Someone wrote the word "MONG" in the ice on my windscreen this morning.

It took me twenty minutes to lick it off.

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What goes trough a fly's mind when it smashes into the windscreen ?

Its ass .

I got back to my car after shopping and found a note on the windscreen.....

.... it said PARKING FINE. I thought that’s a nice compliment.

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A family is driving behind a garbage truck when a dildo flies out and thumps against the windscreen...

Embarrassed and to spare her young daughter's innocence, the mother turns around and says, "Don't worry, that was just an insect."

To which, her daughter replies, "I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a cock like that!"

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What is the last thing to go through a fly's head as it smashes against the windscreen of a car going 100km/h?

Its butt.

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What do you do if a bird shits on your windscreen?

Refuse to take her out again

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What's the last thing that goes through an insects mind when it hits the windscreen?

The ass.

Timmy loved tractors. His life was all about tractors.

Timmy loved tractors. His life was all about tractors. Tractor bedspread, tractor themed birthday parties, tractor t-shirts, school bags, lunchbox, everything Timmy owned was tractor themed in some way. He knew everything there was to know about tractors; big, small, new, old, he knew it all. When h...

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Little Johnny is in the car with his mother and shes driving down the highway.

A truck in front of them contains adult sex toys.

All of a sudden a large black dildo falls off the truck and hits the windscreen of the car.

"What was that mommy" says Johnny, "Oh... it was a fly" replies the mother, slightly embarrased, "Jesus!" says Jimmy, "Did you see the size of...

There is a conspiracy theory that claims Princess Diana was on the radio after her reported death.

I'd like to confirm this was completely true, she WAS on the radio, and the dashboard, the steering wheel, the back of the seats and the windscreen.

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New Scam - Long but worth the read.

Over the last few months I have become a victim of a clever 'Eastern European' scam while out shopping. Simply dropping into the local mall for a bit of shopping turned out to be quite an experience:

Don't be naive enough to think it couldn't happen to you or your friends. Here's how the scam...

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The long troubles of Nelson Mandela (LONG)

Nelson Mandela is sitting at home when he hears a knock at the door. When he opens it, he is confronted by an Asian man clutching a clipboard and yelling, "You sign! You sign!" while pointing at a truckful of car exhausts. Mr Mandela says, "I believe you have the wrong address" and shuts the door. T...

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Scam alert! Men beware

During the recent hot weather here in the UK we have had a couple of young women operating a scam at our local supermarket. They offer a while-you-wait car valeting service - you just drive in and while you sit there, one of them washes the outside of the car while the other vacuums the inside. They...

Somebody actually complimented me on my driving today.

They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.' So that was nice.

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A man talks to the priest about the death of his friend

In the confessional, a man comes down and says:

- Father, did you know that Wilson died?

- How sad, son ... But what happened to him?

- He was driving his car near my house at full speed, the brakes failed and the car crashed into a pole. Wilson was launched through the windscre...

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Mother Superior and a young nun are driving across Europe...

The young nun is driving. They get to Transylvania and are stopped at a traffic light. Suddenly, a diminutive vampire jumps onto the hood of the car and hisses through the windshield.

"Quick, quick!!" shouts the young nun, "What shall I do?"

"Turn the windscreen wipers on, that will g...

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A woman finds out about her cheating husband......

....from her friends on a night out, so,
full of wine, bitterness and anger, her friends send her home in a taxi, she arrives home wanting revenge on this cheating shit,
grabbing a sharp knife from the kitchen, she heads for the bedroom,
there he is, fast asleep, she slowly pulls the cover...

Not all women are good at multi-tasking

I just saw one trying to talk on her phone, while flying through her car windscreen.

The man and his new car.

A man is driving his new car home. He is spotted by a police officer who thought that the car was stolen. He pulls the man over. He draws a circle in the ground with a piece of chalk and tells the man to stand in that circle until he was told to come out. The cop smashes the windscreen and turns aro...

Two black guys were walking down the road in Los Angeles....

When they were hit by a police car driven by a drunk cop. One guy was thrown through the windscreen and his buddy was sent hurling down an embankment. The first guy was charged with breaking and entering, and the second was charged with leaving the scene of an accident.

(I'm not racist but I ...

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