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Amy Jokes

When she was growing up, everybody laughed when Amy Schumer said she wanted to be a comedian...

Nobody's laughing now.

What's the difference between Amy Winehouse and Jack Daniels?

Jack Daniels comes alive when you add Coke.

Did you hear about that time a hitman held a writer at gunpoint and forced him to write for Amy Schumer?

The hitman warned him, “Don’t get any funny ideas!”

Two cannibals are eating Amy Schumer

One says to the other

"Does this taste funny to you?"

The other says

"No"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I kind of feel bad for Amy Schumer over people calling her unfunny.

I mean can you imagine being so bad at comedy that you have to steal *shitty* jokes?

Say what you like about Amy Schumer

She can take a joke

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Nick had always wanted to own a motorcycle, which is why he leapt at the chance when a friend of a friend was selling his bike

The bike, despite being old, was in immaculate condition.

"How do you keep it so pristine?" asks Nick.

"Oh, it's easy! Any time it's about to rain, I just coat the body with vaseline, and the rain and mud just slips right off! Here, I'm not going to need it anymore, why don't you take ...

Why did I name my Christmas tree Amy Winehouse?

Because it's just going to die and leave needles everywhere.

*As told to me by David Sedaris while getting a book signed.

did anybody see that hilarious Amy schumer bit?

me neither

I don’t care what anyone says, Amy Schumer is extremely talented.

I mean who else can steal jokes from others, and still remain remarkably unfunny.

Knock knock. Who's there? It's Amy. Amy who?

It's amy, MARIO!

A blonde city girl named Amy marries a rancher.

One morning, on his way out to check on the cows, the rancher says to Amy, "The insemination man is coming over to impregnate one of our cows, so I drove a nail into the 2x4 just above where the cow's stall is in the barn. Please show him where the cow is when he gets here, OK?" The rancher leaves ...

Do you think Amy Schumer knows about this community?

Her career could skyrocket if she discovered us.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Amy Schumer porn

Fuck this isn’t google...

One stolen joke is a coincidence. Two stolen jokes is a pattern.

Thirty stolen jokes is an Amy Schumer special.

Haters, Amy Schumer just got another Netflix special announced, who's laughing now

^(still nobody)

What would Amy Winehouse be doing if she were alive today?

Scratching at the lid of her coffin.



Too soon?

I failed my audition as Amy Schumer

I told an actual joke.

Congratulations to Amy Winehouse...

...on six months of sobriety.

Congrats Amy Winehouse

on being 5 years sober

Son:Dad, why is my sister's name "Amy"?

Son: Dad, why is my sister's name "Amy"?
Dad: Because its an anagram for "May", the favorite month of your mother.
Son: Thanks for the help ,dad.
Dad: No problem, Alan.

What’s the sad part about being Amy Schumer?

The only time she made people laugh was when she said she wanted to be comedian

Maybe the end of Amy Schumer's new show is really funny.

I guess nobody will ever know.

Whats funnier than Amy Schumer?

The Holocaust

How conservative will Amy Coney Barrett's decisions be as a Supreme Court Justice?

I don't know, ask her husband.

So I saw Amy Schumer perform live...

The Kentucky Derby really is magical!

I would like to congratulate Amy Winehouse

on almost 4 years of sobriety.

Amy Winehouse has become a real inspiration for me

She's going on 6 years sober now.

Watching Amy Schumer is a lot like watching surgery.

Watching Amy Schumers Comedy is a lot like watching surgery videos on Youtube.
It's unsettling, it's gross and it doesn't make you laugh once.

Charlie Sheen, Amy Winehouse, and Keith Richards walk into a bar.

The bartender, local drug dealer, and in house pimp all get measured for a new suit

I would make a joke about Amy Schumers comedy career

but im afraid nobody will laugh

Amy Schumer had some great advice for her date.

You have to pretend like you want to use a condom. I like to say something fun when I bring it up, but honest. I'll be like, 'You're going to want to wear this. I've had a busy month.'

It's 1975, and John and Amy had just gotten married.

They go grocery shopping for their first time as a married couple. They buy various items, including lots of jars of food.

They get home, and Amy starts unpacking. John notices something strange... Amy takes the first jar and opens it, closes it again, and puts it in the refrigerator. She goe...

I was browsing Netflix the other day, and Happened upon the Amy Schumer special "Inside Amy Schumer." Looks like they couldn't use the original title idea due to copyright issues:

'Wide Open Spaces'

Stop making jokes about how fat and disgusting Amy Schumer is.

You're stealing her material.

I hate it when Amy Schumer gets compared to whales

Whales are kind of funny you know

What do MOAB and Amy Schumer have in common?

Apart from being plus-sized, they both really know how to bomb!

What did Amy Winehouse have in common with the Ghostbusters?

They both downed spirits.

What does Jeremy Clarkson and Amy Winehouse have in common?

They both used to be on top gear.

A doctor, priest, policeman, dog, Christian, comedian, blind man, Rabbi, firefighter, and Amy Schumer walk into a bar.

The bartender sighs and says, "My life is a joke."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So Amy Schumer claims that a big time producer, sexually harassed her by asking her for a blow job.

Turns out, he was just telling her she sucks.

How do you get Amy Schumer, Rosie O'donnell and Lena Dunham to move to Canada?

Piece of cake.

Did you hear that Elton John is singing at Amy Winehouse's funeral reception?

He will be singing "Candle Under the Spoon".

TIL: Amy Winehouse spent the last moment of her life watching her own video clips on Youtube before her death.

She must have read the comments.

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