UPJOKE
hotheatwarmlyardentlukewarmcoldtepidfreshtemperaturewarmthheartycordialenthusiasticfriendlychange

Warming Jokes

Global warming is a joke.

Even the Antarctic ice sheets are cracking up.

Elon Musk organized a press conference about his project to solve global warming

"I will build giant sunglasses"

Journalist raises her hand. "How does that stop the earth from warming up?"

"It makes it cool"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man in his 50's visits the doctor.

"I just can't take it anymore, doc," he says, wincing. "I stand at the urinal for 20 minutes and nothing happens. Is there something I can take?"

"I'll tell you what you can take," the doctor snarls. "A cold dose of reality! Do you have *any* idea what's happening out there?! Global warming i...

What if aliens are responsible for global warming?

And this is just their way of breaking the ice.

We threw a surprise house-warming party for our Eskimo mate.

He's now homeless sadly.

If you don't know what to talk about on a first date try mentioning Global Warming.

It's a huge icebreaker.

I love throwing house warming parties

**But for some reason the police keep calling it 'Arson'.**

Global warming can reduce terrorism

because the isis melting.

I lost my home because I threw a house warming party.

I miss my igloo.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I tried to translate joke from Arabic

Three women setting together talking about a new ways to initiate sex with thier husbands,
One of them says "I have a good way, when ever I want to have sex with John I touch his dick and say your dick is very cold, do you need warming it a bit?, And that's it"

next day they the second wo...

We should all stop studying to prevent global warming

Because everytime someone graduates, the world increases by a degree.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Tom had been in the liquor business for 25 years. Finally, sick of the stress, he quits his job and buys 50 acres of land in Alaska, as far from humanity as possible.

He sees the postman once a week and gets groceries once a month. Otherwise it’s total peace and quiet. After six months or so of almost total isolation, someone knocks on his door. He opens it, and a huge, bearded man is standing there. “Name’s Lars, your neighbor from forty miles up the road. Hav...

Did you hear about the heart warming emotional testimony the molester gave at his trial?

Even the jury was touched.

Global warming doesn’t exist

This subreddit is the only place it’s appropriate to say that.

If you meet a woman, start talking about global warming.

It’s a real icebreaker.

Donald Trump doesn't believe in global warming

Would be a lot cooler if he did

What do flat-earthers call global warming?

Toast

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Guy starts chatting to pretty woman at a party

Seeing that she didn't back off he asked her name. "Carmen," she replied. That's a nice name," he said warming up the conversation,

"Who named you, your mother?"

"No, I named myself, she answered.

"Oh, that's interesting. Why Carmen?"

"Because I like cars, and I like men,...

Over heard my flat earth believing friend talking about global warming..

I told him to make up his mind.

A very 1950's naughty joke my very proper Mother told...

A young couple got married and the wife couldn't cook. But they were still in the honeymoon phase, so the first night after they got home, the husband comes home from work and the wife says "I'm sorry I burned dinner." So the husband says "That's all right honey let's just make love."

The...

Two guys from Michigan die and wake up in hell.

Two guys from Michigan die and wake up in hell. The next day, the devil stops to check on them and sees them dressed in parkas, mittens and bomber hats, warming themselves around the fire.
The devil asks them, "What are you doing? Isn't it hot enough for you?"

The two guys reply, "Well, yo...

How did Al Gore discover global warming?

Algoreythms.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Singers can be selfish arseholes, especially when warming up...

It’s all “me me me me me me me”

If global warming is not real, why does...

the number of hot singles in my area keep increasing?

Why are all Republicans supporting global warming?

Because they can’t wait to live in a world with no snowflakes.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A congressman was seated in first class next to a little girl on an airplane.

He turned to her and said, "Do you want to talk? Flights go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger." The little girl, who had just started to read her book, replied to the total stranger, "What would you want to talk about?"

"Oh, I don't know," said the congressma...

I watched a movie about the dangers of global warming.

Pretty good but it had an anticlimatic ending.

I had a house warming party the other day...

I should really stop hanging out with pyromaniacs.

We should stop global warming.

Club Penguin was shut down because of it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What's the difference between Global Warming and unprotected sex?

Nothing; they both feel great and scare the fuck outta me.

Maybe it's not global warming.

**Maybe it's just planetary menopause**

What if this whole Global Warming thing doesn't happen?

Boy, will that be anticlimatic!

I have a solution to global warming!

Nuclear winter.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Me:*watches argument about global warming*

Also me: *oh shit thing are getting heated*

Trump is trying to solve global warming

That's why he's trying to create a nuclear winter

Is it okay to mock kids for protesting global warming?

Not in the current climate.

Did you hear Donald Trump's plan for combatting global warming?

Nuclear winter

I would tell a joke about global warming

But it's just not cool enough to say

You’d think Ocasio-Cortez would support global warming...

Given how much she hates ICE and all.

I’m not saying global warming is real...

But the weather was a lot more consistent when people were sacrificing newborn babies to the sun god!

The eclipse did two things our political leaders cannot.

It slowed global warming and gave us all something to look up to

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

This is for everyone who sends me those heart warming stories.

In 1986, Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Louisiana State University .

On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Peter approached it very carefully. He got down on one ...

I heard global warming is just a social construct

If it weren't for our society, it wouldn't exist.

what do global warming and Barack Obama have in common?

Trump likes to pretend they don't exist

Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger

are talking to each other about their long careers as action heroes. Sly says, "You did some okay comedy, but you have the governorship and political success to be proud of."

Arnold says, "You've had so much recognition in Hollywood. I've never been nominated for an Oscar, you have have been ...

Donald Trump DOES have a plan to combat global warming!

He's putting ICE everywhere!

How do you program global warming?

using an Al-Gore-ithm

Scientists have reversed Global Warming!

Get rekt, Sun!

I heard about global warming...

So now I leave my air conditioner on all the time. I know just one individual can't save the planet, but I do my best.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Heart-warming Lawyer story (long)

One afternoon a lawyer was riding in his limousine when he saw two men along the roadside eating grass. Disturbed, he ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.


He asked one man, "Why are you
eating grass ?"


"We don't have any money for food," the poor man ...

If we really do live in a simulation, I think I know how they programmed global warming.

They most likely used an "Al-Gore-Ithm"

You gotta wonder if after all this global warming talk

If someone in a factory somewhere around the world in a straw factory will say

That's it. That's the last straw

Nobody cares about global warming..

Not even polar bears, they're too busy learning how to swim.

How did i know for sure global warming was real?

On the day Trump got elected over 50 million snowflakes melted at once.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Found some global warming porn on my son's computer.

He didn't even put it in the recycle bin.

You can’t really blame Donald Trump for not believing in Global Warming

He’s permanently surrounded by snowflakes.

When meeting someone new, start with a conversation about global warming...

It's breaking the ice.

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.