UPJOKE
gentileheathenirreligiouswiccajudaismethnicreligionwiccanchristianityinfidelheathenishpolytheismmonotheismislamanimism

Pagan Jokes

They say that Christmas is a Pagan holiday, but...

A senior figure secretly dispensing the contents of his sack for every child he can get to sounds pretty Catholic to me.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Pagan

A Pagan died and went to Heaven. St. Peter met him at the gate. "You can't come in here," St. Peter said.

The Pagan asked why...

"You're Pagan ... I'm sorry", St. Peter replied. "But Hell isn't so bad. Your friends are there, and they say it's good."

The Pagan was depressed, ...

I’ve secretly converted to Norse paganism

shhhhhhh! I’m trying to keep it Loki.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A Muslim, a Jew, a Christian, a Pagan and an Athiest all walk into a coffee shop...

...and they drink, talk, laugh, drink coffee and become good friends. It's not a joke. It's what happens when you're not a dickhead.

I recently attended a really wild Pagan Religions Festival

People got really into it! They were worshiping anyone that wasn't nailed down

Christian kittens

A fundamentalist preacher was taking a walk one day and happened upon a young girl who was playing with something in a cardboard box. When he got closer he could see that in the box was a litter of new-born kittens. "What kind of kittens are those?" asked the preacher.
"Why, they're Christian kit...

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A pagan, a priest, and a rabbi are on a cruise ship that begins to sink......

The rabbi says "we have to save the children." The pagan yells "fuck the children!" Hearing this the priest replies "do you think there's time?"

Why do pagans make the best husbands and wives?

Because they'll worship the ground you walk on.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

It is tough being a horny pagan with no regular religious holidays...

... because all you can look forward to is getting the Wiccans off.

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

As a Jew I told my pagan friend that I only had one God.

Him: No way...... Me: Yahweh!

A Pagan sees a particularly shocking event ...

"Deer *god*!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

The Transreligious Dinner Party

Six people are planning a dinner party: a Jew, a Christian, a Muslim, a Pagan, a Hindu, and an Atheist. The Atheist suggests pork chops as the main course. The Jew says, “No, we can’t have pork, YHWH strictly forbids the consumption of pork.”

The Christian says in response, “No He doesn’t! Je...

Three blondes die and go to Heaven.

Stop laughing, that's not the whole joke.

They're standing outside the Pearly Gates when St. Peter comes out and says, "Welcome to Heaven. We've been having some problems with break-ins lately, so I just need you to answer one simple question, and you can get in to Heaven. What is Easter?"...

A pagan tribesman accidentally walks into a Christian priest, who clasps the cross around his neck with trembling hands and screams "Dear God!"

Also frightened, the tribesman clasps his ritual bone-necklace, screaming "Deer God!"

What do you call a scientist who believes in ancient gods and goddesses?

Carl Pagan!

Came up by myself!

In ancient times, a christian priest stumbles into a bloodsoaked pagan and screams "Dear God!"

To which the startled pagan replies "deer god!"

This joke may contain profanity. 🤔

A comprehensive observation about common religions and religious practices.

Jainism: You must not disturb shit

Bhuddism: You must become one with the shit.

Taoism: Shit happens

Shintoism: Our ancestors thought of this shit.

Hinduism: Eating meat makes you a shit person.

Paganism: Here's some shit that represents other shit.

Reform J...

Three men die and are at the pearly gates ...

St Peter explains to them that, while in the old days God demanded that only Christians who closely studied the Bible could get into Heaven, times have changed and requirements have been relaxed. These days, you only need to know the basics.
St Peter turns to the first man and says, "if you can...

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.