This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What did the incompetent IT guy say to his wife?

I can't recover the hard drive but I can surely fix your sex drive.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

So a man was sued for libel and slander...

The judge asked, "What's the defendant accused of saying?"

The plaintiff's attorney replied, "He called my client an, and I quote, 'incompetent motherfucker', your honor."

The judge nodded, "And what does the defense plea?"

The defendant's attorney rose, "Not guilty as charged, ...

Superman is so incompetent...

He can’t do anything without supervision.

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I just got fired from my job as a mailman because my boss thinks I’m completely incompetent.

Shit. Meant to post this somewhere else.

My incompetent uncle Hans worked at a sausage shop in Frankfurt. One day he fell into the mixer.

Hans is literally the wurst.

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An old farmer is teaching the new farmhand on where certain wastes go

The farmer says "Sometimes the milk from them old cows goes bad too quick, so we gotta dump it out over there-" He points to a high fence on the western side of the farm.

"Most of it's manure-" he continues, "-which we dump over yonder for later use in the cropfield." He points to another hig...

What did the incompetent terrorist say?

Edit: Wow, this blew up

Most people are shocked when they find out how incompetent I am

as an electrician.

In what career do you become more incompetent with more years experience?

Suicide bomber

What do you call an incompetent psychic?

Tele-pathetic

Did you hear about the incompetent circumciser?

He slipped and got the sack.

I work as a Customs Officer and yesterday I had my yearly performance review.

They feel I'm borderline incompetent.

How many incompetent FBI freedom of information agents does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

~~three~~ one

What rank do you give an incompetent policeman?

Defective Inspector.

I know this guy who teaches people how to access the Dark Web, but if they're incompetent then he physically and psychologically abuses them

He's a Tor mentor.

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What is the difference between an incompetent marksman and a constipated owl?

One shoots but cannot hit and the other hoots but cannot shit.

God, to an incompetent doctor at the gates of Heaven

"Thank you for your patients... but I'm afraid I'm gonna have to transfer you."

What's the difference between a belly dancer and an incompetent pastry chef?

One shakes body parts and the other bakes shoddy tarts.

My gardener is completely incompetent

He keeps soiling himself

No matter where you go, you will always find three things...

Food, music, and incompetent people who think they’re very good.

Once upon a time in a far away land...

There's a triangular lake, with three kingdoms on each side of the triangle.

The first kingdom is very rich, and the people are content. It has a very competent army, with a squire for every knight, and a total of twenty thousand knights. There is no hunger in the land.

The second kin...

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I had just finished my grocery shopping

When I came outside and saw the parking agent writing a ticket.

I said, - what are you writing that for? The car is within the lines.

-Too close to the fire hydrant.

-But it is within the lines, why can't you dumb parking monkeys mark the lot properly?

Slightly annoyed, t...

Indian police.

[Please excuse my bad english, I'm still an amateur]

An american man with a briefcase full of illegal drugs was walking through an busy crowd somewhere in Mumbai.

"Sweet! Imma sell this for thousands of dollars"

As he made his way through the crowd, he heard someone screaming, h...

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A fine conductor.

A dictator approaches one of his country's finest musicians, and asks him to compose a piece of music to be played by an orchestra in front of the country's ruling class.

The musician, not wanting to displease the glorious leader, sets to work immediately, and writes one of the greatest piece...

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It's 3 AM, and a general urgently calls by phone to the sergeant...

A private awnsers the phone:
-"Hello?"
-"Quickly, hand me over to the sergeant" the general says
-"No, i'm sorry, the Sergeant is sleeping, and he doesn't want to be disturbed, call him again in the morning".
The general, angry, says:
-"Incompetent! pass me with the sergeant...

A British couple are on a cruise ship. It sinks, and they're the only survivors left, managing to get on a boat

They can spot land not far off. They try as hard as they can to use the oars, but they won't budge.


The wife has an idea, she calls her husband useless and incompetent. The husband retorts and a huge argument begins.


The boat inches slowly towards land. The more they argue and ...

I often get the order wrong...

What do I have in common with an incompetent fry cook?

A spy is captured by terrorists in a hostile country. [Long]

The terrorists lock him in a windowless room with a chair, a table, and five items on the table. The terrorist comes in and says that each day, the man may pick one of the items to be removed. On the last day, the terrorists will kill him with the remaining item. The spy looks at the table to see a ...

*Spoiler* US Presidential Election Result Leaked

The dodgy, incompetent, unfit, slightly psychotic, rich, possibly criminal one who should 't even be in the race, wins.

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