I asked my brother if there was any food left and he said "Only if you can time travel."

So I went back four seconds.

Here is a long joke about time travel

Edit: Removed since you guys didn't like it.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

In the year XXXX, two scientists discover how to time travel. One of them tries to test it.

After a few minutes, he returns and tells the other: ''Our ancestors had to deal with a lot of shit: they forced women to give birth to the seed of their own family members, they were treating rats as unnatural spawns of the devil sent for harming the children...''



The other one repl...

For those interested in time travel

Meet here last Thursday at 7 PM

Time Travel

-Ght Now!

What do we want?

Time Travel Jokes!

When do we want them?

Ri-

What is the key to bragging about your ability to time travel?

A Flex Capacitor.

I heard the best time travel joke tomorrow.

It was ahead of its time.

A magician discovers time travel

A magician pulls out a sledgehammer and asks for a volunteer. A guy comes up and the magician says, "I want you to hit me in the head with this sledgehammer." So the volunteer picks the sledgehammer up and swings it down into the magician's head. The magician wakes up in a hospital bed three years l...

Time travel is actually possible!

I'll explain how five minutes ago.

Apparently the ‘creative differences’ that lead to Danny Boyle quitting as director of the next Bond film were around his desire to involve a time travel element where 007 went back in time to Medieval England.

It was to be called: The spy who loved mead

I was gonna post a time travel joke

But after seeing how many times it been reposted, i think it can wait.

If the U.S. ever discovered Time Travel

It would go back in time and invade itself for oil.

I had a joke about time travel but you guys didn’t like it.

So I choose not to post it this time around

Edit: Thanks for the 1000 upvotes this time guys!
( Edited when I only had 27)

I used to be addicted to time travel

But that's all in the past now.

The bartender says 'Sorry, no time travel allowed in here!'

The Doctor walks into a bar.

Trump being elected is proof that we never developed time travel.

Today I know why we never developed time travel.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Me: Time travel

Interviewer: what's your biggest stren- holy shit

Jesus, my local time travel club postponed their meeting again..

Now its last week

I got into a heated debate with my friend about time travel...

We really opened a can of wormholes.

Time Travel!

I found a way to time travel but it only works at a rate of one second per second.

I have a joke about time travel

But you got it the first time.


(Best told two or three days after making the recently posted "I have a joke about time travel, but you didn't like it.")

Did you hear about the guy who won the Nobel for inventing time travel to the future?

He was ahead of his time.

Did you know there is one colour that can time travel?

It can only go to the fuchsia.

The punchline comes first.

What's the worst part about time travel jokes?

Tomorrow, I was at another job interview.

I replied "Time Travel."

"What're your strengths... Wait a minute."

Astounded he asked.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

My parents taught me well

1. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE . "If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning."

2. My mother taught me RELIGION. "You better pray that will come out of the carpet."

3. My father taught me about TIME TRAVEL. "If you don't stra...

The Great War

A man invents time travel in 1915. He goes 100 years into the future and exclaims in awe

“My god, how far has the world progressed since The Great War”

“Don’t you mean World War One”

“One?”

But the time traveler didn’t get hired

A time traveler went to an interview to get a job . . .

A guy walks into a bar, and is greeted by a robot.

The robot says, “What’s your drink”? The man replies, “Whisky”. The robot then says, “What’s your IQ”? The man says 150. The robot then pours his whisky and proceeds to talk to the man about the space time continuum, time travel, and the multiverse. The man finishes his drink, and leaves the bar. ...

The bartender said we don't serve time travellers.

Two men walk into a bar.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Job Interview

Me: "Time travel"

Potential Employer: "What would you say is your greatest stre-WHAT THE FUCK?!?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

Challenge: Change one letter in a move title to create a whole new blockbuster

Examples:

Pooper: BRUCE WILLIS finds out the hard way just how dangerous time travel can be.

Tar Trek: WILLIAM SHATNER's quest to go where no man has gone before to make Canada a major oil producer.

Gone with the Wine: Nicholas Cage drinks himself to death in the old south.
<...

Just one, but be careful, or this could get weird

How many time travelers does it take to change a light bulb?

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Immortal Bard

*This is not my joke, it is actually a short story written by Isaac Asimov, but it is written like a joke. One that I found quite humorous. Hope it belongs here.*

"Oh, yes," said Dr. Phineas Welch, "I can bring back the spirits of the illustrious dead."

He was a little drunk, or maybe ...

Three young boys are talking about how cool their dads are...

first kid says "my dad is a fireman. he goes into burning buildings and rescues people and is a hero."

second kid says "my dad is a policeman and chases down bad guys and helps people and is a hero"

third kid says "my dad can time travel"

the other two are incredulous. "what do...

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