Color vs Colour, Favorite vs Favourite, Neighbor vs Neighbour

British English: I think you're having problem understanding these words.
American English: no u

I was recently diagnosed with colour blindness.

It came out of the green.

What's a cats favorite colour?

Purrrrrple.

I've never understood the Navy's colour being Navy blue.

I though they were the aqua-marines.

I just turned down a girl because of the colour of her skin.

Can't be dealing with her terrible fake tan.

What do you call a colour that doesn't exist?

A pigment of your imagination

A university has been accused of not having enough people of colour on their competitive speech recital team.

To tackle the problem they took a bunch of students and covered them in body paint.

They now claim they have achieved their dye varsity quoters.

What do they call it when a Chameleon can’t change colour?

Ereptile Dysfunction

My grandma changed her hair colour while taking a nap...

She dyed peacefully in her sleep

Today I got my eye exam and I failed the colour blind test.

It came out of the purple.

Did you hear about the colour-blind fortune teller?

He could only see the fuchsia

What colour did Matthew McConaughey paint his house?

All white, all white, all white.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Why did America remove the U from colour?

because fuck u thats why

As a colour blind bomb technician

You only defuse a bomb once

Girl, are you the colour blue?

because 0000FF.

Why can you see the LGBT colours in the sky after it rains?

Because the sun just came out.

Why do The Brit’s still use ‘u’ in words like “colour” and “armour”?

Because Rick Astley is British.

What is the colour of the wind?

Blew.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

The children began to identify the colours by their colour:

Red -> Raspberry
Yellow -> Lemon
Green -> Lime
Orange -> Orange

Finally the teacher gave them all HONEY flavoured candy. None of them could identify the taste.

The teacher said: ‘I will give you all a clue. It’s what your mother may call your father’

One l...

Calling a colour-blind person racist is like calling a deaf person....

It's ironic

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

England: colour

America: color

England: flavour

America: Flavor

England: Labour

America: Labor

England: what the fuck are you doing?

America: getting rid of u

What colour can you use to start your car?

Khaki

My friend Craig got me those sunglasses for colourblind people; yesterday I saw colour for the first time.

Turns out, Craig is black.

Last night I dreamt in colour

But then I woke up and realised it was a pigment of my imagination

A husband buys a dozen of panties of the same colour for his wife.

His wife protests: " Why the same colour, people will think i don't change my panties."

Husband asks" which people?

I just found out I'm colour blind

The diagnosis came completely out of the green.

(Courtesy of a family member)

I was in the library and a black guy asked me where the colour printer is,

I told him, ‘it’s 2018! You can use any printer you want’

I love the colour green....

More than blue and yellow combined

If a woman likes you, you can tell her real hair colour from how it feels. Blondes touch you hard, brunettes touch you fast, redheads touch you...

Gingerly

Did you ever realize that the colours on the LGBT flag are actually all straight

Unless it blows?

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

I fucking hate how everyone is all behind this PC bullshit about different colours nowdays

Macs are normally the same colour and they sell just as well

What colour bricks?

Not sure if this has been posted before but oh well.

My Granddad told me this when I was smaller (Yes, he is still alive) .
Sorry for the horrible (Grand)dad joke!

If a red house has red bricks , a yellow house has yellow bricks, what colour bricks does a green house have?

No...

What did Donald Trump say when he learnt black and white weren’t real colours?

Fake hues

I told my therapist that I was seeing strange colours.

He told me they were just pigments of my imagination.

What colour is a bear's socks?

They don't wear socks. They have bear feet.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Why do Americans spell it as 'color' and not 'colour'?

Because fuck u that's why.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Why, in the United States, do we not have the letter "u" in words like "favourite" and "colour"?

Because fuck u and no one likes u, that's why.

Turquoise is the best colour in the world

It is cyantifically proven

A teacher asks class to draw and colour a duck holding an umbrella

She notices Jerry colouring his duck blue and asks "where did you see a blue duck?" He replies "where did you see a duck holding an umbrella?"

What did the colour-changing lizard say to his significant other?

You're one in chameleon

Where do you go when you're white and caught speeding, then get separated into different colours only to come out bent and totally different to how you came in?

Prism

What was Helen Keller's favourite colour?

Corduroy.

You know how there's a theory that no two people see colour the exact same way, does that mean colour is like...

... a pigment of your imagination?

My colour blind friend told me there were only two kinds of people in the world.

I told him to stop seeing things in black and white.

According to a recent national poll, American's least favourite colour is...

Brown.

(Poll conducted by the Federal Elections Commission)

What colour were Kurt Cobain's eyes?

Blue (one blew this way, one blew that way!)

Purple is my favorite colour.

I like it more than red and blue combined.

I took an LSD test the other day

I passed with flying colours

Q: Why did God invent colour blindness?

A: So someone will fancy the ginger kids.

