70s Jokes - 51 Hilarious 70s Jokes

Someone threw my 70s records on the fire.

It was a disco inferno.

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A woman in her 70s decided it was finally time to get married.

She put an add out in the newspaper. "Husband wanted. Must not beat me, must not walk all over me, must still be good in bed"

She got many applicants but after a few weeks she didn't find anybody suitable. She was about to give up, when she heard her doorbell ring. She opens the door to...

I went to a karaoke bar yesterday that didn't play any 70s music

At first i was afraid, i was petrified.

In the 70s...

A Russian asks for a meeting with the President

\- I would like a passport and a visa to Belgium - asks the Russian man

\- But aren't you fine in Russia? - asks the president

\- Hm, really, I can't complain

\- So, maybe you don't like your work there?

\- Hm, reall...

That pretty much sums up the 70s

70+71+72+73+74+75+76+77+78+79 = 745

Can a woman have a child in her 70s?

No, children are zero when born silly!

What country looked appetizing to Godzilla back in the 70s?

Viet Nom

Just How Smart Was Einstein?

This is a TRUE STORY but hopefully you will find some humor in it.

Back in the early 70s, when I was a college student, I took care of the yard of a lonely widower, named Arthur, who occasionally asked me to join him for a game of chess. He resided in Paradise Valley, AZ. During WWII, Arth...

Rabbit in the fridge (only for old-timers)

A man went into the kitchen to make breakfast and was shocked to see a rabbit sitting inside his refrigerator.

He yelled "Hey! What are you doing in there?!"
The rabbit asked back "Well this refrigerator is a Westinghouse, right?"
"I guess... What difference does that make?"
"I...

My Dad is 69 approaching his 70s

He gets really worried because both his parents got Alzheimer’s around that age.

Tells me, son, if I ever start forgetting things or show any symptoms.. I j-ju-just know I can’t go through what they did.

So… please.. just … kill me.

“Dad that’s what you said 5 minutes ago”

What was the cheesiest show on '70s TV?

The Roquefort Files

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As a man in his 70s I still manage to have sex with my wife almost every day...

Almost Monday, almost Tuesday....

The 70s/80s aesthetic has recently become pretty popular in France.

They say it has a certain Gen X sais quoi.

An odd joke

Once there was a guy whose parents named him Odd. All through school, Odd was made fun of for his odd name. Eventually, as an grown man, he found a beautiful woman to marry and raise a family with. During a summer day in their 70s, Odd told his wife as they sat in the living room that he had never l...

As a kid in the '70s, a lot of my schoolmates expressed surprise to learn I had a single mother.

I didn't know it was that common to have more than one.

A teenager walks into a pharmacy in the 70s...

He asks the druggist for a 1 pound, 3 pound, and 5 pound box of chocolate, and asks if he could gift wrap each one of them separately.

The druggist complies, but asks the boy why he wants 3 separate boxes, instead of just one?

The boy replies, “Well, you see. I’ve got a really hot dat...

Why were so many soldiers killed in the 70s?

Because when their Sergeants said to "get down," they all got up and started dancing.

What was the ugliest Car of the '70s?

Ric Ocasek.

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Did Queen release a Hip-Hop album in the 70s?

Becauase I keep hearing of a Bohemian Rap-CD

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What do you call a pornstar that was born in the 70s?

Generation XXX

Hey, does anybody remember that famous multi-personality patient who was the subject of the book Sybil that came out in the '70s? well, I went to high school with her!

A lot of the other kids kind of avoided her, but I thought she was good people.

What do you call a 70s cookie band?

OREO Speedwagon

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An elderly gentleman walks into an upscale cocktail lounge. He is in his mid-80s, well-dressed, hair well-groomed, great looking suit, flower in his lapel and smelling slightly of an expensive after shave. He presents a very nice image.

Seated at the bar is a classy looking lady in her mid-70s.

The sharp old gentleman walks over and sits alongside her. He orders a drink and takes a sip.

He slowly turns to the lady and says: "So, tell me; do I come here often?"

Jesus and Moses

Jesus and Moses were sitting up in heaven in the late 70s early 80s looking down on the beaches of California. Jesus says, “Damn Moses, I’m bored.” Moses says,”Me too. it looks like they are having a good time. Let’s go down.”
So they go down and are walking along the beach with their long...

The Mitsubishi ASX is like any 60s/70s/80s celebrity.

It's old, attracts older people, has received many plastic surgeries, and just won't die already.

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joke everyone laughs at

A single old woman in her 70s was bored alone in her home so she decided to look for a husband, she put up posters saying "i want a husband in his 70s, doesn't cheat, won't hit me, and be good in bed." Two days later, the doorbell rings, the old woman opens a door and finds a grey haired man with no...

TEXTING for over 70s,The kids have all their little SMS codes, like BFF, WTF, LOL etc. So here are some codes for the more mature...

ATD - At the Doctor's
BFF - Best Friends Funeral
BTW - Bring the Wheelchair
FWIW - Forgot Where I Was
GGPBL - Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low
GHA - Got Heartburn Again
HGBM - Had Good Bowel Movement
IMHO - Is My Hearing-Aid On?
WAITT - Who Am I Talking To? ...

A mondegreen courtesy of a four year old

I was listening to pop, folk and soft rock music from the 60s and 70s the other day, artists like Cat Stevens, Simon and Garfunkel, and the Doobie Brothers. My granddaughter came in the room, climbed up on the bed, and cuddled up next to me.

