What’s the difference between a Pakistani elementary school and an Al-qaeda outpost?

I dunno man I just fly the drone.

Al-qaeda soldier having a summer vacation

Al-qaeda soldier was given a vacation for serving a full year. His commander even gave him a plane ticket for his desired country. Soldier is full of joy and runs off to plan his trip.
Time comes and he gets in the plane.
While in plane he sees his friend from al-qaeda. He greets him and asks...

What is Al-Qaeda's favorite sports team?

The New York Jets

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Al Gore is in the wrong line of work

Some people's names match their careers surprisingly well. Imagine a psychic named Krystal Ball or a stylist named Barbera Cutter.

But Al Gore is a failure in this regard. He had the perfect opportunity to start a math rock band in the 80s or 90s and just chose to not. It should have been fa...

Three insurance salesmen, Al, Ben, and Carl, are bragging about their accomplishments.

"Last month," says Al, "when one of my insured died suddenly, I got the news within six hours. The next day, I put a check in the mail for his family."

"That's nothing," says Ben. "Last week, when one of my insured died suddenly, I got the news within 30 minutes. That very day, I personally d...

A young depressed gentleman calls the Al Qaeda hotline

and says, "I think I need help. I've been having suicidal thoughts."

Then he hears the representative on the other end, "Well, congratulations. You're hired."

In the future, Donald Trump passes away from a heart attack.

He immediately goes to Hell, where the devil is waiting for him.
"I don't know what to do here," says the devil." You're on my list, but I have no room for you.

You definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell you what I'm going to do. I've got three folks here who weren't quite as bad as yo...

In 2024 Al Gore decided to run for president again.

His campaign hinged on a song he made to promote the dangers of global warming. It was so popular it became a meme.

After a while, everyone was talking about Al Gore, and, sure enough he became President.

When asked on the News, "How do you think he won," two fallen YouTubers stated, "...

Why Did The Chicken Cross The Road?

DONALD TRUMP: I've been told by my many sources, good sources - they're very good sources - that the chicken crossed the road. All the Fake News wants to do is write nasty things about the road, but it's a really good road. It's a beautiful road. Everyone knows how beautiful it is.

JOE BIDEN:...

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Al, Ben, Carl, and Dan meet at a bar every Saturday.

Dan is exceptionally optimistic. Every time one of the other three mentions something bad, Dan simply responds, "Could be worse!" This really drives them up a wall.

One Friday when Al returns home from a business trip, he, Ben, and Carl hatch a plan.

The next day Carl goes to the bar a...

‌‌I use‌‌d t‌‌o thin‌‌k al‌‌l blac‌‌k peopl‌‌e ha‌‌d boomboxes.

Turne‌‌d ou‌‌t i‌‌t wa‌‌s jus‌‌t ‌‌a stere‌‌o type.

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​ Paddy's daughte‌‌r ha‌‌dn't come hom‌‌e fo‌‌r ove‌‌r ‌‌5 years‌‌.

When she finally returned, Paddy curse‌‌d he‌‌r heavily‌‌.
"Wher‌‌e hav‌‌e y‌‌e bee‌‌n al‌‌l thi‌‌s time‌‌, child‌‌? Wh‌‌y di‌‌d y‌‌e no‌‌t writ‌‌e t‌‌o us‌‌, no‌‌t eve‌‌n ‌‌a line‌‌? Wh‌‌y didn'‌‌t y‌‌e call‌‌? Ca‌‌n y‌‌e no‌‌t understan‌‌d wha‌‌t y‌‌e pu‌‌t me and your ma through?‌‌"
‌‌T...

What makes Al Gore so robotic?

His Al Gore rhythm

Mr. and Mrs. Johnson had been happily married for decades, but there was one thing that bothered Mr. Johnson.

They had five sons named Al, Ben, Carl, Dan, and Edgar. Now Al, Ben, Carl, and Dan were all tall, thin, and handsome, but Edgar was short, fat, and ugly. Throughout his life, Mr. Johnson wondered if Edgar was really his son, but he never built up the courage to ask his wife.

Finally, the day ...

Three writers, Al, Ben, and Carl, who were attending a writing convention, booked a room on the 75th floor of a hotel.

When they arrived back at the hotel from the convention, the receptionist told them, "I'm terribly sorry, but the elevator is broken. In the meantime, you will have to take the stairs."

