What hangs 8 inches below the waistline and in front of an asshole?
If you are wearing formal wear, try this: Roll up the big tongue and small tongue of your necktie and let them go at the same time, guess which tongue would roll out completely first?
It's a tie.
What did the hat say to the necktie?
"You hang tight, I'll go on a head."
My grandfather died and I inherited some of his belongings.
He was a farmer and he loved getting dressed up every year for the local fair and exhibiting his prize chickens.
For this occasion, my grandmother would spend the entire year searching through thrift shops looking for silly neckties for him to wear, and she loved finding ones with chickens o...
I'm thinking of opening a store that only sells neckties...
Think i'll name it... Thailand.
A sailor brings his boat up to a restaurant dock to eat lunch.
The dock hand says, “I’m sorry, sir, but I can’t let you dine here today. This establishment has a necktie policy, and you are not wearing one.”
“Of course I don’t have a tie on,” replied the sailor, “I’m on a boat!”
“Well, go down below and put one on,” said the dock hand.
A war veteran is lost in the rural deserts of Afghanistan.
A war veteran is lost in the rural deserts of Afghanistan, eager for just a single drink of water. As he's roaming through the country's rugged terrain, he spots in the distance what appears to be a vendor running a small stand. Figuring that there is no one else in the vicinity, he decides to go to...
A guy goes into a restaurant/lounge wearing a shirt open at the collar and is met by a bouncer who tells him he must wear a necktie to gain admission. So the guy goes out to his car and he looks around for a necktie and discovers that he just doesn't have one. He sees a set of jumper cables in his t...
A young man was at a funeral
for a close family member. He was to be a pallbearer and had to dress appropriately. He arrived dressed in his full suit but was having trouble tying his necktie. He walked over to a man handing out pamphlets at the door and asked for help. The man, an employee of the funeral home, attempted to fix ...
A Jewish man is turning 40 years old...
So his mother decides to send him 2 neckties. On his birthday, she calls him.
"Happy Birthday, son!" "Thanks, mom." Replies the man.
"Did you get the ties I sent you?" Asks his mother. "Yes," says the man, "in fact I'm wearing one right now." "So what's wrong with the other one?"
Three are guys sitting around in heaven..
Three guys are in heaven, each sharing the story of their death. The first guy, propped up on his cloud recalls his ultimate demise. "Well, I had been sent home from work early one afternoon, and when I got home my wife was half naked and obviously surprised to see me. I found a pair of men's pants ...