What do catholic priests and Led Zeppelin's Stairway to Heaven have in common?

They both play in A Minor.

So we have Stairway to Heaven and Highway to Hell...

...and yet no Carpool to Purgatory

Stairways in Heaven

A man dies and is standing at the gates of Heaven when he notices a beautiful woman standing beside a ladder. She calls out to him. "Come with me through the gate and we will spend eternity together in romantic bliss, or you can climb the ladder to success." The man, reflected on his life and, as be...

Stairway to Heaven

A very sad song for the handicapped.

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Three men climb the stairway to heaven.

At the top of the stairs is a train station, where a ticket man stops them. He explains to the men that souls may board a train from here that will take them the rest of the way up to heaven. However, the train runs on a schedule, and is nearly full.

"I'm sorry fellers" says the ticket man. <...

How many guitarist does it take to play stairway to heaven?

Apparently all of them

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The fact that there is only a stairway to heaven...

But a highway to hell says alot about anticipated traffic numbers

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A stairway builder was retiring

On his last day the manager held a speech for him in the lunch-room.
"This man has worked here for over 40 years! Just imagine the number of stairs built by you alone! I reckon, on the day you die, you could stack them on top of eachother and reach heaven!"

The retiring builder, a bit red...

A Blonde, Brunette, and Redhead all meet at the Stairway to Heaven...

An angel at the top says, "I'm going to tell a joke to you all. If you do not laugh, you may advance one stair, but if you DO laugh, you'll fall off into Hell."

The angel tells the 1st joke and the women do not laugh. They all advance. The angel tells the 2nd joke and the Redhead laughs, and...

Buying a stairway to heaven

A priest dies and finds himself in a long line for the pearly gates. To his right he notices another line processing souls much faster than his line. Every once in a while a lawyer or IRS agent passes him in the line to his right. After what seems like an eternity he gets to the front of his line an...

Stairways

They have their ups and downs.

Stairway of Laughter

A blonde, A brunette, and a red-head all died in a car crash, and they all went to heaven at the same time.
They arrive at the gates of heaven, when God appears and tells them they must pass a laughter test, if they fail, they will be sent to hell.
The objective was to climb 100 stairs without...

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead going up a stairway to heaven

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead are waiting at the pearly gates. God then says to them "Normally you girls wouldn't be let in, but I'm in a good mood today. In front of you there is staircase of exactly a thousand steps. Every time you take a step up, I will tell you a joke. If you make it all t...

I don't like the song Stairway To Heaven

because it implies that heaven is not wheelchair accessible.

God doesn't like fat people

That's why there's a stairway to heaven.

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3 dead men

(Note: buckel the fuck up because this is a long one)

There are three dead men next to each other on the stairway to heaven. They decide to all share their stories on how they died, one man goes first.

"I live on the 22nd floor on a 30 floor building. I had suspected my wife had been c...

The other day I decided to buy a Ouija board, so I could get in touch with deceased celebrities that havent crossed over yet,

The only celebrity I could get in touch with was Stephen Hawking.

I asked him a few questions including why he was a ghost and not gone to the after life yet.

Turns out Led Zeppelin was right all along,

there is a stairway to heaven.

A blonde, a redhead, and a brunette die and go to heaven...

There they are greeted by St. Peter who looks at them grimly.

"Unfortunately, heaven is quite full at the moment so you must all undergo a test to prove your worth. Before you all is the stairway to heaven totalling one thousand steps. On each step I will tell you a joke, they will get progre...

Whats Stephen Hawking’s least favorite song?

Stairway to Heaven

An argument in a bar

There are two men in a bar. One of them happens to be a paraplegic in a wheelchair.

An argument begins between the two men and gets heated and one man punches the man in the wheelchair knocking him down. The man who was in the wheelchair looks up at the man who knocked him down and responds...

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead all die and are supposed to go to heaven

However, they have all sinned in their lives, so they are kept at the base of the 100 step stairway-to-heaven.

God comes to them and says

"All of you have commited sins that cannot be forgiven, so you must face a trial if you wish to enter heaven. Every step you take on this stairway, ...

A guy is driving along when he spots a gypsies caravan on the side of the road with a sign saying, "readings $10 per person".

He pulls over thinking this could be a laugh, and enters the caravan.

The gypsy immediately grabs his hands, looks at them for a couple of seconds and looks up into the guys eyes.

She says, "Thriller, pretty woman, when doves cry ,stairway to heaven."

"wow", said the guy, "tho...

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[Long] My buddy and I were out fishing, when suddenly our boat sank

We both drowned, and I woke up in hell. I see a giant creature slowly walking towards me, when I realize it's the devil himself.

"Welcome to hell!" he yells at me, while guiding me along a long corridor.

"What the hell Satan, why did I end up down here?!" I yelled at him.

"I've...

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Three men are standing at the pearly gates.

Jesus says, "Congratulations, you've all made it to heaven. However, God decided to replace the stairway to heaven with a 100-mile highway. How loyal you were to your spouse in your life decides the quality of the vehicle you get."

The first man walks up to Jesus. He says, "I was completely l...

Why are Guitar Centers built on one floor?

There are no stairways allowed

[Long] A couple go to a bar during karaoke night...

and they hear a man sing to most beautiful cover of Stairway to Heaven they had ever heard. Since they were planning their wedding at this time, they approach the man after his performance.

"Wow, that was an amazing cover! Would you like to come perform at the reception of our wedding?" they...

The Free Drinks

Jerry was walking home from work in a bustling city, when he stumbled upon a man who was giving out coupons for a free drink at an enormous penthouse. This monstrous building had 100 floors, and no elevator, but Jerry was determined to go get himself a free drink.


After the first ten flig...

A blond, brunette, and a red head die and go to hell...

God decides to give these three woman one last chance. He brings them to the stairway into heaven and says, "There are 100 stairs and at each step I will tell a joke. If you laugh you will be sent back to hell. If you make it to the top without laughing, I will let you enter heaven." So it began....

Why did the guitar shop fail a fire safety inspection?

No Stairway.

Topical Jokes (5/25-5/26)

Hey, sorry for the tardiness! Been on the road lately. Here's some jokes to cap up the last couple days.

Governor Christie met with Snooki over the weekend, but things got a tad awkward when Christie licked his lips and asked, "But seriously, are you actually a meatball?"

Big Catholic ...