Now, Al was a writer of funny stories, Ben was a writer of scary stories, and Carl was a writer of sad stor...

My bartender is rather forgetful He can remember that my first name is "Al" just fine,

but I have no idea how he keeps mixing up "Smith" with "Coholic".

Breaking news

Teacher Arrested At Pearson Airport
A high school teacher was arrested today at Toronto's Pearson Airport as he attempted to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a compass, a slide-rule and a calculator.

At a press conference, Premier Kathleen Wynne said she believ...

I really wanted to share a link to Weird Al's 1984 Michael Jackson parody today but I realized

That I can't have my Cake Day and Eat It, too.

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How much times a week?

Some friends are bragging on how much sex they have. The first dude says: i get laid twice a week.
Al the others start counting, the second dude yells, i get some 4 times a week! Most of the mates are impressed.
One dude utters: i have sex almost every day of the week.
The gang looks in awe...

English to become the official European language

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility. 

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement an...

Five Detroit Tigers fans, Al, Ben, Carl, Dan, and Edgar, are watching a home game for the Tigers. Of course, the Tigers easily lose, and the five fans leave the stadium angrily.

"If those players had played better, we could have won," said Al.

"Don't blame the players, blame the coach," said Ben. "If he had trained the players better, they would have played better."

"Those players couldn't play a decent game if their lives depended on it," said Carl. "But it's...

How does Al Gore solve math problems?

He uses an Al-Gore-ithm

My name is Robert, but my friends call me Al...

Alcoholic

There was this musician in North Korea

One day, he was called upon by Kim Jong-Un himself, to compose a piece of music and have the great North Korean Orchestra play it live to him in the humble auditorium. The man, not wanting to displease the great leader, did as asked.

The big night arrived, with the musicians stood at the fro...

Youtube is introducing a new system of recommending youtube videos

The old system seemed to be biased towards videos of old presidential candidates playing beat and tempo games, so they finally decided to retire the al-gore-rhythm

Here's one for all of you baseball and chemistry fans

Hall of Famer Al Kaline wore #6 throughout his career, which actually makes him slightly acidic.

Al Gore and a computer scientist started a band.

The Al Gore Rhythms

What's Al Qaeda's favourite football team??

New York Jets

What did Al Capone say to his capos after going out on a 1st date with an undercover cop?

She is a very good listener.

What does Alexa like to eat for breakfast?

Siri-al.

Mafia have boiled a man to death in a industrial pasta cooker.

Police are still trying to al dentefy the victim.

People who act all intellectually superior by ending their thoughts with a Latin phrase—- usually have no idea what they are doing.

Et al.

If Al Gore didn't invent the internet

Why do all of the silicon valley companies always talk about Al Gore's rhythm?

‌‌A m‌‌a‌‌n i‌‌‌‌s b‌‌ein‌‌g r‌‌elease‌‌d f‌‌ro‌‌m a‌‌‌‌ U‌‌‌‌S h‌‌ospital.

A‌‌s h‌‌‌‌e i‌‌‌‌s b‌‌ein‌‌g e‌‌scorte‌‌d o‌‌u‌‌t b‌‌‌‌y a‌‌‌‌ n‌‌urse‌‌, h‌‌‌‌e p‌‌asse‌‌s b‌‌‌‌y a‌‌‌‌ p‌‌atient’‌‌s r‌‌oo‌‌m w‌‌it‌‌h t‌‌h‌‌e d‌‌oo‌‌r o‌‌pe‌‌n a‌‌n‌‌d s‌‌ee‌‌s t‌‌ha‌‌t t‌‌h‌‌e m‌‌al‌‌e p‌‌atien‌‌t i‌‌‌‌s m‌‌asturbatin‌‌g f‌‌uriously‌‌. C‌‌onfused‌‌, h‌‌‌‌e t‌‌urn‌‌s t‌‌‌‌o t‌‌h‌...

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So the Hacker group Anonymous just declared war on ISIS and Al-Queida

Quite ironic that terrorists will be killed by 72 virgins.

A‌‌n America‌‌n soldier‌‌, servin‌‌g i‌‌n Worl‌‌d Wa‌‌r I‌‌I ha‌‌d jus‌‌t returne‌‌d fro‌‌m severa‌‌l week‌‌s o‌‌f battl‌‌e o‌‌n th‌‌e Germa‌‌n fron‌‌t lines.

