What's the difference between a poorly dressed man riding a unicycle, and a well dressed man riding a bicycle?

Attire.

I hate guys who wear UFC attire, like Tap Out gear. They think they're telling the world, I'm tough, don't mess with me.

But what they're really telling the world is I only get to see my kid every other weekend. I don't think that's anyone's business.

What is the most common attire during WWII?

Casual Tees

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My friend's throwing a fancy dress party themed around period attire...

I'm going dressed as a tampon

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An American spy is in Soviet Russia, digging up information on a powerful Russian politician. He finds him in a bar, walks in dressed in Russian attire, pretending to be Russian. Everybody in the bar looks at him, but he keeps his cool. He orders a drink and walks to the politician...

"Greetings, comrade." says the spy, but before he could finish his sentence, the Russian says, "I think you are American spy."

The spy is alarmed, but being a skilled, trained, spy, he says, "That is not true! I am the proudest Soviet there is! I can sing the anthem more beautifully than any ...

Was denied entry to a fancy club for improper attire.

Bouncer is all like you need a jacket and tie to get in here bud. I know I've got a jacket in the car but no tie.Putting on the jacket I notice my nice new pair of jumper cables so I think ah what the hell and tie them around my neck.Go back up to the doors ask if I can go in now? Bouncer looks me u...

What do you call a skeleton in fancy attire?

Fashionably late.

I'll be here all week.

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Goldilocks and the three cars.

Goldilocks had grown into a fine young lady now, and so she decided to revisit the three bears, just to see how they were all doing.

As she wandered down the path, she ended up at their house, signed "The Three Bears".
She didn't see any sign of them around.

Typical.

Yet, so...

What does a wheel wear

Attire

Vacationing in Hawaii, two priests decide to wear casual clothes so they won’t be identified as clergy.

They buy Hawaiian shirts and sandals, and soon hit the beach. They notice a gorgeous blonde in a tiny bikini.

"Good afternoon, Fathers," she says as she strolls by.

The men are stunned. How does she know they’re clergy? Later they buy even wilder attire: surfer shorts, tie-dyed T-shirt...

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Weight loss program

Joe wanted to loose weight but he lacked the motivation to work out. One day he sees and ad in the paper, “3 step weight loss program, guaranteed to get you motivated to workout”

Joe thinks he has nothing to loose and calls the number. later that evening he hears the door bell, he opens the...

I was walking through the city when I passed a large abbey.

I walked past and noticed many nuns walking around inside the open large doors. I headed to a tavern located down the street from the abbey. As I walked in, I was startled to see a woman in religious attire sitting at the counter. I sat next to her and asked her why she was here. She said, "don't te...

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Dating techniques

One afternoon, Schmitt met up with his ex-colleague for a cup of tea. Schmitt had been single since the day he was born, so it was to his frustration when his previous lab partner, Martin, was no longer single. After another subtle round of boasting (or so Schmitt thought), Schmitt decided to ask f...

Army vs. Navy

An Army Colonel and a Navy Commodore dressed in ceremonial attire, are taking a pee in the men's room.

Post finishing their business, the Army guy washes his hands and dries them on a towel.
The Navy guy proceeds to just walk out.

Seeing this, the Army guy can't resist taking a snip...

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Superman & Batman meet to go for a Costco run.

Every 3 months or so, Superman & Batman meet up and go for a Costco run together. This particular morning, Batman is waiting for Superman to show up and he's late by over an hour. He's always been on time up until this morning. A little while later, Batman sees Superman flying towards him. As Su...

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Bob, a lawyer,

was driving home over the Golden Gate Bridge after spending a great day on the ocean fishing.

His catch, cleaned and filleted, was wrapped in newspaper on the passenger-side floor.

He was late getting home and was speeding... Wouldn't you know that a cop jumped out, radar gun...

Why do unicyclists and bicyclists wear different clothing?

