This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An American spy is in Soviet Russia, digging up information on a powerful Russian politician. He finds him in a bar, walks in dressed in Russian attire, pretending to be Russian. Everybody in the bar looks at him, but he keeps his cool. He orders a drink and walks to the politician...

"Greetings, comrade." says the spy, but before he could finish his sentence, the Russian says, "I think you are American spy."

The spy is alarmed, but being a skilled, trained, spy, he says, "That is not true! I am the proudest Soviet there is! I can sing the anthem more beautifully than any ...

I have only one rule when it comes to attire

I dress to meet the bare minimum standards that any given occasion dictates.

I call it...

Occam's Blazer.

Two priests decided to go to Hawaii on their holidays.

They were determined to make this a real vacation by not wearing anything that would identify them as clergy. They packed colorful shirts, shorts, swim trunks and sandals, and each brought sunglasses.

The morning after they arrived, they went to the beach, wearing swim trunks and t-shirts. ...

If you go to Tire Warehouse...

For a tire, what do you go to Men's warehouse for?

Attire

What’s the difference between a poorly dressed man on a unicycle and a well dressed man on a bicycle?

ATTIRE

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A duck walks into a bar and orders a pint of lager and a ham sandwich

Barman: You’re a duck and you can talk?!

Duck: Quite observant I see, Don’t worry I can pay.

Barman: I’m terribly sorry if I offended you, might I ask, what brings you to a bar like this?

Duck: If you must know, I work on the construction site across the road, if you don’t mind ...

What's a philosopher's favorite sports attire?

soccer tees.

Old man goes to church

One Sunday morning an old cowboy entered a church just before services
were to begin. Although the old man and his clothes were spotlessly clean,
he wore jeans, a denim shirt and boots that were very worn and ragged. In
his hand he carried a worn out old hat and an equally worn out Bible....

What is the most common attire during WWII?

Casual Tees

My girlfriend broke up with me because of my choice of attire

Just got a text saying "It's shawl over!"

I hate guys who wear UFC attire, like Tap Out gear. They think they're telling the world, I'm tough, don't mess with me.

But what they're really telling the world is I only get to see my kid every other weekend. I don't think that's anyone's business.

The Scotsman

A Scotsman was walking down the street in his traditional Scottish attire when he saw a couple of women talking and giggling,

As he approached one of the women asked " is it true the you dont wear anything under your kilt?"

"Aye, why dont you have a peek and find out for yourself"
...

Was denied entry to a fancy club for improper attire.

Bouncer is all like you need a jacket and tie to get in here bud. I know I've got a jacket in the car but no tie.Putting on the jacket I notice my nice new pair of jumper cables so I think ah what the hell and tie them around my neck.Go back up to the doors ask if I can go in now? Bouncer looks me u...

Clothes make the man (Joke from my nephew)

What's the difference between a sharp-dressed fellow on a bicycle and a raggedy looking guy on a unicycle?

Attire.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Bob, an accountant





was driving home over the Golden Gate Bridge after spending a great day on the ocean fishing.


His catch, cleaned and filleted, was wrapped in newspaper on the passenger-side floor.


He was late getting home and was speeding... Wouldn't you know that a...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A woman, about to undergo an IRS audit, asked her accountant for advice on what to wear. "Wear your shabbiest clothing. Let them think you are a pauper".

Then she asked her legal counsel the same question, but got the opposite advice. "Do not let them intimidate you. Wear your finest attire".

Utterly confused at this point, she went to her rabbi, told him of the conflicting advice, and requested some resolution of her dilemma. "Let me tell you...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My friend's throwing a fancy dress party themed around period attire...

I'm going dressed as a tampon

What did the car wear to the ball?

The proper attire.

What do you call a skeleton in fancy attire?

Fashionably late.

I'll be here all week.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Two old friends were walking down the beach, and one spots an ancient-looking oil lamp.

He picks up the lamp, and just as he began to inquire 'What's thi...", his buddy rips the item out of his hands and begins furiously rubbing on the side of it.

Smoke began to swirl from the end of the lamp, and coalesced into a muscular man in old Arabian attire.

"I am a jinn who has b...

What is the difference between a well dressed man on a unicycle and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle?

Attire

Vacationing in Hawaii, two priests decide to wear casual clothes so they won’t be identified as clergy.

They buy Hawaiian shirts and sandals, and soon hit the beach. They notice a gorgeous blonde in a tiny bikini.

"Good afternoon, Fathers," she says as she strolls by.

The men are stunned. How does she know they’re clergy? Later they buy even wilder attire: surfer shorts, tie-dyed T-shirt...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Goldilocks and the three cars.

