How does a doctor reject the flirtations of their feverish patient?

By telling them that they are as acute as their temperature.

A woman is walking along a beach when she sees a man splashing around feverishly in the ocean. "Help, shark! Help!" he cries.

 

 

The woman laughs, because she knows the shark will never help that man.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

When The Body Was First Made, Who Was the Most Important

One day, all the parts of the body were talking about who was most important.

THE BRAIN SAID – “Since I control everything and do all the thinking, I am the most important therefore I should be boss.”

THE FEET SAID – “Since I carry him everywhere he wants to go and get him in position ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A little boy in a quaint town was said to be the hairiest person in history.

Even in a small community, where everyone was aware of and understood his plight, living a normal life was difficult. Even though everyone was respectful, the sheer volume of hair and speed at which it grew was a constant hardship. It interfered with the boy's eating, he would overheat quickly durin...

Bob Hill and his new wife Betty were vacationing in Europe..

Bob Hill and his new wife Betty were vacationing in Europe... as it happens, near Transylvania . They were driving in a rental car along a rather deserted highway. It was late and raining very hard. Bob could barely see the road in front of the car. Suddenly the car skids out of control! Bob attempt...

Teachers and students will be working very hard this year

You could even say they are working feverishly

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] A man buys a new motorcycle on the day he is to visit his girlfriend’s family for the first time.

A man buys a new motorcycle on the day he is to visit his girlfriend’s family for the first time.

After handing his the keys, the sales man hands him a jar of Vaseline and says “if you want to keep the fender looking shiny you will want to rub some Vaseline on the fenders before it rains. It’...

A highschool senior is coming up on his senior prom and really wants the night to go right

Senior Prom is coming up, and Joe really wants to not have any regrets moving forward into adulthood. There's this girl, Sally, that he's been pining over for years, so he girds his loins and asks her to go with him to the event, and lo and behold she says yes.


Now Joe is starstruck, the ...

How the Internet started according to the bible.

In ancient Israel, it came to pass that a trader by the name of Abraham Com did take unto himself a healthy young wife by the name of Dorothy. And Dot Com was a comely woman, large of breast, broad of shoulder and long of leg. Indeed, she was often called Amazon Dot Com.

And she said unto...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Jim, the foul mouthed 1st grader.

Jim's a special boy. His teacher knows he's had it rough and understands why he's a disruptive and crude child yet she avoids calling on him when his hand is raised; he's got a terribly foul mouth.

While reviewing the alphabet, the teacher was asking the students for names of animals with co...

Went to pick up my car after a service

I was told the keys had been locked in it.

I went to the service department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the driver’s side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked.

"Hey," I announced to t...

A Classic!

A ten-year-old boy was failing math. His parents tried everything from tutors to hypnosis, but to no avail. Finally, at the insistence of a family friend, they decided to enroll their son in a private Catholic school.

After the first day, the boy's parents were surprised when he walked in af...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A king hired a professional thief

The king wants to steal the national treasure of the neighboring kingdom, something that, if he owns, he'll have the right to rule BOTH countries. He sent out a call across the land for the best, sneakiest, and most ruthless assassins, thieves, brigands, and highwaymen and stated their crimes would ...

A genetic botanist doesn't show up to the church picnic.

Her concerned husband finds her in her lab working feverishly on a new pesticide resistant strain of maize.

"Aren't you coming to the congregation picnic?". He asks.

"Screw them and their impossible deadlines! They told me I have until today to get the corn bred!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

1000 Years.

Three men arrive at the gates of heaven, St. Peter looks upon them and says "Though you are all good men, you have sins to absolve before i can let you enter the great kingdom!" So St. Peter takes them off to purgatory.

The first man had an addiction to sex. St. Peter took this man to a room,...

Little Jonny is having a difficult time with the math lesson so...

The teacher, Miss Cooper decides to use a situation that little Jonny can relate to. She knows little Jonny likes to hunt birds so she asks little Jonny "if there are if 5 birds on a wooden fence and you shoot one how many are left"? Little Jonny replies "none" once you shoot one the other birds fly...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

I invented a new sex position called the JFK

I splatter all over her while she feverishly tries to get out of the car.

3 aristocrats in the French Revolution

So during the reign of terror in the French Revolution, there was a line of aristocrats waiting to be executed by guillotine. Near the middle of the line, there was a clergyman, an artist, and an engineer.

The clergyman got up to the chopping block and said a short prayer, and miraculously w...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A German engineer, an Indian engineer, and a Chinese engineer die and go to Heaven

At the Pearly Gates, St. Peter is there to greet them.

"As part of our skilled migration scheme, you will each have to propose a design for a planned 200 storey mixed-use development here in Heaven. The person with the most attractive proposal will be granted entry into Heaven. You have 4 day...

What did the audience say about the virologist's set at the comedy club?

He had an infectious sense of humor, but needed to work on telling his jokes at a less feverish pace.

A computer science teacher asks the class to turn to page 404.

The students search feverishly, to no avail

One day a King named Brof sailed to an archipelago

He had a large army and demanded that they prepare him the finest meal he could or his army would destroy them and he only gave them a week to do it. So 5 days later the 12 different islands in the archipelago held a cooking contest. Each island prepared a beautiful dish and after much delay the jud...

So there was an abandoned church...

and few nuns get sent over to clean it up a bit and restore its former glory. As they were painting the ceiling, one of them says, "Sisters, it is VERY hot in here, and we're working so feverishly, and i really don't want to get any paint on our robes. What say you, we just strip down, and finish th...

Jesus and the Devil are having a contest on computer:

They have to perform many complicated tasks in everything from programming to installing Acrobat Reader. They work feverishly for hours and are nearing the end of the competition when the power fails. The power comes back on and Jesus gets back to work and finishes. The Devil has lost all his work a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Outback church healing..

Small church in the outback and the congregation are getting excited and filled with healing power. The priest asks the congregation for anyone with an illness to come forward. He holds his hands on the persons head and says, 'Pray with me people, let the healing power of the Lord prevail!'
The c...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.