A traveler was hiking with a tour guide

They were walking through the woods near dusk when they came upon an outpost excavated from the side of a mountain. The guide crouched down and instructed the traveler to do the same. In a low voice, he said "We have to move quietly and swiftly. Stop for nothing, and make no eye contact."


Bar Tender says “We don’t serve Time Travelers”.

A Time Traveler Walks into a Bar.

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A crowded United Airlines flight was cancelled. A single agent was re booking a long line of inconvenienced travelers. Suddenly an angry passenger pushed his way to the desk. He slapped his ticket on the counter and said “I have to be on this flight and it has to be first class.”

The agent replied, “I am sorry, sir. I’ll be happy to try to help you, but I’ve got to help these folks first, and I’m sure we’ll be able to work something out.”

The passenger was unimpressed. He asked loudly, “Do you have any idea who I am?”

Without hesitating, the agent smiled and gr...

A time traveler walks into a bar

*You would think he had learned to duck the first time


A hungry traveler...

Stops by a monastery and is taken to the kitchen. A brother is cooking fish and chips and is asked by the stranger, "Are you the friar?" He responds with, "No, I'm the chip monk."

The reason time travelers don't visit us

They all listened to self help gurus who told them to live in the present.

A time-traveler arrives in the middle of a medieval european war...

Clueless about his whereabouts and the year he’s in, he follows a few soldiers in the middle of a siege to ask them.

“Do you know where we are?” the time-traveler asked.

“We’re in Cambrai !” One of them replied

“And do you know what year it is ?”

“ 1339, why do you ask ?”...

Time travelers protest

What do we want? Time travel! When do we want it? It really doesn't matter!

A traveler was walking along the side of the road hitchhiking on a dark night in the middle of a thunderstorm

Time passed slowly and no cars went by. It was raining so hard he could barely see his hand in front of his face.

Suddenly he saw a car approaching, moving slowly and appearing ghost-like in the rain. It slowly and silently crept toward him and stopped.

Wanting a ride very badly, the g...

But the time traveler didn’t get hired

A time traveler went to an interview to get a job . . .

A sphinx was guarding a road when a traveler walked by...

A sphinx was guarding a road when a traveler walked by. The sphinx said to the man "you may pass if you can answer my riddle: What is wider than an ocean, heavier than a mountain, and unbounded by the laws of physics?"

The man thought for a moment and answered "imagination".

"Wrong", s...

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A traveler arrives in a remote village

He receives a warm welcome. The villagers gather around him, asking him to tell them about his adventures.

"Well.. what do you want to know?" he asked.

After a brief pause, they answered:

"Tell us what animals did you see?"

"What animals do you know?" He asked them.

The time traveler was still hungry after his last bite

So he went back four seconds

Two travelers are driving past a, "Welcome to Lewisville, Kentucky!", sign and ...

They can't decide if it's pronounce LouiS-ville or Louey-ville. So they decide to settle it by asking at a burger place they pull up to.

"Hi we're from out of town and have a bet about how locals pronounce this place"?

The local says deliberately and slowly, "Burger... King".

Where do Time Travelers live?

The Space Time Condominium

What do you call a gassy time traveler?

Farty McFly

Did you know Jeffrey Dahmer was a time traveler?

He was eating Five Guys before it was a thing.

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A traveler is going across the desert.

He comes across an oasis in the desert. After resting for a bit he notices that he is horny. He ties his camel to a tree, gets behind it and gets ready to pleasure himself. Only then the camel looks back and the man feels guilty and unties the camel.

He gets on the camel and keeps trotting t...

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A traveler notices an old man pounding drinks in an Irish pub...

He walks over and asks if the man is ok. He replies, "You know, I built the bridge that spans the stream in the middle of this village. But do you think they call me MacInnis the bridge builder?"
"No?" Responded the traveler.
"You're damn right they don't. I fought for the Allies against the ...

A traveler had came into town after several weeks in the desert with his trusty camel.

The camel had been his sole companion for years but eventually, time had slowed the poor beast down.

He was considering getting a new camel when he saw a sign outside of a store: WE MAKE YOUR CAMELS TRAVEL FASTER. GUARANTEED OR YOUR MONEY BACK!

He looks at his camel and decides to give...

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A traveler walks into a bar...

As he sits down to order a drink, a man charges in screaming, "THE ANTELOPES ARE HERE THE ANTELOPES ARE HERE!"
The traveler watches in astonishment as the contents of the bar spills out of the room and into the streets where everyone starts fucking the antelopes. The man shakes his head, finishe...

The three travelers.

Three brothers are traveling along a road, and their car dies. They all get out of the car, and start walking to a barn that's a little ways away. When they get their, the farmer comes out of the barn, and offers them a room for one night. He says to the first one, "You can sleep with the pigs," the...

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The scotish hill traveler and the bartender

A traveler, while hiking the scottish hills, stumbles upon a bar and walks in. He sits down and orders a drink, the bartender starts:"You see this bar? I built this bar with my bare hands, chopped every tree, nailed every nail, gave it more love and care than my own son! But do they call me Gregor t...

Someone asked me "does being a traveler make you happy?"

I responded, "nomad."

Why does the interstellar traveler always leave home way too early?

Because the early bird gets the wormhole.

A sad farmer is sitting on a stump by the road, and a traveler greets him.

The traveler asks the farmer: "It's such a beautiful day today, how come you are so unhappy?"

The farmer replies: "Some things simply cannot be explained."

The traveler then asks him to explain what had happened, and the farmer says: "Today I was milking my cow. When I eventually milke...

Nobody showed up for my Time Traveler-themed New Year's party

I guess I shouldn't bother with sending the invitations next week after all.

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