She was listening very intently to the lyrics of on...

In the age of streaming, I don't get why I have to watch re-runs from the 60/70s whenever I turn on the TV

Inflation going rampant, NASA going to the moon, Russia/US on the brink of war.....

Little known fact, in the 70s, Jim Morrison was originally the head of Microsoft. But after a few years, he was fired and replaced by Bill Gates.

Apparently, he made better Doors than Windows.

The IRA have been fighting for Irish reunification since the 70s. . .

All they needed to do was vote for the Conservatives.

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An old Englishman was very confused by what his loner teenage son had done

His son had made a 70s style carpet out of raven corpses. He confronted his son, who replied “sorry dad, thought you meant this when you said I should go out and shag some birds.”

How do kids tell you their grandparents called?

60s kids: Grandma called.

70s kids: Gramps called.

80s kids: Granny called.

90s kids: Grandmother called.

Kids now: Boomerang.

Did you hear about the 70s style record company that burned down?

Yeah, it was a disc co. Inferno!

When all's said and done it's been an impressive mpressive show from both Biden and Trump

Who would have thought two blokes in their 70s could maintain an election for this long?

Christian joke.

When Jesus was born, almost everyone got stoned.

If he was born in the 70s, almost everyone would get stoned.

Nothing changed! Except they seem to enjoy it more in the 70s!

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Husband Wanted

A lonely widow, age 70, decided that it was time to get married again.

She put an ad in the local paper that read:

HUSBAND WANTED:

MUST BE IN MY AGE GROUP (70s),

MUST NOT BEAT ME,

MUST NOT RUN AROUND ON ME,

MUST STILL BE GOOD IN BED!!!!!
...

An elderly couple are about to have breakfast.

She looks out of the window and says: "Oh what a beautiful summer morning! The sun is shining, the birds are singing! Don't you find it beautiful, Herbert?"

"Yes, darling, beautiful."

"Do you remember the wild 70s, when we used to get naked and sit in the su...

4 friends in their 20s....

Four friends in their 20s go to a new restaurant, Sands, because they've never been there before.

10 years later, they reunite and go back because the waitresses were so pretty.

In their 40s, they decide to go again because of the amazing wine selection.

Another 10 years pass an...

Did you know trampolines used to be called jumpolines

Until your mum got on one back in the 70s

Soviet archaeologists discover an ancient man in the ice in the Ural

In the 70s, a Soviet professor and two of his students are conducting an excavation in the Ural Mountains. They discover a well preserved man in the ice and they dig him up. He is wearing some primitive clothes, a stick and some unknown artefacts and they soon start arguing which age he is from. Wh...

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What's the difference between the panties of today and the panties of the 1970s?

In the 70s, you had to pull down a girl's panties to see her ass. These days, you have to spread her ass to see her panties.

Surrey, not Surrey

As many fans already know, Elton John has lived in a mansion called Woodside he purchased in the 70s. His home is in Old Windsor, near to Windsor in England where the other Queen lives. What many people don’t know is that his home is on the border between the counties of Surrey and Berkshire. Hist...

The story of Arthur Nelson

Arthur Nelson is one of the least known pioneers of professional wrestling. He invented many of the submission holds that we still see today, and two of them bear his name: the half Nelson and the full Nelson. According to numerous sources, he also created many of the variations of the chokehold....

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A man who is into GILFs walks into a bar

He spots his perfect type, early 70s, still pretty fit and dressed inappropriately for her age. He sits down next to her and buys her a drink. One thing leads to another and they are at his house getting down and dirty. He sucks on her tits and a mouthful of creamy liquid comes out. He stops and ask...

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Naive Priest in the Big City

There’s this young priest who’s spent virtually his entire life in a monastery. He is sent to work in one of the poorer areas of a big city. The priest has never seen a city so after settling into his new post he decides to take a long walk to explore things. A couple blocks away from the church he ...

A new bus driver starts his first day of work...

A new bus driver starts his first day of work...

......he kisses his wife goodbye. He’s nervous about the new job and not sure if it’s for him.

He’s assigned his bus, and as he walks up to it, he notices that it has a big promotional for Sesame Street on the side. “Great,” he thinks, ...

The Crunch Bird

There are many variations on this joke, including an old cartoon from the 1960s or 70s. This is just the version I remember off the top of my head:
A woman walks into a pet store looking for a new pet. After a few minutes of browsing around, she's not impressed by what she finds. She's about t...

Old one I've never seen on here

This joke was in a book I had as a young child, probably from the 70s or 80s. It's so ridiculous, I remember it to this day.

Q: How do you kill a blue elephant?

A: Shoot it with a blue elephant gun.

Q: How do you kill a white elephant?

A: Hold its nose un...

A group of old buddies decide to catch up for dinner...

A group of old buddies, aged in their 30s, decide to catch up for dinner. After much discussion, they decide to go to the Ocean View Hotel....because it has a large sports bar, and the waitresses are hot.

Ten years later, aged in their 40s, the same group of old buddies decide to catch up for...

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The old lady visits the doc with stomach problems...

An old lady in her 70s experiences some difficulty with her stomach and decides to visit the doctor. She tells the doctor that she thinks that she has the farts. The doctor frowns and subjects her to a full examination. After doing many tests, the doctor says, “Mam, congratulations, you are indeed p...

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