They find it easier to balance attire

What is the difference between a well dressed man on a unicycle and a poorly dressed man on a bicycle?

Attire

One Sunday morning an old ragged cowboy entered a church just before services were to begin.

Although the old man and his clothes were spotlessly clean, he wore jeans, a denim shirt and boots that were very worn and ragged.

In his hand he carried a worn out old hat and a equally worn out Bible. The church he entered was in a very upscale and exclusive part of the city. It was the lar...

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Destination Pittsburgh

Three priests were heading to Pittsburgh. The youngest priest, knowing he was most connected to the secular world, offered to get the tickets.

Upon arriving at the counter, the noticed the cashier was wearing a low low top and a short short skirt. His heart fluttered a moment...

“Yes ...

Did you hear about the unfashionable mechanic?

He needed to change attire.

(I'm probably too proud of myself for making this one; someone's almost definitely done it before.)

Two Priests decided to go to Greece on vacation

They were determined to make this a real vacation
by not wearing anything that would identify them as Priests.

As soon as the plane landed they headed for a store
and bought some really outrageous shorts, shirts, sandals, sunglasses, etc.

The next morning they went to the beach...

Why do you have to dress so nicely when riding a unicycle?

Because attire is the most important thing about a unicycle

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Americans spy in Soviet Union

1960's. CIA decided to send the most advanced spy into Soviet Union. They trained him for 15 years in how Soviets Lived, 10 years in Russian, so he was completely fluent, another 5 years in Russian customs traditions. According to everyone in CIA, this guy was UNDETECTABLE. After US president wishes...

Why couldn't the old bike stay upright?

It was *two-tired.*

An oldy, but a goody, I hope you can *handle* it.

Changing *gears*, I *spoke* at a fancy unicycle conference and you know what's different there? *Attire.*

I'm just *pedaling* for upvotes.

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Wood eye. (NSFW) (Long)

There's a boy in high school, who was born without an eye so has a wood eye as a filler. He always gets made fun of at school for it in every class he has. When he gets home one day he mentions to his father that prom is that weekend and that he has no one to go with because no one likes him.
...

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Ms. Nugent, a retired widow went to the beach wearing a bra and thong.

Her husband had died a few years back and after years of mourning she decided it was time to get back in the game. And what better way than to go to the beach in a racy, sexy swimsuit to snag a man. In her youth, this plan never seemed to fail although in that time, they didn't have thongs.

A...

A deaf-mute goes golfing

...at a country club (it's Sunday, and open to the public) and is having a pretty good game. So good, in fact, that he ends up having to wait on a member playing ahead of him.
He politely waits on the slow golfer, but eventually gets fed up with the delay. So he writes a note, and gives it to the...

we don't sell to blondes

A blonde goes to an electronic store and asks the salesperson, pointing at the appliance "how much is this microwave for?" The salesperson replies "Sorry we don't sell to blondes." The blonde is angry and changes her attire and goes to the store the next day with brunette hair, she points to the app...

What do you call a wheel with clothes?

Attire.

My brother told this to me and it gave me a chuckle.

What article of clothing is round and rubbery?

Attire.

In light of today's events in Toronto

A lady gets on a plane and realizes that she's been seated next to an Arab man in traditional attire. She watches him cautiously during the entire flight.

When the plane lands, he gets out before her, but leaves his briefcase under the seat in front of him. Noticing this, she grabs it and fol...

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A man decides to give up corporate life and move to cabin deep in the woods...

For a few months he lets go of the stress of the big city, chops his own fire wood, grows his own vegetables and enjoys the natural splendor of his surroundings.

Then one day he hears a knock on his cabin door and finds a huge, hairy, gristled old lumber jack standing on his porch.

"...

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A costume party

A man is having a party and he tells all his guests to dress up as emotions. The night of the party there is a knock at the door. The man opens the door and sees a lady dressed in blue. The lady says "I am blue because I am sad" and she walks in. The next guest that arrives is dressed all red. The g...

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