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Spicy food is like a penis..

My mouth loves it, but my bum does not


(Sorry if a repost I tried to search)

What do you call a spicy Jewish bread?

Challapeno.

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What do you call a spicy pizza haunted by Japanese demons?

A pepper oni pizza

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In the time of the Ottoman Empire, there was a wedding.

Back then, weddings were pretty big, and also long. People used to travel tens or hundreds of kilometers to attend at a wedding. For that reason, they would stay for a few days as guests. They would normally sleep in really big rooms, on the floor, and women and men would normally be separated... ...

People always seem surprised by the way spicy chorizo affects their digestion. Seems like...

No-one expects the Spanish ring excretion!

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Going To Hooters

Two guys grow up together, but after college one moves to New York and the other to Washington.
They agree to meet every ten years in Florida to play golf and catch up with each other.

At age 32 they meet, finish their round of golf and head for lunch. "Where you wanna go?" "Hooters." "...

So, I had a Spicy Italian 6” last night...

... and then he and I went to Subway.

There is a big difference between *spice* and *spicy*

Spice is for everyone.

Spicy is for everyjuan.

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Describe eating spicy food.

That shit burns.

I made really spicy vindaloo and thought I should have it with bread

But I had naan.

So Tod goes to a new truckers joint...

He sits down and the waiter approaches him.

Do you want to hear the daily specials sir? He asks.

"No thank you", says Todd, "let me smell your hand and I'll tell you want I'd like today".

So the waiter reluctantly proceeds to offer his hand to be smelled by this weird customer.<...

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Utterly distraught, Sarah calls her best friend Carol.

"I-I w-was so convinced that my marriage with Ben was perfect, but n-n-ow I found out that he is cheating on me with another man"

"That's shocking!", Carol answers "Who is it?"

"I d-don't even know him. I only know that his name is Tom"

"Tom?"

"Y-yes, I overheard him cha...

My girlfriend was just like a spicy burrito.

It hurt when she left me

What do you call a spicy vegetable

A Mexican in a wheelchair

An American white guy visits India.

Wanting to get a more authentic experience, he goes to an Indian restaurant and tells them to serve him their specials, no questions asked. After eating a few bites, he calls the waiter and says, "Hey, this is brilliant food, but I just have a tiny request. This is a tad bit too spicy for my taste, ...

Relationships are like Indian food

They start out hot and spicy but end up with someone on the toilet crying and saying why me.

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Once a dictator chose a musician to compose a piece of music.

The musician not wanting to displease the dictator accepted the offer.

One month after the day came. The orchestra shited in the name of music. The dictator got furious and gave him a death sentence. They gave him a spicy curry as his last wish. He sat on the electric chair. They electrocuted...

In Barcelona, there's a common prank where spicy peppers are hidden inside kiwi fruits, and then the 'victim' is tricked into eating them

Nobody expects the Spanish in-kiwi Sichuan

Things got spicy after I touched my girlfriend's rack.

I didn't realize it was broken on one side... what a waste of thyme!

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Grandma in Court

**Defense Attorney:**
Will you please state your age?

**Little Old Lady:**
I am **94** years old.

**Defense Attorney:**
Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened the night of **April 1st?**

**Little Old Lady:**
There I was, sitting there in my swing on my fr...

Guy at a restaurant orders a soup

Some random guy orders a soup in the restaurant and the waiter brings him the soup. Right after the waiter leaves the table the guy calls him back and says "Try the soup" the waiter asks "What's the matter, is it too salty?" guy says "Go ahead and taste it" and the waiter asks "Is it too spicy?" and...

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Spicy relationship

gf is prego

we like to get kinky anyways

one night things get particularly saucy

i'm sticking my noodle in her when I notice weird fucking chunks coming out, so I turn on the lights

wtf it's red everywhere and she's obviously not on her period

i look up at her, she...

A Spicy Italian

Right before they announced all the restaurants were closing I went to Subway 1 last time.
I placed my order, then the girl behind me proceeded to place hers.
She said, "I'd like a 6 foot Spicy Italian."
I turned to her and said, "Sorry ma'am -- I'm only 5 11"

[A LITTLE SPICY] Why is Communism better than Fascism?

