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Identical Jokes

I said to my wife, “I can’t think of a four letter word that means identical.”

Her: Same.

Me: Maybe we should get a thesaurus?

I failed my calculus exam because I was sitting between two identical twins.

It was impossible to differentiate between them.

My girlfriend's dog died, so to cheer her up I got her an identical one.

She was livid, "what am I going to do with two dead dogs?"

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Just beyond the Gates of Hell, an alcoholic, a womanizer, and a stoner find themselves standing in front of three identical doors.

There to greet them is none other than Satan, who tells them a secret method to getting into Heaven: Each man must spend 1,000 years in a room with their greatest vice. If he does so, he will be allowed to enter Heaven. The catch? At the end of the 1,000 year period, if the man asks to be let out of...

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I saw two guys wearing identical outfits,

and asked if they were gay.


They arrested me.

I just found out my wife has an identical twin

I saw her on Tinder.

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What do you call 2 people with identical penises?

Doppelwangers

Using the new James Webb telescope, scientists recently discovered an enormous object in deep space that shares nearly identical chemical composition as humor in the human brain.

Ultimately it was determined to be no laughing matter

Two identical twin brothers, George and Ted, turned 100. George's hearing was just as good as ever, but Ted was slightly deaf.

An attractive female photographer came to the retirement home to take the brothers' picture. "I'm going to take your picture," she said.

"What did she say?" asked Ted. "She says she's going to take our picture," replied George. So George and Ted followed the photographer to a room.

Ins...

A woman has identical twins, and gives them up for adoption.

One goes to a family in Egypt and is named Amal. The other goes to Spain and is named Juan. Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his mum. Upon receiving it, she tells her husband that she wished she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband said: "But they are twins. If you've seen Juan, yo...

A young couple in poverty give birth to identical twins.

After much consideration they decide that the best thing for the baby boys would be to give them up for adoption so that they can have a better shot in life. One boy goes to a Spanish family who name him Juan, the second goes to an Indian family who name him Amal.

18 years pass when the birth...

Very few people know the scientific term for identical twins.

Fetus Repeatus.

A Spanish woman was married to an Arabic man when they discovered they were going to have identical twin boys.

After much discussion, it was decided that one should be named after his paternal grandfather Amal and the other after his maternal grandfather Juan.

Years go by ...

The boys and their mom are at the grocery store one day when the boys were about 6 yrs old. As the mom was looking at...

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What do you call two identical looking boobs?

Identities.

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8 years ago today, I shared the worst joke I ever created. I reposted it 4 years ago. Here it is again for those that missed it.

There are two identical twin brothers that live together. One happens to be a well-respected dentist, and the other can't seem to keep a job. Instead of actively looking for work, he likes to sit around at home. One Saturday, the dentist is hungry, and puts his brother on the spot. He tells him to g...

When you’re telling a joke to identical twins, make sure you tell them the entire thing.

Because you just can’t tell them a part.

Two friends are chatting when one says 'I had a date with identical twins last night' the other friend asks 'any luck?'

'Yes and no' replied the friend

“My wife’s identical twin sister is living with us till she finds a job”

I said to my friend

He asked “ do you know how to tell them apart ?”

I remarked “ why should I ?”

Amal and Juan are identical twins. Their mom only carries a photo of one of them because…

…if you’ve seen Juan, you’ve seen Amal.

Identical Twins

A teenage girl gave birth to identical twin boys. As she realized she was not ready to take care of young children, let alone 2 boys, she made the difficult decision to give them up for adoption.

The boys were adopted immediately. One of them was adopted by a lovely Egyptian family who decide...

A man goes into a pet shop to buy a parrot. The shop owner points to three identical looking parrots on a perch and says:

"the parrot on the left costs $500". "Why does the parrot cost so much?" asks the man. The owner says, "Well the parrot knows how to use a computer".

The man then asks about the next parrot, to be told that this one costs $1,000 because it can do everything the other parrot can do plus it kno...

I found out today that I have an identical twin brother. I got very emotional when we finally met.

I was beside myself.

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A set of identical boy triplets grow up doing everything together.

Naturally being brothers, they are very competitive and strive to outdo each other in everything they do. School, sports, work and most especially girls.

They get older, meet girls and all decide to settle down. Competitive streak aside, they are also extremely close and decide they will ge...

A woman has identical twins and gives them up for adoption

One of the twin boys is adopted by a family in Spain and is named Juan. The other boy is adopted by a family in Egypt, who name him Jamal.

Years later, her son Juan connects with her and sends him a picture of himself with his family.

Feeling moved and happy that Juan is doing well, ...

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I just got fucked by identical twins.

It was a doppelgängbang.

Did you hear about the identical twin police officers?

They were copies.

What do you call it when two people bring identical lunches to the office?

A cuisine-kydink.

Sorry.

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My girlfriend has an identical twin, but I know how to keep them apart.

