My girlfriend’s dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one. It just made her more upset.

she screamed at me and said "what am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?"

Two friends are chatting when one says 'I had a date with identical twins last night' the other friend asks 'any luck?'

'Yes and no' replied the friend

When you’re telling a joke to identical twins, make sure you tell them the entire thing.

Because you just can’t tell them a part.

Amal and Juan are identical twins. Their mom only carries one baby photo in her wallet.

Because if you've seen Juan you've seen Amal.

A husband and wife give up their identical twin boys for adoption. They name one of them Juan and the other Amol

Years later the wife receives a letter from Juan reaching out to her, he included a picture. Elated she showed her husband who was excited to see his son doing so well in life.. weeks later they receive a letter from Amol telling them how well he is doing and also included a picture. Wife asks hubb...

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Just beyond the Gates of Hell, an alcoholic, a womanizer, and a stoner find themselves standing in front of three identical doors.

There to greet them is none other than Satan, who tells them a secret method to getting into Heaven: Each man must spend 1,000 years in a room with their greatest vice. If he does so, he will be allowed to enter Heaven. The catch? At the end of the 1,000 year period, if the man asks to be let out of...

Identical Twins

A teenage girl gave birth to identical twin boys. As she realized she was not ready to take care of young children, let alone 2 boys, she made the difficult decision to give them up for adoption.

The boys were adopted immediately. One of them was adopted by a lovely Egyptian family who decide...

A young couple in poverty give birth to identical twins.

After much consideration they decide that the best thing for the baby boys would be to give them up for adoption so that they can have a better shot in life. One boy goes to a Spanish family who name him Juan, the second goes to an Indian family who name him Amal.

18 years pass when the birth...

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What do you call identical boobs

Identitties

A man goes into a pet shop to buy a parrot.

The shop owner points to three identical-looking parrots on a perch and says, "The parrot on the left costs $500 dollars."

"Why does the parrot cost so much?" asks the man. The owner says "Well the parrot knows how to use a computer."

The man then asks about the next parrot and learns ...

Two identical twin brothers, George and Ted, turned 100. George's hearing was just as good as ever, but Ted was slightly deaf.

An attractive female photographer came to the retirement home to take the brothers' picture. "I'm going to take your picture," she said.

"What did she say?" asked Ted. "She says she's going to take our picture," replied George. So George and Ted followed the photographer to a room.

Ins...

If you want to pass your calculus exam, don’t sit in between two identical twins.

It’s very hard to differentiate between them.

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What kind of Bees produce milk?

There is no creature for which this is more true than the honey bee. Amazingly, queen bees are genetically exactly identical to worker bees. But they’re fed a different diet from worker bees their whole lives, from the time they are tiny larvae, until the day they die. This different meal plan cause...

I found out today that I have an identical twin brother. I got very emotional when we finally met.

I was beside myself.

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A set of identical boy triplets grow up doing everything together.

Naturally being brothers, they are very competitive and strive to outdo each other in everything they do. School, sports, work and most especially girls.

They get older, meet girls and all decide to settle down. Competitive streak aside, they are also extremely close and decide they will ge...

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I just got fucked by identical twins.

It was a doppelgängbang.

A woman has identical twins, and gives them up for adoption.

One goes to a family in Egypt and is named Amal. The other goes to Spain and is named Juan. Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving it, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband said: "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, yo...

Did you hear about the identical twin police officers?

They were copies.

A man was dating a woman who was a identical twin

the man and woman have been dating for a while, and recently the man met the woman’s twin and was shocked. from the hair to the size of their feet, the two were exactly identical.

one night, the woman came home to their apartment and saw her sister’s shoes in the entrance. she rushed to the ...

What do you call it when two people bring identical lunches to the office?

A cuisine-kydink.

Sorry.

Very few people know the scientific term for identical twins.

Fetus Repeatus.

A Spanish woman was married to an Arabic man when they discovered they were going to have identical twin boys.

After much discussion, it was decided that one should be named after his paternal grandfather Amal and the other after his maternal grandfather Juan.

Years go by ...

The boys and their mom are at the grocery store one day when the boys were about 6 yrs old. As the mom was looking at...

I tried to make a joke about identical frequencies and wave forms.

But it really separated the room.

I was expecting more coherence.

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My girlfriend has an identical twin, but I know how to keep them apart.

She has long brown hair

And her brother has a penis

My sister when through a phase where she spontaneously split down the middle making two identical copies. Now they are...

My one Sis and Mitosis.

A joke I made up

There once lived an unmarried, flamboyant, lustful king who chased women and slept with everyone in his court. The day came for him to be married, and he went to see a local lord who was rumored to have two beautiful daughters. The king went to  meet the lord and his two beautiful daughters. After l...

What do you get when you buy 13 identical Muppets?

A beakers dozen

what do we call a pair of identical twin cats?

Duplicats

“My wife’s identical twin sister is living with us till she finds a job”

I said to my friend

He asked “ do you know how to tell them apart ?”

I remarked “ why should I ?”

A man goes to a kennel hoping to adopt two dogs

The employee there shows him two powerful looking dogs and one small, cute dog.


The man asks if it’s possible to have one powerful dog and the cute dog.


‘Unfortunately,’ says the employee, ‘the two powerful dogs are twins, so they can’t be separated. As they are completely i...

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No pair of balls are identical.

In fact, there are vas deferenses between the two.

I once had a threesome with identical twins.

Guess that makes me a dopplebanger.

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There are two identical twin brothers that live together.

One happens to be a well-respected dentist, and the other can't seem to keep a job. Instead of actively looking for work, he likes to sit around at home. One Saturday, the dentist is hungry, and puts his brother on the spot. He tells him to get off his lazy behind and go get them some food. After so...

