UPJOKE
emilyamandaameliadavidsophiemelanienaaamiameemmysemmyemianamargiehoney

When she was growing up, everybody laughed when Amy Schumer said she wanted to be a comedian...

Nobody's laughing now.
upvote downvote report

What's the difference between Amy Winehouse and Jack Daniels?

Jack Daniels comes alive when you add Coke.
upvote downvote report

Did you hear about that time a hitman held a writer at gunpoint and forced him to write for Amy Schumer?

The hitman warned him, “Don’t get any funny ideas!”
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I kind of feel bad for Amy Schumer over people calling her unfunny.

I mean can you imagine being so bad at comedy that you have to steal *shitty* jokes?

Say what you like about Amy Schumer

She can take a joke
upvote downvote report

Two cannibals are eating Amy Schumer

One says to the other

"Does this taste funny to you?"

The other says

"No"
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Nick had always wanted to own a motorcycle, which is why he leapt at the chance when a friend of a friend was selling his bike

The bike, despite being old, was in immaculate condition.

"How do you keep it so pristine?" asks Nick.

"Oh, it's easy! Any time it's about to rain, I just coat the body with vaseline, and the rain and mud just slips right off! Here, I'm not going to need it anymore, why don't you take ...

Why did I name my Christmas tree Amy Winehouse?

Because it's just going to die and leave needles everywhere.

*As told to me by David Sedaris while getting a book signed.
upvote downvote report

did anybody see that hilarious Amy schumer bit?

me neither
upvote downvote report

I don’t care what anyone says, Amy Schumer is extremely talented.

I mean who else can steal jokes from others, and still remain remarkably unfunny.
upvote downvote report

Knock knock. Who's there? It's Amy. Amy who?

It's amy, MARIO!
upvote downvote report

A blonde city girl named Amy marries a rancher.

One morning, on his way out to check on the cows, the rancher says to Amy, "The insemination man is coming over to impregnate one of our cows, so I drove a nail into the 2x4 just above where the cow's stall is in the barn. Please show him where the cow is when he gets here, OK?" The rancher leaves ...
upvote downvote report

Do you think Amy Schumer knows about this community?

Her career could skyrocket if she discovered us.
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Amy Schumer porn

Fuck this isn’t google...

One stolen joke is a coincidence. Two stolen jokes is a pattern.

Thirty stolen jokes is an Amy Schumer special.
upvote downvote report

Haters, Amy Schumer just got another Netflix special announced, who's laughing now

^(still nobody)
upvote downvote report

What would Amy Winehouse be doing if she were alive today?

Scratching at the lid of her coffin.



Too soon?
upvote downvote report

I failed my audition as Amy Schumer

I told an actual joke.
upvote downvote report

Congratulations to Amy Winehouse...

...on six months of sobriety.
upvote downvote report

Congrats Amy Winehouse

on being 5 years sober
upvote downvote report

Son:Dad, why is my sister's name "Amy"?

Son: Dad, why is my sister's name "Amy"?
Dad: Because its an anagram for "May", the favorite month of your mother.
Son: Thanks for the help ,dad.
Dad: No problem, Alan.
upvote downvote report

What’s the sad part about being Amy Schumer?

The only time she made people laugh was when she said she wanted to be comedian
upvote downvote report

Maybe the end of Amy Schumer's new show is really funny.

I guess nobody will ever know.
upvote downvote report

Whats funnier than Amy Schumer?

The Holocaust
upvote downvote report

How conservative will Amy Coney Barrett's decisions be as a Supreme Court Justice?

I don't know, ask her husband.
upvote downvote report

So I saw Amy Schumer perform live...

The Kentucky Derby really is magical!
upvote downvote report

I would like to congratulate Amy Winehouse

on almost 4 years of sobriety.
upvote downvote report

Amy Winehouse has become a real inspiration for me

She's going on 6 years sober now.
upvote downvote report

Watching Amy Schumer is a lot like watching surgery.

Watching Amy Schumers Comedy is a lot like watching surgery videos on Youtube.
It's unsettling, it's gross and it doesn't make you laugh once.
upvote downvote report

Charlie Sheen, Amy Winehouse, and Keith Richards walk into a bar.

The bartender, local drug dealer, and in house pimp all get measured for a new suit
upvote downvote report

I would make a joke about Amy Schumers comedy career

but im afraid nobody will laugh
upvote downvote report

Amy Schumer had some great advice for her date.

You have to pretend like you want to use a condom. I like to say something fun when I bring it up, but honest. I'll be like, 'You're going to want to wear this. I've had a busy month.'
upvote downvote report

It's 1975, and John and Amy had just gotten married.

They go grocery shopping for their first time as a married couple. They buy various items, including lots of jars of food.

They get home, and Amy starts unpacking. John notices something strange... Amy takes the first jar and opens it, closes it again, and puts it in the refrigerator. She goe...
upvote downvote report

I was browsing Netflix the other day, and Happened upon the Amy Schumer special "Inside Amy Schumer." Looks like they couldn't use the original title idea due to copyright issues:

'Wide Open Spaces'
upvote downvote report

Stop making jokes about how fat and disgusting Amy Schumer is.

You're stealing her material.
upvote downvote report

I hate it when Amy Schumer gets compared to whales

Whales are kind of funny you know
upvote downvote report

What do MOAB and Amy Schumer have in common?

Apart from being plus-sized, they both really know how to bomb!
upvote downvote report

What did Amy Winehouse have in common with the Ghostbusters?

They both downed spirits.
upvote downvote report

What does Jeremy Clarkson and Amy Winehouse have in common?

They both used to be on top gear.
upvote downvote report

A doctor, priest, policeman, dog, Christian, comedian, blind man, Rabbi, firefighter, and Amy Schumer walk into a bar.

The bartender sighs and says, "My life is a joke."
upvote downvote report

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So Amy Schumer claims that a big time producer, sexually harassed her by asking her for a blow job.

Turns out, he was just telling her she sucks.

How do you get Amy Schumer, Rosie O'donnell and Lena Dunham to move to Canada?

Piece of cake.
upvote downvote report

Did you hear that Elton John is singing at Amy Winehouse's funeral reception?

He will be singing "Candle Under the Spoon".
upvote downvote report

TIL: Amy Winehouse spent the last moment of her life watching her own video clips on Youtube before her death.

She must have read the comments.
upvote downvote report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.

Do Not Sell My Personal Information