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Uniforms Jokes

Why is the army so strict about their uniforms?

To minimize casual tees...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two men dressed in pilots' uniforms..

..walk up the aisle of the aircraft. Both are wearing dark glasses, one is using a guide dog, and the other is tapping his way along the aisle with a cane.

Nervous laughter spreads through the cabin, but the men enter the cockpit the door closes, and the engines start up. The passengers begin...

Why do soldiers have to wear such fancy uniforms?

Because they don’t allow civilian casual tees!

Why do police officers wear blue?

Because the black uniforms led to too much friendly fire.

Going to the Soviet Union

The Finnish President was planning a visit to a border town in the USSR. The local Kommissar, hoping to impress the Finns, decided to visit a local school. In preparation, he had all the children learn new songs, march in formation, wear their best uniforms, etc. Propaganda at its finest.

The...

I asked my dad, "why does the military use uniforms?"

He replied, " To minimize casual tees'

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A US Navy cruiser anchored in Mississippi for a week's shore leave.

The first evening, the ship's Captain received the following note from the wife of a very wealthy and influential plantation owner:
'Dear Captain, Thursday will be my daughter's Debutante Ball. I would like you to send three well-mannered, handsome, unmarried officers in their formal dress unifor...

While working for the Forest Service a young couple from the city asked for directions to a certain hike. I told them “Take a right, and then head past the cattle guard.”

They responded “Just so we don’t get lost, what color uniforms do the Cattle Guard wear?”

Stalin visits a Young Pioneer camp.

He's inspecting the children who are all standing in uniforms in a straight line. He pulls one boy out of line.

"What is your name, boy?" asks Stalin.

"My name is Vovochka Karpov" answers the boy.

"So, tell me, Vovochka, who is your mother?"

"My mother is the Great Soviet...

Why is it that when other people wear their uniforms in the airport people clap?

But when I wear my uniform people shout things like

"It's an escaped convict! Run!"

War. A battalion is under heavy enemy fire.

The commander gathers his soldiers and explains:

**Commander**: Listen men, we can't hold for long. We must retreat and come back with reinforcements. However, someone must stay behind and cover our backs. And whoever he is... our supply situation is bad. All we can give him is three grenades...

Beside the sidewalk, someone left a plastic bag with a set of German team uniforms inside. Cannot believe that! Just throw it here??!

It costs 50 cents in supermarket for such a big plastic bag!

War dress code

There is a war going on between the Germans and the Scottish and in the middle of the war two soldiers from opposite sides stop to talk and one of them asks the other “why do you wear red uniforms?” They respond “when someone is shot the blood blends in and morale stays up. Why do you wear brown uni...

Private Jones goes to SHAPE

While working a NATO conference at the Supreme Headquarters Allied Powers Europe, Private Jones, of the US Army had some free time. So he found his way to the closest pub, and finding all the bar stools taken, he asks to sit down at a table filled with 3 older gentleman wearing uniforms.

A b...

Blind Man

Two female privates are ordered to paint the general's office. They are warned not to get paint on their uniforms. So they lock the door, strip off their clothes and get to work. An hour later, there's a knock at the door. "Who is it?" they ask. "Blind man." Thinking nothing of it, the privates open...

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The blind pilots

Passengers of a 747 begin settling in for their scheduled takeoff when two men in pilot uniforms stumble into the plane, one with a seeing eye dog and the other with a walking stick. The passengers think it's some sort of joke and think nothing of it, but the men carefully and methodically make the...

Valentines special! $500.00

We arrest you in front of your wife and release you on Sunday.
It includes fishing license, poles, boat fees, tent, beers and all necessities for the whole weekend.
We come in full police uniforms and blue lights.

A woman was having an orgy with 3 army men, then she heard her husband coming in the house...

She frantically told the 3 guys to gather all their uniforms and hide in the balcony, and they did. The husband greeted her and didn't suspect a thing. She tried to distract him from going to the balcony but then he became adamant about grilling since it was so nice outside. He opened the balcony do...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Fright flight!

After waiting for what seemed like an eternity, the flight attendant announces over the intercom that, "We're just waiting for the pilots."

The passengers look out the windows, and see two men, dressed in pilot's uniforms, walking towards the plane.

Both men are using guide dogs and ap...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An Army major is assigned to a troubled base

After numerous reports of lax discipline and unruly behavior at a particular Army post, a major is assigned to take charge and straighten the place out.

He arrives and indeed, the place is a mess - nobody's shaved, beer bottles everywhere, grubby uniforms, unpolished boots. Outraged, the majo...

Oh Jesus!

Little Bobby was doing very badly in math. His parents had tried everything... tutors, mentors, flash cards, special learning centers. In short, everything they could think of to help his math. Finally, in a last ditch effort, they took Bobby down and enrolled him in the local Catholic school.
...

I found my girlfriend in bed with three police officers.

She just shrugged. “You said experiment with uniforms!”

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

There was a football field with a bar next to it

Every Saturday there was a championship in that field


One day, the two teams that were going to play were dwarf teams

Then, the dwarves arrived at the barman (Gerson) and said: Hey you ... Can we use the bathroom to put the uniforms on?

And the barman replied: Yes you can...

An upset parent walks up to the coach of a local minor league's baseball team, "Excuse me, sir, but don't you think 'The Browns' is a racist name to have for the team?"

The coach replies, "what? No, the name is simply because the uniforms are brown. In fact, to avoid any signs of racism with the name, we don't allow any brown people on the team."

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