A woman has identical twins and gives them up for adoption

One of the twin boys is adopted by a family in Spain and is named Juan. The other boy is adopted by a family in Egypt, who name him Jamal.

Years later, her son Juan connects with her and sends him a picture of himself with his family.

Feeling moved and happy that Juan is doing well, ...

Two identical twins that were separated at birth were asked how they reunited

Well, one said, “we met online and immediately noticed many physical similarities”

The other chimed in “ we both mentioned in our bio how we never actually met our parents”

“It was quite a strange coincidence that we met, huh”

“Yeah, grinder is a wonder, isn’t it?”

If I had an identical twin...

I would have him discreetly follow me around whenever I'm hanging out with a girl. If she ever asks me "Are you single?", he will jump out of the bushes and say, "No, I'm double."

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Mike and Mark

Mike and Mark are identical twin brothers.

Mike is a really good guy. Helps his friends in need, visits their mother regularly and is a pillar of their community.

Mark is a real ass. Self-centered, steals from his friends ignores their mother and is an all around douche bag.

...

Did you hear about the two identical bikes separated at birth?

They were long lost schwinns.

Doctor twin visits pastor twin

A couple has identical twin sons.

After they finish school, they go to separate cities for university: one studies medicine and eventually gets his MD degree; the other decides to become a man of the cloth and gets his DD (Doctor of Divinity).

The doctor settles down near the city wher...

What do you call a funny identical person that born from laboratory?

"Clown"ing

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The flesh inside your cheeks is identical to the flesh inside a vagina.

You're licking the insides of your cheeks, aren't you?

Two redditors give birth to identical twins

They marvel at how beautiful the first kid is. "This is the cutest thing I have ever seen."

When they saw the second baby, they had only a single word to describe their reaction.

"Repost."

What do you call Identical Twin Brothers who choose a life of crime?

Cell Mates

A set of identical twins are separated at birth

A mother in Italy was unable to keep her babies, she had two identical twin boys. Unfortunately she couldn’t find a family to take both children so two separate families each took one of the boys. One of the families was from Lebanon and named their son “Amal”. The other family was from Spain and...

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10 Identical Fruits

One day Daniel, Jeremy, and Lake are walking down the street and a van pulls up. Five guys hop out and kidnap the trio. Then after being drugged they wake up in a forest. One of the guys who was in the van speaks in a heavy Russian accent and tells the boys to go out into the forest and come back wi...

My neighbours have two sons - identical twins names Jamal and Juan.

If you've seen Juan, you've seen Jamal.

My wife's dog died yesterday, So I decided to cheer her up by buying an identical one...

Unfortunately instead of liking the gift, she cried and asked what is she going to do with two dead dogs

You're meeting identical triplets tonight. One's from the Army, one's a lifestyle Vegan, and one is a diehard Trump supporter. How do you tell them apart?

Don't worry. They'll tell you.

A Mexican woman gave birth to identical twins and gave them up for adoption...

A couple from another state was looking to adopt twins, so they called and asked for more information. The lady at the adoption agency emailed a pic of one of the boys, along with the details.

"You only sent one picture," the wife says. "Where's his brother?"

"Don't worry," says the la...

I'm dating a girl whose arms measure identically to mine when extended.

I think we're on the same wavelength.

A girl gives birth to identical twins but has to give them up for adoption.......

One is adopted by a Spanish family and they call him Juan, the other gets adopted by an Indian family and they decide to call him Amahl.
Years go by and one day the mother, full of regret, decides she wants to know what became of her sons so she goes to the adoption agency and...

My girlfriends dog died, so to cheer her up, I bought her an identical one

She was livid. She said "this stupid jokes gets reposted almost everyday"

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What's the difference between cow shit and bull shit?

I was telling my mate a story about how I found 2 identical piles of dried shit. So, I picked one of them up and tossed it in the air. It went 5 metres high before almost landing on my head. I then threw the other one up, 5 metres, 10, 20, it just wouldn't come down. And you know what my mate said ...

Know what's the best part about my supervisor having an identical twin?

I get to watch him die twice.

If identical siblings are both interested in something,

Do they have twin piques?

Having identical triplets is like....

Having one kid with multiple personalities.

Two identical twins separated at birth...

... And are put up for adoption. One of the twins gets adopted by a Mexican couple and is named Juan. The other twin gets adopted by an Egyptian family and is named Hamal.
Years later their biological mother and father receive a letter from both their children saying how through a bizarre series...

Identical twins were put up for adoption and separated at birth...

...20 years later, their biological parents decided to find and meet them.

After many hours of research, they discovered that one child had been adopted by a middle-eastern family and had been named Amal Allamedan, while the other boy had been adopted by a family in Chile and had been named...

Three cowboys are riding in a truck all dressed head to toe identically who is the smartest?

The one in the middle because he doesn't have to drive and doesn't have to open the gate.

My identical twin brother and I were both arrested this weekend.

But there was a mix-up during processing. Now we are finishing each other's sentences.

What's it called when two strains of a disease are identical?

plague-arism

What do identical stars do?

Twin-kle

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Arab man and and his Mexican wife have identical twin boys..

They decide to name the twins after their fathers. The Arab man's father was named Amal, and his Mexican wife's father's name was Juan. To celebrate the twins' tenth birthday, they go to an amusement park. While standing in line for a funnel cake, the parents realize their sons are nowhere to be ...

The nurse asked the patient to remove his clothing and put on a gown, to be checked by a doctor.

The nurse asked the patient to remove his clothing and put on a gown, to be checked by a doctor.

“In front of you”?”, he asks, shyly.

The nurse says, “Well no, but I've seen the naked human body before.”

The patient said, “Not one like mine. You would die laughing at my naked bo...

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