She has long brown hair

And her brother has a penis

What do you get when you buy 13 identical Muppets?

A beakers dozen

My sister when through a phase where she spontaneously split down the middle making two identical copies. Now they are...

My one Sis and Mitosis.

I tried to make a joke about identical frequencies and wave forms.

But it really separated the room.

I was expecting more coherence.

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No pair of balls are identical.

In fact, there are vas deferenses between the two.

what do we call a pair of identical twin cats?

Duplicats

I once had a threesome with identical twins.

Guess that makes me a dopplebanger.

Two identical twins that were separated at birth were asked how they reunited

Well, one said, “we met online and immediately noticed many physical similarities”

The other chimed in “ we both mentioned in our bio how we never actually met our parents”

“It was quite a strange coincidence that we met, huh”

“Yeah, grinder is a wonder, isn’t it?”

If I had an identical twin...

I would have him discreetly follow me around whenever I'm hanging out with a girl. If she ever asks me "Are you single?", he will jump out of the bushes and say, "No, I'm double."

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The flesh inside your cheeks is identical to the flesh inside a vagina.

You're licking the insides of your cheeks, aren't you?

What do you call a funny identical person that born from laboratory?

"Clown"ing

Did you hear about the two identical bikes separated at birth?

They were long lost schwinns.

What do you call Identical Twin Brothers who choose a life of crime?

Cell Mates

A set of identical twins are separated at birth

A mother in Italy was unable to keep her babies, she had two identical twin boys. Unfortunately she couldn’t find a family to take both children so two separate families each took one of the boys. One of the families was from Lebanon and named their son “Amal”. The other family was from Spain and...

Two redditors give birth to identical twins

They marvel at how beautiful the first kid is. "This is the cutest thing I have ever seen."

When they saw the second baby, they had only a single word to describe their reaction.

"Repost."

My neighbours have two sons - identical twins names Jamal and Juan.

If you've seen Juan, you've seen Jamal.

You're meeting identical triplets tonight. One's from the Army, one's a lifestyle Vegan, and one is a diehard Trump supporter. How do you tell them apart?

Don't worry. They'll tell you.

My wife's dog died yesterday, So I decided to cheer her up by buying an identical one...

Unfortunately instead of liking the gift, she cried and asked what is she going to do with two dead dogs

Two identical twins separated at birth...

... And are put up for adoption. One of the twins gets adopted by a Mexican couple and is named Juan. The other twin gets adopted by an Egyptian family and is named Hamal.
Years later their biological mother and father receive a letter from both their children saying how through a bizarre series...

A Mexican woman gave birth to identical twins and gave them up for adoption...

A couple from another state was looking to adopt twins, so they called and asked for more information. The lady at the adoption agency emailed a pic of one of the boys, along with the details.

"You only sent one picture," the wife says. "Where's his brother?"

"Don't worry," says the la...

Having identical triplets is like....

Having one kid with multiple personalities.

My girlfriends dog died, so to cheer her up, I bought her an identical one

She was livid. She said "this stupid jokes gets reposted almost everyday"

A girl gives birth to identical twins but has to give them up for adoption.......

One is adopted by a Spanish family and they call him Juan, the other gets adopted by an Indian family and they decide to call him Amahl.
Years go by and one day the mother, full of regret, decides she wants to know what became of her sons so she goes to the adoption agency and...

If identical siblings are both interested in something,

Do they have twin piques?

My identical twin brother and I were both arrested this weekend.

But there was a mix-up during processing. Now we are finishing each other's sentences.

Know what's the best part about my supervisor having an identical twin?

I get to watch him die twice.

Identical twins were put up for adoption and separated at birth...

...20 years later, their biological parents decided to find and meet them.

After many hours of research, they discovered that one child had been adopted by a middle-eastern family and had been named Amal Allamedan, while the other boy had been adopted by a family in Chile and had been named...

Identical Twins

A woman gave birth to identical twin boys.
She and her husband named them Amal and Juan.
However, being a poor family in a third world country, raising two children wasn't feasible, so the couple had to give one child up for adoption, and they chose Amal.
Many years later, the father became...

What do identical stars do?

Twin-kle

I'm dating a girl whose arms measure identically to mine when extended.

I think we're on the same wavelength.

What's it called when two strains of a disease are identical?

plague-arism

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Arab man and and his Mexican wife have identical twin boys..

They decide to name the twins after their fathers. The Arab man's father was named Amal, and his Mexican wife's father's name was Juan. To celebrate the twins' tenth birthday, they go to an amusement park. While standing in line for a funnel cake, the parents realize their sons are nowhere to be ...

A scientist couple had identical twins...

They named one Peter and the other one Control Group.

Did you hear about the identical twins who robbed a bank?

After they were caught, they finished each other's sentences.

Three cowboys are riding in a truck all dressed head to toe identically who is the smartest?

The one in the middle because he doesn't have to drive and doesn't have to open the gate.

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