True story from the in-laws.

Was at the in-laws' place (okay my girlfriend's parents') and was chatting with her father as grandpa was watching a James Bond film.

Father: Well, TheCapedMoose, who's the better bond, Shaun Connery or Roger Moore?

Me: I dunno, it's kind of a toss up...

Father: No it isn't, Sh...

What is the difference between in-laws and out-laws?

Out-laws are wanted!

Did you know that the Netherlands imports all oatmeal to avoid copyright laws?

Because if they produced locally they would be making Holland Oats.

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Why do the Laws of Physics in fast and furious universe not exist?

Newton wasn't a virgin and a physicist in that universe. He had a family.

I have a few jokes about laws in the US

But they're not for everyone.

Women are the only creatures to defy the laws of gravity.

The heavier they are, the easier they are to pick up

I was at my father in laws funeral...

when my mother in law walked by.

"I just want to tell you about a place where people park their cars" I said.

"Thank you" She said. "That really means a lot"

A crow was caught recently breaking quarantine laws.

They charged him with attempted murder.

Three guys are drinking at a bar.

After several drinks, the first one gets up to leave. "Where do you think you're going?" ask the others. He says, "Guys I'd love to stay but I have to cut myself off. The last time we got together, I was so drunk. When I got home, I blew chunks right on the living room floor in front of my wife and ...

My wife and I have recently moved into my Mother-In-Laws while our house is being renovated...

Being intimate is pretty tricky!

I constantly have to remind her that my Wife is sitting downstairs...

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I find obscure laws sexy

And I love to get off on a technicality.

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The International Council of Man Laws

1: Under no circumstances may two men share an umbrella.

2: It is OK for a man to cry ONLY under the following circumstances:
(a) When a heroic dog dies to save its master.
(b) The moment Angelina Jolie starts unbuttoning her Blouse.
(c) After wrecking your boss's car.
(d) When sh...

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A mathematician walks into a bar, actually...

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar

The first mathematician orders a beer

The second orders half a beer

"I don't serve half-beers" the bartender replies

"Excuse me?" Asks mathematician #2

"What kind of bar serves half-beers?" The bartender remarks....

Trump has violated ethics laws by advertising a can of beans from the Oval Office but he's not worried.

I mean, what are you Goya do about it?

You think you can go down to Mexico and do whatever you want? Well I have news for you buddy, Mexico has laws!

That no one follows so go ahead and do your thing.

How to get over child labor laws?

It's called "family business" officer

A long time ago, on the Island of Tridia,

A group of peculiar people dwelled in peace. They were a small, peace-loving group of individuals. They were peculiar for several reasons: they were all extremely short, the tallest of them coming to a whopping meter in height; they were zealously religious, but they had no particular religion; and ...

Have you ever been to Lake McConaughy in Nebraska?

Great place to visit, I just got back from a trip myself. I've always loved hunting, fishing, boating, just being out in nature...and it's all there for you to enjoy! There's one thing you should know before you visit though, and I found out the hard way.

Early one morning I'd taken my boat o...

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UK has some weird laws

1. You can join the army at 16. But you can't by call of duty till your 18.
2. You can't vote till your 16 .yet some MPs will Shag you if your under 16.
3. You need parental consent to marry if your under 18. (In England) But can have sex at 16.
4. It is legal to shoot a Scotsman under cer...

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A foreign man moves to America.

A foreign man moves to America. When he arrives he is shocked at how different the culture and the laws are from his own country. For fear of breaking them, he decides to take a class on US law.

The class begins and the teacher tells them to raise their hand if anyone has a question. Immedia...

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