If you could have a Dodge Viper or the girl of your dreams, what colour would it be?

Black and blue of course.
...
The girl, not the car.

(Courtesy of my son, the sicko).

A gambler invites two friends, a mathematician and an engineer, to the casino to try and score big with their help.

The mathematician suggests blackjack, as with card counting it's the only game where the house doesn't have an advantage. The engineer agrees for the same reason, but warns, that since this is the real world, to be wary of the casino getting wise to them. The gambler follows the advice of his intell...

What does a colour's laugh sound like?

Hue hue hue

What's China's national colour?

Censo-red.

Which is the most powerful colour?

Super Cyan

What's the difference between gray and grey?

One is a color, the other is a colour.

TIL The New Jersey Devils have never changed their logo or uniform design/colours.

No new New Jersey jersey.

I got a vasectomy but my girlfriend still got pregnant...

I got a vasectomy but my girlfriend still got pregnant. Apparently, all a vasectomy does is change the colour of the baby.

If you think colours aren't funny

then you lack a sense of hue-mour

What did the surgeon tell Michael Jackson before he changed his skin colour?

Everything's gonna be all white.

Why is Martin Luther King so bad at laundry?

He won’t separate the whites from the colours…

Scientists have discovered a fantastic new shade of the colour green.

Its sublime

A very Canadian joke

It's Grey Cup weekend in Vancouver... the Stampeders are playing the Argonauts at BC Place, and fans are flying in from all over the country to watch the game and join in the festivities.

It's kind of chaotic at the domestic arrivals terminal at YVR. Air Canada and WestJet flights are arrivin...

Arriving home from a shopping trip, a wife was horrified to find her husband in bed with a pretty girl.

Just as the wife was about to storm out of the house, her husband called out: ‘Before you go, I want you to hear how all this came about. Driving home, I saw this young girl, looking poor and tired. I offered her a ride. She was hungry, so I brought her home and fed her some of the roast you had for...

A man goes to see a fortune teller.

She begins "your name is Steve", "wrong".
"Your favourite colour is green", "wrong".
"You have a dead uncle who passed away 2 years ago", "wrong".
"Your wife's name is Carol", "wrong".
"You have 2 children named John and Christian", "wrong".
"You are a painte...", "wrong".
Getting ...

Oddly lacking in colour

Dave and Mal are on a road trip. They stop at a hotel to spend the night, and can only afford one shared room. Dave goes off to explore the hotel while Mal goes to settle in. Dave then returns and enters the room. It is very barren, and the little amount of furniture it has is very strange looking, ...

A blonde dyes her hair brown and goes for a drive in the countryside

While she is driving, she stops for a shepherd who is crossing with some sheep.
She asks,"If I can guess the amount of sheep you have, can I keep one?"
The shepherd replies,"Sure, why not"
So the blonde (now brunette) thinks for a while and says,"261"
The number is right, so the shepherd...

I tried to change the colour of my monk's costume so I could reuse it

but I guess old habits dye hard.

I thought getting a vasectomy would stop my wife from getting pregnant

Turns out it just changes the colour of the baby

Blacks the best colour to wear to a funeral isn't it?

Just thinking which rollerblades to wear.

This joke may contain offensive words. 🤔

Stereotypes in real life

A ventriloquist is performing with his dummy on his lap. He’s telling a dumb-blonde joke when a young platinum-haired beauty jumps to her feet. “What gives you the right to stereotype blondes that way?” she demands. “What does hair colour have to do with my worth as a human being?”

Flustered,...

I passed my hepatitis test with flying colours!

I got an A, two B's and a C!

A Woman Goes To Buy A Parrot

A woman goes to buy a parrot. The shopkeeper brings her three parrots to see.

"This parrot is a marvel. It toured with the Royal Shakespeare Company. It can recite any play by Shakespeare on command, doing different voices for each part. It's yours for only $200"

"That's amazing, but I...

The Tie Salesman

There’s a great haberdasher by the name of Igor Kavinsky who made his name in the former Soviet Union for his luxurious ties. They were remarked to be the best, better than the best, the best of the best. With a reputation like that, it was no wonder that he was popular amongst the elite of the elit...

selling announce in a Romanian newspaper:

urgent sell: wife!!!

fabrication year: 1983, second owner, certificate OK, autochthonous production

colour: ginger

features: super suspensions, big trunk, blue-Ciel headlights, red plump radiator grille, excellent front airbags

state of function: very good, a little used...

Did you hear about the racist Pilot?

He graduated with flying colours.

He wasn't happy about it either.

A comedian was on vacation in London.

A comedian was on a vacation in London when he came across a large crowd. He pushed and squeezed his way past the ocean of people and saw the Royal Family who were on their way to have lunch. As he takes out his phone to snap a photo, he saw from the corner of his eye a shady man pushing past the cr...