This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A big rubber dildo hits the windshield of the family car

Daughter in the back says: "what was that?"

Mother answers: "nothing sweetheart.... Just a big fat bug"

Daughter replies: "it had a huge dick though!"

What is the last thing that goes through a bee's head when it hits the windshield?

His ass.

What sound does a wasp make when it hits your windshield?

A bee flat.

What was the first thing to go through the flys mind after it hit the windshield

Its ass

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A mother and her 5 year old daughter were driving down a highway one day when suddenly a giant dildo hits their windshield...

Daughter - Mommy, what was that?

Mom - (obviously didn’t want her daughter to know what it was) It was just a bug honey. Don’t worry about it.

*a few seconds of silence*

Daughter - Well that bug had a big dick.

A group of scientists and engineers teamed up to create the best and more responsive set of Breaks and Tires. That's like 120 km/h to 0 km/s in 2 seconds...

... now they need to create the strongest windshield.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A priest and a nun are driving down the road when the devil jumps on their windshield

"Turn the wipers on!" says the nun. He does and the devil stays clinging to the car.

"Slam the breaks!" says the nun. He does and the devil still holds on.

"Show him you're cross!" says the nun. "Get the FUCK off my car!" says the priest.

A guy walks into an auto parts store and says to the clerk, "I would like a pair of new windshield wipers for my Yugo."

The clerk responds, "Sounds like a fair trade."

Please stop putting flyers on my trucks windshield.

I'm not interested in seeing a band called Parking Violation.

Two pilots are taking off when a bird nearly hits the windshield.

The captain says "Looks like a close encounter of the bird kind."

On my way home, an acorn fell on my car and cracked my windshield.

It was the least satisfying nut busting I've ever experienced.

I told a co-worker I got a new set of windshield wipers for my 11 year old Sonata.

He said "Good trade, man".

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A little girl is riding along the highway with her mom when a dildo hits the windshield...

The little girl asks: Mommy, what was that?

The mom, not wanting her little girl to know about sex yet, answers: It was just a bug honey.

The little girl sits quietly for a while, before exclaiming: It sure had a big dick.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Two nuns are driving along, and suddenly a bat lands on the windshield.

The two nuns look at each other, frightened.

"Spray it with the wiper fluid," says Sister Margaret. Sister Theresa tries it, but the bat doesn't move.

"Turn on the wipers, then," says Sister Margaret. Sister Theresa tries it, but the bat still manages to cling on to the windshield.
...

I left three Cleveland Browns tickets on my windshield before yesterday's game.

I came back and there were nine.

Any bug can hit a windshield..

But it takes some guts to stick.

Me and my girlfriend always wanted a baby. We tried really hard, but nothing worked. We finally got one when we expected it the least!

BAM, over the whole windshield.

A man is driving down the road at midnight and his car breaks down near a mental hospital.

He didn’t know what to do because he knew nothing about fixing cars. A mental patient who was watering some flowers saw the scene and walks towards the man. The man seeing the mental patient coming his way, gets scared and stays quiet in the car. The madman tells the man..-“Good night my friend. Do...

A trucker walks into a bar.

He sits at the bar and orders a beer, the bartender is a bit surprised to see the trucker. "Hey Bob, haven't seen you in a while, what have you been up to? "

Bob takes a swig of beer, "man that tastes good, haven't had a beer in 18 months, I have been in prison" he says.

"You, I can't ...

Humans are just like snowflakes. Each one is unique in its own way

And a large amount of them on my windshield makes it harder to drive.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Lorena Bobbitt was driving down the road when she realized her husband’s penis was still in the passenger seat.

Upon realizing this, she tossed it out the window. Two stoners were in the car behind her when the penis hit their windshield and flew over the car. A few moments passed and then the passenger spoke up and said, “dude, did you see the dick on that bug?!?!”

How do you blindfold an asian woman?

With a windshield.

I went to Walmart today..

I went to the Walmart today , and I was there for literally 5 minutes.
When I came out there was a state trooper writing a parking ticket for being in a handicap spot.
So I went up to him and said, "Come on, buddy, how about giving a guy a break?"
He ignored me and continued writing the tic...

A blonde buys a new convertible ...

*(I'm translating this from a foreign language so please bear with me, hopefully it's unique on* r/Jokes*)*

​

...then she takes it for a spin on the interstate. Then comes a near miss with a truck. The lorry driver catches up to her, overtakes her and proceeds to force her t...

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A man was eating a bright, red apple.

It was on a warm, sunny day that the most peculiar of things occurred. A man, was happily snacking on a bright, red apple when, too lazy to walk to a trash can, he threw it out the window. A seemingly non-problematic apple would have been ignored under any other circumstances, but the man lived on t...

There was a group of troubled teenagers bored in a small town.

There was a group of troubled teenagers who were bored in a small town. They egged their neighbor's house, TPed the one down the road, and just generally caused mischief but they were running out of original ideas to keep it fresh.

