Some laws that we didn't learn at school

01. *LORENZ'S LAW OF MECHANICAL REPAIR*

Once your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.

02. *ANTHONY'S LAW OF THE WORKSHOP*

Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

03. *KOVAC'S CONUNDRUM*

When u dial a wrong numbe...

What’s the difference between in-laws and outlaws?

What’s the difference between in-laws and outlaws?

Outlaws are wanted.

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An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar

An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar

   The first mathematician orders a beer 

The second orders half a beer 

"I don't serve half-beers" the bartender replies 

"Excuse me?" Asks mathematician #2 

"What kind of bar serves half-beers?" The barten...

Marital Argument

A husband and wife had been arguing all day. They pass a herd of jackasses. The wife says "relatives of yours?" Husband says, "yep, in laws."

Laws of physics vs the law

Heisenberg, Shrodinger and Ohm were driving down a highway when they get pulled over by a cop. The cop asks Heisenberg if he knew how fast he was going, as you can surmise, he claimed he didn't know because he knew exactly where they were. The cop, finding this suspicious asks them to open the t...

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A young monk arrives at a monastery.

He is assigned to help the other monks in copying the old laws of the church by hand. However, he notices that all of the monks are copying from copies; not from the original manuscript.

He decides to bring this up to the head monk; pointing out that if someone made even a small error in the...

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The Felony laws are rediculous...

Three guys were talking about how they ended up in an Arizona prison.

Guy 1: what are you in for?

Guy 2: selling weed to my 23 year old cousin with anxiety.

Guy 1: I can beat that, I was playing bioshock and the radio in game played some 1950s shit. I got a copy right strike and...

Attorney at law

Saying you're an attorney at law is like saying you're a software developer at programming or that you're a policeman at racism

True story from the in-laws.

Was at the in-laws' place (okay my girlfriend's parents') and was chatting with her father as grandpa was watching a James Bond film.

Father: Well, TheCapedMoose, who's the better bond, Shaun Connery or Roger Moore?

Me: I dunno, it's kind of a toss up...

Father: No it isn't, Sh...

The Botched Executions

Obligatory first time posting so I'm hoping I follow all the guidelines and you all like the joke!

A Priest, Lawyer and Engineer are traveling together in a foreign country and unfortunately get arrested. They are all three set to be executed by guillotine.

The Priest is all set up, a ...

Did you know that the Netherlands imports all oatmeal to avoid copyright laws?

Because if they produced locally they would be making Holland Oats.

A wife and husband are driving past a farm

The husband points towards a group of pigs and says “Look your relatives”. To which the wife responds, yes, “my in-laws “.

Women are the only creatures to defy the laws of gravity.

The heavier they are, the easier they are to pick up

A crow was caught recently breaking quarantine laws.

They charged him with attempted murder.

I have a few jokes about laws in the US

But they're not for everyone.

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Why do the Laws of Physics in fast and furious universe not exist?

Newton wasn't a virgin and a physicist in that universe. He had a family.

I was at my father in laws funeral...

when my mother in law walked by.

"I just want to tell you about a place where people park their cars" I said.

"Thank you" She said. "That really means a lot"

Three guys are drinking at a bar

After several drinks, the first one gets up to leave. "Where do you think you're going?" ask the others. He says, "Guys I'd love to stay but I have to cut myself off. The last time we got together, I was so drunk. When I got home, I blew chunks right on the living room floor in front of my wife and ...

My wife and I have recently moved into my Mother-In-Laws while our house is being renovated...

Being intimate is pretty tricky!

I constantly have to remind her that my Wife is sitting downstairs...

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