For someone who's name is Amanda Victoria

A nickname is Manda Tory

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My Dad is Glaswegian, I brought my first girlfriend home one day and introduced her, "This is Amanda".

"It's a fucking what!?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Amanda and Bob are walking through the village on a hot day, both very thirsty.

They both see their friend Carl walking to his house with a bucket full of water in his hands. Bob asks him "Carl, where'd you get all that water you're carrying?" to which Carl responds "Oh, I went down to the... uhh... the hole in the plaza that goes down into the earth and there's water at the bo...

What's better than eating a mandarin?

Eating Amanda out.

A man visits a show of Amanda, the famous psychic and healer.

During the show Amanda walks to him, puts her hand on his shoulder and exclaims:

"You WILL walk!"

He says softly "But I'm fine, my legs already work."

She gestures dramatically and exclaims once more:

"YOU! WILL! WALK!"

The man decides to just play along, gets u...

Hello, I'm Amanda Laurie-Anne!

Mando: Hi. Me too.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

introducing my gf to my family

me: this is my gf, amanda

amanda: hi

my wife: what the fuck

Amanda is 21 years older than her son John. In 6 years from now, Amanda will be 5 times as old as John. Where is John's father?

Let M be the age in years of Amanda now.

Let C be the age in years of John now.

Then:

M = C + 21
M + 6 = 5(C + 6)
⟹ C + 21 + 6 = 5(C + 6)
⟹ C + 27 = 5C + 30
⟹ -3 = 4C
⟹ C = -3/4

John is -3/4 years old, which is -9 months old.
...

We had a mandatory meeting at work today

Tory and Amanda weren't even there!!!!

Amanda: Fred, honey, in your bathroom I found two towels, one with a letter A embroidered on it and another with an F. How thoughtful of you! I used the one with an A, because F is for Fred…

Fred: F is for face.

Amanda frowned at the man who had just proposed to her.

"I'm sorry Mike," she said. "I just can't marry you."

"Why not?" He asked. "Is there someone else?"

The frown deepened. "Oh Mike... there must be."

Entered a drag competition.

Receptionist: Name please?

Me: Amanda Tucker.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A brunette, a redhead, and a blonde are trapped in a burning building...

They manage to make it to the roof, but the flames are climbing higher. The volunteer fire department arrives and sees them standing up on the roof. So they grab a huge safety blanket and stretch it out between them. "Jump!" one guy yells. "It's the only way to safety! We'll catch you!"

So th...

NSFW. I could eat a mandarin .....

But I would prefer too eat Amanda out.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A girlfriend is feeling like a stranger

A girl named Amanda has been dating a boy called Bill for 6 years. Amanda has been anticipating a marriage proposal from Bill ever since their 4th year of dating each other, but she felt too shy to ask about it. Amanda thought to herself, "After 6 years of dating and he hasn't asked me to marry him?...

What do you call a male panda?

Amanda!

*^((I know it's not saying much, but this is OC!))*

I'm looking for a woman warrior

Oh, you're looking for Amanda

"Amanda who?"

Amanda Lorian

Church bake sale

Alice Grayson was to bake a cake for the Baptist Church Ladies Group bake sale in Tuscaloosa, but she forgot to do it until the last minute.

She remembered it the morning of the bake sale, and after rummaging through cabinets she found an angel food cake mix and quickly made it while drying ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[OC, long] There's a new MLM scheme going around getting housewives to bake cookies, cake, and bread.

"Independent Businesses Owners" buy frozen pastries and mixes from the company, bake them in a timeshare commercial kitchen space, and try to sell them at their office, church, kids' activities, public events, and through social media. The typical.

One of my coworkers, Amanda, recently invite...

Binghamton University's Athletic Director compared the mens basketball team to a zoo. The Binghamton Zoo responded with the following letter:

I am tired of hearing that blight on Binghamton University, the men's basketball team, being referred to as a "zoo." The Binghamton Zoo at Ross Park has just received re-accreditation by the Association of Zoos and Aquariums, the industry's governing authority. We achieved this status by being in th...

A blond man walks into a bar

He sees a very attractive woman sitting by herself, so he goes over to introduce himself.

"Hello miss, my name is Billy. Can I buy you a drink?"

She says, "I'm Amanda."

The man says, "Oh, I'm sorry to bother you, sir." and leaves.

What did the guitar and banjo name their daughter?

Amanda Lynn

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Impressing a date.

After weeks of trying everything he could think of accountant Frank Lester finally got the beautiful new secretary, Amanda, to agree to go out on a date with him. In an effort to impress the young woman Frank spared no expense: he hired a driver, wore his best suit, and managed to get reservations a...

There's a knock at the door...

And a young woman opens it to see a man with no arms or legs sitting on her doorstep.

"Yes? Can I help you?"

The man says "I'm sorry, I think I have the wrong house. I was looking for Lisa."

The young woman says "Well, I'm Amanda, Lisa's roommate. What is this about?"

The...

I'm the most hated person in the Senate

Ted Cruz: I'm the most hated person in the Senate.

Susan Collins: Hold my beer.

Brett Kavanaugh: Who said beer?

Twitter repost @Amanda_Kerri

10 ants were applying for a joint rental application...

...They meet with the rental agent and are discussing details of the property. One of the ants says "so this ant next to me is Dave, we met in university - great guy. Sarah, Jack and Bobby over there I met through work at the ant hill two trees over, we used to go out leaf hunting together - so much...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Horse Names banned by the British Horse Racing Authority

Chit Hot

Chocolate Starfish

Choke the Chicken

Curl One Off

Dick Face

Harry Azzol

Harry Balls

Harry Monk

Hugh G Dildeaux

Hugh G Rection

Hugh Gass Kisser

Hugh Gorgy

Hugh Janus

Ima Hoare

Ima Goodlay
...

Rich guy showing off.

In a locker room, a phone rings and Kenny picks it up and puts it on speaker.

Kenny- "Hello?".

Woman- "Hi honey!".

Kenny- "Whos this?".

Woman- "Its amanda. Your wife?".

Kenny- "Oh! Sorry honey, I just picked
up the phone and didnt see who was calling. What ...

My 8 year old cousin asked me if I wanted to hear a joke

Amanda: "I want to tell you a joke. Okay:
A snowman wants to go on vacation.
He wants to go to Chile because he thinks it will be chilly--BUT--he actually lands in a bowl of chilli.
Then he dies."

A customer walks into the store

Two employees named Bob and John are in a store when a customer comes in. The customer has long hair and a slender body yet big muscles and broad shoulders. Bob says to John “Is that person a male or female. Its really hard to tell.” John says, “I’m not sure but I think she is a woman.” Bob shakes h...

Blond

This blonde girl went home happy, telling her mother about how she earned $20 by climbing a tree. Her mum responded, "Amanda, they just wanted to see your panties!" Amanda replied, "See Mum, I was smart, I took them off!"

What's the worst name a transvestite could choose?

Amanda

In Dublin, a very nervous Liam brings his girlfriend to meet his father for the first time.

Liam (to father): This is Amanda

Father: A fooking WHAT!?

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.