In Fascism, minorities suffer and are discriminated, while in Communism, everyone suffers!

Why are small peppers not very spicy?

Because they're a little chili

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My friend is blind and ignorant to the pain so many people suffer of having burning shits after eating spicy food.

What an insensitive asshole.

I got fired from my job at the sperm bank today

Apparently dipping your finger in the sample cup and saying “oh this is spicy I actually asked for mild” is frowned upon

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An old Indian joke. Hope it wasn’t posted before!

A man enters a scientific convention on a whim and there he hears the speaker raising a question to the audience.

“What is the fastest thing known to man?”

The scholars decide to give different answers based on their area of expertise.

The philosopher knowing they can defend t...

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When you become a professional in a field yet you're a dirty fecker.

*Doctor*: "Please take off your clothes."

*Dentist*: "Now open wide and hold still "

*Veterinarian*: "How's your pretty pussy.?"

*Gardener*: "Want me to fertilize your bush?"

*Lawyer*: "Let's go over section 69."

*Banker*: "If you withdraw too early you lose intere...

When you eat a lot of spicy food, you can lose your taste.

When I was in India last summer, I was listening to a lot of Michael Bolton.

Eating spicy food is like expressing your love to someone who has no interest in you...

you always get burned in the end.

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Someone asked me who my favorite DJ was.

But I didn't have an answer. Upon thinking about it I'd have to say DJ Ileum. His work is simply amazing. You can even send him samples and they always come back shit hot. You send him a spicy beat, he returns with absolute fire.

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What do you call a dinosaur that likes spicy food?

A mega-sore-ass.

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Jack Shitt: This Is His Story

WHEN SOMEONE SAYS TO YOU: "You don't know Jack Shitt"

\[Now you'll know the entire story!\]

**Jack Shitt** is the only son of **O. Shitt** and **Awe Shitt**. O.Shitt, the fertilizer magnate, married Awe Shitt, who later ran *the Kneedeep Inn-Shitt*. Jack Shitt eventually married **Noe...

How do Muslims like to make their pizzas spicy?

They add halalapeño.

Rhonda in the pub

Rhonda wandered down to her local public house, for one of their themed dining nights.

Tonight was Chiili, paired with either rum , absinthe or gin. As she entered, she encountered the fragrant aroma of spicy beef and beans, although there was also the faint undernotes of an aroma associated...

It looks like Sean "Spicy" Spicer has been replaced with Anthony "Scary" Scaramucci

I wonder who the next replacement will be "Sporty", "Baby", "Ginger" or "Posh"

A chef was preparing for his busy Friday night shift…

A chef was preparing for his busy Friday night shift when his coworker called in sick. Friday nights were always busy at the restaurant and he was the only one working the kitchen. He decides to grab one of the busboys to help him cook for the night.

“Alright,” the chef says, “tonight is busy...

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Kim Jong Un asked a well known North Korean composer to create a piece for him

The composer had many months to find people to play, and to write a piece. Once it was performed on stage, it sounded terrible. The players werent synchronized, and they were all playing the wrong notes. That night the composer was set to be executed.

Before the composer was put in the electr...

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Going to the bar for the first time

So I went into the bar and was very nervous, I'm young and never experienced this atmosphere before. I'm trying to talk to all these ladies but none of my pick up lines are working, all my buddies have their girls they picked up and they're all dancing. I'm in the bar all alone and this beautiful bl...

At Indian Restaurant

"Those triangular pastry parcels with the spicy filling were delicious!"
"Samosa?"
"No, thank you, I'm full now."

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A man walks into a bar and asks for a bowl of chili...

...and the bartender says "ehhh, sorry man, but the guy next to you has the last bowl. Is there anything else I can get you?"

"No, it's fine," the man says.

Sitting there in is own self-pity, the man looks over to his chiliful neighbor and notices the dick isn't even touching it!
<...

Girls night out

A group of 15 year old girlfriends discussed where they should meet for dinner. Finally, it was agreed upon that they should meet at the Dairy Queen next to the Ocean View restaurant because they only had $6.00 between them and Jimmy Johnson, that cute boy in Social Studies, lives on that street and...

