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Julie Jokes

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Julie Andrews withdraws her endorsement

Julie Andrews will no longer be endorsing Revlon Vibrant Shades lipstick, as she claims it breaks too easily and makes her breath smell.

In a statement she said, "The super color fragile lipstick gives me halitosis."

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A little boy was sitting in class...

The teacher decided that since it was Friday afternoon, and there was nothing left to do for the week, she'd let the students go home early if they could answer a question correctly.

The teacher said: "Okay class, which president said: 'The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself'?"
...

“It’s no good, it’s over” said Julie. “You are so bad in bed.”

“Oh come on,” said the man affronted, “how can you tell
after 15 seconds?”

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New hooker in town.

Bill and his wife Julie were going through financial crisis. Bill suggested Julie to become a hooker.

Julie was not sure how to start that, so Bill said, "Stand near that pillar and pick up a guy. Tell him your rate is $200. If you got any question, I'll be parked around the corner".
...

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Three men are standing outside a jewellery shop looking at an expensive ring in the display window

The first man says, "That ring is perfect for Karen. I just wish I could afford it."

The second man says, "I was planning on proposing to Julie soon. She'd love that ring."

The third man says, "Okay, I'll make you both a deal. Whichever one of you gets to the bottom of the street first...

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Julie asks an annoying man if he wants to hear a joke about her vagina

Man: Hell Yes........
Julie: Nevermind, You will never get it

I'm not saying you will down vote this, nor I will say you will upvote it…

John invited his mother over for dinner. During the meal, his mother couldn't help noticing how beautiful John's roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between John and his roommate and this only made her more curious. Over the course of the evening, while watching the two inte...

Romie couldn’t take his eyes off of Julie

and so one day he plucked up the courage to ask her out on a date. He told her to meet him at the new fancy Italian restaurant at 7pm.

Romie got their early and Julie arrived at bang on 7pm as agreed. They both walk in to the restaurant and the waiter takes them to a romantic table alone in ...

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Ted and Julie go to bed with each other for the first time and Julie whispers, "I should warn you, Ted, I've got acute angina."

Ted responds, "Your breasts aren't bad either!"

Difference between men and women

Julie didn't come home one night. When her husband Tom asked her where she'd been she said she spent the night at a girl friend's house.

Tom was a bit suspicious so he called her ten closest friends, but none of them had seen her.

The following week Tom didn't come home one night. Jul...

A blonde was getting pretty desperate for money.

She decided to go to the nicer, richer neighborhoods around town and look for odd jobs as a handy woman.

The first house she came to, a man answered the door and told Julie "Yeah, I have a job for you. How would you like to paint the porch?"

"Sure that sounds great!" said Julie.
...

“Julie,” her mother asked, “why are you feeding birdseed to the cat?”

“Because,” Julie answered, “that’s where my canary is.”

Hey man, where did Julie spend her vacation?

Alaska.


- No thats okay, I'll ask her myself

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The billionaire and the mermaid whisperer

A billionaire is sailing his yacht past a lighthouse, and he sees the elderly lighthouse keeper out on the rocks at the base of the lighthouse, getting a blowjob from a mermaid - the top half was a stunning, curvy redhead, and the bottom half was a tiger shark. As he watches, the pair finish the act...

My friend Julie was dating this guy and one day she called me crying saying she was done with him for body shaming her at their dinner, I asked her for more details,

She said he called her 'Born a petite'.

A colon can dramatically change the meaning of a sentence.

Example:

I ate Julie’s sandwich.

I ate Julie’s colon.

A man visits a mental hospital.

He sees a patient with torn clothes & unkempt hair shouting "Julie !! Julie !!"

He asks the assistant about the reason for the patient's  behavior. Asst says the patient used to love a girl called Julie but couldn't marry her. So he became mad.

The man visits the next ward. There a...

Julie’s mum and dad had brought her up well...

But now she was off to university and they were worried that their beloved daughter would struggle to maintain their standards once away from parental supervision. Her mum came up with an idea, and extracted a promise from Julie that, before she did anything (eyebrows pointedly raised) for the first...

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A teacher asks children to name some drug names...

Sally stands up and says ”Paracetamol, its for pain relief”

Julie stands up and says “Aspirin , it helps you focus”

Jimmy stands up and says “Viagra”!

The teacher replies saying “Jimmy, how do you know that? What does that drug do?”

Jimmy replies “ Viagra is for diarrhea ...

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