A mime is working at a zoo...

One day, the head zookeeper pulls him aside to chat. He says, "Bobo, our silverback gorilla, the star attraction here at the zoo, has died. We don't want to lose the revenue, so we want to hire you to dress up in a gorilla suit and pretend to be Bobo. We'll pay you triple what you're making now."...

Why can't you hear a mime in the bathroom?

Because the pee is silent.

An Englishman, a Frenchman, A Spaniard and a German go to the theater to watch a mime show.

The men have bad eyesight so they are squinting through the whole performance.
The mime sees their problem and stops the show and moves them to the front row. He then ask, "Can you see me now?"
The men Respond:
YES
OUI
SI
JA

It's a bit embarrassing to admit here, but I was once attacked by a whole bunch of street mimes..

#

..and they did some unspeakable things to me.

Every year hundreds of children are shipped off to mime school

Never to be heard from again.

"Hello I'd like to register for mime classes"

"Ah, say no more"

I think my father is working as a mime

I haven't seen him for years after he left without saying a word

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear about the mime who was arrested for masturbating in public?

The police thought he'd put up a fight, but he came quietly.

I strangled a mime artist....

With a cordless phone.

How did the mime keep getting laid?

He could do unspeakable things in the bedroom.

I got kicked out of my local Mime troupe yesterday. They didn't like me too much...

I guess it was something I said.

How can you tell if your mime girlfriend wants to dump you?

She will show you the door.

Ever since my best friend decided to become a mime..

I never hear from him...

I had an interview for a job as a Mime today, unfortunately i didn't get it.

Must of been something i said

Did you hear about the mime that hung himself at the Trump Rally?

He's fine. It was just Fake Noose.

My parents are both mimes, but they’ve recently filed for divorce.

They just don’t communicate.

“I don’t think you’re cut out to be a mime, son.”

Son: “Was it something I said?”

Me: “Yes.”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I dated this mime/clown for a while.

After every argument, the silent treatment was awful, but the make-up sex was incredible.

Ive just been molested by a group of mime artists...

They did unspeakable things to me.

Kicked a mime in the nuts today.

Very effective unmute option.

A mime in my town was arrested after he broke his left arm in a bar fight.

He still has the right to remain silent.

Just heard that the mafia hired a mime to do their dity work.

You ask why.

Because they don't say a word when questioned.

Dave is a talented mime who works at the local zoo.

He is very good at his job and is well liked by the guests of the zoo. One day, the zoo's famous orangutan dies suddenly. Not wanting to close the exhibit, the zoo approaches Dave with a proposition. Dave is to dress up in a realistic orangutan suit and pretend to be the orangutan, until the zoo can...

Captain America loses his voice...

Captain America loses his voice due to a scheme concocted by Doctor Doom.

He tries everything. Dr Strange can't help because he doesn't detect any magic causing the problem. Reed Richards can't help, because the problem isn't explainable with science. After a barrage of failed attempts, even ...

Why was the mime arrested?

He committed an unspeakable crime

Once I got kicked out of a library for being a mime.

Because actions speak louder than words

My friend got into hot water with a cult of mimes

They committed unspeakable acts of violence against him.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I wanted to be a mime artist

But I’m shit at drawing mimes.

Why was the mime sad?

He was suffering in silence for years.

Why aren’t there many famous female mime artists?

The glass ceiling.

The first rule about mime club

is you don’t talk about mime club.

Did you hear about the mime artist who tried to become an anger management counselor?

He eventually drove everyone up the wall.

Did you hear about the Mime Murders?

It was an unspeakable horror

My grandfather was his army battalion's mime during WW2.

He doesn't like to talk about it.

A mime performed at a zoo.

The hours were flexible, and people paid him to act. He figured it was a good gig, so he went along with it. He did it for weeks and weeks, until one day the manager pull him inside. The mime was a bit worried, but he shrugged it off. The manager, looking panicked, said that, recently, the zoo's gre...

That’s the thing about humping mimes....

You never hear them coming.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Did you hear they arrested a rapist mime?

He got off without a sentence.

What do you call a crossdressing mime?

A panty-mimer

Did you hear about the deaf man who escaped a murderous gang of mute mime artists?

Yeah, he saw them coming.

I was fired from my job as a mime today.

I didn’t go quietly.

My brother ran away from home to study mime.

We never heard from him again.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The man said to his mime...

"I'm afraid I have to fire you."

The mime replied, "Why the fuck am I fired?"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So my Professor said "if you were granted invisibility for one day what would you do?"

I said, " I'd go to Paris and find a mime and beat the crap out of him and the applause from the crowd would be outstanding! "

Which disease is most tragic for a mime?

Gesticular cancer.

Police issued a warning of an escape criminal who is a mime

The police also said that the criminal have done unspeakable things

A mime got fired.

He got caught thinking outside the box at his workplace.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is the name of a mime that pretends to have sex?

Elisocray.

A mime fell down a well and couldn't call for help.

His larynx was crushed during the fall.

I don't think I'd ever want to be a mime...

It just doesn't speak to me.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If I ever became invisible, I'd kick fuck out of a mime

Imagine the round of applause he'd get

First they came for the mimes..

And oh hell yeah I said something. I didn't want them to think I was a mime.

What did one mime say to the other?

Nothing

(My mom told me this one)

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A friend of mine was sexually assaulted by a gang of mime artists last night...

They did unspeakable things to him.

Two mimes are eating a cannibal clown

One turns to the other and says

My friend asked how my mime career was going...

I said I'd rather not talk about it.

A mime is performing an act in Paris

An Englishman, Frenchman, Spanish man, and German man are watching the mime perform. The mime notices that they cannot see him very well. He places a box down and signals to the audience if they can see him.

"Yes"

"Oui"

"Sí"

"Ja"

My dad once told me I would make a great mime...

I was speechless.

I've just found out that one of my best friends is a mime artist.

He kept that quiet.

Why can't mimes work in packing and shipping?

Because they just can't think outside the box !

A mime once nearly had me convinced that a wall was actually there...

...but it was just an obstacle illusion.

"Ninja kills Mime"

Nobody heard about it

You come across three performing mimes. One is in an invisible box, one is cutting an invisible rope, and one is fighting an invisible man. Which one failed mime school?

The one who won't shut up about it.

Have you heard about the street performer who did his act in the middle of a hurricane?

It was mime-blowing

Why does it smell so bad when a mime has a stroke?

Because it's Silent But Deadly

If a mime went jihadi and did a suicide bombing...

Would it be an unspeakable act of terrorism?

My daughter wanted me to be a mime for her birthday party.

I was speechless.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Mime competition

(please note: this joke works best if you actually do the signs when you tell it)


A bar is having a mime competition, and the finalists are an Englishman and an American.

The Englishman starts, putting his hand into a fist.
The American replies, placing his hand in front of him...

There was a murder at the mime convention

Everyone was left speechless

Just been told I've got the job as a mime

...

I'm speechless.

My late wife was abducted by a troupe of travelling Mime artists.

The police informed me, they did... Unspeakable things to her.

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