I went to eat at a Mexican restaurant with my friend Sara.

She had recently been diagnosed lactose intolerant, and hadn't eaten dairy in months, so I was a little surprised she wanted to eat there.

Before the server could even ask if we wanted an appetizer, Sara blurted out "I haven't had cheese in forever. Bring us a cheese dip, and don't even bothe...

A doctor and a truck driver...

A doctor and a truck driver are both in love with a very beautiful woman named Sara and the competition is fierce. Right as the truck driver is starting to get in good with her, his company sends him on a week long job, but before he leaves he brings Sara 7 apples.
She says "It's perfect! 7 is ...

Why did sara fall out of swing..

She didnt have hands

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Three Italian nuns die and go to heaven

At the gate, St Peter said they could come in - but as a reward for having led absolutely blameless lives, he would allow them all to return to Earth in the body of anyone, living or dead, at any time of their lives, for 6 months.

The first thought a bit, and said she would like to be Soph...

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Whats similar between a hurricane and women?

They come in hot and wet and leave with **THE LAWN CHAIRS WE BOUGHT TOGETHER SARA YOU BITCH!**

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Green ping pong ball.

These was once a girl, Sara, whos third birthday was coming up, and as this was the first time she was old enough to really understand what was happening, her parents asked her what she wanted.
"I want a green ping pong ball!" Sara answered immediately and without a hint of uncertainty. The par...

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Books Never Written

Hey guys, don't know if you're familiar with these kind of jokes, but they were my favorite growing up, so I thought I'd post a bunch of the here. They're pretty corny, but I hope you enjoy!

*Take A Breather* by Justin Hale

*How to Become Famous* by Anonymous

*Living Long* by Di...

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Potatoes

Two Amish women were digging potatoes in the field one day. Bessie pulled out two huge ones. she turned to Sara and said "Ya know Sara, these potatoes remind me of my Jakies balls." "Why you mean that.. Jakies balls are that big?" asked Sara. "No", replied Bessie, "they're that dirty."

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Sex Addict

Steve walks into a psychiatrists office. "I'm a sex addict doctor. Every women I see I imagine them naked and I imagine having sex with them...except for my wife. I have no sexual feeling for her at all. Please help me doctor, I still love my wife very much.
The doctor responds, " Please, call me...

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Every Friday, Ms. Jane ends class a little early...

and plays a game with the kids. She will read off famous quotes, and if one of the students in her 5th grade class can correctly name who said it, they get to leave school a little early. Today the quotes would come from US Presidents. She saw Tommy, who always won this game, sitting in the back, at...

If a chocolatier and a pastry chef have a child together, will they also make delicious food?

Not Nestle Sara Lee

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This man was about to propose, until she revealed this detail...

Steve and Sara met while on a Royal Caribbean singles cruise and Steve fell head over heels for her. And when they discovered they both lived in New York City Steve was ecstatic. He immediately started asking her out when they got home.

Within a couple of weeks, Steve had taken Sara to the mo...

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Two ladies are in the gym locker room ....

changing into their running outfits. One lady notices her friend's tummy and asks: "Sara, why is there wax in your belly button?" Sara says, "Oh, you'll never believe how romantic my boyfriend can be. He just loves to eat by candlelight."

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The Magic Lamp

A man whose wife had just divorced him was walking down along the beach trying to figure out what he was going to do next with his life. Suddenly his foot kicked something hard in the sand and he was immediately surrounded by smoke. A Booming voice said :

"I AM THE GENIE OF THE LAMP"
...

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The Naughty Friend

One day an at home wife is alone and the doorbell rings.
She opens it to a guy, "Hi, is Tony home?"
The wife replies, "No, he went to the store, but you can wait here if you want."
So they sit down and after a while of silence the friend says "You know Sara, you have the greatest breasts I ...

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(Long One ) So there's radio contest called 'Mate Match'...

The DJ calls someone at work and ask if they are married or seriously involved with someone. If the contestant answers 'yes', he or she is then asked 3 random yet highly personal questions.


The person is also asked to divulge the name of their partner with(phone number) for verification....

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The most famous person of all times

Who is the most famous person of all times. That was a subject of a contest among Catholic School's 5th graders with $100 prize. The teacher asked Jon first. He said it was Bill Clinton. The next one was Kevin who said it was Gorge Washington. After collecting responses from almost all participants ...

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3 women are sitting together at a bar....

Laura, Sara, and Elizabeth.
Laura sips her drink and tells the other two,
"Did you know," she says, "that the men with the biggest feet have the best sex in bed?"
Astonished, Sara decides to go test this out. Once she leaves the bar, she sees a man with the biggest shoes she's ever seen. Sh...

Three nuns die and go to heaven

Three Italian nuns die and go to heaven where they are met by St Peter at the pearly gates. St Peter says “Ladies, you all led such wonderful lives, that I'm granting you six months to go back to Earth and be anyone you want.”

The first nun says “I want to be Sophia Loren” and POOF she's gone...

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