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Drug User Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A bear goes into a bar

he sits down and immediately mauls to death and devours the woman on the stool next to him.
he then calmly orders a beer

bartender: "sorry, we don't serve drug users in here"
bear: "but I don't do drugs"
bartender: "what about that barbitchyouate"

Did you hear about the two drug users who injected curry powder thinking it was heroin?

One got a dodgy Tikka and the others in a Korma.

What's the toughest commandment for IV drug users to follow?

Don't take God's name in vein.

Warning about new batch of "ice"

Police are warning drug users about a diluted, mild version of ice doing the rounds. They are calling it "crystal meh".

A hungry talking bear walks into a bar...

Upon entering the bar, the bear grabs a woman and eats her in front of everyone. When finished, the bear walks up to the bartender and says "Give me a beer". The bartender replies "Sorry, we don't serve drug users in here." The bear shouts " What do you mean...I don't use drugs !" To which the barte...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An alligator walks into a bar...

An alligator walks into a bar and orders a beer. Bartender says "sorry, we don't serve alligators here."

The alligator is pissed and goes out and puts on a huge hat and trench coat to hide his identity. He comes back in to order a beer.

Bartender sees through the goofy disguise and s...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A cannibal walks into a bar.

He walks up to the bartender and asks for a drink. Bartender shakes his head and says "We don't serve cannibals here." He tries to plead with the bartender, but the bartender doesn't give in. An older woman at the bar hears him and with the nastiest attitude tells the cannibal "Get the fuck out of h...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A guy goes to see the doctor . . .

. . . and pulls down his pants to reveal his penis is bright orange.

"Hmmm," the doctor says, "have you had any unprotected sex in the last 6 months?"

"No!" the man grumbled.

"Well, have you been to any 3rd-world countries lately?"

No, I *haven't*," the man said nastily.<...

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