Th‌‌e soldie‌‌r ha‌‌d bee‌‌n grante‌‌d res‌‌t an‌‌d relaxatio‌‌n an‌‌d wa‌‌s o‌‌n ‌‌a trai‌‌n tha‌‌t wa‌‌s boun‌‌d fo‌‌r London.

Th‌‌e trai‌‌n wa‌‌s ver‌‌y crowded‌‌, s‌‌o th‌‌e soldie‌‌r walke‌‌d th‌‌e lengt‌‌h o‌‌f th‌‌e trai‌‌n i‌‌n hope‌‌s o‌‌f findin‌‌g a‌‌n empt‌‌y seat.

Th‌‌e on...

Al, Ben, and Carl were fishing in the middle of a lake when Al fell overboard.

Ben jumped into the lake to rescue Al. When he finally found Al, he threw the body onto the boat and Carl pulled him up.

As soon as Ben was safely in the boat, he noticed that Al wasn't breathing, so he quickly gave Al mouth-to-mouth.

"Yuck!" said Ben. "I don't remember Al having such ...

Come to think of it, it's a good thing Bush won the 2000 election over Al Gore...

Now we have to deal with Bushisms... otherwise we would have had to deal with Algorithms!

Too many authors to cite?

No problem et al

Why are Democrat robots so bad at dancing?

They were built with bad Al-Gore-rhythms.

What do pasta and cars have in common?

I don't like either al dente

If Al Abama wore Miss Issippi's new jersey to the party, what will Mary Land wear?

I dunno, Al ask a.

What job did Al Capone's assistant with OCD do?

Organized crime

With all the Covid-19 numbers increasing in FL, GA, TX, and AL...

I think I'm finally beginning to understand what they mean by "The South will rise again".

Why does Al Gore think he invented the internet?

Because it’s based on Al-Gore-rhythms

You know what the name of Al Gore’s new math rock band is?

Al Gore Rhythm

It is I who invented the term, "plagiarism".

However, Al Gore got credit for it.

Einstein, Hawking, Heisenberg and Schrödinger formed a band.

It's called "The Inconvenient Truths."

They play music with that old Al Gore Rhythm.

wanna hear a research joke?

Or not et. Al

“Weird Al” Yankovic on Tuesday rejected fans’ requests for a “My Corona” parody about the deadly coronavirus.

That would have gone viral.

I keep seeing clips from “An Inconvenient Truth” on my YouTube homepage...

Must just be the Al Gore-ithim

I recently inherited an antique set of loaded dice from my grandfather. They used to belong to Al Capone himself.

In other words, we've been spending most our lives living with a gangster's pair of dice.

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2020 Holiday Album

We're getting ahead of the curve and releasing this year's 2020 Holiday Album including such hits as:

1- Baby It's Covid Outside

2- Walking In A Pandemic Wonderland

3- Grandma Got Ran Over By A Protestor

4- Karen, Did You Know

5- Zoom Christmas

6- Frosty The...

What is the one thing fishermens are afraid of?

Getting carp-al tunnel

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If Al Gore tried his hand as a musician, his album would be called...

**Algorithms.**

Girlfriend thought of this while doing dishes earlier.... I could hear her laughing to herself in the other room for almost 10 minutes.

If Al Gore had a band, it'd be called...

The Algorithms.

I'm sooooooooooo sorry for this. :(

Have you heard an ex Vice President is releasing a computer generated reggae album?

It's called Al Gore Rhythms

My wife is always nagging.

I remembered to bring the stroller, the diaper bag, even an extra set of clothes.

But al she can talk about is how I forgot the baby.

Some people claim Al Gore dances too robotically

He says its just his Al Gore rhythm

A preacher is warning sinners in the high street

"The end is nigh!" He shouts at passers-by. And a guy shouts back at him "Nigh!!"
This puts him off a bit, but he carries on. "Be warned al you sinners, for the end is nigh!". And again the guy behind him shouts "Nigh!!" even louder.
This carries on all day until the preacher snaps at the guy...

You know how I know Al Gore invented the Internet?

The whole thing runs on algorithms

What do you call a sequence of dance moves made by Al Gore?

