The British are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats

and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." Brits have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome"...

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I had an odd hunch that my brother would watch horror-themed clown porn in the park. So i bought a pair of binoculars with a 5280 feet capability, and used them to view his usual bench from afar. When he finally sat down and pulled out his phone, my suspicions were confirmed

I saw It cumming from a mile away

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I just love this Amazon echo's capability

I set it up today and said “Dingo took my baby " and got a list of Meryl Streep movies

Then I said “Hello gorgeous ” and got a list of Barbara Streisand movies

Just then my neighborhood kids were running and screaming outside the house

I muttered “Fucking kids”

And a bunc...

I met a vampire who is a MASSIVE sociopath

He has absolutely no capability of self-reflection.

A Lobster Walks Into a Bar

He goes up to the bartender and says: "Look, before you can serve me, I need to advise you that I'm a lawyer."

"Blimey... A lobster lawyer? That is impressive," says the bartender.

The Lobster puts his briefcase up on the bar, deftly opens it with his claws, and produces a document tha...

Two ants were walking down a road, side by side.

One ant says to the other, "You know, despite how incredibly successful our species is, our tiny brains are nowhere near having the capability to comprehend language like humans do."

The other replies, "Yeah, I really wish people would stop anthropomorphizing us in their jokes."

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Mr. Jones gets a call from the hospital. They tell him his wife's been in a terrible car accident.

He rushes to the hospital, runs in to the ER and says his wife's been in an accident. They tell him Dr. Smith is handling the case. They page the doctor. He comes out to the waiting room to see a terribly upset Mr. Jones.


"Mr. Jones?" the doctor asks.


"Yes sir, what's happened?...

How many NSA agents does it take to change a light bulb?

I've just been informed that the NSA no longer has the capability to change a light bulb, but if we give them access to everyone's email and cell phone communications they will hopefully intercept a message that will crack this lightbulb case wide open.

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