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Users Jokes

How many Excel users does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Monday January 01, 1900

Did you hear about the two drug users who injected curry powder thinking it was heroin?

One died due to a dodgy tikka and the others in hospital in a Korma.

Some important news for electric car users. I learned today that, if you break down in an electric car, you can still use the AA.

But if you break down in a small electric car, you have to use the AAA.

There’s a 12-step program for pun users.

But it dozen work.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Muslim martyrs himself and upon death he arrives in Paradise to find his 72 virgins.

To his disappointment it was 72 average Reddit users.

Our company is implementing a version of Microsoft Teams Telephony where users keep their microphones muted

They're calling it Teams Telepathy.

After replacing their old C++ code with Google's new programming language, Tinder can now automatically detect its users' age

This is because it's a Carbon dating app.

Why do reddit users hate facebook?

Because you need to have friends to be on facebook.

“Me and my fellow wheelchair users are appalled this congress voted down the wheelchair accessibility bill,” the senator exclaimed.

“We will not stand for this.”

As companies continue to cut ties with Kanye West...

Compass maker INMARK has also decided to drop West from their product line, leaving users lost and confused.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

How many reddit users does it take to replace a lightbulb?

1 to make a post about it,
4 to mention that its the wrong forum,
1 to post it to the right forum,
7 to suggest op should post it to the electronics forum,
2 to post it to the electronics forum,
1 mod to delete the second post,

3 to suggest an image post would have gathered mor...

Let's discuss spam, spammers, and the spamming spammers who spam.

What did the moderator say to the subscribers?

Nobody knows, because nobody ever reads what moderators write.

------

Yes, it was a bad joke, but at least it wasn't a repost... which is *kind of* what we're here to discuss today:

As many of you are no doubt aware, spammers...

What did the CEO of Reddit say to its users

[Edit] Nothing

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A gang of cutlery users have turned every silent K in the world into an audible K.

Those kniving bastards.

How many r/jokes users does it take to change a light bulb?

1000, one changes the light bulb and the others will start upvoting it and copying it and having orgies

I have a question for only fans users

Why don’t you get air conditioning instead

Why don't Twitter users make good soldiers?

Because they are quick to retweet

Scientists have recently discovered that 3 out of 5 habitual marijuana users developed over productive saliva glands.

When asked if anything can be done, one leading scientist advised, "Yes, you can either spit, or get off the pot".

Which Greek god are r/jokes users descendants of?

Poseidon. Because they Control C

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Pornhub premium users are like jesus

They pay for our sins.

Netflix is cracking down on password sharing as it turns out one-third of users share logins

Recent news from the company shows they are not worried about the other two-thirds who are Redditors with no friends

Tik Tok is mostly just millions of users imitating each other.

They should change the name of the app to Kpy Kat.

Albert Einstein, Erwin Schroedinger, and Richard Feynman walk into a bar.

Richard Feynman says: “It seems we are inside a joke”.

Albert Einstein says: “We are only inside a joke relative to the Reddit users, Dr. Feynman”.

Scrhoedinger says: “If someone’s gonna look through that window I’m outta here!”

How many Discord users does it take to change a lightbulb?

None. They prefer dark mode.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Isn't this whole Ashley Madison hack exactly what their users wanted?

To get fucked by a third party?

What do you call friendly and intelligent Reddit users?

Bots.

Jokes Bus

A man boards a bus, to his surprise it is full of r/jokes users. He finds an empty space and settles in.

He quickly finds out a pattern to the ongoing conversations. One person stands up and shouts a number - Two hundred and sixty one!! Everyone starts laughing. Another person stands up as th...

Recent polling of Redditors indicates users prefer Paul Bunyan and his animal companion to the current mascot.

Seems you prefer the blue moo in lieu of the Snoo.

Mr. Zuckerberg how do you sustain a business model in which users don’t pay for your services?

Zuckerberg: “1010011010”.......Ahem

Zuckerberg: “Senator, we run ads”

Amish users of reddit, what is it like going about your day to day life without technology?

Hello?
Hello?
Anyone there?

9/10 Reddit Users are Morons

I'm glad I'm the 1%

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Why do Apple users live in basements?

Because they don't like Windows!

The US Military today confirmed that two marijuana users were killed when an aircraft crashed into a house shortly after takeoff.

Experts are saying it's the first recorded instance of killing two stoners with one bird.

What do Catholic priests have in common with reddit users?

They both *can confirm*.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What kind of Olive Oil do Reddit users use to masturbate?

Extra Virgin

Most reddit users will be safe from Coronavirus.

Heath authorities say it spreads from human contact.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do Welsh men and Apple users have in common?

Both are fucking sheep.

Dear Mac users

Isn't it dark with no windows

A Redditor became a chemist and decided to seek his fortune making breath mints.

He made one set of mints that were saturated in caffeine. It made him a significant amount of money but people complained about being a little too agitated by them.

He followed up with a heavily alcoholic variety, which was very well received and made him millions, but which had the unfortuna...

What do you call the connection between a family of Force users?

The Force Kin.

How many StackOverflow users do you need to screw in a lightbulb?

Why do you need to screw in a lightbulb?
You should instead use a flashlight.

What do Reddit users say after bombing a jewellery store?

Wow, this blew up! Thanks for the gold kind stranger.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The dark presence of the knight in black armor terrified the patrons of the inn. And he was sulking at the bar, clearly worried as he down the pint of ale.

He towered over the others who were also in the inn's bar, his armor covered in jagged spikes that were as lethal as the man-sized swords that hung from his back. His eyes glowed blood-red and a sickening black miasma poured through the small cracks in the plate armor. He even had a large pair of ho...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

PornHub now requires users to watch at LEAST 10 minutes of MILF dwarf content before accessing anything else.

That's just a bare mini-mum.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

All of the Apple fanboys are missing the main feature they can hold over android users

Their nude pictures are automatically synced to 4chan and reddit.

To all the Android users who just can't seem to gain administrator access to their devices on their own:

We're rooting for you!

If Mac users care more about the environment more than Windows users

Then why do Macs have a trash can and Windows has a recycling bin?

iPhone users, don’t bother sending the “Meteor” emoji to your Android friends...

...It won’t have the same impact.

What is the most common question asked by iPhone users?

"Does anyone have a charger I could use?"

How many Reddit users does it take to screw in a light bulb?

Only one to do it the first time, then countless others telling their own version of the task in a repost.

How did the app control all of its users?

Karma

How many /r/Jokes users does it take to screw in a lightbulb

Six. One to actually do it, and five to complain how it's the same one they've seen before.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Pornhub Announces Free Premium Access for Italian Users

During a hard situation, Italians will finally be able to come together!

You can improve the average intelligence of reddit users right now.

Just delete your reddit account.

What is a technique used by both swordfighters and Reddit users?

Riposte

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

If alcoholics get whiskey dick, what do heroin users get?

Poppycock.

Why are wheelchair users fans of Liverpool FC?

Because they’ll never walk alone.

Windows 10 users won't get this.

Privacy.

What do birthday parties and Reddit users have in common?

All anyone cares about is the cake.

What do Steam users and Reddit admins have in common?

They don't want to pay for mods.

The number of Firefox users in Bikini Bottom is dwindling...

In the future everything will be Chrome.

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