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Time Travel Jokes

I invented time travel and killed my grandfather to see if I wouldn’t be born

It’s the worst way to get to know I’m adopted..

Why can cutlery teleport but not time travel?

It's silverwhere, not silverwhen.

I was gonna tell a joke about time traveling

But you guys didn't like it

A time traveler walks into a bar, but the bartender refuses to serve him.

"Why the hell not?" he asks.

"We don't serve *any* time travelers here," the bartender explains, "not since one got stinking drunk and trashed the place four years ago."

"Four years ago, you say..."

If I Cuold Time Travel

I would fix the title.

I had a joke about time travel but you guys didn’t like it.

So I choose not to post it this time around

Edit: Thanks for the 1000 upvotes this time guys!
( Edited when I only had 27)

An OverweightTime Traveler goes to ancient rome

An Overweight Time Traveler goes to ancient rome and realizes he wore historically incorrect clothes for the trip. Realizing his mistake he visits a toga shop to purchase new clothes. He looks around the shop and realizes they do not have togas big enough to fit him. He goes to the counter and asks ...

Time traveler talks to a mathematician

The time traveler says, "Hello, in my grad school I have learned that it is impossible for any number which is a power greater than the second to be written as the sum of two like powers such as x^n + y^n = z^n for n > 2."

"Show me how you proved it," the mathematician says.

"Indeed...

Time travel is possible!

The United States just traveled back 50 years!

A time traveler has traveled back in time to the year 1963.

However, he does not know the exact date.
He sees a CIA agent nearby and asks him:
"Is today before or after the JF-"

"Before"

I used to be addicted to time travel.

But that’s all in the past now.

I made a time travel joke but no one got it.

I guess it was ahead of its time.

My first time travelling by air

Was from a mango tree to the ground

I subscribed to 'Time Travel' magazine today.

My first issue arrives last week.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A time traveler meets Adolf Hitler in a bar

Instead of trying to kill him and mess up the timeline he instead sits down to have a drink with Hitler.

The time traveler looked at Hitler and asked “So how are you doing?”

“Pretty terrible, I just got kicked out of art school.”

“Well that sucks, you’ll probably land on your fe...

I wanted to make a joke about time travel

But no matter how far back I go there’s a repost already

The bartender says "No time travelers allowed in this bar"

Two time travelers walk into a bar

Sorry sir, we don't serve time travelers here

A time traveler walks into a bar

My friend is a nonbinary time traveler

Their pronouns are they/then

Never ever time travel in a shoe factory...

You'll end up causing a pair of docs!

Time Traveler

A time traveler shows up in Manhattan and asks the nearest person what year it is. The person responds, “2023 of course.”

The time traveler looks up at the sky and mumbles, “Ah yes, the first year of the Balloon Wars.”

The two happiest days in a time traveler's life:

The day they complete their time machine and the day they stop themself from completing their time machine.

So a time traveler meets George W Bush...

Time Traveler: "What year is it?"

George Bush: "2001"

TT: "Before or after the 9/11 terrorist attack?"

GB: "Before"

A time traveller travelled 1 month into the future and opened r/Jokes

"Damn, I failed again"

I think my wife is a time traveler

I've seen that doctors are saying you should avoid close physical contact to stop the spread of coronavirus. Somehow she knew about this years ago.

What can you say to cheer up a time traveller?

"The past is yet to come."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A time traveller is at a job interview

Time traveller: I’m always early

Boss: what is your biggest str-WHAT THE FUCK

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The bartender says, “We don’t serve time travelers in here.”

Time passes. The patrons filter out. Eventually the bartender grows old. His children mourn him at his passing, and meet the grave in their turn. The city crumbles under the intrigues of time and war, and new cities lay their foundations upon the old. These, too, crumble. Humanity itself grows old, ...

My wife must have wanted to be a time traveller

She keeps going back to the past.

A time traveler meets a teacher

“Can I ask you what month it it?”

“May.”

“Fine. *May* I ask you what month it is?”

How many time travelers does it take to change a lightbulb?

One. One to change the lightbulb and one to hold the ladder.

I had a joke about a time traveler I knew

But they stole it and now the joke is old already.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A time traveler joke

A time traveler goes to kill Hitler. He is drinking at a bar. The traveler sits down and orders a drink. "Do you know what I hate?" Hitler says. "I don't know, Jews?" the traveler replies. "I was going to say time travelers coming to kill me. But now that you mentioned it..."

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

What is the unit of measure for time traveling breasts?

Quan-tities

I'm currently hiring teenagers with expertise in time travel.

20+ years of experience required.

For those interested in time travel

Meet here last Thursday at 7 PM

In the old West, a lantern was often mounted on a horse for night time travel....

It was thought to be the first generation of 'Saddle-Light-Navigation'.

I don't get what's so funny about time travel jokes

when you first have to read them.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Just found out from a time traveler who lost tonight’s debate!

America!

Enjoy the shit show. Cheers.

The time traveler was still hungry after his last bite

So he went back four seconds

I think the tomatoes in my garden are actually round red time travelers.

They all seem to be developing wormholes.

Time travel is actually possible!

I'll explain how five minutes ago.

Why can't you sell a weiner dog to a time traveler?

It would create a paradachshund.

NASA should hire birds for time travel researches.

They have been studying wormholes for thousands if not millions of years before human do.

But the time traveler didn’t get hired

A time traveler went to an interview to get a job . . .

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Fucking a time traveler.

*"A blast from the past!"*

I met a time traveler today

Something strange happened to me this morning. I was walking my dog, when all of a sudden I heard a strange whooshing sound and out of nowhere a guy appeared on the side walk in front of me. He looked like he was in his twenties and was wearing really strange cloths. He was staring at a small techni...

I have found a way to time travel!

It's called: "sleeping"

I’ve just time travelled from next week to tell you who won the election

It was the rich, old white guy

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Me: Time travel

Interviewer: what's your biggest stren- holy shit

A man is explaining the concepts of time travel.

He speaks of how you must not manipulate what happened before, because that is how the current events occurred. However, it may be possible to change what will happen, due to quantum uncertainty.

In summary, he passed the past, presented the present and featured the future.

What did the time travelling redditor say?

Edit: thanks for the gold!

A time traveler comes back from the year 2045

I encountered a time traveler today. During my self isolation he came to the door dressed in a hazmat suit. I was of course alarmed when I opened the door to such a site. He quickly explained who he was and asked if he could have just a few minutes of my time. I didn't believe anything he was sa...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A magician discovers time travel

A magician pulls out a sledgehammer and asks for a volunteer. A guy comes up and the magician says, "I want you to hit me in the head with this sledgehammer." So the volunteer picks the sledgehammer up and swings it down into the magician's head. The magician wakes up in a hospital bed three years l...

I've started a time travellers club

The first meeting will be yesterday at 5pm

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