One of them decided to go down to the expressway overpass and...

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After every flight, pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet, which conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft during the flight that need repair or correction. The mechanics read and correct the problem, and then respond in writing on the lower half of the form

(P = The problem logged by the pilot.)
(S = The solution and action taken by the engineers.)

P: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft...

So, there's a man crawling through the desert.

He'd decided to try his SUV in a little bit of cross-country travel, had great fun zooming over the badlands and through the sand, got lost, hit a big rock, and then he couldn't get it started again. There were no cell phone towers anywhere near, so his cell phone was useless. He had no family, his ...

Someone actually complimented me on my driving today

They left a note under my windshield wiper that said “Parking Fine”

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Cop writing a parking ticket

My wife and I went into town and visited a shop. When we came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket.

We went up to him and I said, "come on man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?" He ignored us and continued writing the ticket. I called him an "asshole." He glared at me a...

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A mother and daughter are driving to the grocery store. ..

A mother and her young daughter are driving to the grocery store one day. Ahead of them is a convertible car full of women at a bachelorette party. All of a sudden a dido flies out of the convertible and lands on the windshield right in front of the daughter. Without batting an eye the mother calmly...

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A family is on a road trip

When suddenly a dildo bounces off their windshield.

"What was that?" asks the daughter.

"It was just a bug, dear" the mom replies.

"Damn" the son says, "did you see the size of it's dick?"

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A guy walks into a bar...

...and see one old friend looking depressed at a table. Wondering what is happening, he greets him.

\- Dude what's up?

\- You won't believe what's happening to me. Two weeks ago, someone broke into my car and stole my brand new radio.

\- Any damage to the car?

\- Not a...

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A family was driving behind the garbage truck

... when a dildo flies out and thumps against the windshield.

Embarrassed, and to spare her young son's innocence, the mother turns around and says "Don't worry honey - that was just an insect."

To which little Johnny replies "I'm surprised it could get off the fucking ground with a co...

A new conspiracy theory states Priness Diana was actually on the radio shortly after the supposed accident that killed her.

And the windshield, and the dashboard...

^^^^I ^^^^made ^^^^myself ^^^^sad

A guy believed that his wife is cheating on him, so he hired a private investigator.

The cheapest he could find was a Chinese man. The investigator then follows the wife around. A few days later, the husband finds a note on his car's windshield. He opens it and it reads: *"Most honorable, sir. You leave house. I watch house. He come to house. I watch. He and she leave house. I follo...

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A man and his wife are in a car accident.

The man is saved by the airbag, but the woman hits her head on the windshield and falls into a coma.

The man sits in the hospital waiting room day and night, praying for his wife to recover.

One day, while giving the wife a sponge bath, the nursing staff notices, when they wash her "pr...

A van full of nuns is driving through Romania

The nuns get to Transylvania and a vampire jumps onto their windshield. The nuns panic and one in the back yells to the driver “Speed up! Speed up!” So the driver hits the gas and no matter how fast they go the vampire holds on tight.

“Hit the brakes! Hit the brakes!” Another nun yells fr...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A man and a woman were driving down the road

A man and a woman were driving down the road arguing about his deplorable fidelity practices when suddenly, the woman reaches over, slices off the mans penis and angrily tosses it out the window of the car.

Driving behind the car is a pickup truck with a man and his 8 year old daughter chatti...

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New Scam on Senior Men

Women often receive warnings about protecting themselves at the mall and in dark parking lots, etc. This is the first warning I have seen for men. I wanted to pass it on in case you haven't heard about it.

A 'heads up' for those men who may be regular customers at Lowe's, Home Depot, Costco,...

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Traffic Cop

After spending an hour at the mall I was ready to head home, but as I exited into the parking lot I saw a police officer writing a ticket.


"Hey, what gives?!" I exclaimed, hoping for some kind of explanation.


Without saying a word, the officer pointed to the no parking sign abo...

How do you blind an Asian?

Put a windshield in front of him.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A mother and her daughter

A mother and her daughter are out driving when, out of nowhere, a giant dildo smacks against the windshield.
"What was that?" asked the daughter.
"Oh... It was a fly." The mother answered embarrased.
"Oh my god!" The Daughter said, amazed. "That fly had a HUGE dick!"

Warning: Car Cleaning scam

Guys, please take care when shopping. I've become a victim of a scam, this is what happens:

While loading my car at the supermarket 2 very attractive ladies come over to help and clean the windshield wearing very skimpy clothing (very nice to watch I must say), they wouldn't take any payment...

Half as mad

A teacher from primary school asks Peter a question,

Teacher: "Peter; suppose that a car is moving at a speed of 100 mph suddenly brakes and the driver flies out through the windshield at a certain force and lands on the road. What would be my age?"

Peter thought for a moment and repli...

