UPJOKE
powerlessineffectualineffectiveunableincapableweakfeeblepotencyhelplessstrengthinvulnerableimperviouseffectivenessindifferentimmobile

Impotent Jokes

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Impotence - An original joke

A joke I (nearly) got suspended for, for making up at work:

.
.


An 18 year old named Timmy is worried that he might be impotent so he goes to see the doctor.


Timmy says to the Doctor: "Doctor, doctor I'm afraid I might be impotent, I watch porn but nothing happens."...

My doctor apologized for the botched circumcision that left me impotent.

I told him no hard feelings.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A farmer has an impotent bull.

After months of desperation and trying everything he asks for the help of a fellow farmer, who tells him to show the bull some hardcore porn. Despite the silly advice, he has nothing to lose. He sets up a projector in the barn and showers the bull with porn 24/7 for several days, and exposes him to ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do you call an impotent baseball player?

Two balls and a strike.

What do you call a reptile that is impotent?

Ereptile dysfunction


I'll see my self out

An impotent man robs a sperm bank

An impotent man robs a sperm bank and the judge tells him he has to replace what he's stolen, or else he'll go to jail. Thinking he's doomed, the man turns to his lawyer.

"Don't worry," says the lawyer, "I'm sure I can get you off"

Why did yearly meeting for impotent men get canceld?

Because no one could come

What do you call an impotent stallion?

Mr. ED

A man sued a drug company for making him impotent

but his lawyer got him off

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

An elderly Man goes to the Doctor.

Man:"Doctor i need help, recebtly i got a new Girlfriend, 26 years old and im pretty much impotent can you help me?"

Doctor:"I have the right thing for you, please drop your pants."

The Man drops his Pants and the Doctor puts a syringe in his Penis, containing a blue liquid.

The...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

[NSFW] What can an impotent man brag about?

That his dick is unbeatable when it comes to sex.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What do Ted Cruz and an impotent Japanese man have in common?

Neither can achieve an election

An impotent man goes to see a shaman about a cure.

The shaman works his magic and tells the man that he is healed. All he has to do to get it up is say 1, 2, 3, and to get rid of it he has to say 1, 2, 3, 4. However, he can only do this once a month.

So the man drives home really excited to show his wife. He says "look honey it works! 1, 2...

A woman complains to her neighbor that her husband is 300% impotent

Neighbor: A few days ago you told me 100%, not 300%.

Woman: Well, yesterday he fell down the stairs, broke his finger and bit his tongue.

What's an impotent wizard's favourite boy band?

Wand Erection.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The reason why old men use viagra isn't because they're impotent,

it's because old women are ugly.

Did you hear about the really forgiving guy who was rendered impotent in an accident?

There were no hard feelings.

What do you call a group of impotent men running the 50m dash?

The olimpdicks

What did the wife say as she divorced her impotent husband?

"No hard feelings."

Why did the hillbilly wear a tuxedo to his vasectomy?

He said,

"If I'm gonna be impotent,

I gotta look impotent.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Sex without light

There was this couple that had been married for 20 years. Every time they made love the husband always insisted on shutting off the light.


Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was ridiculous. She figured she would break him out of this crazy habit. So one night, while they were in the ...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Is anyone here a penis doctor?

I have an impotent question.

What does SSRI stand for?

Somewhat Stable Regrettably Impotent

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Daffynitions

Coffee (n.), a person who is coughed upon.

Abdicate (v.), to give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

Flabbergasted (adj.), appalled over how much weight you have gained.

Esplanade (v.), to attempt an explanation while drunk.

Willy-nilly (adj.), impotent.

Ne...

[NSFW] Two women are discussing about their husbands...

Woman 1- It's been such an awfull week, first I burned my hand on the stove and then I found out my husband is 100% impotent.

Woman 2- What do you mean by 100% ?

Woman 1- Well... His dong isn't working anymore.

Woman 2- Relax, my husband is 300% impotent, you're doing fine.
<...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Husband always insisted on making love in the dark...

After 20 years wife turns on the light, finds him holding a vibrator.

She goes ballistic, "You impotent bastard! How could you lie to me all these years?"

Husband looks her straight in the eyes & calmly says, "I'll explain the toy, you explain the kids....."

Southern man getting a Vasectomy, no not the cherry bomb joke.

A man from the southern US goes to the doctor to get a vasectomy. He wears his finest 3 piece suit with his best shoes. When the nurse is getting him ready she asks him why he's dressed so fancy. The man replies, "Well heck, if I'ma be impotent, I'ma look impo'tant too."

Types of salaries

* The onion salary - the moment you touch it, you start crying

* The damned salary - it doesn't help you at all, it makes you suffer, but you can't live without it

* The agnostic salary - you doubt its existence

* The magic salary - now you see it, now you don't

* The per...

A dog breeder has a very defensive Golden Retriever

There was a period of time where she caused all the mailmen to just pass his house because of the dog. All but one mailman. The dog never attacked, but rather happily trotted up to him and asked to be pet. Eventually the breeder sees the mailman speaking to the dog, and the dog seemed to respond! Af...

I'LL ALWAYS LOVE YOU

Milton came into his wife's room one day. "If I were, say, disfigured, would you still love me?" he asked. "Darling, I'll always love you," she said calmly, filing her nails. "How about if I became impotent and couldn't make love to you any more?" he asked anxiously. "Don't worry, darling, I'll alwa...

Ninja goes to the doctor ...

Doctor says "I have good news and bad news."

Ninja says "Hmm. Ok, give me the bad news first."

Doctor says "We've run the tests and you're impotent."

Ninja gasps and says "Dammit! How will I pass on my legacy of stealth and subterfuge?!? How can there possibly be good news in th...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.