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Catholic school girls

A train hits a bus filled with Catholic school girls and they all perish. They are in heaven trying to enter the pearly gates when St. Peter asks the first girl, "Tiffany, have you ever had any contact with a male organ?"
She giggles and shyly replies, "Well, I once touched the head of one with t...

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A young, attractive lady comes back from a house party.

Let's call her Jessica. Unfortunately, Jessica's face is now well wept. Her mother catches her with cum on her face, and begins to sob hysterically: "After I did everything to raise you as a good catholic girl, what the hell i this? Do you have any idea what I have gone through after your father lef...

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I just heard that Budweiser is suing Stella Artois for casting Sarah Jessica Parker in their Super Bowl LIII ad.

Apparently they have a trademark on beer advertisements starring a horse.

The 10th grade teacher asks Jessica: "What part of the human body increases to 10 times it's normal size when excited?"

Jessica responds: "That's disgusting! I don't have to answer that question!"

So the teacher asks little Johnny, who responds: "That's easy...the pupil of the eye."

"That's correct, Johnny. Very good!"

And turning to Jessica, she says:
"I've three things to say to you, young...

We threw our friend Jessica a surprise bukkake party....

Should have see the look on her face.

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A dog walks into a bank. "I'd like to make a de-paw-sit."

-"Haha thats funny!"
-"You think my finances are a fucking joke, Jessica?"

Sarah Jessica Parker walks into a bar

The bartender says "Why the long face?"

If Sarah Jessica Parker Dies...

And people continue making jokes about her, are they beating a dead horse?

So I heard Jessica Jones is directed by only Females

Well thats one way of saving 20% on production costs

Jessica and Katie were sitting and chatting on Katie's porch one Friday afternoon...

Jessica looks down the road and can see Katie's husband headed their way, with a large bouquet of roses. Jessica says, "Katie, here comes your husband! And he's got a bunch of roses!" Katie responds, "Yeah, nice", unenthusiastically. Jessica is confused, she says, "I don't understand. Isn't getting ...

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Sarah Jessica Parker on the cancelation of the new Sex and the City movie

"Will there be a Sex and the City 3?"

"Nay." -Sarah Jessica Parker

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Jim, Jeff and Joe are having a few beers at the local watering hole....

and seeing as their wives aren't around to tell the REAL truth, they start talking about what happens when they get in an argument.


"Well, when Jessica and I get in an argument about what to watch on TV, I tell her I bought the damn TV so I get to pick what we watch and when we watch it...

How tall is Sarah Jessica Parker?

15.3 hands.

"Oh my god! Sarah Jessica Parker is a competitive sprinter?!"

"Greg, calm down! This is just the Kentucky Derby."

Sarah Jessica Parker was asked if she supported the company that manufactures the Epi-pen.

She replied: "Nay"

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A boy comes home from school at 7pm

His dad says "where were you?
"I was with Jessica." He replied.
"What were you doing?"
"We were studying."
After picking a snack off the table the son says "These fishcakes are lovely."
Dad replies "Wash your hands son; they're fucking donuts."

Oh Jessica...

A fatal stabbing left a man bleeding to death just outside of an apartment complex, alone. As he started to lose consciousness, the man began writing the name of his killer, Jeffrey, his next door neighbor. The name was left incomplete, as he'd succumbed just after almost finishing the first "F"....

Two biologists have twins.

They named one Jessica, and named the other Control.

For the next Olympic Equestrian contest, they are renaming the “Show Jumping” event.

They are calling it Sarah Jessica Parkour.

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So there's a guy born without a body...

He was born as a head, nothing else. The doctors said he would never live, but somehow, he did. He had a rough childhood, but he learned to get around, rolling where he needed to, putting up with the teasing and looks. He just tried to fit in as best he could.

By the time he's in high schoo...

Dad: When you turn 18, I'm taking you to the strip club.

Teen: Dad, no!!!