Three restaurant owners were arguing about their food

The first one said, "My spicy sauce is super hot! I put a bottle of pepper spray in every batch, and after just one spoon, people can't take anymore and shout for water."

The second one replied, "My spicy sauce is even hotter! I put three bottles of pepper spray in every batch, and the smell ...

Doctor's advice

A man has been ill for some time, has had tests and is now at the doctor's for the results.

"I'm afraid I have some very bad news for you. You only have a few months to live"

"Doctor, isn't there anything I can do?"

"You can avoid all fatty and spicy food. Don't touch alcohol. G...

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Quite the Pickle

When my grandmother died, as an only child my father had to clean out her place. When he came upon her recipe box, he sat on the floor and went through them slowly. Many had been handed down to her from her mother, my great-grandmother. One by one, he closed his eyes and remembered the simple joy of...

Prom

The "geeky" kid in the grade asked the "hot" girl to the prom. Much to his and everyone's surprise, she said yes. While there, she knows she can get him to do anything. And so upon seeing the long buffet line, she asked him to go get her a plate of food. He happily agrees, and while he's gone to get...

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An elderly man lays on his death bed, accompanied by his loving wife.

She asks him, 'What would you have me do with your body when you are gone?'
He responds, 'My dear, cremate me. And once I am ashes, make the most spicy bowl of chili you can and mix my ashes in with it. Then eat every last bit of the chili.'
'But my dear,' she asked, '..why chili?'
The man ...

An Irishman, an American, a Mexican and an Arab board a plane with two suitcases each

Halfway through the flight, the pilot announces that the plane is rapidly losing altitude and that they must throw a suitcase each to lose weight.

The Irishman opens his suitcases: one has bombs and old IRA memorabilia inside, the other is filled with cans of Guinness for the trip. "There's t...

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Wife and technical support

Dear technical support.

Last year I upgraded my Boyfriend 5.0 program in to the version Husband 1.0 and I noticed that the new program has unexpected changes in its processing modules. The program limited the access to Flowers and Jewelry applications which worked perfectly under the version...

An Englishman, An American and A Korean are on a ship...

The ship is in stormy waters, when suddenly a genie appears from the waves and tells them "I'm sorry, but you men will die in this storm. I have no power to prevent your death, but as some recompense I can grant you all one wish before you perish"

The three great friends begin to think before...

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A man goes to dinner at his girlfriend's house

to meet her parents for the first time. Her parents cook spicy food for the dinner, not knowing that he has stomach issues.

He doesn't want to seem rude so he eats the spicy food anyways. The dinner is going well until, sure enough, his stomach starts to rumble. He begins to cradle his stoma...

Abracadabra

A blonde, brunette, and a red are frolicking on the beach when the blonde suddenly trips over a bottle in the shape of a phallus.

Blonde: What is this? What do we do with it?

Red head: We're supposed to rub it silly!

So they huddle around the bottle and using both hands they all...

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Guy walks into a bar joke.....

A man who is down in the dumps walks into a bar. He tells the bar tender how is wife was cheating on him and in the divorce he got screwed out of everything and has no money, no house, nothing but the clothes on his back. He then asks the bar tender what it would take for him to drink free for the n...

will you enjoy some humour?

Q: Why doesn't law permit a man to marry a second woman?
A: Because as per law you cannot be punished twice for the same offense!

------------ --------- ---------

Man: Is there any way for long life?
Dr: Get married.
Man: Will it help?
Dr: No, but the thought of long li...

An Italian order Pizza in India

An Italian businessman goes to India on a business trip, but he hates Indian food because its too spicy for him. So he asks the concierge at his hotel if there's any place around where he can get Italian food. The concierge tells him he's in luck; there's a pizza place that just opened, and they del...

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Topical Joes (5/13)

Alright guys, here we are to recap the day's jokes. Let's get started.

First off in the news, it looks like the TSA arrested a woman for singing Whitney Houston on an airplane - but you should've seen what the TSA did when they caught those ridiculous musical militants of the Elton Jihad.
...

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