When Amy Schumer was a little girl, she said she wanted to be a comedian and everyone laughed.

Well, no one's laughing now.

Two cannibals are eating Amy Schumer

One of them says. "Hey man doesn't this taste a bit funny".

The other cannibal says. "Nope".

I donโ€™t care what anyone says, Amy Schumer is extremely talented.

I mean who else can steal jokes from others, and still remain remarkably unfunny.

Haters, Amy Schumer just got another Netflix special announced, who's laughing now

^(still nobody)

How to write a amy schumer comedy special

Step 1. Say a long rant about a part of genatalia
Step 2. Repeat step 1 for a hour and 30 minutes

One stolen joke is a coincidence. Two stolen jokes is a pattern.

Thirty stolen jokes is an Amy Schumer special.

What's the difference between Amy Winehouse and Jack Daniels?

Jack Daniels comes alive when you add Coke.

A blond City girl named Amy marries a N. Dakota rancher.

One morning, on his way out to check on the cows, the rancher says to Amy, 'The insemination man is coming over to impregnate one of our cows today, so I drove a nail into the 2 by 4 just above where the cow's stall is in the barn. Please show him where the cow is when he gets here, OK?'

The ...

How conservative will Amy Coney Barrett's decisions be as a Supreme Court Justice?

I don't know, ask her husband.

What's the difference between Amy Schumer and dark jokes?

Dark jokes make me laugh.

Do you think Amy Schumer knows about this community?

Her career could skyrocket if she discovered us.

Question: If it's not funny, is it still a joke?

Answer: In the case of Amy Schumer, yes.

After the car crash that left me brain-damaged, things were really looking down

I used to be a carcinologist that specialised in lobsters. I loved what I did, but I couldn't even get out of the house on my own after the accident, much less go to work. I fell into a deep depression.


My scientist friends wanted to cheer me up, and so they engineered a robot lobster tha...

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

I kind of feel bad for Amy Schumer over people calling her unfunny.

I mean can you imagine being so bad at comedy that you have to steal *shitty* jokes?

I attended Amy Schumer's party, but there was no talk about her.

Apparently, nobody wanted to mention the elephant in the room.

Maybe the end of Amy Schumer's new show is really funny.

I guess nobody will ever know.

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

Amy Schumer porn

Fuck this isnโ€™t google...

Amy Winehouse has become a real inspiration for me

She's going on 6 years sober now.

Who is Greta Thunbergs favorite comedian.

Amy schumer because she recycles all her jokes!

What's the difference between Amy Schumer and a bank robber?

A bank robber steals something of value.

Son:Dad, why is my sister's name "Amy"?

Son: Dad, why is my sister's name "Amy"?
Dad: Because its an anagram for "May", the favorite month of your mother.
Son: Thanks for the help ,dad.
Dad: No problem, Alan.

A doctor, priest, policeman, dog, Christian, comedian, blind man, Rabbi, firefighter, and Amy Schumer walk into a bar.

The bartender sighs and says, "My life is a joke."

Kim Kardashian, Pitbull and Amy Schumer walk into a bar.

They set it lower.

I would make a joke about Amy Schumers comedy career

but im afraid nobody will laugh

I would like to congratulate Amy Winehouse

on almost 4 years of sobriety.

Watching Amy Schumer is a lot like watching surgery.

Watching Amy Schumers Comedy is a lot like watching surgery videos on Youtube.
It's unsettling, it's gross and it doesn't make you laugh once.

It's 1975, and John and Amy had just gotten married.

They go grocery shopping for their first time as a married couple. They buy various items, including lots of jars of food.

They get home, and Amy starts unpacking. John notices something strange... Amy takes the first jar and opens it, closes it again, and puts it in the refrigerator. She goe...

So I saw Amy Schumer perform live...

The Kentucky Derby really is magical!

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

So Amy Schumer claims that a big time producer, sexually harassed her by asking her for a blow job.

Turns out, he was just telling her she sucks.

Did you know NBC once considered a diet & fitness show based on people such as Air Force Amy, Mary Magdalene, Heidi Fleiss, Charles Ponzi, Berni Madoff, and Donald Trump?

The pilot was cancelled because they didn't want to weigh the pros and the cons.

Knock knock. Who's there? It's Amy. Amy who?

It's amy, MARIO!

Why is Amy Schumer so unfunny?

Nobody knows, she stole the punchline.

I was browsing Netflix the other day, and Happened upon the Amy Schumer special "Inside Amy Schumer." Looks like they couldn't use the original title idea due to copyright issues:

'Wide Open Spaces'

Stop making jokes about how fat and disgusting Amy Schumer is.

You're stealing her material.

I hate it when Amy Schumer gets compared to whales

Whales are kind of funny you know

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

Of course trump will challenge the results. He will not take no for an answer.

Just ask Ivana trump, Jill hearth, Jean carrol, summer zervos, alva Johnson, Jessica leeds, Kristen Anderson, Lisa boyne, Cathy heller, temple McDowell, Amy dorris, Karena Virginia, karen Johnson, mindy mcgillivary, Jennifer Murphy, Rachael crooks, Natasha stoynoff, juillet huddy, Jessica drake, nin...

TIL: Amy Winehouse spent the last moment of her life watching her own video clips on Youtube before her death.

She must have read the comments.

What do MOAB and Amy Schumer have in common?

Apart from being plus-sized, they both really know how to bomb!

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

Amy Schumer, Chelsea Handler, and Sarah Silverman walk into a bar...

Vagina!

How do you get Amy Schumer, Rosie O'donnell and Lena Dunham to move to Canada?

Piece of cake.

What did Amy Winehouse have in common with the Ghostbusters?

They both downed spirits.

What does Jeremy Clarkson and Amy Winehouse have in common?

They both used to be on top gear.

Did you hear that Elton John is singing at Amy Winehouse's funeral reception?

He will be singing "Candle Under the Spoon".

This joke may contain profanity. ๐Ÿค”

A literal version of 'your joke, but better': I got a tattoo of my girlfriend's name on my penis...

...in full, the tattoo says "FOR AMY" on it.

So I went to a bar, had a few drinks, went to take a leak, and noticed the guy next to me had "FOUR EARTH" tattooed on his.

I couldn't help but laugh and say to him "First off, you misspelled "FOR", secondly, you really think you'll get ever...

Feel old yet?

Have you ever been guilty of looking at others your own age and thinking, "surely I can't look that old.". Well . . . you'll love this one..The stuff is from a lady called Amy

"My name is Amy. I was sitting in the waiting room for my first appointment with a new dentist.

I noticed his ...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.