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Nsfw A boy was in the car with his mom

Suddenly a dildo slams the windshield startling them.
- WHAT WAS THAT MOM?? The boy screams.
- Ehrm, it was just a fly honey, The mother explained nervously.
- WOAH, DID YOU SEE THE DICK ON THAT THING??

Princess Dianna was on the radio the night she died.

And the steering wheel, and the dashboard, and the windshield...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A mother is driving her 4 year old daughter around town...

when a dildo slams the windshield *THWAP* and bounces off. The daughter, being young and curious, asks, "What was that?". Not wanting to explain a dildo to a 4yo, the mother replies, "Just a bug." Daughter exclaims, "Wow mom, that bug had a huge dick!!".

Adam gets into a terrible car accident.

He wakes up in the hospital, and the doctor explains, "You went straight through the windshield, but you are going to make a full recovery. Part of your ribcage was broken and started putting pressure on your heart, so we carefully removed it while you were under." Adam thinks on this, then asks the...

Jake is driving in the desert...

And he's driving wildly. He's doing tons of doughnuts to pass the time. Suddenly, his car stops. Jake checks and realizes that he's out of gas. And nowhere near civilization. And without water.

Realizing he needs liquids for the trek ahead of him, so he searches his car for something. The onl...

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Motor company acronyms

How many do you know? Here's what I've got
Mitsubishi-

Maybe
I'll
Trick
Some
Ugly
Bitch
Into
Some
Hot
Intercourse

Fiat-

Fix
It
Again
Tony

Mercury-

Many
Expensive
Repairs
Costs
Us
Ridiculous
Y...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A woman comes home to find her husband cheating on her with another woman.

In a fit of rage, she runs to kitchen, grabs a steak knife, and cuts off her husband's member.



Still in a fury, she grabs her husband's cock and the keys to his Ferrari and begins zooming down the freeway at top speed. To make sure there's no chance her husband will ever have it rea...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

[NSFW] A mother is driving down the highway with her five year old daughter in the back seat

and a dildo falls off the back of the truck in front of them and hits the windshield, the little girl asks "what was that mommy?" and the mother replies "oh, I, uhh, I don't know what that was..." and the little girl says "well whatever it was, it sure had a huge cock!"

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

According to my mom this is the first joke I ever told [NSFW text]

It's a warm summer day and an elderly gentleman and his wife are driving down the highway. They are in the midst of a heated argument; his wife has accused him of adultery. Although he is vigilantly defending his honor she is convinced that he has been cheating on her. Back and forth they shout, get...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Mother Superior and a young nun are driving across Europe...

The young nun is driving. They get to Transylvania and are stopped at a traffic light. Suddenly, a diminutive vampire jumps onto the hood of the car and hisses through the windshield.

"Quick, quick!!" shouts the young nun, "What shall I do?"

"Turn the windscreen wipers on, that will g...

A blonde gets in her car...

and notices that her dashboard windshield and steering wheel were missing she called the cops and reported a theft when the cops arrived she was crying in her car and the cops went up to her and said "Ma'am you are sitting in the backseat".

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

While a blonde was driving her car....

One day while a blonde was out driving her car, she ran into a truck and cut him off couple of times. The truck driver made her pull over into a parking lot and get out of the car.


He took a piece of chalk and drew a circle on the pavement. He told her to stand in the middle and not leav...

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

So a husband and wife are driving down the highway

The husband had been secretly having an affair with the secretary from his work. His wife recently found out but he had no idea she knew.

So the wife says to him "I'm feeling a little frisky. I've never given you a BJ while driving before" so she leans over and starts to service him. After a...

An elderly lady dials 911.

"Help! Someone's stolen everything in my car," the lady says. "My radio, my windshield, my GPS, even my steering wheel!"

Shortly after, an officer walks up to the car and talks to his radio. "Disregard that last call," the officer said. "She just got in the back seat."

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

A mum and her 10 years old daughter are on the road....

The garbage truck in front of them hits a bump and drops a giant dildo that comes right on the windshield of their car, makes a little squeek and disappear behind them.
The mum doesn't want to leave it so she proclaims:
* That was quite a big and peculiar insect.
Her daughter stays si...

Materialism

A Wall Street broker parked his brand new Lamborghini on the street at the front of his office so that all of his coworkers could see it and envy him. As he was opening the door, a cab flew by, clipped the door, and then kept going. The broker sat there for a moment in shock, staring through his w...

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A husband and a wife are having an argument while driving... NSFW

... Out of rage, the wife chops off her husbands penis and throws it out the window. It hits a car travelling in the opposite direction. Meanwhile in the other car, a father and his young daughter were driving. Suddenly BOOM a penis smacks their windshield and it flies off.

The daughter asks...

NASA CHICKEN CANON

NASA engineers build a cannon that launches dead chickens at the windshields of airplanes, military jets and such to test the strength of the windshields against collisions with airborne fowl.

British engineers are eager to test it on the windshields of their new high-speed trains. Arrangemen...