Dad: Oh shut up Jessica, it's time for you to start bringing money to the house.

I'm going to make a game about free running horses

And I'll call it "sarah jessica parkour".

Three nuns passed away and went up to Heaven. They were pleasantly surprised when Saint Peter informed them that in exchange for their many years of servitude and chastity, God Himself was going to bestow upon them each one wish...

The first nun said with a blush, "This is slightly embarrassing, but I have to admit, while I did love serving the Lord, the vow of chastity was really tough on me. May I return to Earth for a weekend of unbridled lust, with the face and body of Angelina Jolie?"

Saint Peter said, "Your wish i...

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A man dies and goes to hell...

When he walks through the gate he is greeted by a demon. "Hi Steve. Welcome to hell. Since you were only an occasional sinner, you will be allowed to choose your eternal punishment"

The Demon leads him down a dark street. "This is your first option." he says. Steve sees a man being pecked to ...

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The teacher and little Johnny

As part of a class language test a teacher asked her primary school class to use the word fascinate in a sentence.

Sarah put her hand up and said "over the weekend we visited my grandfather on his farm, I was fascinated by all the animals he had"

The teacher replied "That was very goo...

Lesson in Marriage

A son goes to tell his father that he is going to marry his girlfriend.

Son: "Hey dad, I decided I'm going to marrying Jessica"

Dad: "Oh wow that's great son, but first you have to say you're sorry"

The son is confused by this

Son: "Wait why do you need me to say that da...

An 11 year old girl realized she began to grow hair between her legs.

She immediately got worried and asked her mom about the hair. Her mom calmly replied,

“That part where the hair is grown is called a monkey. You should be proud your monkey has grown hair!”

The young girl was excited and went to sleep.

The next morning, the young girl went up ...

A biologist gives birth ...........

A biologist gives birth to a set of twins. She names one Jessica and the other Control.

A husband and wife are out to dinner

When all of sudden a very attractive young lady comes up and kisses the husband on the cheek, winks, and walks away.

Naturally, the wife is less than pleased about this

"Who was that?" She asks

"That's Jessica, my mistress" he replies

As you can imagine, the wife is not ...

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A boy sits in class watching the clock when the teacher stands up in front of the class

And tells the class since there isn't much time before the end of class and it was Friday she will play a game with them. She explains the rules.

Teacher: Guess which president said the quote and you can leave early.

The boy is excited this is his favorite subject and he knows he is go...

I hate when people talk about their kids age in weeks and months.

"Jessica said her first word at 36 weeks!"

You mean 9 months.

"Ken is 24 months!"

Deborah, he's 2.

"My baby is -26 weeks old!"

No, Karen, you miscarried.

my wife got mad at me after picking out baby names...

she like it for the first week then it clicked for her... i said Peter Brian Johnson for a baby boy and Veronica Jessica Johnson for a baby girl...

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The problem with Iron Fist...

The problem with Netflix's Iron Fist show is pretty simple.

See, Marvel is trying to be diverse not just in front of the camera, but behind it. They want to really show respect for the communities their characters are drawn from.

So Jessica Jones is a woman, and they made an effort to ...

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sex with twins

Two guys are at a bar. One of them looks to the other and says, "I had the best time last night. I had sex with twins!" The other asks, "How could you tell them apart?" "Well, Jessica had long, beautiful, blonde hair, and Alex had a goatee.

You get what you pay for (NSFW/Gross)

A man goes to a brothel and walks up to the clerk at the front desk. The man says "I would like to buy some entertainment for the night." The clerk replies, "I would recommend Jessica. She is one the 3rd floor, room 7. She is $250 for the night." The man replies "That's Outrageous! I can't pay that!...

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A teenage boy has a hot date for the night

but there is a problem; the kid's father claims that he has slept with almost every girl in the town they live in and the boy doesn't want to date someone that has slept with his father.

So, the boy confronts his dad and asks if he has slept with his hot date.

"Sure, tell me her name ...

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