What do Linda McCarthy and a spider web the in common?

They hang out with dead Beatles.

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Two women had been having a friendly lunch, when the subject turned to sex. “You know, John and I have been having some sexual problems." Linda told her friend. “That’s amazing!” Mary replied. “So have Tom and I."

"We’re thinking of going to a sex therapist." said Linda.

“Oh, we could never do that! We’d be too embarrassed!” responded Mary. “But after you go, will you please tell me how it went?”

Several weeks passed and the two friends met for lunch again.

“So how did the sex therapy wor...

Did you hear about Linda Lovelace's grandmother?

She went down on the Titanic.

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Ed and Linda met on a singles cruise and Ed fell head over heels for her.

When they discovered they lived in the same city, only a few miles apart, Ed was ecstatic. He immediately started asking her out when they got home.

Within a couple of weeks, Ed had taken Linda to dance clubs, restaurants, concerts, movies, and museums. Ed became convinced that Linda was ind...

Couple at next table: "The thing is, Linda; some people just take things personally and completely overreact."

Me: (flips table)

What do you call a cow with no legs?

My severely diabetic Aunt Linda.

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Notes from an inexperienced Chili taster named Frank, who was visiting Texas from the East Coast:

Recently I was honoured to be selected as an outstanding famous celebrity in Texas, to be a judge at a Chili cook-off, because no one else wanted to do it. Also the original person called in sick at the last moment, and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking for directions to th...

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A cyclops asks his wife,

“How do you spell Hawaii?”

His wife looks down, bites her lip and replies,” well....you need two i’s.”

“My life’s a fucking joke to you...isn’t it Linda?!”

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Love you, babe xxx

The girlfriend texted, "Love you, babe xxx"

I replied, "Love you too, babe."

She wrote, "It'd mean a lot to me if you would start putting some x's at the end of your messages, babe xxx"

I answered, "Okay, babe. Linda, Mary, Judy, Barbara.." 🤣

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A man and his wife have a very peculiar relationship.

On the outside, Paul and Linda seem like an average American couple. However, behind closed doors, Paul is a hardcore submissive masochist, and his wife is a prude who detests any kind of sexual activity. The only way that Paul can get his wife to comply with his desires is to cook bacon. For some o...

This is odd. People started naming their food in the office fridge.

Today I ate a sandwich named Linda..

The vaccine conspiracy

Linda had a heart attack and was brought to the emergency room while in clinical death. The doctors managed to revive her, but during her coma she saw a bright light and God appeared to her. She asked him:

"Tell me, God, is it true that vaccines could cause autism?"

"No, autism is a co...

Private investigator

(At a fancy diner with wife and her friend)
Wife's friend: So, what do you do for a living?
Me: I'm a private investigator
Wife: Kieth, you're allowed to say gynecologist
Me: People are eating, Linda!

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Barry gets home late one night......

......and Linda, his wife, says "Where the fucking Hell have you been???"

Barry replies "I was out getting a Tattoo"

"A Tattoo", she frowned. "What kind of Tattoo did you get?"

"I got a tattoo of a hundred dollar bill on my knob" he said proudly.

"What the Hell were you t...

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DIFFERENCES BETWEEN MEN AND WOMEN

Names
===========
If Linda, Kate, Paula and Janice go out for lunch, they will call each other Linda, Kate, Paula and Janice.
If Fred, Luke, Bradley, and Jeff go out, they will affectionately refer to each other as Bruno, Scrappy, Peanut-Head and Godzilla.

Eating Out
===========...

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Celebrity Computer Viruses

Monica Lewinsky virus: Sucks all the memory out of your computer.

Ronald Reagan virus: Saves your data, but forgets where it is stored.

Mike Tyson virus: Quits after one byte.

Oprah Winfrey virus: Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly expands to 300MB.<...

It's an overcast afternoon, so Jimmy sticks his hand out the window to see if it's raining...

As he does he's surprised when a glass eye lands in his open palm. Curious, he looks up and sees an attractive woman looking down from the balcony above.
"Um, is this yours?" he asks, holding up the optic.
"Yes, thank you!" she replies. "I'm Linda, can you bring it up for me?"
When Jim arri...

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Guess my age

It's Linda's 40th birthday, so she heads down to the shops to pick up supplies for the birthday BBQ she's having with some friends later on that day.
She heads to the supermarket first, fills the trolley with booze, the heads to the check-out. At the till the man notices the 'Happy Birthday' badg...

A man went to a housewarming party for his car-loving new neighbor.

He decided to bring his family along and introduce them.

"This is my beautiful wife Linda," he said. "And together we have three beautiful daughters: Joy, Hope, and Faith. We named them after the things we'd like to possess most in our lives."

"That's funny," said the neighbor. "I've d...

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In the sleepy village of Erbum

In the sleepy village of Erbum, in the town of Tillet, Hertsfordshire lives a lady by the name of Linda Lykes. She owns the local pub named "The Cock Inn". Her mail is addressed:




Linda Lykes

The Cock Inn

Erbum

Tillet, Hérts.

Cracks the mailman up wi...

What do vegetarian maggots eat?

Linda Mccartney...

You gotta keep the car and engine running

80 year old Jim marrined 18 year old Linda and he was the towns envy. Soon Linda got pregnant and was at the hospital giving birth. The nurse told Jim,"Its amazing you managed to do this at your age". Jim replied,"well one has gotta keep the car and engine running"

Soon a year later they were...

Farm Joke

A Missouri farmer in his pickup, drove to a neighbor's, and knocked at the door. A boy, about 9, opened the door

"Is your Dad home?"

"No sir, he isn't; he went to town."

"Well, is your Mother here?"

"No sir, she went to town with Dad."

"How about your brother, H...

Stupid people fearing

WANTED FOR ATTEMPTED MURDER (actual AP headline) Linda Burnett, 23, a resident of San Diego, was visiting her inlaws, and while there, she went to a nearby supermarket to pick up some groceries.

Several people noticed her sitting in her car with the windows rolled up and with her eyes closed...

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At the couples counselor

A husband and wife are having marital difficulties. In an effort to save the marriage they agree to go to couples therapy. The therapist sits them down and says "Before we begin I like to acknowledge that it is a commitment to the love between the two of you that has brought you here to see me. I un...