Goldilocks had grown into a fine young lady now, and so she decided to revisit the three bears, just to see how they were all doing.

As she wandered down the path, she ended up at their house, signed "The Three Bears".
She didn't see any sign of them around.

Typical.

Yet, so...

An insanely jealous husband comes home in a rage to see his wife...

He was a large bulky man who could well tear into somebody. He barges into their 3 story apartment, slams the door, and yells at his wife, "Where is he, you cheat?"

She exclaims, "What are you talking about?" He screams, "I know you're cheating on me and when I find him, I'm going to kill him...

Army vs. Navy

An Army Colonel and a Navy Commodore dressed in ceremonial attire, are taking a pee in the men's room.

Post finishing their business, the Army guy washes his hands and dries them on a towel.
The Navy guy proceeds to just walk out.

Seeing this, the Army guy can't resist taking a snip...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Weight loss program

Joe wanted to loose weight but he lacked the motivation to work out. One day he sees and ad in the paper, “3 step weight loss program, guaranteed to get you motivated to workout”

Joe thinks he has nothing to loose and calls the number. later that evening he hears the door bell, he opens the...

I was walking through the city when I passed a large abbey.

I walked past and noticed many nuns walking around inside the open large doors. I headed to a tavern located down the street from the abbey. As I walked in, I was startled to see a woman in religious attire sitting at the counter. I sat next to her and asked her why she was here. She said, "don't te...

Why do unicyclists and bicyclists wear different clothing?

They find it easier to balance attire

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Destination Pittsburgh

Three priests were heading to Pittsburgh. The youngest priest, knowing he was most connected to the secular world, offered to get the tickets.

Upon arriving at the counter, the noticed the cashier was wearing a low low top and a short short skirt. His heart fluttered a moment...

“Yes ...

Why do you have to dress so nicely when riding a unicycle?

Because attire is the most important thing about a unicycle

Why couldn't the old bike stay upright?

It was *two-tired.*

An oldy, but a goody, I hope you can *handle* it.

Changing *gears*, I *spoke* at a fancy unicycle conference and you know what's different there? *Attire.*

I'm just *pedaling* for upvotes.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Americans spy in Soviet Union

1960's. CIA decided to send the most advanced spy into Soviet Union. They trained him for 15 years in how Soviets Lived, 10 years in Russian, so he was completely fluent, another 5 years in Russian customs traditions. According to everyone in CIA, this guy was UNDETECTABLE. After US president wishes...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Wood eye. (NSFW) (Long)

There's a boy in high school, who was born without an eye so has a wood eye as a filler. He always gets made fun of at school for it in every class he has. When he gets home one day he mentions to his father that prom is that weekend and that he has no one to go with because no one likes him.
...

A deaf-mute goes golfing

...at a country club (it's Sunday, and open to the public) and is having a pretty good game. So good, in fact, that he ends up having to wait on a member playing ahead of him.
He politely waits on the slow golfer, but eventually gets fed up with the delay. So he writes a note, and gives it to the...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Ms. Nugent, a retired widow went to the beach wearing a bra and thong.

Her husband had died a few years back and after years of mourning she decided it was time to get back in the game. And what better way than to go to the beach in a racy, sexy swimsuit to snag a man. In her youth, this plan never seemed to fail although in that time, they didn't have thongs.

A...

we don't sell to blondes

A blonde goes to an electronic store and asks the salesperson, pointing at the appliance "how much is this microwave for?" The salesperson replies "Sorry we don't sell to blondes." The blonde is angry and changes her attire and goes to the store the next day with brunette hair, she points to the app...

What do you call a wheel with clothes?

Attire.

My brother told this to me and it gave me a chuckle.

In light of today's events in Toronto

A lady gets on a plane and realizes that she's been seated next to an Arab man in traditional attire. She watches him cautiously during the entire flight.

When the plane lands, he gets out before her, but leaves his briefcase under the seat in front of him. Noticing this, she grabs it and fol...

What article of clothing is round and rubbery?

Attire.

Superstitious chemist

A superstitious chemist is known for always wearing the same outfit for good luck; she always wears blue-jeans, a t-shirt, tennis shoes, and a yarn necklace with a vial of aldehydes as a pendant. She wears it in lab. She wore it at her graduation ceremonies. Day after day, identical outfits.

...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A man decides to give up corporate life and move to cabin deep in the woods...

For a few months he lets go of the stress of the big city, chops his own fire wood, grows his own vegetables and enjoys the natural splendor of his surroundings.

Then one day he hears a knock on his cabin door and finds a huge, hairy, gristled old lumber jack standing on his porch.

"...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.