An algorithm.

What do you call an IT teacher who touches up his students?

A PDF file

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What did a therapist say to Beethoven?

>!I am all ears.!<

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As my flight touched down in Birmingham AL the pilot said to adjust our watches for the local time.

How the fuck am I supposed to adjust my watch back to 1950

Did you know that Al Gore founded an educational program that uses music to teach math?

It's called "Al Gore Rythms"

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What is the difference between Epstein and al-Baghdadi?

One of them had 72 virgins *before* he died.

Why couldn't Al Qaeda members pass shop class?

Because they always blow it on the building assignment

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Gandhi

Did you know that Gandhi used to have hot young women sleep naked in his bed with him? The idea was that he could conquer his baser desires and prove his self-control by abstaining from sex with them.

I tried a similar thing by leaving half a box of Double Stuff Oreos on my counter, and I gue...

I hear...

they are having a ba'al at CPAC.

The head instructor at the Al-Qaeda's training camp starts his lesson on suicide bombing...

"Now listen up closely everyone, I'm only gonna be showing this once".

3 spies, a french one, a british one, and an italian one, are captured by al-qaeda...

the terrorists tie each of them up and put the brit and the italian in a locked room. they take the frenchman to a room for 6 hours, torturing information out of him. when they finish with him, they take the brit to the room, who lasts 12 hours. they finally take the italian into the room, but as mu...

Who is the least acidic baseball player of all time?

Al Kaline.

Al Gore was tapping his foot while waiting impatiently for an elevator. The man standing next to him said: "Nice Algorithm!"

Al Gore responded: Al Gore take the stairs.

I coded a program to detect Al Gore’s speech by his cadences.

I used an algorithm.

Did u know that al the flags on the moon have been bleached white due to radiation?

This makes the moon an official province of France

On the eve of Joe Biden's inauguration, prominent members of the previous Democrat administrations have a Zoom call to toast the end of the Trump presidency.

Among other topics, conversation turns to Amazon and Google's targeted marketing and the methods they employ. To lighten the mood, Bill Clinton suggests that he and his former vice-president have an impromptu jam session for everyone on saxophone and bongos respectively, something they secretly did ...

Tw‌‌o wive‌‌s went ou‌‌t fo‌‌r girls‌‌' night.

Bot‌‌h go‌‌t drunk‌‌, starte‌‌d walkin‌‌g hom‌‌e an‌‌d ha‌‌d t‌‌o g‌‌o t‌‌o th‌‌e bathroom‌‌. The‌‌y stoppe‌‌d a‌‌t ‌‌a cemeter‌‌y bu‌‌t ha‌‌d nothin‌‌g t‌‌o wip‌‌e with‌‌. On‌‌e use‌‌d he‌‌r pantie‌‌s an‌‌d th‌‌e othe‌‌r grabbe‌‌d ‌‌a wreat‌‌h of‌‌f ‌‌a grave‌‌.

Th‌‌e nex‌‌t morning‌‌, on‌‌e...

A plane full of republicans had been captured by al queda

They have posted a video online saying that unless the us government pays them ten million dollars, they will start returning them, one by one

I saw Al Gore talking about rising sea levels the other day...

He really needs to come to terms with losing Florida.

Al Gore's dentist had trouble doing a filling.

It was An Inconvenient Tooth.

I'm smarter than Einstein, Hawking, Da Vinci and Aristotle combined...

cuz ther al ded

Bill Clinton and Al Gore decide to go eat out at a diner

After giving them some time, the waitress comes and asks if they are ready to order.

Bill goes, "Yes, I'd like to have a quickie please."

"A quickie?!" the waitress replies with disgust. "I'll come back later when you are ready to make an order from the menu."

Al Gore leans over...

So Al Sharpton Came To A Church....

When I heard Al Sharpton was guest preacher at a black Miami Church, I decided to check him out in person and see what it was all about. I sat down and Sharpton came up to me - I don’t know why, maybe it was because I was the only white person in the Church. He laid his hands on my hand and said: “...

A college student writes a letter to his parents back home.

Dear Mom and Dad,

$chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard. My profe$$or$ are al$o $uper cool! With all my $tuff, I $imply can't think of anything I need, $o if you would like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you. Mi$$ you guy$!
<...

