UPJOKE
marcel marceaumummerpantomimemimicthespianactorroleplayactpantomimerpantomimistdumb showplayactmarceauimitateplay

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The Masturbating Mime

Police in Paris have finally caught the elusive mime known for masturbating in public and harassing tourists.
In a statement, Police Chief claims "he came quietly"

A mime is working at a zoo...

One day, the head zookeeper pulls him aside to chat. He says, "Bobo, our silverback gorilla, the star attraction here at the zoo, has died. We don't want to lose the revenue, so we want to hire you to dress up in a gorilla suit and pretend to be Bobo. We'll pay you triple what you're making now."...

"Hello I'd like to register for mime classes"

"Ah, say no more"

I had an interview for a job as a Mime today, unfortunately i didn't get it.

Must of been something i said

Ive just been molested by a group of mime artists...

They did unspeakable things to me.

Why was the mime arrested?

He committed an unspeakable crime

A Mime was Abducted Last Week

No one has heard from him since.

Did you hear about the mime that hung himself at the Trump Rally?

He's fine. It was just Fake Noose.

If the police arrest a mime,

do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?

I just found out that my girlfriend is a mime.

I can’t believe that after all these years, she never told me.

Why can't you hear a mime in the bathroom?

Because the pee is silent.

"Son, I don't think you're cut out to be a mime."

"Was it something I said?" Asks the son.

"Yes."

I got kicked out of mime school

Must've been something I said

A Mime Goes To The Zoo...

The mime, who has been down on his luck, begins to perform his act in the middle of the zoo. Just as a small crowd is beginning to gather, a couple of zookeepers come by and escort him away.

The zookeepers bring the mime to see the head zookeeper, who admits to the mime that recently their m...

Who wants to be thrown out of mime class?

Make some noise!

As a child i was molested by mimes

They did unspeakable things to me.

I had a torrid affair with a mime.

He did unspeakable things to me, and I haven’t heard from him since.

Once I got kicked out of a library for being a mime.

Because actions speak louder than words.

You come across three performing mimes. One is in an invisible box, one is cutting an invisible rope, and one is fighting an invisible man. Which one failed mime school?

The one who won't shut up about it.

I strangled a mime artist....

With a cordless phone.

How did the mime keep getting laid?

He could do unspeakable things in the bedroom.

Did you hear about the Mime Murders?

It was an unspeakable horror

I think my father is working as a mime

I haven't seen him for years after he left without saying a word

A mime got fired.

He got caught thinking outside the box at his workplace.

A mime is performing an act in Paris

An Englishman, Frenchman, Spanish man, and German man are watching the mime perform. The mime notices that they cannot see him very well. He places a box down and signals to the audience if they can see him.

"Yes"

"Oui"

"Sí"

"Ja"

My friend decided to join a mime school a year ago.

Haven’t heard from him since.

A mime in my town was arrested yesterday after he broke his left arm in a bar fight.

He still…has the right to remain silent.

Every year, hundreds of kids are shipped off to mime school...

...never to be heard from again.

I dated a mime in college

Hand jobs were the worst.

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Did you hear they arrested a rapist mime?

He got off without a sentence.

Shipwrecked Mime

A traveling theater company boards a ship to the Pacific. The ship sinks and three men find themselves in a lifeboat: Francois the mime, Leo the juggler, and Thomas the producer.

Leo and Francois have always been best friends, but Francois has lost a lot of blood in the wreck and doesn't have...

Mime on mime violence is rampant.

But you just never hear about it.

Kicked a mime in the nuts today.

Very effective unmute option.

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So my Professor said "if you were granted invisibility for one day what would you do?"

I said, " I'd go to Paris and find a mime and beat the crap out of him and the applause from the crowd would be outstanding! "

A mime performed at a zoo.

The hours were flexible, and people paid him to act. He figured it was a good gig, so he went along with it. He did it for weeks and weeks, until one day the manager pull him inside. The mime was a bit worried, but he shrugged it off. The manager, looking panicked, said that, recently, the zoo's gre...

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The man said to his mime...

"I'm afraid I have to fire you."

The mime replied, "Why the fuck am I fired?"

It's a bit embarrassing to admit here, but I was once attacked by a whole bunch of street mimes..

#

..and they did some unspeakable things to me.

An Englishman, a Frenchman, A Spaniard and a German go to the theater to watch a mime show.

The men have bad eyesight so they are squinting through the whole performance.
The mime sees their problem and stops the show and moves them to the front row. He then ask, "Can you see me now?"
The men Respond:
YES
OUI
SI
JA

How can you tell if your mime girlfriend wants to dump you?

She will show you the door.

I got kicked out of my local Mime troupe yesterday. They didn't like me too much...

I guess it was something I said.

"Ninja kills Mime"

Nobody heard about it

That’s the thing about humping mimes....

You never hear them coming.

Which disease is most tragic for a mime?

Gesticular cancer.

My parents are both mimes, but they’ve recently filed for divorce.

They just don’t communicate.

Dave is a talented mime who works at the local zoo.

He is very good at his job and is well liked by the guests of the zoo. One day, the zoo's famous orangutan dies suddenly. Not wanting to close the exhibit, the zoo approaches Dave with a proposition. Dave is to dress up in a realistic orangutan suit and pretend to be the orangutan, until the zoo can...

The first rule about mime club

is you don’t talk about mime club.

My friend got into hot water with a cult of mimes

They committed unspeakable acts of violence against him.

Why aren’t there many famous female mime artists?

The glass ceiling.

First they came for the mimes..

And oh hell yeah I said something. I didn't want them to think I was a mime.

Just heard that the mafia hired a mime to do their dity work.

You ask why.

Because they don't say a word when questioned.

A mime fell down a well and couldn't call for help.

His larynx was crushed during the fall.

What did one mime say to the other?

Nothing

(My mom told me this one)

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Mime competition

(please note: this joke works best if you actually do the signs when you tell it)


A bar is having a mime competition, and the finalists are an Englishman and an American.

The Englishman starts, putting his hand into a fist.
The American replies, placing his hand in front of him...

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If I ever became invisible, I'd kick fuck out of a mime

Imagine the round of applause he'd get

My grandfather was his army battalion's mime during WW2.

He doesn't like to talk about it.

I'm a Mime rapper

I call myself Gnat. Cause I'm a silent G.

My friend asked how my mime career was going...

I said I'd rather not talk about it.

Two mimes are eating a cannibal clown

One turns to the other and says

My friend went to mime school...

Haven't heard from him since.

HAHAHALOLOLOO SO FUNNY SOMEONE PLZ KILL ME

There was a murder at the mime convention

Everyone was left speechless

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A friend of mine was sexually assaulted by a gang of mime artists last night...

They did unspeakable things to him.

Why can't mimes work in packing and shipping?

Because they just can't think outside the box !

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is the name of a mime that pretends to have sex?

Elisocray.

Police issued a warning of an escape criminal who is a mime

The police also said that the criminal have done unspeakable things

If a mime went jihadi and did a suicide bombing...

Would it be an unspeakable act of terrorism?

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