What STD do Ross, Rachel, Chandler, Joey, Phoebe, and Monica all share?

The *clap clap clap clap clap.*

not many people know the friends characters represent all seven deadly sins

**Phoebe:**

**Joey:**

**Chandler:**

**Monica:**

**The monkey:**

**Rachel:**

**Ross:** pride, greed, lust, envy, gluttony, wrath, and sloth.

A Jewish man's wife dies. He wants to place an obituary in the local newspaper. The lady taking his order asks him what he'd like the obituary to say. He says just put "Rachel died" The lady explained he can can actually use five words as it's the same price as two. He says please put

"Rachel died. Volvo for sale"

I was eating a steak in my favorite restaurant, when a girl came to my table and shouted at me: "Enjoying your meat, murderer?!"

Seriously Rachel it was 15 years ago and your dad had a knife. Jeez.

A blonde joke a friend told me sometime ago (I'm sorry if this offends you)

Three women named Katie, Rachel and Karen, our blonde protagonist, attempted to rob the local bank.

Katie explained the plan to both of them. They went through it once again and then left for the bank.

While Karen went inside the bank, Rachel waited in the driver's seat and Katie was l...

To the people comparing Rachel Dolezal pretending to be black to Caitlyn Jenner being trans...

Transrachel isn't the same as transjenner.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A few originals (hopefully) by me.

I read an article the other day that said women named Rachel are 10x more likely to get pulled over by the police...

Another terrible example of Rachel profiling.


_______


What do you call a dinosaur that is attempting to get his girlfriend to try new things in the bedr...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A boy and a talking dog

A young boy goes off to college.

Half way through the semester, having foolishly squandered all his money .... he calls home.

"Dad" he says, "You won't believe what modern education is developing!

They actually have a program here in our institution that will teach our dog, Jack...

Rachel Dolezal just announced she's writing an autobiography

it's titled "The Inward Woman"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I once dated a girl who had a twin.

I once dated a girl who had a twin.

People always asked me how I could tell them apart.

It was pretty simple, Rachel always painted her nails purple and Dave had a cock.

Anytime I watch a Jennifer Anniston movie, it seems like she’s playing the same character.

She is a victim of Rachel profiling.

My wife came home from work and stormed angrily into the bedroom where I was sat.

"I get the impression you aren't being loyal to me," she said.

"Why?" I frowned.

"You've been very quiet recently. And you're always hanging around with that girl from work, Rachel?"

"Rochelle." coughed a voice from the wardrobe.

A Jewish man calls the newspaper to publish an obituary notice for her wife

Shlomo: Hello, This is Shlomo, I want to publish an obituary notice for my wife Rachel.

Agent: Hello Shlomo, how shall we publish it, do you have any words in mind?

Shlomo: "Rachel is dead". That's enough.

Agent: Sir you can write more; its the same price.

Shlomo: Hmm ok...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A teacher asks her student...

Teacher: "Rachel, what's the part of the body that can grow 9 times its initial size?"

R: "The penis"

T: "The pupil, but congratulate your boyfriend"

Girlfriend: Love you babe, xx…

*-I love you too!*
I’d be *so* happy if u put x's in when u SMS me...
*-Ok! Rachel, Sarah, Monica.*

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Today I received a message from Facebook

Fb : we would appreciate if you signed this petition

Me: what is it about ?

Fb: it’s about your continued faith in Facebook during these troubled times and requesting the govt not to put any sanctions

Me: you assholes stole our private information and sold it to others
...

A blind man goes into a restaurant

They don't have any braille menus, so he tells the waitress "Just bring me a dirty fork. Whatever I smell on it, I'll order."

So the waitress goes and grabs a fork from the sink, not knowing that another waitress had just used it to scratch her behind. She hands it to the blind man who sniffs...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There was an elderly nurse working overnight in an emergency room.

There was an elderly nurse working overnight in an emergency room. She had been doing this, and doing it well, for 45 years. She was a good nurse, always sharp as a tack, but she was getting to the point in life where she was just starting to get endearingly scatter brained. She would frequently get...

Don't step on the pink cloud

Three friends, Sarah, Emily, and Rachel were in a terrible car accident and died. They ended up at the gates of heaven. There was an angel standing there waiting to welcome them, and at the end of his welcome speech, he warned "no matter what you do, don't ever step on the pink cloud". Thus, the thr...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

One of my favorite jew jokes.

3 Jewish mothers get together for lunch one day at a fancy restaurant on the upper east side in Manhattan. They haven't seen each other in years, so the conversation naturally, turns to their sons. The first one says, "My Moishe...he's the best doctor in all of New York. Celebrities see him. Michael...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Threesome

My wife asked me, "If you could have sex with any of my friends, who would you pick?"

I decided that any answer would get me in trouble, so I might as well go for broke. I said, "Rachel and Erin are really pretty. In fact, I bet they would enjoy a threesome!"

Thankfully, instead of get...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A priest was in his office one day when he received a phone call

“is this St. Francis Catholic church?”
“yes” the priest replied
“are you the pastor there?”
“I am”
“Good. My name is Rachel, and I’m from the IRS. We were wondering if you would help us with a case. Do you know a Michael McCormick?”
“I do”
“Does he participate in your parish?”
...

Epic Chinese Movie Translation

While on vacation and downloading a DVD copy of War of the Worlds (2005) I laugh so hard from the English subtitle of what I downloaded and it turns out that it was a Pirated copy of the War of the Worlds.

Ray: It's OK...
(Subtitle: Do not fine, you is just fine.)

Rachel: Is Robby...

"What an age-appropriate joke for /r/funny"

An old Jewish man is on his deathbed, and his family is gathered around him. He's too weak to lift his head or even open his eyes, but he can talk to his family.


"Rachel, my beloved wife of fifty-seven years. The love of my life, my soulmate, the woman God created me to be with, are you h...

The missing sugar bowl

Mrs. Fisher comes to visit her son Jacob for dinner. He lives with a female roommate, Rachel.

During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty Jacob's roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this had only made her more cur...

A man is standing in front of a bar...

...named *Rachel's Legs*. A cop drives by, stops his vehicle and looks at the man. Then he drives off. 30 minutes later the cop drives by, looks at the man and drives off. 15 minutes later the same cop drives by again. He gets suspicious, gets out of his vehicle and walks over to the man. "Excuse me...

Confused Nurse

A doctor is making his usual rounds in the hospital when he sees one of his patients running hysterically down the hallway screaming, while a nurse is chasing after him with a boiling pot of water.

The doctor says, "Nurse Rachel is always getting things confused... I told her to prick the boi...

My girlfriend was asked to step aside and frisked at the airport for resembling a Friends character.

I think she was a victim of Rachel profiling.

The Bubba Joke--long

Bubba is talking to his friend in a bar and boasts to his friend that he knows everyone in the world. His friend, of course, doesn’t believe him.
“If you know everyone in the world, name everyone in this bar.” Bubba proceeds to name everyone—Joey, Rachel, Sam, Johnny, Bart, until everyone is name...

I'm celebrating international women's day by not having my wife make me a sandwich today.

I'm going to Subway and having Rachel make it instead.

The first Jewish president

On his first day in office, he calls his mother.

"Mom, you really have to come out to DC and check out the white house, it is amazing. Rachel and I would love to have you over.”

" Out there, with all the goyim? Its too busy for me."

"How's about a weekend at camp david. Its re...

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