I was kidnapped by a group of mimes

They threatened to do unspeakable things !

“Son, you’re just not cut out to be a mime”

“Why dad, is it something I said?”


“...Yes”

I think my father is working as a mime

I haven't seen him for years after he left without saying a word

Every year, hundreds of children are shipped off to mime school ...

never to be heard from again.

My friend decided to become a mime

I haven't heard from him since.

A massive fight happened at the mime convention

You wouldn't have heard of it, they don't like talking about it.

Just heard that the mafia hired a mime to do their dity work.

You ask why.

Because they don't say a word when questioned.

A mime in my town was arrested after he broke his left arm in a bar fight.

He still has the right to remain silent.

I had an interview for a job as a Mime today, unfortunately i didn't get it.

Must of been something i said

"Hello I'd like to register for mime classes"

"Ah, say no more"

My parents are both mimes, but they’ve recently filed for divorce.

They just don’t communicate.

Kicked a mime in the nuts today.

Very effective unmute option.

What does a mime do when feeling neglected?

Acts out.

The first rule about mime club

is you don’t talk about mime club.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I wanted to be a mime artist

But I’m shit at drawing mimes.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I entered a gameshow to win a million dollars...

The gameshow required guessing the unknown using your five senses.

In round one, I stuck my hand into a covered box and guess what was inside by feel. Without hesitation I knew it was seaweed and tinfoil. I would know that feeling anywhere.

In round two, we were paired and had to guess...

Did you hear about the mime artist who tried to become an anger management counselor?

He eventually drove everyone up the wall.

Did you hear about the mime that hung himself at the Trump Rally?

He's fine. It was just Fake Noose.

Dave is a talented mime who works at the local zoo.

He is very good at his job and is well liked by the guests of the zoo. One day, the zoo's famous orangutan dies suddenly. Not wanting to close the exhibit, the zoo approaches Dave with a proposition. Dave is to dress up in a realistic orangutan suit and pretend to be the orangutan, until the zoo can...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is the name of a mime that pretends to have sex?

Elisocray.

Why aren’t there many famous female mime artists?

The glass ceiling.

What do you call a crossdressing mime?

A panty-mimer

My grandfather was his army battalion's mime during WW2.

He doesn't like to talk about it.

That’s the thing about humping mimes....

You never hear them coming.

My friend got into hot water with a cult of mimes

They committed unspeakable acts of violence against him.

Did you hear about the deaf man who escaped a murderous gang of mute mime artists?

Yeah, he saw them coming.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My friend just asked me, "If you became invisible, what would you do first?"

I said, "I'd go to Paris, find a performing street mime

and beat the shit out of him; the round of applause

he'd get would be astounding."

Why was the mime arrested?

He committed an unspeakable crime

Once I got kicked out of a library for being a mime.

Because actions speak louder than words

A mime performed at a zoo.

The hours were flexible, and people paid him to act. He figured it was a good gig, so he went along with it. He did it for weeks and weeks, until one day the manager pull him inside. The mime was a bit worried, but he shrugged it off. The manager, looking panicked, said that, recently, the zoo's gre...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear they arrested a rapist mime?

He got off without a sentence.

I love watching a mime artist

I even give him invisible money

A mime got fired.

He got caught thinking outside the box at his workplace.

I’ve been looking into becoming a mime recently

But Im not sure it’s worth it because they don’t talk about their salaries

I was fired from my job as a mime today.

I didn’t go quietly.

My brother ran away from home to study mime.

We never heard from him again.

What did one mime say to the other?

Nothing

(My mom told me this one)

Did you hear about the Mime Murders?

It was an unspeakable horror

Mime on mime violence is rampant.

But you just never hear about it.

Which disease is most tragic for a mime?

Gesticular cancer.

I don't think I'd ever want to be a mime...

It just doesn't speak to me.

My friend asked how my mime career was going...

I said I'd rather not talk about it.

Marcel Marceau and Charlie Chaplin were booked to perform at a benefit.

Naturally since they were both silent performers, their acts relied purely on physical humor. The night of the performance they were backstage comparing notes and discovered they had planned to do almost the same bits: man stuck in box; man pulling rope; man walking against the wind; etc.

I ...

A mime is working at a zoo...

One day, the head zookeeper pulls him aside to chat. He says, "Bobo, our silverback gorilla, the star attraction here at the zoo, has died. We don't want to lose the revenue, so we want to hire you to dress up in a gorilla suit and pretend to be Bobo. We'll pay you double what you're making now."...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A friend of mine was sexually assaulted by a gang of mime artists last night...

They did unspeakable things to him.

Two mimes are eating a cannibal clown

One turns to the other and says

You come across three performing mimes. One is in an invisible box, one is cutting an invisible rope, and one is fighting an invisible man. Which one failed mime school?

The one who won't shut up about it.

Police issued a warning of an escape criminal who is a mime

The police also said that the criminal have done unspeakable things

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The man said to his mime...

"I'm afraid I have to fire you."

The mime replied, "Why the fuck am I fired?"

First they came for the mimes..

And oh hell yeah I said something. I didn't want them to think I was a mime.

A mime fell down a well and couldn't call for help.

His larynx was crushed during the fall.

A mime is performing an act in Paris

An Englishman, Frenchman, Spanish man, and German man are watching the mime perform. The mime notices that they cannot see him very well. He places a box down and signals to the audience if they can see him.

"Yes"

"Oui"

"Sí"

"Ja"

I wrote a 200,000 word novel about a French actor who is persecuted for his art.

It's called, "Mime and Punishment".

My dad once told me I would make a great mime...

I was speechless.

Why can't mimes work in packing and shipping?

Because they just can't think outside the box !

Biker mimes

If a group of mimes forms a motorcycle gang....

Do they have to drive electric bikes?

I've just found out that one of my best friends is a mime artist.

He kept that quiet.

Growing up, I knew I had what it takes to become a mime...

But my father didn't see it.

"Ninja kills Mime"

Nobody heard about it

I hear that mime crime is a big problem in Paris these days.

Apparently they do unspeakable things if you resist.

Last night I played a blank cassette tape at full blast.

The mime next door went nuts.

A mime once nearly had me convinced that a wall was actually there...

...but it was just an obstacle illusion.

There was a murder at the mime convention

Everyone was left speechless

I'm a Mime rapper

I call myself Gnat. Cause I'm a silent G.

If a mime went jihadi and did a suicide bombing...

Would it be an unspeakable act of terrorism?

My daughter wanted me to be a mime for her birthday party.

I was speechless.

Just been told I've got the job as a mime

...

I'm speechless.

I got a walk on part in a silent movie about mimes.

I’m absolutely speechless.

My friend went to mime school...

Haven't heard from him since.

HAHAHALOLOLOO SO FUNNY SOMEONE PLZ KILL ME

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