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Laws Jokes

Women are the only creatures to defy the laws of gravity.

The heavier they are, the easier they are to pick up.

What happened when the semicolon broke grammar laws?

It was given two consecutive sentences.

What is the difference between in-laws and outlaws?

Outlaws are wanted!

Know the laws!

"Have you heard of Murphy's Law?"

Yeah.

"What is it?"

Anything that can go wrong, will go wrong.

"Okay, have you heard of Cole's Law?"

Yeah.

"So what is it?"

Thinly sliced cabbage.

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Visit to the in-laws

So Barry is visiting his in-laws after a night spent drinking heavily. In his hungover state he is desperate to do a fart, and tries to edge one out carefully, but loses control and it makes a loud trumpeting sound.


And the host yells at their dog "Get out of it Spot, get out from u...

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Was having dinner with the in laws and the MIL said ….

….’How many potatoes would you like?’

I said ‘Ooh, I’ll just have one please.’

She said ‘It’s OK, you don’t have to be polite.’ ‘Alright,’ I said, ‘I’ll just have one then, you stupid cunt”

A crow was caught recently breaking quarantine laws.

They charged him with attempted murder.

Murphy's Laws of Computing.

1. When computing, whatever happens, behave as though you meant it to happen.

2. When you get to the point when you really understand your computer, it's probably obselete.

3. The first place to look for information, is in the section of the manual where you least expect to find it....

Some laws that we didn't learn at school

01. *LORENZ'S LAW OF MECHANICAL REPAIR*

Once your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.

02. *ANTHONY'S LAW OF THE WORKSHOP*

Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

03. *KOVAC'S CONUNDRUM*

When u dial a wrong numbe...

An old lady decides to check on his 3 son-in-laws

She wanted to see who respects/cares for her the most. She goes to the lake near the eldest son-in-laws place and jumps. The son-in-law dives in and rescues her. Next day, he sees a toyota corolla parked in front of his house with a letter -- Thanks from your Mother-in-law.


Then she goes ...

Do you know the difference between in-laws and outlaws?

At least the outlaws are wanted by someone.


Credit: My father.

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I bet Ted Cruz has two twitter accounts now. one for porn, and one to talk about the laws he's passing...

Either way a woman's getting fucked

The laws to get to heaven are new!

They changed the rules to get into heaven and get passed Saint Peter and the pearly gates; you just need to have died in an interesting way.

So three men show up before Peter. Peter asks the first man how did you die?

Man says "well you see i live on the 22nd floor of a high rise apart...

What is the legal loop hole in breaking and entering laws?

The Santa Clause

According to all the laws of aviation, it should be impossible for a bee to fly.

This is because no bee has filed a permit with the FAA.

Traffic laws:

Britain: Drive on the left side

Europe and America: Drive on the right side

India: Lmao what's a "traffic law"?

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The Felony laws are rediculous...

Three guys were talking about how they ended up in an Arizona prison.

Guy 1: what are you in for?

Guy 2: selling weed to my 23 year old cousin with anxiety.

Guy 1: I can beat that, I was playing bioshock and the radio in game played some 1950s shit. I got a copy right strike and...

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Mother-in-laws

Two men are sitting in a pub when one turns to the other and says "My mother-in-law is a saint," To which the other man replies "You're so fucking lucky! Mine's still alive,"

Laws of physics vs the law

Heisenberg, Shrodinger and Ohm were driving down a highway when they get pulled over by a cop. The cop asks Heisenberg if he knew how fast he was going, as you can surmise, he claimed he didn't know because he knew exactly where they were. The cop, finding this suspicious asks them to open the t...

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UK has some weird laws

1. You can join the army at 16. But you can't by call of duty till your 18.
2. You can't vote till your 16 .yet some MPs will Shag you if your under 16.
3. You need parental consent to marry if your under 18. (In England) But can have sex at 16.
4. It is legal to shoot a Scotsman under cer...

True story from the in-laws.

Was at the in-laws' place (okay my girlfriend's parents') and was chatting with her father as grandpa was watching a James Bond film.

Father: Well, TheCapedMoose, who's the better bond, Shaun Connery or Roger Moore?

Me: I dunno, it's kind of a toss up...

Father: No it isn't, Sh...

There are three unwritten laws of life...

1.

2.

3.

I spent years looking for my mother-in-laws killer

They were all asking for more money than I could afford.

Yo momma defies the laws of economics

She's got plenty of supply, but there's absolutely no demand

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I find obscure laws sexy

And I love to get off on a technicality.

Did you hear about the update to firearm ownership laws in Ukraine?

You can have anything you want, as long as it points at Moscow

Don't obey public nudity laws

They're a government cover-up conspiracy.

A professor and his student were discussing Newtons Laws of motion...

They were having a conversation of momentum.

I was at my father in laws funeral...

when my mother in law walked by.

"I just want to tell you about a place where people park their cars" I said.

"Thank you" She said. "That really means a lot"

mother in-laws accident

\- I finally got to visit my mother inn-law after her accident.

\- Oh, how is she?

\- Pretty ugly

\- Yes, I know, but how is she feeling?

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I hate father in laws

So I only date black girls

I have a few jokes about laws in the US

But they're not for everyone.

There's an exception in the breaking and entering laws for people coming in through the chimney

It's called the Santa clause

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LAWS FOR ENGINEERS

Engineering is a science that runs on the laws of physics. We have all studied these laws in our formal education. There are other laws that are equally powerful, however. These are found through experience in the classroom of applied technology. Here is a summary of the laws of physics for your ent...

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