourself comfy".

As she comes out of the shower, fully nude, she ...

A Dadaist walks into a bar...

He orders a drink, sips it for a while, pays his tab, and leaves. Outside he declares the whole thing a joke.

Unsastisfied, an Absurdist walks into the bar and orders a Dadaist. The bartender groans as he is forced to run outside and bring back the Dadaist to fulfill the order. This quickly e...

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A doctor and his wife are having a heated argument over breakfast.

The fight escalates, both say things they’d soon regret, and he caps it off with “...and sex with you ain’t so great anyway!” before storming off to work.

During his lunch time, he feels horrible, and decides to call his wife to apologize. After 10 rings, she finally answers.

“What too...

Turbo-charged motorised stairways

Wow, that escalated quickly!

I had an argument with my girlfriend in an elevator.

I have never been wrong on so many levels.

So we tried using the escalator and I saw how quickly it escalated.

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So there was this guy

So there was this guy, yeah?

He wakes up in the middle of the night, sees an angel standing at the foot of his bed.

Angel says, "Hey, man! Yeah... hate to tell you this, but, um... it's your, uh... time. Yeah."

Dude's all like, "Wait, what? Whaddya mean it's 'my time'?"

A...

I got robbed whilst going up in an elevator

That escalated quickly

Why should you never trust a problem with moving stairs?

Because it just escalates it.

A man died and was on his way to heaven..

An angel was talking to the man while his soul was leaving his body.

The angel said he could go to heaven quicker if he took off his sock.

So, the man wanting to go to heaven, took his sock off and was flung up into heaven with lightning speed.

When arriving to Heaven, God said,...

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A man goes out for cigarettes

After an uneventful dinner with his wife, a man realizes he's out of cigarettes and decides to stop at his local bar for a pack. The bartender says they just started selling a new micro brew and offers him one on the house, so he decides to stay for one drink.

When he's just about finish...

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