THE COUNT CONTINUES

They found over 20,000 votes behind a radiator in Florida.
Al Gore declared President

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Things are tough al over

A man was having a hard time keeping ends meet so he had a talk to his wife, which was very beautiful and had a great body. "Wife, I do not think we will have enough money this month so I am going to need you help", he said. She responded; " Anything I can do, how can I help?" He responded; "Well I ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Al the Irish jokes I've heard - Irish this sub a happy St. Patrick's Day!:

* What do you get when you cross a 4 leaf clover with poison ivy? A rash of good luck.
* What do you call a fake Irish stone? A shamrock.
* Why shouldn't you iron a 4-leaf clover? You'd be pressing your luck.
* What instrument did the diva musician play on St. Patrick's day? Brag-pipes....

Al bragged about his home aquarium to a friend.

“I keep it super clean,” he said. “And my fish are always so darn happy.”



“How the heck can you tell your fish are happy?” his friend asked.



“Because,” Al replied, “they are always wagging their tails.”

Dr. Jill Stein plans on marrying former senator Al Franken.

She will run for president in 2020 as Dr. Franken-Stein.

I saw a former vice present playing bass recommend to me on Youtube.

I think something was wrong with its Al Gore rhythm.

Q: What does the zero say to the eight?

A: Nice belt!

Q: What do you call friends who love math?

A: algebros

Q: How is an artificial Christmas tree like the fourth root of -68?

A: Neither has real roots.

Q: Why did the two 4's skip lunch?

A: They already 8 (ate)!

Q: How do you kn...

If we can get Al Franken to run for President, with the Green Party candidate as his running mate, my bumper sticker would be...

Franken Stein 2020

Why was Al Gore scientifically a great dancer?

Because of his Al Gore Rythyms.

My name's Al, so some of my friends like to call me Al-zheimer's.

I forget why.

Al Sharpton goes to Best Buy

Al Sharpton heads into best buy and is browsing the appliance section. He calls over a young white male employee.

Al: Hey young man, I'd like to register a complaint.
Best Buy Guy: What seems to be the issue sir?
Al: Well you see son, all of these washers are white! This is outrageous...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An al-Qaeda suicide bomber carried out his mission...

And made it to heaven, where he found 72 virgins. Turns out they were all guys playing world of Warcraft.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Little Fisherman

Somewhere near a big lake lives Jon together with his cat.

Early in the morning Jon wakes up, washes his face and goes to the kitchen. He takes his bag of bread, takes out a few slices and butters them up. puts some cheese on it and stores them is his bread box. Picks up his fishing pole an...

What is it called when Al Gore comes up with a solution to a problem?

An Al-Gore-ithm.

I'll see myself out.

What kind of pizzas did Al Qaeda deliver to the World Trade Center?

Two large plains.

What do you call it when Al Capone goes camping?

Criminal intent.

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Al Capone summons a man he lent money to

Al Capone gets his thugs to bring a man to him who has stolen $50,000 from him. Unfortunately the man speaks a language Al Capone, nor his thugs understand so they have to get a translator.

Al Capone tells the translator, 'ask him where the money is'
'Where is the money' the translator say...

Two mechanics are starting a long work day.

Greg: "I don't feel like working today. I think I'm going to get myself sent home early."

Al: "Just how do you think you're going to do that?"

Greg: "Watch me."

Greg climbs up the tire rack, and hangs upside down from the rafters with his arms spread out.

Just then the sh...

An old granny and her grand daughter are chatting about granpa

-Did you love him, granma?
-Oh yes, i loved him so much. He was all my life, even tough he was so lazy.
-How come?
-You see, everytime there was something not working, he would never do anything about It. "Al, the sink Is broken." "Do i look like a plumber?" He would reply. "Hon, a brick fe...

Why did the Indian restaurant in Dallas have al fresco seating?

Because Texas is an open curry state.

Did you hear about the kid who won the ALS competition?

He won atrophy for first place.

Weird Al walks into a bar

And makes a parody of it

How do you get rid of Al-Qaeda?

Give the goats STD's

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sex_al Harass_ _nt

All that's missing is "u" and "me".

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Why did Al Gore get a nipple ring?

Cuz he heard Bush got a Dick Cheney.

If we really do live in a simulation, I think I know how they programmed global warming.

They most likely used an "Al-Gore-Ithm"

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