Mrs. Johnson was having her second set of twins: a boy and a girl.
Once again, she fell into a coma before delivery, so it fell to her younger brother to name the newborns. Traditionally, that job would fall to the eldest, but he had lost that privilege after naming her first set of twins Denise and Denephew. When she finally came to, she saw her brother standing b...
It's not a privilege for bears to have limbs.
They have the right to bear arms.
How many tumblrinas does it take to change a lightbulb?
You may think that a burnt out bulb needs to change just because the room is too dark *for you* to see anything, so it *must* be changed, but I don't care, it's beautiful, you should respect its right to be burnt out and learn to be more accepting of darker rooms, check your filament privileges you ...
Have you ever had the privilege of sailing across the North Atlantic Sea?
Neither has the Titanic.
I just checked my privilege.
Looks fine to me.
A woman goes to the doctor looking fantastic: hair and makeup done by a professional, Gucci heels, Versace dress and Prada purse.
"I've been stung by a nasty insect of some kind," she tells the doctor, "...but I'm ashamed to tell you where."
"It's okay," says the doctor. "Our communica...
I call my cell phone "privilege"
Because I never check it
What do children and privileges have in common?
Abuse ‘em and you’ll lose ‘em.
A friend asked me if I felt especially blessed to have the privilege of cleaning out Catwoman's toilet...
"Halle loo, yeah!"
What do you call a spirit of pride, entitlement, privilege, and arrogance?
An heir elemental.
A teenage girl had just been given family-car privileges, when she returned home very late from a party.
The next morning her father went out to the driveway to get the newspaper and came back into the house frowning.
At 11:30am the girl sleepily walked into the kitchen, and her father asked her, "What time did you get in last night?"
"Not too late, Dad," she replied nervously.
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
Classic Catholic Joke, “The Son of a Bitch”
I’ve been Catholic all of my life, and this is one of my favorite jokes of all time.
One of the parish priests from the Cathedral went on a fishing trip. On the last day of his trip he hooked a monster fish & proceeded to reel it in.
The guide, holding a net, yelled, "Look at the ...
My dad and I(f) both ordered the same thing at the same time online. He got his before me.
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
What were the British Virgin Islands named for?
Having the rare privilege to not have Prince Andrew visit. Yet...
Interview with the Pope and a Rabbi.
I am a reporter for a major monthly publication. Generally I write human interest articles. Last year I was given the privilege and granted an interview with the Pope.
Upon entering the Pope's office I was greeted warmly with a handshake and a hug. The pope and I had an amazing conve...
"You always try and trick me with your privileged right to be first every time, then, you try and manipulate me into making dumb mistakes. You look down on me, don't you? Is it because I'm black!?"
I sighed and said, "Look, you can be white if you want darling, it's only a game of chess!"
Oliver has been living the dream
Two old friends caught up for lunch. Jake and Oliver hadn't seen each other for over twenty years. "How have you been?" Oliver asked. "I've been good" Jake said, ordering from the menu. "I'm married with two great kids. Work is a bit dull but it pays the bills. How about you, how have you been...
A man is at the funeral of an old friend.
He tentatively approaches the deceased's wife and asks whether he can say a word. The widow nods. The man clears his throat and says, "Plethora."
The widow smiles appreciatively. "Thank you," she says. "That means a lot."
Another man comes up and says: "Mind if I say a ...