If Mayweather wins this match he'll be so consistent...
...that they'll have to start calling him "Mayclimate"
Which actress stays consistent, especially in the winter time?
Pizza Hut is very consistent...
The pizza tastes exactly like the box it comes in.
How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
Such number as may be deemed to perform the stated task in a timely and efficient manner within the strictures of the following agreement:
Whereas the party of the first part, also known as “Lawyer,” and the party of the second part, also known as “Light Bulb,” do hereby and forthwith agree t...
I’m not saying global warming is real...
But the weather was a lot more consistent when people were sacrificing newborn babies to the sun god!
The Rules of Writing
1: Always avoid alliterations
2: A preposition is not something to end a sentence with
3) Be consistent
4: Don’t restate ideas
5: Don’t be redundant
6: And never start a sentence with a conjunction
Things I hate
These are 5 things I hate. 1. people not using capital letters.
Two. People who aren't consistent
3 People who dont use proper grammar.
HAPPY NEW YEAR! My resolutions are:
1) Stop writing lists.
B) Be more consistent.
7) Learn to count.
A law joke that isn't a lawyer joke
A man is put on trial for the charge of stealing his neighbor's pig.
After both sides rest, the jury leaves to deliberate, and an hour later it returns.
"Have you reached a verdict?" the judge asks.
"We have, your honor," the foreman says. "We find the defendant not guilty, but ...
The farmer's nagging wife
An old hillbilly farmer had a wife who nagged him unmercifully.
From morning til night (and sometimes later), she was always complaining about something.
The only time he got any relief was when he was out plowing with his old mule. He tried to plow a lot. One day, when he was out p...
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
A toothpaste factory had a problem.
They sometimes shipped empty boxes without the tube inside. This challenged their perceived quality with the buyers and distributors. Understanding how important the relationship with them was, the CEO of the company assembled his top people. They decided to hire an external engineering ...
Just wrote this one about my esteemed profession. How many lawyers does it take to screw in a light bulb?
Such number as may be deemed necessary to perform the aforementioned task in a timely and efficient manner within the structure in which said bulb is housed and being dependent on the following variables:
Whereas it should be taken in to account that ceiling heights may differ significantly f...
Q: How many members of a cultural, religious or social outgroup does it take to accomplish a routine task?
A: An arbitrary number: One or more to actually perform the task, and the remainder to behave in an absurd fashion consistent with perceived humorous stereotypes!
The Generic Ethnic Joke
A person belonging to an ethnic group whose members are commonly considered to have certain stereotypical mannerisms met another person belonging to a different ethnic group with a different set of imputed stereotypical mannerisms. The first person acted in a manner consistent with the stereotypes ...
The third letter of the alphabet showed up to work at the same time, every day.
It was consistent C.
This joke may contain profanity. 🤔
A joke told to me by my psychology professor...
I'll start by letting you know the backstory to this. It was the first day of class and my professor was giving a brief overview of physiological studies and theories. He then went into a very long description of a supposed psychologist who studied the training of dolphins and it went something like...
Man: Hello! Gusto Pizza?
Phone: No sir it's Google pizza.
M: Oh sorry, wrong number
P: Sir, Google bought Gusto
M: Oh, may I order?
P: Would you like your usual?
M: My usual? You know my usual?
P: According to our caller ID, your last 10 orders were f...
A good comedian is like a good dictatorship.
Consistent in their execution.
What is the first symptom of AIDS?
A consistent pounding sensation in your ass.
Simple instructions from an English teacher for a great essay.
1. Don't use no double negatives. 2. Don't abbrev. 3. Personally, in my opinion, a writer or essayist should not make use of too many words or phrases which he does not necessarily need in many cases. 4. About sentence fragments. 5. Dont, use, commas, when they are, unnecessary. 6. Ke...
A dentist goes to the bar every day at 4:30...
He comes like clockwork every weekday. And, every day he orders the same drink- an almond daiquiri. He's so consistent, that the bartender starts making his drink at 4:25.
One day, the bartender discovers to his horror that he's out of almonds. So he makes it with Hickory nuts. The dentist...
Sister Marry was truly a religious woman...
Besides for her duties as a nun, she was also very active in various hospitals visiting sick patients and taking care of all their needs.
So it was no surprise that one day when she ran out of gas, the only container she could find to put the gas into was a bedpan.
Sister Marry happily...
The world's philosophers and theologians have gathered for a summit...
...held, dramatically enough, on the summit of an actual mountain. Everyone was having a great time, mingling together, discussing the great philosophical questions of the day.
Rumors started to swirl around about one particular holy man who had joined the day's festivities. This particularly...
Once upon a time, two race horses were born...
This is long, but worth it.
Their names were Herman and Berman and they were twins. Herman was born just slightly before Berman. Herman and Berman were colts of average work horses and were to work the fields everyday. One day Herman and Berman decide to have a race. Everyday at noon, the lu...